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Big Brother 2004

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23:35 / 18.07.04

Spam and Prick sitting up late on the live feed, talking about - surprise! - who they reckon's going to win The Game. Upshot: "fence-sitters" and "nice guys" aren't going to win.

Victor counsels Jayboy to use his eviction chat to emphasise that he's heterosexual, not bisexual. Jaylord counters that he's sooo comfortable in his sexuality that it doesn't matter.

Vic: "You're comfortable being bisexual or heterosexual?"

Spam: "I can't belieeeve you fucken' asked me that?!" (etc., for the next five minutes)

It could've been so different for poor old Spambo. Without an obvious focus of old-skool hetero-masculinity - if the house 'temperature' had stayed as queer/mixed as it was in the beginning - he really could've attempted at least some peeling back of the crusty same old same old layers of ego-protective "I'm 100% fucken' heterosexual, me" and let some light in. He might even have caught a glimpse of Selfawaria. As it is, he's taken what I expect is a fairly familiar route (it's certainly one I recognise from my own 'surviving in smalltown Scotland' days) and retreated into the seductively cocooning no-risk Alpha-fantasy of VicWorld, where he's since been esconced.

I wonder if he's ever likely to get the chance of Selfawaria again? Perhaps, in another ten, twenty years, it'll occur to him to wonder why he's been unable to establish any sort of meaningful intimacy with a woman (that's if he's not doing time for rape/assault), decide to go for psychotherapy. If he doesn't quit, he might manage to work through some of this stuff. Looks like it's a looong way away, though.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

23:48 / 18.07.04

I accidentally flicked on to this, only to catch more *yawn* "Do whatever it takes to get to the last week... etc etc" bollocks.

I feel so sorry for them, they're like two sad old men, repeating the same conversation day after day. I wonder if they smell of wee.

The little flashes in Dan's face when he and Jason are alone (there's a few little moments, I remember where they had the - full moon party was it? - and Dan near Jason right away dancing with him as soon as the music started... the little smirk from today's show "It looks good from where I'm standing" (on Jason's general back area) etc, etc...) are honestly a little heartbreaking. And I don't particularly like either of them!

I just want to see love! Gosh, I am an exact representation of the average BB viewer.

00:02 / 19.07.04

What? An early 20s white female?

So, evic[tor]tion time. I can see Nads being up for the chuck, along with Vic and Joy. Michelle, possibly? I'm thinking that this 'hidden strength' she showed with AhMad may have drawn some crosshairs onto her. But not much.

For entertainment value? I'd like to see either Michelle or Stuart go, just to see what the departure of one would do to the other. Michelle turning into a crying, shattered husk of widowed woman, and Stu suddenly morphing into upbeat 'Captain Freedom' the minute the Mollusk's tendrils were pried off.

I'd like to see Vic go, just to see Jay kiss Dan.

00:07 / 19.07.04

I know what you mean, Suede. With Jason, I'd settle for a spot of self-insight - not necessarily the whole 'I'm gay' routine, but something a little more Selfawarian than the defensive "I'm 100% heterosexual". I think Dan could've helped him along that road, but it didn't happen; now, I don't think it's going to. Those occasional glances from Dan are irritating/heartbreaking: I think Dan's aware, though, that it's pointless attempting more than the occasional tan massage when Spambo's still hiding in VicWorld.

I'm not at all sure who's gonna be nominated this week. It's by no means clear-cut. Here's what I'm thinking at the moment:

Victor
Nadia and possibly Dan. Or maybe Shell. One of the two "fence-sitters" who've "done nothing", anyway.

Jason
The same.

Dan
Really not sure. I'd like to think he'll go for Jason and Victor, but I suspect he still values the Spamster for eye-candy. He might go for Michelle...

Michelle
Again, it'd be nice if she nominated Vic & Nob, but she's been getting paranoid about Dan and Shell this week (because they stood too near Stu), and I think she could plump for either of those.

Shell
Jason, for sure, and probably Victor.

Nadia
Jason and Victor. Has to be.

Stuart
Another 'who knows?' Victor's been intentionally chummy with him, so he might've slipped off Stu's radar. There's a possibility that he might misguidedly nominate Dan on the grounds that Dan keeps claiming he doesn't want to win.

So... I reckon it could be Jason, Victor and Dan this week. Or any combination thereof. Which'd suit me fine.

