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Shag, marry, push off a cliff.

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09:38 / 08.03.02

Sauron, just because:

Ocean's Eleven
the Dirty Dozen
the Forty-Nine Ronin

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:38 / 08.03.02

[monkey - greatest sage of all]:

Sandy
Pigsy
Tripitaka

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:38 / 08.03.02

quote:Originally posted by Ganesh v4.2:
And, while I'm in the mood, one for Mordant:

Adam Ant
Adam Faith
Adam of Biblical 'First Man' fame/infamy

How the fuck did I miss this? Memory repression?

Dead: Okay, I'm sorry, but Adam Faith takes a header right into the sea.

I would *Know* the biblical Adam, but only if he looked like he does in the William Blake pix.

And finally, I would marry Adam Ant. 'Coz he was my favorite pop star when I was eight (the words "barking" "wrong" and "tree" spring to mind), and he looks like he could do with a firm hand these days.

09:38 / 08.03.02

Mordant - Sun Wu-k'ung thanks you for getting the joke.

Crag: Sorry, the pig-boy [Chu-Pa-Chieh] gets it. Nice guy, decent sense of humor, handy with a rake, but he's doing time for indecent fairy assault. 'Nuff said. [chucks piggy] Anyone feel like a Loo-si-ana style Bar-B-Que?

Bag: The Sand Man [Sha Tang]. Mostly by default, but they're some sort of allure to a scruffy water demon with red hair. As it turns out, he's also a monk, but moreso of the ass-whooping kind. We make a good team...soon to be serialized as a DC Vertigo product.

Shag: Tripitaka [Hsuan Tsang]

Why? He's a monk I cite this passage by Kyokutei Bakin:

"...of all the lovers [one]...can take, the most passionate is a monk. You see, take your typical townsman: he works from dawn to dusk everyday, not knowing if he has made enough money that day so that he and his family can eat, can wear clothes and own all the other essentials of life. Even when his work is completed, he constantly worries about whether or not he will survive another day, provide for his many children, his elderly parents and relatives, how he will cope with the struggle that is his life. Compare to this the life of a monk; he wears the best clothes, his meals are prepared for him daily, he receives lavish gifts and praise, and can spend all hours of the day in his luxurious private room, with nothing else to do other than think about when he will next meet his lover, and let his imagination, and sexual appetite, run wild..."
Just can't wait to introduce him to the 13500lbs golden-ringed wishing staff. Mm-hm.
But obviously to clingly and petulant for anything long term.

Off to find clip art of "Journey to the West..."

Will return in time for revenge, and possibly tea.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:38 / 08.03.02

Lurid Archive, your terrible trio:

Jerry Springer
Jerry Anderson
Jeri Ryan

09:38 / 08.03.02

oops.

[ 08-03-2002: Message edited by: [monkey - greatest sage of all] ]

Matthew Fluxington

09:38 / 08.03.02

Mr. Autopilot, are you still "researching" Ms. Taoromino?

09:38 / 08.03.02

Cheers, Mordant.

Ok, there is absolutely no question. Gerry Anderson must die. In fact, I think that would make a good title for a series, starring an indestructible animator who gets killed in increasingly horrific ways every week by the very international team sent to rescue him.
(You did mean Gerry Anderson, right? Not Jerry Anderson, the nobel peace prize winner, inventor of democracy, Nazi resistance fighter and saviour of humanity. right?)

Jerry Springer: Thats got to be a marry. I'm not sure what the shag and marry cross-over can be here, but Jerry has got to be interesting - imagine all the lovely people he could bring to the bedroom. Also, think of the fun you could have trying to get on the show each week. I mean, even with special privileges, the bar is pretty high there.

Finally, Jeri Ryan. Ahhh. Is it just me? (No, of course not. I've seen the ratings.) Yesterday I was watching voyager and she threw a crewmate against a bulkhead and while lunging whispered "resistance is futile". bliss. The Borg Queen is better of course (I notice that you have her picture on your profile, Mordant) but what I like best is that I always feel slightly sullied every time I get lustful thoughts about these two. I've wanted to be assimilated ever since. I just know they have some special borg sex implants. I even drew them one night. I still have the detailed schematics. I know I'm sad, I just can't help it.

