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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Big Brother: Revenge of the Sixth.

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21:37 / 03.08.05

Kinga = Shelob in this analogy, obviously.

Apparently the director's cut does include the cut scene wherein Shelob uses Galadriel's phial to stimulate her spinnerets.

tea and biscuits

21:37 / 03.08.05

Oh, yes, I'm (mostly) capable of viewing reality as it actually stands but my worries are Craig's multiple failures at doing so and yet converting the situation into a positive for himself each and every time.

Now: if Anthony were to punch Craig in the face and then go on to win, that would be a win for all of us.

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:38 / 03.08.05

Could we possibly not use the phrase "in the face of Craig" ever again? Thanks.

21:40 / 03.08.05

Could we possibly not use the phrase "in the face of Craig" ever again?

But I want to mount the face. On chipboard. With a nailgun.

21:50 / 03.08.05

Oh, yes, I'm (mostly) capable of viewing reality as it actually stands but my worries are Craig's multiple failures at doing so and yet converting the situation into a positive for himself each and every time.

Well yes, but Craig's perception of the world is such that, whatever the result, it'll be all about him. If someone other than Anthony wins, it'll feed into his fantasies of victimhood (if he perceives his time in the House thus far as "torture", then neither he nor Anthony winning will doubtless be tantamount to death by slow dismemberment). Whether he wins or not (and I'm just praying the GBP won't convert 'appallingly-behaved personality-disordered space-occupying lesion' to 'flawed hero' and have him win), Craig will receive a certain amount of post-BB attention which, paranoia permitting, he'll lap up. I suspect that Anthony, when he's able to geographically distance himself from Craig, will let bygones be bygones and maintain the fantasy that it was all bezzie matehood.

Face it: Craig will get off relatively lightly. It's not a fair world.

Then again, he's never ever gonna be happy, is he?

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:52 / 03.08.05

It's a hobby.

tea and biscuits

21:59 / 03.08.05

I think of it more as a quest, perhaps some sort of twisted fairy gift bequeathed to him at christening.

22:02 / 03.08.05

If Craig's anything, he's a twisted fairy.

Tryphena Absent

22:14 / 03.08.05

So right now Craig's voice is making sound, Kinga's warbling rendition of any old song that comes into her head is dominating and Makosi is dancing like an old lady with knee trouble.

Oh no they're doing a Shania Twain line dance and I KNOW Kinga will start singing as they dance.

This isn't water torture or sensory deprivation (unfortunately), this is nails down a blackboard five times in a maths classroom while you're doing advanced algebra.

23:18 / 03.08.05

Does Craig's behaviour shed any light on his audition video? I'm willing to bet he's enacted these cycles of behaviour in at least one other relationship, controlling through passive-aggressive blackmail and making ever-increasing (ultimately impossible) emotional demands until the other party implodes. When he claimed to enjoy making people unhappy/destroying people's lives, was he commenting bitterly on (but, like a true psychopath, without learning anything from) the inevitable disintegration of other relationships, under the impossible pressure of Being Craig's Partner/Friend?

23:36 / 03.08.05

Or Partnerfriend... off to the "What do you call your S.O." thread I go, hi ho hi ho hi ho.

23:53 / 03.08.05

Craig to Anthony: The blokes'll like you. I think that's your good point - blokes'll like you. Maybe a few won't. That could be your weak point - that blokes won't like you.

And then back to talking about himself.

Scrambled Password Bogus Email

08:25 / 04.08.05

Everything Flyboy said on the last page I reiterate.

I'm a very peaceful being, non-violent to the last, but Craig is outside the Alpha and Omega, he is post-last, and thus deserves, as Ganesh so richly, evocatively mentions, to have his head fixed to chipboard with a nailgun.

Is there any convenient way of printing out this entire thread and ensuring that it gets delivered to Craig's salon once the show is over?

I feel it's important he knows.

10:28 / 04.08.05

Last year attempts were made to be on the first page whenever someone Googled 'Victor Ebuwa', but it didn't work out so well. Using the actual post would be a far more practical plan.