00:18 / 19.07.04

For entertainment value? I'd like to see either Michelle or Stuart go, just to see what the departure of one would do to the other. Michelle turning into a crying, shattered husk of widowed woman, and Stu suddenly morphing into upbeat 'Captain Freedom' the minute the Mollusk's tendrils were pried off.

Mmmmm, yes. It's not gonna happen, but the (very slightly) likelier of the two options - Michelle going, Stu staying - would indeed be a lorra lorra laughs. Like the bedsit but funnier.

On the live feed, Jaylord religiously attends to his hair, before going to bed. Why does he do that? It's like taking forty minutes to obsessively clean under one's foreskin before having a wank. Or does he sleep with his neck on a block of wood, geisha-style?

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

00:19 / 19.07.04

Gosh, I just hated the excruciating moment where it was plain to see Dan gave up any real hope. During the whole garden scene which can basically be summed up as the Jason: "I'm straighter than you are" Ahmed: "Look at the gay, he's upset because he likes you!" Dan: "I'm so very tired, I meet guys like him all the time" routine. I felt so sorry for Dan, in the sense that he had no chance of conveying any kind of rational thought to the perpetuating het-set, in that moment.

It's just sad to see such blatant disregard of any kind of sense on Jason's part in favour of blocking out any and all possibility of self-discovery, or awareness. It really is a tragedy, in the classic sense.

In that sense, it's all great and entertaining. These are the only times I've really felt any good will toward Action "I'm better than this show" Dan. Not that I overly dislike him, he's just a bit tiresome, although I can understand why.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

00:27 / 19.07.04

I realise I'm coming to this a bit late, but those glances, oh but they make me weep. Keep it up Dan, and you have my sympathy vote. Why, it's a clever game he's playing!

I think Michelle and the Stu actually belong together, in a way I actually find endearing. I find their conversations kind of cute/scary and amusing (see: "I'm going to have an apple after my workout" "Then come and give me a hug" "So, exercise, apple, hug. I might have a glass of water before the apple." "As long as it's before." etc) and Stu's special brand of non-emoting/random slurring/pants uttering is quite worthwhile. It's as if we're watching him meet his first girlfriend.

Vic/Jason really has to go (pref. Vic) just because I'm so fed up of switching on to see them lying in bed side by side/in the garden/on the sofas (but only after everyone else has gone away) endlessly repeating the same gameplan which has no chance of working because NOBODY LIKES YOU NOW.

00:32 / 19.07.04

In his own way, I think Dan's even more closed-off than Jason. Not sexually, but in terms of what he does and doesn't reveal within the house. I sort of wish he'd fly off the handle a little more, so we'd see something other than The Mediator. Perhaps he came into the Big Brother house looking to 'turn' a het or two, and has realised that ain't gonna happen while the easier pull of VicWorld is the more seductive - so he's not motivated to do very much. In the unlikely event of Victor going and Jayboy staying, I can envisage some sli-i-ightly more slashtastic Dan action, but it's a long shot.

Otherwise, the only real 'conflict' I can imagine for Dan is the inevitable deciding whether to stay (which will necessitate some credibility-sapping rationalisation) or go.

00:41 / 19.07.04

I realise I'm coming to this a bit late, but those glances, oh but they make me weep. Keep it up Dan, and you have my sympathy vote.

*sings*

Oh Sp'Amour
Broke my heart
Now I'm aching for you
Mon amour
What's a boy in love
Supposed to do?

And yeah, I know what y'mean about Stu and Michelle. I see their relationship in an almost SM way. Either that or akin to the bit in Silence of the Lambs where Buffalo Bill shouts (third person) instructions to the girl down the well.

"It rubs the lotion into its skin..."

04:42 / 19.07.04

scary.

I'm wondering how long Stu will think is decent before dumping Michelle after they've left the house, because no matter how much Marco (et al) think it's "genuine" - it so clearly isn't.

Stu's got a nice cushy number, keeping a low profile and geting some cuddles (chicken), but the blind obedience will not follow through into real life. In fact I can imagine Stu (nicely) bragging about his exploits with Michelle in the BB house to his mates, and modestly allowing his legend to grow within Team Handsome.

09:38 / 19.07.04

Still Gameplan

With Jace and Victor
Jace: Will ye no' hae a Nib-Nob Victor?
Victor: Ah'm aff them, man. I'd raither hae one o' that Michelle's baps.
Jace: G'wan hae a Nib-Nob, I love them, me.
Victor: You ken whit ye are, Jace, yer jist sittin' oan the damn fence.
[Repeat to fade]

Tryphena Absent

15:15 / 19.07.04

Yes Jub because obviously you know better than the people who constantly interact with them. Why wouldn't the blind obedience follow in to life- sure there might be a few arguments caused by situations you just don't get in the house. There are going to be far more women to incur Michelle's jealousy but maybe, just maybe they actually like each other? They spend an awful lot of time in constant contact everyday and have done so for weeks and they haven't bitten each others heads off yet. I think you're being negative and a little unrealistic about something terribly sweet.

