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Big Brother 2004

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21:14 / 12.07.04

Would you mind not calling the straights stupid you fucking heterophobe.

Being gay doesn't mean you're some kind of superior being.

21:16 / 12.07.04

It's a Michael Moore thang, m'dear. Do try to keep up, hmm?

And if most of the straight men on Big Brother are being stupid, I'll call 'em stupid. They can take it; they're in the majority - there and everywhere.

22:06 / 12.07.04

"You're about as entertaining as watching paint dry...and you've got the willpower of a baboon."

Incredibly that's Jason talking to Nadia. Jason the visually-fascinating crowd-pleaser who is in no way baboon-like...

*coughdisplayingbuttockscough*

06:18 / 13.07.04

Dan's a clever lad. Victor seems genuinely amazed that BB could put them all up for eviction!.

If the privates are nominated then Ahmed will go. He is over twice as likely to go than Victor. If the Sargeants are nominated, it will be Jason - he is over four times as likely to go.

Nadia is emerging as a favourite too, although BB keep relenting and giving her tobacco as she gets a bit testy without it.

06:20 / 13.07.04

...also - besides Ahmed being a whiny little bitch; why did they continue with the boot claning thing after JAson spotted that Victor had fucked it up for them? Isn't a fail a fail? Couldn't they have just left it at that, and thought oh well, let's go and sit around rather than waste time finishing it?

10:12 / 13.07.04

Some great stuff here about the BB5ers.

10:57 / 13.07.04

Woo, watch Michelle notch up points with the public.

The girl can't put a foot wrong, what with explaining to BB that she feels deceitful and uncomfortable in her sargeant role, giving Arsehead a right ol' bollocking.

Girl's really grown on me lately.

Hattie's Kitchen

11:16 / 13.07.04

I love the way Michelle still managed to get "chicken" into the bollocking she gave Ahmed.

"Why did you bother applying for the show, chicken..."

She's growing on me too. Also Dan's "Oh my God, look at the dust on that" comment after he thumped the Diary Room chair in mid-Ahmed rant.

Hattie's Kitchen

11:20 / 13.07.04

On the live E4 coverage last night, Stu, Michelle and Victor were sat on the sofas, and Stu and Victor were enthusing heartily about console games, particularly Halo...as much as I loathe Victor's faux gangster act, it was nice to see him embrace his inner geek for once...

11:25 / 13.07.04

The privates are up for eviction. Check E4 Interactive and vote the Jungle Twats out now!

11:46 / 13.07.04

The privates are up? Ahh, fuck. Arsehead's out, then, eh?

12:36 / 13.07.04

After hearing of the Catch 22, Arsehead lays into Michelle. But not, biza-a-arrely enough, Jason.

The Stupid Straight Men really have worked out a bitch-based pecking order, eh?

12:56 / 13.07.04

Ahmed's eviction show is going to be classic car crash telly. What the hell are they going to use for his Best Bits compilation?

Hattie's Kitchen

12:59 / 13.07.04

Yup, I reckon Davina will make sure she's at least 15 feet away from him, it's not gonna be pleasant for her.

13:30 / 13.07.04

Darren from BB1's BB5 commentary is genuinely odd, it reads as though it's been automatically generated from a range of 'discussion of Big Brother' phrases.

Ahmed is probably going to be one of those they have to carry out of the door because he doesn't want to leave. I wouldn't be surprised if he started off refusing to pack, as well.

Michelle yelling at him was highly satisfying, too. Every time I though she was going to stop, she seemed to find more rant in her.

16:58 / 13.07.04

Ahmed: "I'm not blaming anyone, but I just wanna know - what's wrong with me?"

$64,000 question, mate...

17:11 / 13.07.04

Dan seemed to be promising earlier today that if he made it to the last 3 he'd quit.
Victor, Ahmed and and Jason vultured round to make sure he promised it to them and they'd "respect" him only if he did.

Beause the queer can't win if he's up against the Jungle Cats. God they annoy me.

I'm glad the privates are up, shame it wasn't the sergeants because that'd be an open and shut case: Jason out friday. Now I'm not so sure who'll go but I know I'll be voting Victor multiple times if only to make Ahmed suffer more. Wuss.

And can someone please tell them (Dan and Shell) to stop playing peacemaker? I want some more fighting godammit, there's so much tension in that house it's unbearable. A good fist fight should clear the air (and get a few more idiots "gone").

17:24 / 13.07.04

They need to stop the cigarettes and pipe in some booze.

18:51 / 13.07.04

I think Ahmed should go on Friday. He was amusing for a while but now he is really beginning to piss me off, I've had enough of him. He is to be frank worse than the jungle cats because at least when they are separate and not up to some paranoid scheming together they are amiable but Ahmed is a whining antagonistic twat.

I'm surprised at how well the 'privates' took the news of their being all up for eviction but then again a few of them may feel quite safe having to go up against Ahmed who is unpopular in the house (more so following this task) and they may presume he's unpopular outside the house also.

20:19 / 13.07.04

AHMED OOOUUUUTTTT!!

