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Big Brother 2004

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15:39 / 10.07.04

Its a game show, fo it to work effectively the game must have rules. BB has shown seroious inconsitency so far with the rules.

So you say. I seem to recall Davina saying at the beginning that pretty much anything could happen this year, and "the rules" were up for grabs. Seems to me that Big Brother has been pretty consistent with that.

19:07 / 10.07.04

Big Brother have pulled a blinder with the latest task for the housemates.

Atten-shun!
In a less than conventional manner housemates have been told about this week's task by a khaki clad soldier who abseiled into the garden and left a special package.

This week the BB House becomes the BB Boot Camp with an evil twist...

But that's not all.
Pulling Rank
Michelle and Jason are Drill Sergeants.

Catch -22
The best bit of all, but I'll leave you to read it.

19:33 / 10.07.04

Bit Stanford Prison, innit? I was just waiting for ol' status-sensitive Ahmed to throw a typically screamy wobbler about being assigned the duties of a lowly Private. The selfish little bastard didn't disappoint.

Meanwhile, the house's other pathetically insecure males become dicklessly threatened by an "opinionated" girl who happens to have a First.

19:46 / 10.07.04

Christ, just how moronically stupid does shit-for-brains Ahmed have to be not to realise how obviously he's being played by the Jungle Cunts? I'm starting to think Victor's bollocky paranoid fantasy world (in which he - Slick - and his fellow Alphas have to constantly watch their backs for knives, fence-sitters and little women who know too much) has the potency of a decent conspiracy theory, such is its apparent power to draw in insecure saddo males...

22:32 / 10.07.04

[Victor] then added mysteriously: "They seem to think their opinion counts for two peoples."

Not "mysteriously", but rather "erroneously."

Point #156 on the "Why Vic is a prick" list.

01:13 / 11.07.04

I'd love it if someone pointed Jason in this thread's direction when he got out. He'd learn so much about himself.

On one of the late night shows a couple of weeks back, Victor was telling Jason how the first thing he'd do on leaving the house would be to come onto the Internet and search for his name, to see what people had been saying about him. I can see them both making excellent trolls. Spambo already has the looks.

They should be pleased to know that fame and fortune awaits them, though. If you count writing a commentary on Big Brother 9 as fame and fortune, that is.

Remember me? Darren here from the first ever UK Big Brother. Since leaving the show four years ago, I've been making a killing on supermarket openings and taking lessons on irony from Alanis Morissette.

Ahmed has come out of his shell thanks to Becki. On her first day, Ahmed took a shine to her saying, "she is a breath of fresh air" and the next thing he was dancing with her. The irony was, he was very good!

01:27 / 11.07.04

"I will do anything but sit in the rain," he shouted.

"Or be blindfolded," added Dan.

Haha, 1-0, Dan

I haven't phoned in to vote, yet. But Ahmed is getting several of mine come Eviction time. The tit.

10:58 / 11.07.04

Spambot ahs just spent the better part of 30 mins bullshitting about Nadia and his "concerns" that she feels bullied by him.

I had tos top watching, I don't like it when I threaten my own television with physical violence.

The bonus for all of this:
"We'll get through this, we'll work together and we'll all get through this"

so says Ms First completely oblivious to the fact that if "they get through this" she's up for eviction. Jason's face is pricelss, how can a man be so two faced about EVERYONE?
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

I couldn't care less who wins this task, one of the Jungle cats are out next week for sure.
Well done Big Brother.

12:50 / 11.07.04

I don't think that's a foregone conclusion at all. If it comes down to Michelle and Jason being up for eviction then yeah, Spambo's out, but if the rest of the house are up it'll be Ahmed and his constant moaning.

14:51 / 11.07.04

Admittedly if the "privates" (schoolboygiggle) are up for eviction then maybe Victor isn't the dead cert. I'm thinking the public wouldn't mind getting rid of Ahmed (although I think he's at least amusing IN the house) or even Shell, she's incredibly dull and her "be nice" to everyone stance doesn't come across as well on tele as Dan's.
But I know who I'll be repeat voting for should it come to it.

And are we really convinced the Privates will actually complete this task? I'm not. Far too much dissent in the ranks.

14:56 / 11.07.04

See how dull she is I even got her name wrong!!

I meant Shell, not Ness (I knew it was an abbreviated form of one of the other ladies' names).

Egads boot her out.

17:03 / 11.07.04

On one of the late night shows a couple of weeks back, Victor was telling Jason how the first thing he'd do on leaving the house would be to come onto the Internet and search for his name, to see what people had been saying about him.