18:39 / 19.07.04

Heh. I was trying to remember the names of the Chewin' the Fat oldsters jist thae ither day...

Wellll, just to set the seal of good old-fashioned heteronormativity on the Big Brother house, their newest task is to arrange a wedding, complete with traditional gender roles! Hooray! Same-sex love? Not round here, m'dear.

The only thing that stopped it snowballing/descending into a totally predictable celebration of white frothy heterrrromance was Stuart's uncharacteristically assertive refusal to be groomed (or somesuch) - much to Michelle's not-entirely-unexpected ire. Much gnashing of radulae and rending of tentacles.

So. Victor the Groom and Dan the Best Man? Does this mean chucklesome strippers, handcuffs and bare-naked arses. Lawks-a-lordy...

18:45 / 19.07.04

How many weeks are left?
I'm sure there aren't enough to get rid of everyone on a "one a week" eviction rule. Or does anyone think they'll have more than three in the last seven days?

20:09 / 19.07.04

Jay is gonna be so funny as the Priest. He'll look like Father Ted on steroids...

Insert Dan as Altar Boy jokes here.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

20:46 / 19.07.04

Does anyone think Jason's "exercise face" and his "sex face" are one and the same?

My deepest symphathies to anybody who actually knows the answer.

22:31 / 19.07.04

Liked the way that last section was edited:

Victor suggests that Dan wants to pork Spamboy's "bum-bum".

Spambo readily acknowledges this, but dismisses it as "Dan's just randy cooped up in here" (ie. the Spamlet's not played any part in stoking Dan's frrrreakish - and undoubtedly one-way - attraction).

Vic goes to bed.

Spamster heads for the bathroom, and spends a full hour scrutining his arsecheeks from every angle and rubbing fake tan well into his crack.

Spambulator (apparently) enjoys a slow wank in the shower.

Can't be easy being 100% heterosexual...

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

22:36 / 19.07.04

He's totally comfortable with it, too!

Oh dear, my last post about Jason's bizarre face (does it really take that much effort/concentration that this face must be made? really? I'm afraid and children hide) and these recent events really cause images in my brain that I wish to go away.

This show is the best drama ever, anyway.

22:39 / 19.07.04

It was like watching a sort of stop-frame-reverse Morph-type plasticine model of Anthony Worral Thomson periodically squeezed vertically, so its already crumply little gingerface squished outwards then sprang back.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

22:44 / 19.07.04

Best explanation ever! I could never have found a way to put that in to words. Ones that made sense, too.

23:04 / 19.07.04

I'm getting itchy-scratchy with the way Shell, Stu and Dan are being lumped together as "fence-sitters" (and it must've infiltrated the public consciousness, because it was on EFourum). It's a fair comment where Shell's concerned (her pathological fear of confrontation does indeed lead to prong-perching) and possibly Stuart too (although I suspect it's more that he's too young/intellectually paralysed to have strongly polarised opinions) - but Dan? I don't think Dan's been duplicitiously "nice" to anyone. Fair, perhaps, or reasonable (arguably too reasonable - I keep hoping he'll snap and swiftly dissect Jayboy with his blunt little (big) tool), but I don't think he's a panderer.

One thing that frustrates me even more is the apparent acceptability (within the Big Brother house/demographic) of a token poof, but not of a more generalised queerness. Looking at house sexualities longitudinally, it's notable that the early polysexual promise (in which, IMHO, Jaylord showed signs of Selfawarian blooming) has been steadily eroded/depleted until we're left with what is, essentially, a group of straight (or, at least, overwhelmingly straight-acting) people and a token gay man - doing the sort of things token gay men (who don't fit the Brian Dowling 'sexless jester' mould) do: combining paternal/maternal qualities as mediator; being simultaneously threatening(megacock)/non-threatening(not-male); being sexually unobtrusive. The wedding task will also, I suspect, act as a reminder that, within as outwith the house, it's a big ol' hetero world - but a suitably asexual homo can, if he's lucky (and not too threatening), play a supporting role.

