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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Big Brother 2004

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15:00 / 21.07.04

So I'm sensing we're all voting for Vic this week?

Right?

RIIIIGHHT?

15:03 / 21.07.04

Dan's always insisted he sleeps only with straight men

I never took that as an insistance, merely a matter of fact. And one that Dan was rather bored with.

Remember seeing his audition tape at the start and being moved by the matter of factness of that statement. Dan said it the same way we say that every time we go out we see a blue sky/clouds.

And although my initial (and terribly wrong) impression was to hasty label Dan as some kind of "Homo-predator"* preying on the weak and the befuddled (or Jasons as they will surely become to be known), looking back maybe there was a yearning in that bored expression.

A man sick and tired of obviously having great sex but with people who most likely shun (sic) him the next morning/later that night.

And actually thinking about it Dan could be said to be the (Homo) ideal role model for Spambot.

I base this on not knowing whether or not any of the straight guys Dan had attracted and slept with went on to have a full, open, honest relationship with him, or went back to the straight and narrow (apologies for the crap pun).

*- I quickly realised that was a stupid label to throw out and revised my opinion soon after.

20:45 / 21.07.04

I agree that Dan's statement was matter-of-fact, but I don't think it's something he was bored with. It was a statement of what he fetishises, what he desires, what turns him on. One does not bore of one's fetish.

Whisky Priestess

20:53 / 21.07.04

Ah ... some beautiful editing at the end of tonight's show. I am CONSUMED with admiration. Starts off with Michelle in the diary room listening to Pie Jesu, the hymn she's got to sing at the "wedding", and over the weebly stutterings of Michelle's untutored soprano and the rather more ethereal stylings of the professionals on the CD, we see the following montage:

Jason and Vic, on side-by-side beds, Jay a little higher but both in focus, staring glumly into the middle distance.

Back to Michelle trying to sing.

Nadia, mid-shot, smoking and looking lonely and bored.

Michelle, close-up, singing.

Dan, long shot, sitting outside in the garden, smoking contemplatively, lonely ...

... as the music crescendoes and the BB theme kicks in.

Magic. Give that editor an award.

21:12 / 21.07.04

Indeed, manipulate my emotions all you like, Endemol, because you do it so resplendently.

Toughie this voting week because Victor, who I think does have redeeming features utterly lacking in his Odd Couple partner, the vile and graceless Jason, has queered his pitch considerably with the wedding boor act. I suspect he has garnered much more hostility in these past 24 hours than foul Spambo hath. But, my loathing for the Orange-bottocked cock tease is monumental and I shall celebrate with a bottle of Veuve Cliquot when he faces his public.

Nadia to win! Dan for a pint or two in Comptons after the finale. Forget the rest. Might have cheered on Michelle's baps, particularly when they were so flagrantly thrust in Ahmed's little purple and pathetic face, but she has no cool when she attempts to bombast gallant and gentle Stu.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

21:12 / 21.07.04

I also, was suitably impressed by the editing of those final moments! It reminded me of those moments when neighbours goes all well written or post modern, or something.

23:53 / 21.07.04

Oh, fucking hell, how nice-but-dim is Shell? She's sitting with Jayboy and Pricktor blaaatantly discussing nominations ("that's why I nominated Dan this week") and she's profusely apologising for failing the task, 'mistakenly' nominating the Jungle Twats (who are consistently talking "us" and "we" like they're the fucken' Borg) and the war in Iraq. She is the universal apologist.

00:13 / 22.07.04

Victor's gameplan is definitely helped along by the rest of the house being thick as pigshit. Currently trying - and succeeding, from the looks of things - to turn her against Nadia.

Shell (to Jason): Yes, but Stuart and Michelle have got each other, you and Vic have got each other...
Victor: Woah, woah, woah. We haven't *got* each other. We're mates, but we're not *together*.
Jason: Vic, you *know* I love the women.

00:21 / 22.07.04

I love the women in a sort of 'not wanting to have sex with them or talk to them or be around them in any sense' kinda way.

