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Underground > Comic Books >

Marvel's 'Civil War'.

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BrianFitzgerald

01:51 / 17.11.06

My favorite waste of space this issue (and it was really tough to choose a winner from so many pages of horrible storytelling) was
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sarcastic spoiler
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"Hi there, Nighthawk, Stature. I'm Happy Hogan, Iron Man's valet. I realize that you've both just turned against Captain America, our Public Enemy Number One, and his band of terrorists, but instead of getting you straight into a debriefing in an attempt to gather any information that we could possibly use to gain an advantage in this little war of ours, such as safehouse locations, tactics, personnel, database access, etc., I thought we could just, you know, hang out for a bit here in the lobby of Stark Tower. By the way, I just have to ask, are you sure that this is the right move for you at this point in your life/career? Are you having any doubts at all? Because if you are, I can call in a bunch of SHIELD goons or superpowered killers to beat the crap out of you before we toss you into the Negative Zone. Aren't you going to miss the Young Avengers, Stature? Don't you both feel conflicted about "which side you should be on"? What's that, Cassie? Yeah...the 1940s...I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, but anyway, that about wraps up our space allotment, can you believe that some fans were hoping that these panels would contain plot-driving action or interesting and relevant characters? I just don't get kids these days. But anyway, before we go, I should probably warn you that Spider-Man is about to fall out of one of the upper-floor windows amidst a bunch of broken glass and gunfire, and even though it might feel like our little breeze-shooting session here might be redeemed by one of us actually doing something when that happens, I think, and Tony Stark will back me up on this 100%, that we should just proceed on down to the basement for your background check. Yes, I said background check, because that's the coolest thing we could think to do with you two right now."

Yeah, good call Marvel. Show us Nighthawk, Stature, and Happy Hogan talking in a lobby. In the biggest story event of the year. WTF?

02:13 / 17.11.06

Funnily enough, I saw Mark Millar on the footsteps outside the local church the other day. He was curled up in a ball like a little hedgehog in a pool of his own vomit, looking roughly as bright-eyed and tufty as I suppose you would do after a couple of months on the sauce, in the wake of couple of years of planning the gr8est ever series in the history of the Marvel Universe, so I kicked him, readers.

I kicked him in the balls.

18:30 / 18.11.06

Spoilers!!!

I think I would enjoy this more if I’d just stayed away and then read the trade. You pretty much know everything that's going to happen because of the information on the covers and the synopsis’s, which kill Millar's WTF!!?!! moments. I mean, was anyone surprised when Spiderman turned? Punisher saved the day? Thor turned up? The Stamford disaster? Cap rebelled?

I also thought Spiderman changed sides a bit quickly. I mean at one point he’s wise cracking and smackin’ Cap, then he’s acting strangely, then he’s halfway through a brawl with Iron-man. It’s like the Revenge of the Sith all over again.

02:31 / 19.11.06

RE issue 5 -

When Daredevil gives Iron Man the silver dollar and says "thirty pieces," I got confused. Not at the Judas, reference, of course, because there's a big fucking neon sign pointing to it, and Daredevil actually says, and I quote, "This silver dollar is supposed to be a reference to thirty pieces of silver, because I'm calling you Judas, because you betrayed the heroes. You see, Judas betrayed Jesus. That's why. Obviously."

What I'm confused about is the
thirty pieces of silver = one silver dollar?

Can anybody explain? Or get Daredevil to explain it, because it seems to subtle for me.

09:36 / 19.11.06

If i recall correctly, does he not say "Guess that's thirty-one pieces of silver now Judas". Implying that the dollar he gave him was the ONE, in the thirty one, and that he had already sold them all out for thirty pieces of silver, like Judas did.

15:37 / 19.11.06

You do recall correctly, sn00p. Confusing to use phrases like 'actually says' and 'I quote' and then make something up.

21:23 / 19.11.06

Great fun, lads.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

15:28 / 20.11.06

So it isn't enough that they are sending the prisoners to the negative zone, the actually built a big ass prison there?

I think the series CIVIL WAR is relying too much on the readers buying all the cross overs. At least I hope so, considering that the Iron Man/Spider Man fight was half done when we came in this issue.

That would also explain the time wasting pages using Marvel Logic. See, since this is issue 5, then it is really part 46 of the overall story including the crossovers, so it is ok if not much happens for half the pages, because all kinds of stuff is happening over in New Avengers!

Our Lady Has Left the Building

05:04 / 01.12.06

'Iron Man made a brief public appearance this week to deny that there was now a 'Civil War' between superheroes.