09:38 / 08.03.02

"For SFD:

Sharlene Spitteri
Charlene Mangel
Charlene Lichtenstein"

pah! no soul searching needed here:

charlene mangel goes off the cliff. asap. kylie and her fucking 'gay icon' status.
grrrrr!

charlene spitteri - shag. basically because you can only push one of em off the cliff. i seem to be in a minority in the lesbian community in that i'm not madly in love with her. she looked rather good as elvis in that video tho'.....

i'd have to marry charlene lichtenstein. quite happy to spend the rest of my life referring to someone as 'madame' and she could give me astrological type guidance on a daily basis.

and now - cholister -

carrie fisher
carrie white
lord carrington.

The Apple-Picker

09:38 / 08.03.02

Originally posted by Billy:
quote:me
Kurt Cobain
Trent Reznor

Well, because I'm a kind and tender spirit, I'd have to push Kurt Cobain off the cliff, because he's already dead, and I'd just be abusing his corpse, not really hurting anyone there.

Hmm, that next is hard. The question is whether to shag or marry you and let Trent take the leftover position.

Decisions decisions decisions!

Oh hell, I'll just shag Trent.

So prepare to say I do. Oh, and please buff your head to a high shine (I hope you're still bald) for the wedding.

Disco is My Class War

09:38 / 08.03.02

"For Rosa:
JT LeRoy
Shannen Doherty
that girl out of 'Dark Angel', whatever her name is"

Nasty. But good.

Bag JT Leroy. Cred, green card, he's actually the right gender for an official wedding *and* he's blond. And dresses like a girl. And likes to have crazy sex. He could help me out with getting my novel published and made into a Gus Van Sant film.... maybe. Also I bet he gives good head.

Crag Shannen. Sorry, I do love Shannen, but she's so 1987.

Shag Max from Dark Angel.

(I have to go do a meeting now, can't think of anyone to give this to. Bad Rosa.)

09:38 / 08.03.02

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Flux = Pleasure Orb:

Lolita:

Monty Burns
Comic Book Guy
Ned Flanders

hmm... well, i feel sorry for smithers, but i'll have to marry burns fo' sheazy. he's got a nice house, and i think we have a similar enough turn of mind to make the prospect of living together at least maybe not as horrific as it would be with the other two. excellent.

seeing as this is purely an exercise of fiction, i'm gonna go ahead and shag flanders. because what the fuck would that be like. you know?

i hate like hell to do it, but i guess that means the comic book guy's going over the cliff. worst episode ever. hopefully it could be a small cliff, and i could run down edgar-in-'lear'-style and save him right away.

09:38 / 08.03.02

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sweet Jane:

And lolitaaaaa:

Ben Affleck
Jason Lee
Brandon Lee

crag: brandon lee. i'm not 100% sure on who brandon lee is, but if he's the guy from 'the crow,' that movie looked dumb, so he's off to see the wizard. everyone can thank me later, really.

then i think i'll have to get down to business with ben affleck; i don't rule out the possibility of this being an enjoyable experience, exactly, but i'll be sure while he's still trying to, you know, recover from what's happened, to relieve him of all his money and drugs since he's obviously getting himself into trouble on those accounts as is.

bag: jason lee. he seems decent enough. and for once not an old guy. sheesh.

[ 08-03-2002: Message edited by: lolita nation ]

09:38 / 08.03.02

quote:Originally posted by shortfatdyke:
and now - cholister -

carrie fisher
carrie white
lord carrington.

Well, I *would* marry Carrie Fisher, apart from the fact that she's probably already sick of talking about Star Wars, and that's one of the conditions for a meaningful relationship with me. So I'll shag her instead. As long as I can dress as one of Vader's personal guard at the time.

I'll have to crag Carrie White. I'm sorry. I'm not nice enough that I wouldn't worry about upsetting her. And I get nervous when I have to get naked with or committed to people that can kill me nastily with the power of their mind. Wimpish, I know, but there you go.