Shell's pan-apologetic gullability is almost wondrous to behold. Once the Jungle Twats are out, she must be next up for eviction. She's sealed her fate, stupid, gormless cow.

01:07 / 22.07.04

WOW i cannot believe the amount of posts in this thread!

All i can say is that Victor rocks, i like it when he shouts out something like "This is fucking BULLSHIT!" Or when he was in the dairy room saying something like it was time that someone got "The fuck out of this house" or something, he cracks me up. Even though i have to admit that him and Jason have been moaning a bit lately, maybe they should let them have weed in there or something.

01:10 / 22.07.04

Currently trying - and succeeding, from the looks of things - to turn her against Nadia.

Not Nadia! "Big brother i think you've tricked me!!! I don't have fucking double L and double O in my country! LOOK AT ME! NOW I'M CRYING!!!"

HAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

Sorry, i couldn't resist.

01:13 / 22.07.04

Behold the horror the BB live updates forum

Shell sitting outside with her drink lights a ciggy, having problems smoking it

Its alight but not getting any

puts cup down to get lighter

She put a cup down? I am on the edge of my fucking seat, darling. What angle is it pointing towards? Half full? Half empty? What color is it? I simply MUST know. Must.not.bite.nails!

No style, no substance. These things aren't important. I mean people can go the night without knowing how many cigs Dan had, or whether Vic went the toilet (seat up or down, guys?), right?

01:18 / 22.07.04

I like it when Victor shouts, that shows he is a Top Dog and is The Man. Like Top Cat, but black. And a dog. In the jungle.

01:21 / 22.07.04

All i can say is that Victor rocks, i like it when he shouts out something like "This is fucking BULLSHIT!" Or when he was in the dairy room saying something like it was time that someone got "The fuck out of this house" or something, he cracks me up.

Yeah, the first twenty-odd times he said that, I must admit I cracked a rib laughing. Then I ran out of ribs. Now, when he does the comedy genius "telling them what time it is" stuff (I can barely type for chuckling) I just line up my inhalers and indulge in a full-on asthmatastic laugh-in.

Even though i have to admit that him and Jason have been maoning a bit lately, maybe they should let them have weed in there or something.

Ecstasy would be better. They might both get arsesex then. Assuming Dan was up for it.

01:31 / 22.07.04

Not Nadia! "Big brother i think you've tricked me!!! I don't have fucking double L and double O in my country! LOOK AT ME! NOW I'M CRYING!!!"

Must admit, that was funny. Not as funny as her nicotine withdrawal. Reckon Big Brother was wrong to cave in and supply cigarettes, though; that way terrorism lies...

Interesting perspective on the Dan/Jason/Victor thing from Dan's flatmate, Gill:

He'll be really disappointed in Jason. He's very typical of the men Dan meets. One to one there's a friendship but the moment their macho mates are around it changes. If Vic left it would be very different.

07:41 / 22.07.04

Toughie this voting week because Victor, who I think does have redeeming features utterly lacking in his Odd Couple partner, the vile and graceless Jason, has queered his pitch considerably with the wedding boor act.

Disliking Jason is the reason I want Victor to leave so much, though... I think that watching J floundering around trying to make friends (probably to the point of denying that he ever liked V) after his wee pal's left is going to be way funnier than watching Victor skulk round the garden on his own all day.

08:14 / 22.07.04

He'll be really disappointed in Jason. He's very typical of the men Dan meets. One to one there's a friendship but the moment their macho mates are around it changes. If Vic left it would be very different.

Dan's flatmate confirms what we've suspected for weeks now. It's probably too late now as I think Vic has pushed him so far into the heterozone that there is no chance for any sort of bond between Jason and Dan.

Disliking Jason is the reason I want Victor to leave so much, though... I think that watching J floundering around trying to make friends (probably to the point of denying that he ever liked V) after his wee pal's left is going to be way funnier than watching Victor skulk round the garden on his own all day.

