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Big Brother 2004

 
  

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Sax
20:21 / 28.05.04
Prepare to get sucked in.

A nasty, smaller house.

A raging queen who hates asylum seekers.

An asylum seeker who hates raging queens.

A Caledonian studmuffin.

And thats just for starters.

Ganesh, take over.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
20:26 / 28.05.04
Not exactly trying to hide the fact they want to cause conflict, are they?

I saw the audition section earlier, and I love how everyone does the same things to convince them they're outrageous... "I'm quiet... but IM LOUD! I'll get column inches! I'm mad, me! I'll do anything! Like taking my clothes off!", how many years of such startling originality have the selectors had to bear? It's so very sad and desperate.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
20:32 / 28.05.04
OH GOD! Mr. Intelligent! "I got 4 A's in my A-levels..." And wearing a headband. Oh dear.
 
 
Sax
20:33 / 28.05.04
Is it all blokes this year, then? From Hollyoaks at that?
 
 
Sax
20:34 / 28.05.04
And, in reference to the auditions, isn't it rather amazing how many young ladies are willing to go and fart on TV in order to become famous?
 
 
Ganesh
20:34 / 28.05.04
Ganesh, take over.

Gah! I just rushed keyboardwards during the ad break, specifically to be the first one to start the thread. I have gone from utterly uninterested to... well, sucked in.

They're certainly taking the relative success of Queer Eye to heart, aren't they? As well as the first three (and the exhibitionist Jock studmuffin was verrry careful not to specify the gender of his chosen object(s) of desire - bi-narcissistic?) they've introduced a 'non-queenie' homo (but was that make-up he was wearing?) and a twat with an Alice band and a superiority complex.

Hmmmm...
 
 
Ganesh
20:35 / 28.05.04
"I fear no man... I have an extremely large penis... I'm a born leader"

All looking like a bit of a pissing contest so far...
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
20:37 / 28.05.04
I'm pretty certain I don't like any one of them, so far. God, I'm gonna be hooked.
 
 
Ganesh
20:38 / 28.05.04
Half of them are Law/Politics/Business students, are they not?
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
20:41 / 28.05.04
Is it Catherine Tate?
 
 
Sax
20:43 / 28.05.04
Emma = This Year's Jade?
 
 
Jack Vincennes
20:44 / 28.05.04
a 'non-queenie' homo

Who is wearing a hat, which rocks entirely. I like him already.

Currently, I'm just wondering whether Emma is going to learn to speak over the course of this one. I thought that the house looked unpleasant, until I saw who the contestants were
 
 
Jack Vincennes
20:46 / 28.05.04
Sax - yes. I bet I post that too late as well...
 
 
Ganesh
20:49 / 28.05.04
Emma = This Year's Jade?

I think she's more Victoria-Wood-meets-Phoebe-from-Friends. Assuming it's not an act. And a legal secretary (or whatever) - so the theme continues...

And yeah, the not-so-screamie poof is coming across as the least freakish so far. I'm sure he has it in him, though.
 
 
Ganesh
20:50 / 28.05.04
Kitten = appeallingly stereotypical retro-80s dyke. Niiice.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
20:50 / 28.05.04
They really are going for the arguments this year. Kitten? She was forcing her tongue down her girlfriends throat!
 
 
Sax
20:51 / 28.05.04
Stroppy dyke in sailor outfit refuses to go into house until she gets last snog off girf.

Arf. I'm liking this already.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
20:51 / 28.05.04
Kitten and Dan to marry, have children and get fat.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
20:52 / 28.05.04
"I'm a lesbian! LOOK! Don't opress me!"

Just stop kissing her!
 
 
Sax
20:54 / 28.05.04
Kitten to win and join re-formed Communards for new tour.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
20:56 / 28.05.04
I wish you could all do a "Terry Wogan does Eurovision" commentary for this show.
 
 
Jack Vincennes
20:58 / 28.05.04
If anyone remembers Menswear, Kitten reminded me of their lead singer to a frightening degree.

I really, really like Shell too. Her and Daniel, definitely, are lovely.

Maybe 10 full weeks of Daniel and Shell. I could cope with that.
 
 
Ganesh
21:00 / 28.05.04
Stroppy dyke in sailor outfit refuses to go into house until she gets last snog off girf.

Yeah, that was like Cher's 'Turn Back Time' video in reverse. In Bizarro World. And bi-curious Michelle. They've given up on the hets and non-exhibitionists this year, haven't they? Ahmed's sphincter must be watertight.

The fact that friends and families aren't hugely in evidence, and many of these people have been able to successfully conceal their situation for weeks on end suggests they're not exactly massively engaged with other people. Narcissists R Us.