"Not at all. Doctor Richards and I prefer to use the term 'sectarian violence'," He said to reporters, his helmet microphone making him not sound like Tony Stark using a microphone in any way, ""you have not yet had a situation . . . where you have two clearly defined and opposing groups vying not only for power but for territory." He also refused to comment on reports that they have set up a concentration camp for super-villains in the Negative Zone. "Now piss off, I've got repulsors in my hands." He quipped at the emd of the conference. However, reporters still voted him more forthcoming than Tony Snow.'

15:43 / 05.01.07

Issue 6 is out.

Not all that great. Ends with a by-now-Mark-Millar-cliche 'Captain America talking head filling up the whole page saying something intended to be badass.' Yawn.

16:49 / 05.01.07

Yep, that's the guy we've been told is the noblest, bestest of the goodest, leader of leaders and what does he have to say for himself?

"Close your eyes. This is gonna hurt"

Asfor the rest of it, a slightly forced cameo cameo from the Punisher followed by yet more build. Dull as dishwater.

And then there was ASS. Whish is the precious,

03:25 / 07.01.07

So "Penance"...his secret identity's all over the internet after the Civil War Frontline tie-in. Still a spoiler? Anyway, I'm having trouble imagining Ellis doing this character straight-faced.

From the little profile up at Newsarama, his "costume serves as a constant reminder of the destruction at Stamford. It has 612 spikes on the inside, 60 of which are larger than the others, representing the 60 schoolchildren who were killed."

Really? I'm sure this seems a very rich, imaginative, serious concept to Todd McFarlane, but how could Mr. Nextwave do anything but have Venom and Bullseye laugh at him all day?

03:29 / 07.01.07

If it is parody, though, well done. Better than Doom Force.

08:35 / 07.01.07

Re Penance; from the wiki;

"certain spikes are more painful to represent people he feels more responsible for, other spikes locations serve special meaning."

Oh, well, dear.

12:23 / 07.01.07

I'm still waiting for someone to explain why he doesn't bleed to death.

13:00 / 07.01.07

Pathos?

13:01 / 07.01.07

I'd imagine it's some revision of Speedball's powers, no-one was ever terribly able to cut him.

19:16 / 07.01.07

*looks up Penance's identity online, blinks, hangs head*

Seriously, this has to be a joke. Are the inhabitants of the Mighty Marvel Bullpen out of their minds?

He was a fun character. Now he's some sort of self-mutilating Gothic monstrosity.

And meanwhile Superboy and Krypto are playing happily in space.

Regrettable Juvenilia

21:49 / 07.01.07

Yeah, but it's also been revealed that there will be a new New Warriors series and that the line-up will include a surviving member of the team. Since Robbie's the only surviving member, I'm assuming the Penance thing is just an Azbats-tastic phase.

22:50 / 07.01.07

Nae, there's loads of living members. Aside from the founding five, The New Warriors have had more turnover than Earth, Wind and Fire. My beloved Speedball will be McFarlaned for a long, long time, I fear.

rabideyemovement

00:22 / 08.01.07

I'm thinking the New Warriors will be another of the government sponsored super-teams. They already have an Avengers, Defenders, Thunderbolts and Forceworks... I assume they'll give each state some revamp of an old Marvel team... So he could be on a Warriors team, still in the Penance getup.

I enjoyed this last issue of Civil War, and I think it's pretty clear (at least somewhat) who has been messing with the minds of Tony and Reed. I'm gonna take a guess and say that the mom with the dead Stamford kid is really the Purple Man or somesuch. I loved the Punisher scenes in this and War Journal, although Millar doesn't seem to be familiar enough with the characters to write good dialogue.

09:23 / 08.01.07

Isn't Penance joining the Runaways spin-off team, the Loners?

Bubblegum Death

09:33 / 08.01.07

I think the Penance who was in Generation X is the one joining the Loners.

11:13 / 08.01.07

Correct. Which demonstrates Marvel editorial's wonderful organizational skills, choosing to reuse a character name at the precise time the present holder returns from Character Limbo.

13:45 / 08.01.07

...I think it's pretty clear (at least somewhat) who has been messing with the minds of Tony and Reed. I'm gonna take a guess and say that the mom with the dead Stamford kid is really the Purple Man or somesuch.

In what way is it clear? I read that sequence as Millar attempting to add a little depth to Tony's position - round it out a bit. There's nothing in there that insists upon the presence of EVIIIL, is there? Have I missed something?