I think both could go the route of skulkage or trying to make friends when torn from their fellow cat. I can't wait for Victor to tell the housemates what he really thinks of them and I hope all the response he gets is "Who are you? Why the fuck should I care what you think you sad strange fat-arsed man."

10:26 / 22.07.04

Just reading the Sun over lunch and the bookies are saying it's a safe bet that Jason will be the one out tomorrow. It also says that they need to get rid of someone else so there will be a special show on August 4th where someone will be evicted using a pub quiz to decide who which should be quite a laugh.

11:04 / 22.07.04

Who are you? Why the fuck should I care what you think you sad strange fat-arsed man.

Lol.

Caught up with last night's episode before work this morning.

Victor babbling about how boring everyone is yet again...

Does he mean that the group lack entertainment value for the viewer, or for himself? Bit of both perhaps?

It's astonishing how his own behaviour never factors into his boredom talk.

11:08 / 22.07.04

Does he mean that the group lack entertainment value for the viewer, or for himself? Bit of both perhaps?

Victor seems to conflate and confuse the groups public image with his personal feelings far too often. Bit of a problem for a master tactician.

11:57 / 22.07.04

Significant, I think, that Vic sat about glum and whining that his stag party was crap. Blaming everybody else for not having a good time, yet again.

I can see why some people find his Slick schtick entertaining. I don't particularly but even if I had, it has ground remorselessly on for weeks now like a violin with one string.

His famous gameplan seems to be predicated largely upon causing friction in the house, hence his crap counsel to Ahmed about livelying himself up with a some conflict. Shrewder study of previous years' more successful players of the game would have shown him that being the originator of most of the conflict does not make friends with the sentimental viewing public.

And conversely, Shell might have noted that apologising every five minutes for drawing breath is not likely to endear either.

Dan can be very funny when he throws away some bitchy remarks. Wish he would do more of it and not be so measured. We're getting the the endgame after all.

13:17 / 22.07.04

“I’m the slickman! Rapper slash part-time hitman !”
… or whatever it was he said. Made me laugh out loud, even more so when I realised he seemed to be serious. I thought he was a law student or something ?

Jason’s face seemed contorted into a weird rictus as he watched the pole-dancing. Odd. And certainly not the face of a man awash with glee or even party spirit. Which we certainly saw later on at the party.

And the editing at the end was very fun, well done.

14:05 / 22.07.04

Speaking of Jace's face, last night's programme repeated the clip of him exercising. At one point, his already twisted features were further distorted by one of the mirrors, and I had a chilling flash-image of a sort of ginger version of the freaky children in Aphex Twin's 'Come To Daddy' video...

14:44 / 22.07.04

14:49 / 22.07.04

Yep. The one second from the right, dipped in Cuprinol, and wearing a badly-dyed Hoxton hairpiece. That's him.

20:17 / 22.07.04

Victor seems to conflate and confuse the groups public image with his personal feelings far too often. Bit of a problem for a master tactician.

Exactly he's hardly in same league as Napolean, Genghis Khan and Alexander the Great now is he. Victor couldn't come up with tactics to get out of a wet paper bag.

I think the alcohol may have reduced my capacity to write sentences that make sense anymore but still I shall press on.

I miss Johnny Horizontal.

"I really don't think we can... draw parallels between Johnny Horizontal and that dress I'm afraid," said Stuart seriously.

"How come? How come?! HOW COME?!!!" yelled Michelle, her voice getting louder by the second.

Michelle was appalled at Stuart's suggestion that Johnny Horizontal was more important than her dress.

Smiling at the memory of his self-styled superhero, Stuart told her, "Not more important but... he's a living breathing man. He had a family. Did your dress have a family?"

I would love to live in the world insidwe Stuart's head it would be a cowboy paradise I think. I wish there were more pirates in here.

20:30 / 22.07.04

Woohoo! Never knowingly underplayed!

Michelle just can't let it go. Life is so unfair. How dare the rest of the world, let alone the most passive boyfriend in the world, not dance to her tune. Fun to see her struggling with the Latin. Crap Whitney Houston warbling tho.