So I guess I'm marrying Lord Carrington. I had to look him up... as the Secretary General of NATO, I'm guessing he's quite a busy man, so I'd get a lot of time to myself, and he'd probably feel guilty about neglecting me, so would let me take liberties with his credit cards. Perfect.

Ok, sfd, right back atcha with:
Elvis Presley
Elvis Herselvis
The King (that's his name, right? The one who sings dead people's music in an Elvisly fashion)

09:38 / 08.03.02

wow. my dream trio. and a tricky one.

shag - elvis herselvis. as the only grrlie in the bunch. would she be a hunka burnin' love in the sack?

marry - elvis presley. of course! pots of money, a backstage pass to those las vegas gigs.... and i would've been in the right place to create elvis snowshakers: try as i might, i can't get one anywhere.

push of a cliff - the king. sorry, mate, love your stuff and the whole concept of what you do, but i've run out of options.

now it's over to jack the bodiless:

jack regan
jack straw
jack the ripper.

09:38 / 08.03.02

Flux:

Sun Ra
Son House
Sam Phillips

Rage:

Blossom
Buttercup
Bubbles

Ganesh:

Oscar Wilde
William Burroughs
Morrissey

11:09 / 08.03.02

sfd, I *knew* who you'd pick. So here's a trickier one:
Cpt. Janeway
Seven of Nine
The Borg Queen

Flyboy:
Frodo
Gandalf
Aragorn

and a vaguely doggy one for Bio K9:
Turner from 'Turner and Hooch'
Iggy Pop ('cos of "I wanna be your dog")
Barbara Woodhouse

14:20 / 08.03.02

lolita, imagine shagging ned flanders! he'd be screaming, "hot diddlydamn" and stuff.
pretty intense.

ok, flux.

The Notorious B.I.G.
Puffy
Jay-Z

this is a tough one you've given me.
i think i'd push puffy off the cliff because he has a stupid name and if you hear his new song he spells out the words 'diddy pid' which always makes me laugh.
i'd marry jay-z because he seems sorta fun. in a way.
and i'd shag notorious b.i.g, mainly because of that classic track "fuck you tonight" which is romantic enough to get any lady going.
"bitch keep yo shin up, please watch me do thee
nasty, like it when you make it move fast mommy"
mmm-hmmm.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

14:39 / 08.03.02

[QUOTE]Moominstoat[/b]:
- Little My
- The Hemulen
- The Hattifatteners

BAG- The Hemulen... we could spend long winters evenings being cynical and miserable about all manner of shit... and he's got the BEST collections, apparently. And a DAMN fine collection of dresses, by all accounts.

SHAG- Little My- (only once she's old enough, mind you, before I get accused of being one a' them lizard bastards)- basically because I really don't fancy Hattifatteners (call me old-fashioned, but...)

CRAG- The fucking Hattifatteners! They. with their electrickery, managed to fuck up my video while I was taping "The Wicker Man" a couple of years ago. And I've never forgiven the little bastards.

OK- for Rage-

Ernesto "Che" Guevare
Ernest Borgnine
A Borg (it doesn't matter which... they're all part of the same consciousness).

14:41 / 08.03.02

quote:Originally posted by suds:
lolita, imagine shagging ned flanders! he'd be screaming, "hot diddlydamn" and stuff.
pretty intense.

this is not as fun as matt groening would have you believe

pointless and uncalled for

15:05 / 08.03.02

For Jack tB

Peter Jackson
Blu Peter
Blue Man Group

The Apple-Picker

16:29 / 08.03.02

posted by Flux--
The Apple-Picker:
Samuel Taylor coleridge
Charles Baudelaire
Thomas Hardy

Well, I decided that I'd marry the one who most recently escaped this mortal coil. That would be Thomas Hardy! He's as fresh as they come in this bunch. Also, I think he'd be able to forgive me for my short attention span, and could also tell me about books he'd written that I was supposed to have read in high school but did not.

Now whom to shag? I'll make that Baudelaire. He seems very angsty artist and I'd be happy to have him boil away the rich metal of my will anytime, that artful chemist.

That just leaves Coleridge for the crag. Sorry, you're just too rigid for me.