Do we think this is entirely coincidental (out dyke then screamer being evicted early on; bi-guys retreating into "100% heterosexuality"), or is this the sexual equilibrium the housemates and Great British Public prefers/tolerates?

23:12 / 19.07.04

The bi-sexuals turning into hetero-poseurs is due to the atmosphere inside the house. To paint yourself with the Other-brush too strongly this late in the game risk ostracisation and eviction.

Kitten and Marco got evicted out because they were complete arseholes.

23:26 / 19.07.04

Do we think this is entirely coincidental (out dyke then screamer being evicted early on; bi-guys retreating into "100% heterosexuality"), or is this the sexual equilibrium the housemates and Great British Public prefers/tolerates?
Well, although we all loved the dyke (in a qualified SHUT UUUUUP way), I recall we all wanted the screamer out.
How does the Great British status Q relate to the Barb norms so far?
Well, Vic and Spambo are still in, when we want them out for:
a)arsewiperyness
b)denial/hypocrisy

Apart from that, what has gone on in the voting that would disagree with what is consensual right here?
Kitten wasn't voted out, nor was Emma. Only people we've lost to a vote are Becky (dead cert to go, you can't just jump in like that), Vanessa (urgh), Ahmed (yaaaay, at last!) and Marco (OK Haus, but the dance was the only redeeming factor..). I find it hard to see how that conforms to any model ofanti-queer public opinion. Unless everyone is saving their hate for later...
At this point I'd assume that the only people left watching were those with an interest in gender politics, teenage girls (yeah, I know, same thing..) and bookies so pro-het is likely to be marginalised.
brbrbrbrbrbrblllll too late time for bed.

23:27 / 19.07.04

Jayboy's ideal task! Just a shame those three other blokes had to be distracting attention from him, when they should've been part of the admiring audience.

And who wants girls to strip, anyway?

And he believed that the hen party girls enjoyed the boys' 'Full Monty' performance this evening - but he wasn't keen for them to return the favour.

Looking forward to tomorrow night's stag party, he told Big Brother, "I won't be impressed if you have to use the girls... 'cos it's not going to be very impressive."

He suggested bringing in strippers from the outside and gagging them to stop them imparting information about the outside world.

Asked whether the girls in the House weren't "to his liking", Jason laughed before bluntly replying, "They don't do anything for me... I'm no really... physically attracted to them."

But he did stress that he thought they were nice girls.

Yeah, honestly, it's not that he's not turned on by women as anything other than unconditionally-positive audience (or clumsily-manipulated 'look ma, I'm hetero' prop), hell no - not a red-blooded "100% heterosexual" stud like the Spamster! No, he just doesn't like women he's actually spoken to; the fantasy FHM variety are justabout tolerable (they make y'look really Alpha-het, don't they?), though, especially if they're gagged. Reduces the possibility that they might laugh, causing that red mist that makes y'want to smack 'em until they stop laughing - the disrespectful bitches.

He could always extend his fifteen minutes by guesting on Crimewatch...

23:35 / 19.07.04

Kitten and Marco got evicted out because they were complete arseholes.

Sure - but bigger arseholes than everyone else? (Okay, maybe Kitten...).

To clarify, I'm not claiming any overt anti-homo prejudice here. I'm just finding it intriguing that the Big Brother house has quickly reverted from an interestingly unstable mix of queerdom to the much more familiar/conventional (stable-state?) token-poof-among-straights model of previous years. I guess I'm wondering whether this is a sort of default equilibrium with which we're all (consciously or unconsciously) more comfortable. I'm also wondering how the wedding task would've played out if the house's initial Full Spectrum Queer had persisted in any non-tokenistic sense. I don't s'pose they'd have tried it.

23:57 / 19.07.04

The bi-sexuals turning into hetero-poseurs is due to the atmosphere inside the house. To paint yourself with the Other-brush too strongly this late in the game risk ostracisation and eviction.

The Big Brother maybisexuals were apparently too timid to do more than notionally sniff at the Other-brush at any point in the proceedings. Maybe if Kitten had stayed (ie. been a little less personality-disordered) her dykey polarity might've coaxed forth the occasional discussion (or even exploration) of bisexuality.

Perhaps I'm already succumbing to an artificially-rosy nostalgia for a Week 1 which seemed genuinely new, exciting, ripe with sex/gender-blurring promise (would the homos 'turn' any of the supposed hets? which way would the bis swing? would the transwoman pull?) - but I do think that, as the house has reverted to a more familiar trope, a there-for-a-second moment of potential has been lost...