Michelle, "I didn't want to be a chorister."
Stu, [silence] "Sorry" [more embarrassed silence]
Michelle, "It's all right [I have a pair of nail scissors concealed under my cassock with which I shall remove your testicles later, Chicken...]"

Victor "put his neck on the line for what I believe in". And what would that be? Shouting at a soft target, the "bird", to show how straight-talking he is. "I am the Slick Man, the part-time hit man". The bargain basement Ali G but entirely without irony. Why did he want to be the groom if he was just going to take the piss throughout. Arse. Very big arse. And he used the phrase "Ding dong" which should carry the death penalty, for its association with the evil Vernon Kay.

Jason sneering to Dan, "Do I look gay?" Go Dan, "Well, yes, but that's another story..." Ho ho ho. Fifteen love.

The boys all looked cool in morning suits, mind, particularly Daniel. Victor appeared to snotter all over his during the exchange of vows.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

20:45 / 22.07.04

Victor: Characters. Kicking. About. Kicking. About. Characters!

I don't even know what's happening!

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

20:49 / 22.07.04

I do kind of like the way Dan is dealing with irrational shouting Victor.

What exactly did happen?

20:52 / 22.07.04

Prick Man: "I've got an evening of straight-talking pencilled in for tonight..." i.e. Please will you all wait for me to explode with venom in the direction of the person who dared to criticise my bad manners earlier today. Does she not know who he is?

"Sorry man, I haven't even said anyfing..." Women, huh? They're a constant mystery to an arrested adolescent.

"Victor, you're a fucking c*** but I'm dancing with you." Go Shell! Signs of a dark side at last. Should have kneed him in the balls, shouty-shouty numpty. "The girl's a fucking dickhead. I'm an upfront kind of guy." No, Victor, you're a silly little man with a head full of delusional perceptions about the world everybody else inhabits.

Jason, commedably and sensibly, kept his head down and didn't wind Mr Angry up any further, which wouldn't have been hard and would have served his purposes. He did appear just to sit back and watch it unfold, knowing he was up against volcanic Vic for eviction, when his own voice might have been the only one that would have possibly quelled Victor's understandable fury that a mere female had the temerity to disrespect him.

Just gets more and more enthralling this year.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

21:00 / 22.07.04

What a tart. Hey, nice way to deal with being up for eviction straight talker! I'm voting for you!

He's actually got everyone to come round from his panto act quite well.

21:01 / 22.07.04

"Victor, you're a fucking c*** but I'm dancing with you."

Shell shows some character that Victor says she's been lacking and he reacts with furious anger. What a cunt!

Victor's understandable fury that a mere female had the temerity to disrespect him.

Memories of Emma come flooding back.

21:05 / 22.07.04

He he. "Michelle has been alone in the [romantic love nest] snug for forty minutes [while Stu brushes his teeth for the rest of his life]." But her plans will not be thwarted and he has to come out of the bathroom sometime, and then he's supper.

Victor apologises to Dan for insulting him. "Your pantomime insults," says level-headed Daniel. I guess Slick Vic is belatedly realising that screaming at everyone for an hour like a scene from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf might be good tele but is going to rebound upon him in the end. See, the guy is clearly bright enough but just has no emotional intelligence whatsoever. Such a waste.

And the lovely Nadia cackles joyously throughout. I want to marry that woman! She so has to win it. Though Dan continues to grow on me. His barbs are economical and precise.

Whisky Priestess

21:15 / 22.07.04

He can grow on me any time. ROWR man in a morning suit!

And was that the R'n'B Pee-yay Jeezu I heard? Michelle clearly has dreams of being the new Sugababes that can only be satisfied if Stu builds her her own opera house with his prize money ...

Stu and Michelle definitely fucking now. Anything to shut her up, eh chicken?

21:21 / 22.07.04

Watching her slowly pull his defenses apart last night, brick by brick, was painfully fascinating. It took hours, but you never doubted her ability to see the job through. Jonny Horizontal indeed.

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