And Nadia? Obvious transsexual?
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
21:00 / 28.05.04
Woo! Sex change!
 
 
Ganesh
21:01 / 28.05.04
Ah well, Nadia's just self-disclosed. There y'go.
 
 
Sax
21:04 / 28.05.04
I think friends and family have been banned from "seeing them off", 'Nesh, so they don't "give them information".

Oh, and those suitcases are Samsonite, I think. I was looking at them in Selfridge's the other week. About 400 quid a pop.
 
 
Sax
21:06 / 28.05.04
Well, see you all at nine tomorrow night.

Bring beer.
 
 
The Strobe
21:15 / 28.05.04
Shell deserves a great big huggle and an airlift out of there. Now. She's lovely, and will be frightfully misunderstood.

I also think Daniel could turn out to be quite interesting. But gosh, they are stirring, aren't they? Throwing all the men in, then the girls? Homophobes and asylum-seeking-haterz all in together?

What I'm gunning for is Marco having a huge, soul-destroying, throwing-things-and-clawing-at-walls personality collapse. Or something. That may sound cruel, but it'd make for great telly.

I also am a big fan of the house design. I like the LCD-panel toilet idea, because I'm waiting to see how long it will take them to work it out. Even that sharp guy. 4 As at A-level? Wow, bite me. The chairs are unsittable-on, the bedroom is interesting (and no, Jason, no-one wants to join you in there), and I do love the whole Swedish wood-pannelling out back.

Nadia will be interesting but not in the way she hopes, smart-boy will drive me mad, Victor will almost certainly not deliver, and Ahmed might be slightly less confrontational than he'd hope. I mean, KITTEN is kind of trying to sew up that market.

But yes. Huggles for Shell, and two thumbs up for a brilliant piece of set design.

Also, I love the fact that there could be no prize money at the end of it all. God. I'm turning into the target audience, and I hate it.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
21:34 / 28.05.04
I feel guilty already.
 
 
Bear
21:47 / 28.05.04
Good old Big Brother - wish I'd been reading this as they all came out... good stuff.
 
 
Ganesh
22:17 / 28.05.04
Hmm, okay, so a quick scan of the official website reveals that they're mostly Law/Politics students, nearly all have an exhibitionistic streak (even Shell worked as a life model), they all count their 'directness' as a strength, don't worry about upsetting others, and reckon there has never been anyone in human history who's anything like them.

I'm impressed that Jason did indeed win 'Mr Best Buttocks South Lanarkshire'. Shame he got knocked out in the Pan-Lanarkshire heats, though.

'Intelligent' Stuart reckons he's like Robin Hood, with his mates resembling the Merry Men. Non-endearingly, they refer to themselves collectively as 'Team Handsome'. He has a blue Alice band too.

Kitten, interestingly, hates "little fish", and describes herself as "a cross between Leon Trotsky and Valerie Solanis".

So... highly-opinionated, spiky, abrasive 'alpha people' all, or almost all. I suspect Ahmed's not gonna last the distance, and poor old Victor's looking a tad cowed (possibly by the presence of so many loud batty-people). Of the poofs, Marco seems to be pretty much the standard-issue Asexual Screamer; Dan looks like he actually has sex with men sometimes. Jason appears to be constructed of Spam.

Which other saddos are watching the live coverage?
 
 
Spatula Clarke
22:27 / 28.05.04
Hello.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
22:31 / 28.05.04
I feel so much hate for Stuart. I would fight him. Does he ever not wear a hairband? For shame! FOR SHAME.
 
 
Ganesh
23:14 / 28.05.04
Actually, Emma = Bubble, from Absolutely Fabulous.

Having sat up and watched the live coverage thus far, the group seems, on the face of it, to be getting on rather well - although they seem to be dividing up along gender lines. Ahmed, Dan (who seems equally comfortable with men and women), Spam-Man and Victor are chumming it up in the garden, while most of the women are chatting on the uncomfortable blue seating. Kitten, conspicuously, has headed for the hot-tub. Marco's off being an Everywoman fag-bangle, and Stuart's lolling around somewhere, looking smug and hairbandy.

Wonder who'll share beds with whom?
 
 
Ganesh
23:25 / 28.05.04
Excrutiatingly, Emma is earnestly telling a sober Ahmed she has "friends who are Muslims and friends who are Indians - bit of conflict there, yeah?" (does she mean 'Hindu'?) and explaining the background of the Iraq conflict to him ("Saddam Hussein was a bad man, he kept all the money to himself").

I just can't look away...
 
  

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