I've been watching The Office again, and I've noticed that Craig does the exact same 'nervous glance sideways' as David Brent which -if such a thing is possible -makes him even less endearing to me.

14:01 / 04.08.05

Face it: Craig will get off relatively lightly

Well I don't suppose he'll be hung, drawn and quartered live on national telly, but on the other hand, the salon seems likely to go through a bit of a rough patch -there'll be, like, loads of appointments in the short term I'm guessing, but Craig's able to get cash up front before he's accused of being worse, much worse, than a revolting toad, they'll be of limited benefit to the business. And he won't be able to go to the shops, the pub or in fact anywhere really, except for possibly the occasional film premiere, where he'll be initially laughed at, and then studiously avoided by the other Z-list 'slebs - I'll be fairly surprised if he's not in rehab by Christmas, to be honest.

14:12 / 04.08.05

Like all the previous z-listers?

I doubt Craig's any more likely to end up in psychiatric care than he was before going on Big Brother. He'll have a reputation as a creepy self-deluding obsessive but I expect it was a matter of time before those around him twigged anyway. He'll ride the brief burst of fame for as long as it lasts, then he'll eke out his 15 minutes, Marco-style, by adopting a 'victim of Endemol' position. When it all starts to dry up, he might appear in the gay press, talking about how he is/isn't gay.

In terms of actually facing up to the consequences of his behaviour, yes, I reckon he will get off lightly. He certainly won't receive the unequivocal message that he acted like a selfish, emotionally-unstable borderline sexual predator. There'll be enough 'you were really entertaining' feedback to fuel the fantasy that it's everyone else who's out of step with reality.

Tryphena Absent

14:14 / 04.08.05

He'll have a reputation as a creepy self-deluding obsessive but I expect it was a matter of time before those around him twigged anyway.

But now the whole country knows.

14:17 / 04.08.05

But I think Craig would be surprised. Judging by a conversation he was having last night, he has no plans to return to work and seems to think that going to the gym and 'working on his body' is all he needs to do to live happily ever after. He's got a 'good feeling' about it. That's one of his Special Powers.
Thinking about it, perhaps it is a special power. Perhaps he's channelling, because funnily enough, someone else working on his body (preferably with brass knuckles) is all I need to live happily ever after. So maybe he's getting a bit of that.

14:28 / 04.08.05

But now the whole country knows.

The whole country's seen his behaviour, but that doesn't mean there's a consensus that a) it's bad, and b) it's his fault. Although he appears utterly devoid of any redeeming feature to most of us here, I suspect we'll be surprised at how many sympathisers he'll attract. There'll certainly be sufficient 'Craig, you were sooo entertaining' sentiment to allow him to dismiss the naysayers as torturers who want to destroy him because they're evil. Cluster B personality disorders mean never having to say you're sorry.

14:32 / 04.08.05

But I think Craig would be surprised. Judging by a conversation he was having last night, he has no plans to return to work and seems to think that going to the gym and 'working on his body' is all he needs to do to live happily ever after.

Craig's worldview is a profoundly paranoid one. Downside: he'll never live happily ever after. Upside: nothing will ever be his fault.

Tryphena Absent

15:06 / 04.08.05

There will be enough people who look at him with disgust in their eyes. Even if he's not conscious of it, inside he will be crying.

15:16 / 04.08.05

Thinking about it, perhaps it is a special power. Perhaps he's channelling, because funnily enough, someone else working on his body (preferably with brass knuckles) is all I need to live happily ever after. So maybe he's getting a bit of that.

I *heart* Smoothly Weaving.

16:22 / 04.08.05

There will be enough people who look at him with disgust in their eyes. Even if he's not conscious of it, inside he will be crying.

He may well be conscious of it, but do you honestly reckon he's going to gain any sort of insight from being viewed with disgust? Do you think it's going to challenge his worldview at all?

I think he already views himself - or his sexuality - with disgust, but deals with this by projecting his self-loathing onto others, so other people hate him. He employs this particular psychic defence mechanism so aggressively that, at times, it borders on paranoid psychosis. If people look at him with disgust in their eyes, it's merely going to bolster that 'everyone is out to destroy me' sense of victimisation. What's never going to occur to him is that people might conceivably have good reason to despise him.