Well, if Victor Ebuwa wants to do Google searches on his name I guess we should make sure the name Ebuwa, Victor is prominently featured in this thread, yes? Especially given the fact that he can't decide if he's a milkman, Mr Slick or Marmite, and even had to ask Emma repeatedly in a loud voice if she knew who he was...

Madman in the ruins.

17:49 / 11.07.04

Ganesh: Point Taken and yes BB can do whatever it likes.

I guess i'm one of those people who like a litte bit of consisitency with my Televison programmes: Eastenders is Depressing,Time Team allways kind kilns and BB is not as exciting as it is purported to be.

Like I sas the more BB mess around with the rules and format of the game show the less gameshow it becomes and the more "A bunch of amatures dabbling in psycholgical testing of plebs desprate for their 15 minutes" show

At the moment i'm finding this thread more intresting than the actuall show.

18:24 / 11.07.04

On one of the late night shows a couple of weeks back, Victor was telling Jason how the first thing he'd do on leaving the house would be to come onto the Internet and search for his name, to see what people had been saying about him.

And if Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan Jason Cowan wants to Google for this thread, we ought to help facilitate that too.

18:47 / 11.07.04

Like I sas the more BB mess around with the rules and format of the game show the less gameshow it becomes and the more "A bunch of amatures dabbling in psycholgical testing of plebs desprate for their 15 minutes" show

You can probably give up on BB completely, then, as it's bound to become less like the original vision each year it's on. If ever a show was a victim of its own success, this is it. In the first couple of years it was possible to just sit a bunch of strangers in a room and see how they interacted, because they were (or became) entirely unaware of how much was being televised. The forgot the cameras were there. Year three was an odd one, as the people involved either didn't care about that or were too pig-shit thick to understand it.

Last year fell down because everybody involved was permanently on their guard. Most, if not all of them, claimed to be fans of BB and had watched the previous three years. Cue a group of people being very careful about what they were doing and saying. The only way you're going to prevent that in future is by hiding the cameras or pulling the rug out from under the housemates every time they get comfortable. Hence this year's shenanigans. Much as I've been enjoying it, I really hope the formula's given a rest for a couple of years after this series.

19:28 / 11.07.04

Oh, for fuck's sake, someone take a shovel to Ahmed's stupid cunting head...

This really is the year of Stupid Straight Men, isn't it? Cretinously self-deluding, insecure arsewipes to a man (with the possible exception of prepubertal dress-up dollchild Stuart), their own cobbled-together ideals of masculinity (and I'm kinda assuming absent fathers all) so laughably at odds with reality that they're constantly having to work to shore up blatantly creaky edifices of faux-manhood - by creating paranoid fantasies of espionage, attack and counter-attack (Victor & Jason), baulking at anything which might imply a submissive role (Ahmed), liberally punctuating every sentence with "fucken'" (Jason) and denigrating/shouting down any mouthy bitch who ventures an opinion (all of them, particularly Victor).

This is what happens when we get rid of the queers, folks...

19:38 / 11.07.04

He's so fucking selfish! Like the other members of the house can't fucking wait to sit out in the rain! Grah!

Goodness Gracious Meme

19:39 / 11.07.04

Arrrrhhgghhmed to J: "I'm only listening to you at all because you are my best friend in here."

How dumb and self-regarding can one man get? Grow the fuck up and stop fucking preening/lecturing, you sanctimonius prat...

Jason's enjoying the bootcamp business far too much, see how he's easy he finds pacifying
/reasonableness now he's got a pathetic bit of status

Goodness Gracious Meme

19:46 / 11.07.04

God, the boot camp taks is incredibly nasty, the divisiveness of the 'authority'/serate granted to M&J - their not being allowed to take part in the grunt work of potatoes etc/different meals etc.

And that's without the Catch-22.

20:57 / 11.07.04

Jason's enjoying the bootcamp business far too much, see how he's easy he finds pacifying/reasonableness now he's got a pathetic bit of status/

Well, also when it's utterly self-serving for him to do so. Going by the footage we're being shown, it's Jason much more than Michelle who's pushing the 'this is unbelievably important, guys' line - which is rather unwise of him since, in the small likelihood that he survives beyond next week, the resentful Privates are gonna remember his extreme two-facedness more than Michelle's.

But yeah - give a sexually-insecure man a uniform. He'll be invading Poland any minute...

And I agree, even without the truly kick-in-the-teeth Catch-22 twist, this task really is evil. Further echoes of Stanford Prison in Michelle's Lindy England-lite commanding of Stu and Victor to striptease. Niiice.

21:04 / 11.07.04

What was Victor's hand-over-manhood signifing during that?
(Before he removed his trousers on Michelle's orders, he immediately put his hand down his boxers to "cup" himself.)