However much I want the self-destructive Spampion/Victor twosome sundered, I want fucking cuntybrains Arsehead out. The fact that Jason and Victor are humouring him (imagine the scene if Nadia had sat out of a task, or refused to do sentry duty?) annoys me, but the fact that he's consistently being a nasty little fuckheaded fuckface annoys me more. Much more. Watching the way he's taken to interacting with the rest of the group embiggens Michelle in my eyes (way to rant with ya' baps out, woman!) and makes Arsehead look uberpathetic - particularly in his sad-bastard, pencil-dick fantasies of "stripping Michelle" of her uniform, in a "coop".

So... here's the details to vote him out, folks:

text AHMED to 84444
(25p plus your STD network rate)

call 09011 21 44 01
(calls cost 25p, mobile costs may vary)

hit your red button to vote on interactive TV
(votes cost 25p)

OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

20:24 / 13.07.04

No, taking Jason's uniform won't do; Ahmed specifically has to denigrate a woman.

Ahmed: banish with laughter.

20:40 / 13.07.04

I do so love to watch snotty little cunts get laughed at. The only way that Ahmed will stay in past this week is if Nadia has another of those pathetic nicotine-withdrawal moments. Many more of those and she'll be on her way before the finishing line's in sight.

20:47 / 13.07.04

Well, yes, that's true.

Nadia in nicotine-withdrawal: "Do you think this is funny?" Erm, yes. On the other hand, she is bringing out Spamboy's worst side (that'd be the side that's even crappier than the rest of his crap sides) when he intentionally push, push, pushes Nadia when she's said she doesn't want to talk to him.

"Toddle along."

Let's hope an obsessed fan with sniper skills manages to find a suitable vantage point, when Jason leaves the house. His crumply little Scots face would crumple more amusingly with a bullet in it.

21:21 / 13.07.04

I'm surprised at how well the 'privates' took the news of their being all up for eviction

Really? If you wanted to stay in, would you want to be seen having a tantrum? These are all intelligent people. They are quite prepared, for example, to pretend that they haven't noticed that one of their number is transexual, and to pretend to forget that those in the 'secret' bedsit can hear what they are saying. Whay do you think they would suddenly risk alienating themselves from the voters by allowing themselves a hissy fit?

Ahmed is an utter arse, a master of misogyny and much worse to boot. It would be a joy to boot him out. But mainly because it will allow Vic's resentment for his fellow cat to come to the boil ... also, tell us how much Michelle loves Stu again?

21:43 / 13.07.04

I guess the privates can all empathise with the sergeants' situation: they didn't choose the terms, and it's intuitively fairer to have six people up for eviction than two. The fact that people were able to put themselves in others' places and think 'I'd probably have done that too' reassures me that none of them is especially far along the autistic spectrum.

21:55 / 13.07.04

Ahmed is indeed revealing himself to be a complete fuckwit, and I too salute Michelle for having a shitfit at him with her...erm...baps out, but more to the point why has no-one noticed Victor and his little rallying warcries to (what are we calling him Ganesh? Spamboy? No, No I can't do it, I will have to stick with Jason) Jason, a la, "I think you need to go kick ass, boy."

Cue: Jason steaming indoors and shouting at Nadia, "Did you call me a little bastard? Did you? Did you?"

Cue: Victor sidling in behind him looking horribly, nastily pleased with himself.

Then later, Jason is sitting bemoaning all the 'trouble' and Victor is so delighted that he can't control the sniggers.

Vile. Vile man. He's using Jason as a pawn to create trouble -he plants vicious seeds in silly little Jason's mind and Jason then carries out the stirring which Victor thrives on.

Gameplan? Gameplan? It's a fucking good one if it is one. Personally, I just think the man is Bwhahahaha EVIL.

22:14 / 13.07.04

They're so partisan it's unbelievable. As within so without, Stupid Straight Men (with, in Jason's case, obvious scare-quotes around "Straight") rule the world...

Would you mind not calling the straights stupid you fucking heterophobe.

Actually, the majority of the alleged 'straight' men (I'm sorry but whenever I write that I think of someone being unfunny, rather than heterosexual) are being intolerably stupid. For example, take the 'straight men' conversation in the garden regarding Michelle and Ahmed's argument:

Victor defends her.
Ahmed tells Victor that he's defending her because he fancies her.
Victor says, "No, it's not that, it's that she didn't choose to be a Sergeant."
Ahmed says, (making weighing up fruit gestures) "No, it's because she walk around with the breast out."
Jason looks longingly at Dan from afar. (Actually, I made that bit up but he might as well have done, given the amount of coupley rows they've had so far.)

Anyway, they are all being completely idiotic, verbally abusive and really rather patronising to the females of the house - with the exception of Stuart who has so far managed a/not to offend anyone, b/remain popular with every fragmented household group and c/attract the attention of both male and female housemates without doing anything in particular to encourage it.

So therefore on balance I have to say that the 'stupid straight men' comment (even when Michael Moore-esqued) is a teensy bit unfair, simply because Stuart is still there.

But when Stuart goes, Whoooo YAY! for any discussion about the inadequacies of alleged alphamaledom. Bring it on.