Is there still some question of a villainous mastermind being behind events. I thought that idea had been nixed. I hope so, that's for sure.

14:25 / 08.01.07

Is it true that (space for spoileresque question)

CW6 includes an implied Sue Richards/Namor consummation? If true, that's up there with Gwen Stacy/Norman Osborn in the pantheon for Ill-Advised Marvel-Universe Sexual Liasons Which Will Be Problematic (at Best) for Future Characterization. Sue's supposed to be the sympathetic one, and she shows her disapproval by leaving the kids with Reed and going off to bonk the fish-man?

And the more I hear about Penance, the more I laaaaaugh. I hope Penance spends his down time sitting nude in a bottomless chair getting rope-whipped in the groin.

18:17 / 08.01.07

It's not true. He tells her he can feel her throbbing through the water, and she denies said throbbing.

18:24 / 08.01.07

If that's how he phrases it, that's sort of awesome in a this-is-how-14-year-olds-imagine-being-suave-to-chicks way.

18:40 / 08.01.07

Then he yanks one of Sue's pigtails and swims away.

Aha! I am Klarion

21:27 / 08.01.07

Penence = The Dark Stranger of the Status Quorum...as seen in Grant Morrison's the filth

From Morrison's website
DARK STRANGER: THIS SINISTER LORD OF NIGHT AND FLIES BASED HIS WHOLE MODUS OPERANDI ON THE LIFE CYCLE OF THE SWARMING INSECTS HE FOUND FEASTING ON THE CORPSES OF HIS PARENTS AFTER RETURNING FROM SUMMER CAMP ONE YEAR TO FIND THEM DEAD - THEIR BODIES FOUGHT OVER BY FIVE SEPARATE SERIAL KILLERS, FIVE UNDYING MANIACS DARK STRANGER HAS VOWED TO DESTROY!

Aha! I am Klarion

21:30 / 08.01.07

P.S.
Also, since it is a Millar book, there will be a jack hammering spike going up Penance's ass.

23:11 / 08.01.07

Only it's not. It's happening as a result of a Millar penned crossover; Millar does like to talk about bumsex in a 14y.o. way, but be fair.

Anyway, I could give a shit about Speedball. He 'was a fun character'? Look, he's been a dried up punchline (e.g. see 'The Underneath' arc in Alias) for at least twelve years, about whom very few writers cared to write and very few fans cared. (You didn't care about him, I'd warrant, diz.) Generally, I think this has been largely the case for most of his lifetime and I do tire of this 'let's make everything silver-age wacky-fun, always - let's pretend puberty didn't happen because, afterward, I was sad and moody and knew not why' mentality that I'm about to ascribe to lots of people on the basis of not a lot. The best Marvel comics have never been anything like that in my entire lifetime. The have been angsty as fuck. This is what Marvel do best. Sometimes, not very often, there's some 'wry' mixed in like in X-Statix but generally when Marvel comics are best is when their leads really suffer; Cap. Britain, the current Bru spate, Dark Phoenix, 'Born Again'... This is also why I'm largely pro the Civil War series because it's going to divorce characters from their fundamental needs - it is almost entirely plot-driven, an event comic in the most literal sense, and the dialogue is really quite eyewateringly embarrassing on occasion but it is going to set up some really good books I feel. I cannot wait for Cap's new status quo, in particular.

I do think the suit is really daft, particularly the one spike per victim and special big ones for the kiddies and really, really big one for the one whose dad shot me, but I'm rather optimistic Ellis (who seems to be back to being good on the evidence of Nextwave, newuniversal, Desolation and Fell when it comes out) can have some fun, overwrought or otherwise - 'Ooh, I'm stuck in an iron maiden. But I deserve it!', with a character who was otherwise just begging to be sent back to (lid'rally, ha) pointless limbo.

Regrettable Juvenilia

23:20 / 08.01.07

Someone tell the Cobra guy that the Namor/Sue thing has been implied for years, most recently and effectivley in Grant Morrison's 1234.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

23:49 / 08.01.07

God, Jae Lee's Namor was hot in 1234. Can you blame Sue, really? Actually, for the most evocative presentation of that whole sex-tension, just look at the invisible Sue's conversation-over-dinner with blind Alicia in that very-very comic. It had to happen, I suppose.

00:42 / 09.01.07

Someone tell the Cobra guy that the Namor/Sue thing has been implied for years, most recently and effectivley in Grant Morrison's 1234.

Attraction, sure, way back to the Stan and Jack days. Fucking, no, unless stuff happened during the Straczynski era that I didn't hear about.

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