Tryphena Absent

16:32 / 04.08.05

do you honestly reckon he's going to gain any sort of insight from being viewed with disgust?

Ganesh I don't think Craig would gain insight from anything any person could do. If his own mother sat him down and explained why his behaviour was abhorrent on sick night, if his idol did that, if a psychiatrist did that I don't think he would gain any insight. I think it's hopeless to even view Craig in this manner and I certainly don't plan to expend my energy doing so.

16:38 / 04.08.05

Exactly. So I'm not sure he's going to suffer unduly from his experience in the Big Brother House. He may be crying on the inside at some of the negative reactions that come his way, but I'm pretty sure a large part of him will smugly luxuriate in the fact that, as he sees it, his paranoid worldview is confirmed and his victim status reinforced.

Tryphena Absent

17:07 / 04.08.05

And thankfully he will carry on off our TV screens.

17:10 / 04.08.05

Although it would be nice if any future dullard considering any sort of relationship - intimate or otherwise - with the Sniveller could be pointed in the direction of the inevitable BB6 DVD, as a sort of eternal 'run, run for the hills' warning.

18:06 / 04.08.05

I don't know... While 'bishops-gate', 'vomit-gate', 'tears-gate' 'just-breathing-at-all-gate,' and all of Craig's other numerous highs in the house might have now been eclipsed by 'bottle-gate', I still think it's going to be very difficult for him to go anywhere near his home town (where is it, Norwich or somewhere?) for at least the next eighteen months. Granted, he probably already 'hates the fucking wankers' back there, but at least those wankers presumably didn't go public. Craig may in the past have taken a certain amount of abuse on the street for 'being who he is', but compared to what's in store for him the minute he gets off the train...

If he hangs around in London on the post-BB party circuit he might be ok for a while, but I can't help feeling he's going to crash and burn horribly once the coverage wears off, if not well before.

I'll admit to a certain amount of wishful thinking here though, and either way, I suppose we'll see.

18:15 / 04.08.05

Well, judging from today's BBLB, Craig does actually have friends (albeit tending toward the faghagular). He's "crazy", apparently, and "really in touch with feminine stuff".

I really hope he does get a hard time from people in his home town. He's unlikely to ever learn anything from negative feedback, though. He'll merely retreat into bitterness a la his original audition video.

19:25 / 04.08.05

I'm wondering if a huge dose of MDMA might be what he needs to get at least a temporary feeling that the world is OK, that he isn't hated for some vague reason, and perhaps it would loosen him up enough to not be such a twat that he might get laid. Then again, you can imagine the depths of amplified paranoia afterwards...
I think we'd all love to see him dance himself to death, if nothing else.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:30 / 04.08.05

What's with the whole "spectral monkey" thing? Someone on Digital Spy was going on about this the other night, and now Derek's claiming to have seen a monkey...

21:27 / 04.08.05

What's with the whole "spectral monkey" thing? Someone on Digital Spy was going on about this the other night, and now Derek's claiming to have seen a monkey...

From what I could tell, he was seeing abstract monkey-faces in the screw-fittings attaching one of the cameras to the wall. It did look faintly simian.

21:33 / 04.08.05

MDMA? Well, Morrissey - the infinitely more palatable Craig-analog - tried ecstasy once. Apparently he looked in the mirror and liked himself for half an hour, but then reverted to declaring he was hated for loving.

21:52 / 04.08.05

That scenario slightly reminds of Morrissey's alleged experience on ecstasy - apparently he spent a couple of hours staring at himself in the mirror at home. One love, indeed.

So...

'God, I'm so beautiful... Look at me everyone, I'm so fucking beautiful!!! I wanna... I wanna touch myself... I want someone to touch me!!! Why won't anyone fucking touch me!!!'

'Sir, could you leave now please?'

'No! Don't you know who I am?'

'Yes but...'

'Fuck it, I am gonna look at the precious!'

'No, please don't...'

'I a-am

'Oh God.'

Etc.

As long as the tablets were heavily laced with strychnine though, it might just work.

21:52 / 04.08.05

What me said.

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