He seemed desperatly afraid that someone might catch even the faintest outline of his "girth, man." Worried they might not think it's that big? Worried his dear ol' mum might catch a glimpse?

21:43 / 11.07.04

Ware, you're the 1000th poster. Your earn a star (for a brain).

Aha, and this makes me 1001. Welcome to the Global Frequency.

21:44 / 11.07.04

Actually, I think Vic was putting his Johnson back into his shorts. There's sometimes a bit of slippage...

21:46 / 11.07.04

Well we've still got til Thursday. I'm wondering when it's going to turn into the Zimbardo experiement mk II/

22:51 / 11.07.04

Actually, the point that Spambo's more comfortable/interactive/functional in a uniform is an interesting one. I suspect he's not uncharacteristic of a subset of insecurely-masculine men whose sexuality is geared toward the attention/admiration/respect of other men. The gay leather scene is full of them: the more obsessive end of the 'uniform' element; men who don't particularly want to do anything with other guys (or people generally), but who crave admiration, status, gold-braided trappings. I suspect there're a fair few of them in the armed forces too.

22:59 / 11.07.04

I think they should go for a 60's style MDK/Tabularasa acid experiment to be really true to the military/psychological testing interface. Just imagine Victor being forced by Jason to vault imaginary fences for three hours around the garden and then being reduced to a snivelling pile of lysergic ego-loss.
FUN FUN FUN!

23:04 / 11.07.04

I think there should be more hooding, electrocution and being pissed on. Michelle's already made a start.

23:23 / 11.07.04

Ware, you're the 1000th poster. Your earn a star (for a brain).

Groovy. 'course, now I'm being shipped off to an iron prison in China...

05:12 / 12.07.04

Michelle looks at home in her uniform.

This thread is on page 7 of google's rankings when one searhes for "Victor Ebuwa".

09:53 / 12.07.04

Lets up the google rating then:
Victor Ebuwa
Victor Ebuwa
Victor Ebuwa
Victor Ebuwa
Victor Ebuwa
Victor Ebuwa
Victor Ebuwa
Victor Ebuwa
Victor Ebuwa
Victor Ebuwa

Now click away and watch us rise...

13:21 / 12.07.04

Why is Victor Ebuwa such an unremitting bastard when it comes to Nadia? And why is Ahmed such a clod-headed fuckwit that he always, always allows himself to be manipulated this way?

Can't wait for a Jungle Twat to go, this Friday. Only slight concern is, if it's the Privates up for eviction, the vote might be split between Vic the Prick and Arsemed.

16:24 / 12.07.04

That's what I was thinking. After the way Ahmed's been acting, there's a good chance the public will vote him out and not Victor.

Also, as much as I fucking hate Vic and Jay, breaking them up will make for a much duller BB...

Still, didja hear Jay telling Nadia to act her age? If he'd said that to me I'd've torn his fucking neck open with my teeth. The fucker.

17:02 / 12.07.04

Only slight concern is, if it's the Privates up for eviction, the vote might be split between Vic the Prick and Arsemed.

Well if Jason continues to fuck up by unwittingly breaking the rules of the task and not even realising then it might be the Sergeants up for eviction and it'd be all his bloody fault. I'd fucking love it if that happened.

17:15 / 12.07.04

Also, as much as I fucking hate Vic and Jay, breaking them up will make for a much duller BB...

Depends who stays. My Inner Psychotherapist wants to see Dan facilitate the return of Funtime Frankie, Jason's flirtatious, leopard-print, explorin'-ma-sexuality persona (as opposed to surly, lumpen, "100% heterosexual" Fucken' Frankie), but this is highly unlikely to happen unless the Queer:Stupid Straight ratio rises - and I think it'd take the departure of both Ahmed and Victor for that to happen.

Unlikely - but, for me, less dull than watching three patheterosexual Panto Males close ranks against anything queer or female, while they play notional Top Trumps with their highly notional cocks.

20:33 / 12.07.04

And, talking of closing ranks, the Stupid Straight Men have set up an exemplary old boys' network in the context of the military task, bending over backwards to accommodate fucking pathetic crappochondriac Ahmed - one of their own - yet constantly needling Nadia, who they perceive as The Enemy. Nadia, as far as I can see, has yet to generate a task failure, despite being in frank nicotine withdrawal and openly loathing the army theme (possibly because her femininity derives partly from what she wears, and here she's forced to wear masculine/androgynous clothing - which must rankle). If she'd attempted a quarter of the shite excuses Ahmed's been whining, both Jason and Victor would be down on her like a ton of pricks, bellowing in her face.

They're so partisan it's unbelievable. As within so without, Stupid Straight Men (with, in Jason's case, obvious scare-quotes around "Straight") rule the world...

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