06:24 / 20.07.04

Has anyone thought that Jason might actually be straight? Or has he said that he's bi?

06:40 / 20.07.04

I think Jason's occasionally thought that he's straight...

If you've got the energy, Bear, check out the early pages in this thread. We explore the Jaylord's initial claim of bisexuality, and later backtracking/denial. It's aaall there.

07:04 / 20.07.04

I thought that was just his way of getting into the house, dropping the word "partners" into his auditions rather than girlfriend. I just think he's really paranoid about his appearance and fishes for compliments/attention from anyone willing to give it.

Totally out of proportion though, needs to tone down the upper body work

07:23 / 20.07.04

... but how will he acheive the much vaunted definition (maaan)?

Yes Jub because obviously you know better than the people who constantly interact with them.... I think you're being negative and a little unrealistic about something terribly sweet.

Well, I'm basing my opinions more on what their friends have said about the type of person they go for. IE the people that know them a lot better than the housemates or the viewing public. I didn't claim to know better than the people who were interacting with them, just y'know, contributing to the thread.

I'm not disputing they like each other, nor contradicting the fact they spend a lot of time together. What I am saying is: it's because of the confines and situation of the house that Stu is allowing himself to be henpecked. It wouldn't do him any favours to say "Listen Michelle, if I want to bake bread with Shell in the Kitchen I should be able to do so without you getting paranoid..." or some such - instead (as he realises) he's better off enjoying his alliance for as long as it lasts, and then away from the prying eyes of 24 hour cctv, split up with Michelle gently.

Yes that's negative - but not really unrealistic. If they make it to a month of being together after BB is finished then I will admit I was wrong.

08:46 / 20.07.04

The pressure of being in a house together like that will obviously make the participants settle into something of a more mundane status quo regardless of who is actually there.
Thats been the problem with BB ever since it's inception. The arguably more interesting characters get voted out early because they cause friction/tension with the other housemates. We vote them out because they "annoy" us but without them it's boring.
Marco was an annoying camp stereotype BUT he injected a lot of humour and energy into the house.
"We" voted him out over the over-protective mother figure and the nicotine-maddened transexual. That was a hard bunch to choose from. One half of a potential couple (gotta stay for the sex angle) and the favourite to win against the mouthy poof.
Now the group are getting settled into routines (don't say this or so-and-so will erupt etc) and the "fence-sitters" out number the Jungle Cats and whats left of the Hareem (as individual groups, not combined) the general feeling within the house will be more concillatory as opposed to confrontational.
What happens when/if the Jungle Cats get broken up at the end of this week is anyone's guess.
If Vic is out Jay may become Dan's new bestest buddy. If Jay is out I think Vic will be cosey-ing up to Nadia as a potential vote winner.

What'd be far more interesting (with the last week in mind) would be to get rid of the fence-sitters (Shell and Stu at least). Then we'd have Jay+Vic vs Nadia, Michelle+Dan (who I think could still prove to be volatile if pushed far enough).

09:00 / 20.07.04

But did they do the deed?

10:04 / 20.07.04

I thought that was just his way of getting into the house, dropping the word "partners" into his auditions rather than girlfriend. I just think he's really paranoid about his appearance and fishes for compliments/attention from anyone willing to give it.

Well, I'm kiiinda reluctant to get into the whole thing again, because I feel I'm analysing Jayboy to death on every page (go back and look at page 4 or 5 or something - it's all there) - buuut, essentially, I think that's something of a double-bluff on his part. I think he's primarily narcissistic, and probably hasn't had a great deal of any sort of sex (I think he exaggerated the "hundreds of women" claim too); he certainly isn't experienced in intimacy with women or, for that matter, female body language (witness the unbelievably clumsy manhandling of Vanessa). He's a rather rootless, dissatisfied, insecure individual who had, I believe, intended to use the Big Brother experience as a means of trying the 'bisexual' label for size - with, of course, the easy option of backtracking (by claiming it was all a gameshow tactic) if he felt out of his depth. Which he's done.

That's my take on it, anyway.

10:24 / 20.07.04

But did they do the deed?

Which particular "deed" are we talking about? Penis-vagina penetration? Some other variant of "sex"? Do we care? Why?

11:02 / 20.07.04

Do we care?
Well maybe you don't but I'm sure Michelle wanted to. Stuart "didn't" (for whatever reason) but we're watching and talking about a program that we have some interest in and you said you get bored of analysing Spambot on every page.
Try another (house-related) topic.

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