23:15 / 13.07.04

Gameplan? Gameplan? It's a fucking good one if it is one. Personally, I just think the man is Bwhahahaha EVIL.

I think it's more that he's managed to convince two pathetically insecure supposed Alpha Males that that he's The Daddy - on the grounds of whoknowswhat. Talking like John Shaft? Possibly. He's Top Dog, and it doesn't take much to make his bitches run along and perform.

It's pretty much the only arena in which Victor's Panto Masculinity does convince anyone.

And, Olulabelle, I think I've been careful to discount Stu: he's not Stupid (not intellectually so, anyway - although he seems to lack Dan-variety emotional intelligence) and he's arguably a bizarrely passive doll-child rather than a Man per se.

06:43 / 14.07.04

Michelle called him Victor Meldrew, but I don't think that's being fair... on the One foot in the Grave husband. Granted: he moans constantly, but Ahmed has a pathetic air of victim about him too. This combined with his absolute stubborness to see others point's of view (if they're counter to his own), and his complete lack of charm make for a very petulant man indeed.

I'm please Dan laughed at him and Michelle shouted. I wish she'd been more patronising though - and I think if it had been Nadia (as above) they would not have been so understanding.

I would like someone to sit down with Ahmed and ask him calmly what the fuck he's talking about. Whenever someone argues with him and he loses the point, he doesn't concede it, but rahter points his finger, accuses, talks about how ill he is, how he's not in there to serve people... well you've seen him.

I think at his eviction on Friday (which, let's face it, is GOING to happen), Davina should sit him down and ask him why he's such a complete muppet. As Michelle asked - Why bother coming on BB in the first place if he didn't want to do any of these things (chicken)?

09:19 / 14.07.04

Jub:

"Ahmed has a pathetic air of victim about him too"

I'm not up to speed with all this, but I had heard that Ahmed is a refugee from Somalia, which might make him a victim of sorts and liable to have issues with being bossed about by people in military uniform. Anyone know the background details?

09:39 / 14.07.04

I finally caught up on all of Ahmed's complaining last night, having E4 with BB on live all the time makes the "proper" shows less attractive.
He really is slacking off to an absurd degree, even after being given a clear bill of health!

Nadia's nicotine explosion was great. She's totally playing Big Brother for tobacco.
Jason's subsequent "kick some ass" was... laughable. One second he comes barging in (a few minutes too late to be really annoyed at what she'd said) shouting off at Nadia, she retorts in high pitched "what you gonna do?" and the moment the bully word is mentioned he pretends like he wasn't being intimidating. What a dick head!

Victor's playing him to up Nadia and Jason's chances of being evicted. Sly dog. I'm gaining a grudging respect because he really doesn't give a shit about who he uses to get into the last three. Thats a point in his favour dammit.

I think Ahmed will be out come Friday night. Imagine what Davina's interview with him is gonna be like:

Davina: Now Ahmed, you were a bit confrontational in the house.
Ahmed: *stoney face*
Davina: Um... and you had problems with completing some of the tasks.
Ahmed: *face of thunder*
Davina: What do you think you've learned from your time in the house?
Ahmed: That no-one likes me *weeps then attacks Davina witha shovel*

10:06 / 14.07.04

Sav: Any background history has been carefully glossed over by BB. The only detail the website's given on Ahmed's situation was when it recently mentioned that he'd left Somalia to avoid being drafted. I think attributing his petulant behaviour in th house to that is a stretch, though, unless the only reason he didn't want to be called up to military service was because they wouldn't automatically bump him up to officer rank.

10:10 / 14.07.04

Oh my god. That walk around the garden with Michelle and Stu last night. Don't women recognise that face? That's the

"Oh, shit. She's getting serious and I don't give a shit anymore. Nice tits, though. Why doesn't she just dump me? I can't dump her. I'm too nice. I'm really bad at being nasty. Oh, she's crying now. Nice arse. Maybe a hug will help. Why do they have to go on about everything. Nice tits, though."

face. Why do only men recognise that face? Or is it just me? It's the classic "I'm too nice to be a bastard, so I'll fuck people up even more," face: I used to see it in the mirror for years until I grew up a bit and got slapped by responsibility.

WHY DON'T PEOPLE RECOGNISE THIS FACE?
aaaauuuggghhh.

Sorry, back to you Ganesh. I feel better now.

10:28 / 14.07.04

It's the "how the hell do I dump her in here?" face.

Bless 'im... bless 'er. I actually feel for her cos she knows it's doomed but knows her t+a will save her whilst it's only those two in the house.

10:48 / 14.07.04

the moment when michelle confronted ahmed health and efficiency style was priceless - i expect if you were to watch the playback carefully enough you could spot the exact moment at which the screamining venus snapped his mind. a transcript of the speech ahmed gave in the diarty room afterward would be ace kinky: 'I WILL STRIP HER...of her rank...I WILL MAKE HER GROVEL' and all that. funniest thing since victor writhed on his bed muttering 'i've been baaaad' when nadia and becki were dishing out the straps.

so ahmed friday surely jason the week after, looks like vic's made it to the last week more or less. good.

when davina tells jason, do you think he'll belt nadia?

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