For Flux:
Spicy hot chocolate
Chocolate cake
Rollos

*edited to not butcher allusion*

[ 08-03-2002: Message edited by: theapplepicker ]

Matthew Fluxington

16:47 / 08.03.02

Can someone please tell me why everyone is making me shag food, and no one is presenting me with beautiful young ladies? I mean, really!

Chocolate cake - I'll shag the chocolate cake. "dad is great/ he gave us the chocolate cake" - you know, Bill Cosby.

Rollos - over the cliff. The caramel is too rough, too chewy and it's covered in low quality chocolate. nah.

I'll marry the spicy hot chocolate, cos I want that every day. Chocolate + cinnamon + allspice + chipotle peppers = yes, thank you!

oh yeah, missed this one:

I'll hurl Son House over the cliff, shag Sam Phillips, and marry that crazy bastard Sun Ra. Because he's a genius, that's why. The other two designations are somewhat arbitrary.

unrelated note: Personally, I think Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine is pretty gross, but when she's on Boston Public as a regular earth woman, I'm rather attracted to her, completely against type for me...

[ 08-03-2002: Message edited by: Flux = The Living Planet ]

The Apple-Picker

17:42 / 08.03.02

Flux-- quote:Can someone please tell me why everyone is making me shag food, and no one is presenting me with beautiful young ladies? I mean, really!

Because I'm much more amused this way. And what could matter more?

Regrettable Juvenilia

17:51 / 08.03.02

quote:Originally posted by Cholister:
Flyboy:
Frodo
Gandalf
Aragorn

Tricky.

But I'll crag Gandalf on the assumption that he's survived worse and will be back next year.

Frodo gets shagged (although if I try anything Sam will probably kill me), and while he's sleeping if off I'll make off with the Ring... Yessssss, my preciousssss Ring, with which I shall rule the world like a nice sort of Sauron.

And marriage for Aragorn. Rule a huge kingdom, and keep a few elves on the side - sounds good to me.

quote:Originally posted by Flux = Pleasure Orb:
Flyboy:

Tina Turner
Diana Ross
Aretha Franklin

Even tricker.

Crag Diana, because although she's made some great soul and disco records, she's the least cool and by all accounts is a complete cow.

Shag Tina, because at her peak she was the sexiest (and still is if you believe the likes of the Sun *shudder*), and she's a tough cookie, which I always like. And because of 'Nutbush City Limits'. And because she was in classic tabloid comic strip Garth.

Bag Aretha. C'mon, this is Aretha we're talking about, people! RESPECT is due.

I'll come back when I've thought of some to offer people...

21:17 / 08.03.02

quote:Originally posted by Flux = The Living Planet:

I'll hurl Son House over the cliff,

that wasn't very nice now, was it?

he was a decent old fella.

12:10 / 09.03.02

flux, american rolos are rubbish compared with the english ones.

04:54 / 11.03.02

A vaguely doggy one for Bio K9:
Turner from 'Turner and Hooch'
Iggy Pop ('cos of "I wanna be your dog")
Barbara Woodhouse

I've been here for almost two years and this is the first time I've even been included in one of these type of threads... so, um, thanks.

Turner was Tom Hanks? If so, he goes off the cliff. Marry Iggy. And bone Barbara just because she knows how to teach an old dog new tricks.

04:54 / 11.03.02

"sfd, I *knew* who you'd pick. So here's a trickier one:
Cpt. Janeway
Seven of Nine
The Borg Queen"

i've spent days on this! the borg queen appeals to me as possibly the ultimate dominatrix, but i worry that her clip-together body might come apart during a shag. seven of nine is also a good shag choice, but would i spend the entire night being told how inadequate i am and how i'm underutilising her resources? so i confess to playing it safe:

off the cliff goes the borg queen. better safe than assimilated, huh?

shag - i'll still go for seven of nine. mostly because the rest of the lesbian population would kill me if i didn't

marry - janeway. clever, assertive woman. knows how to handle a spaceship. what more could i want?

i'm still awaiting jack the bodiless' turn, so i won't add another.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

13:50 / 11.03.02

quote:Originally posted by Ganesh v4.2:

Okay... Loz!

Stephen Morrissey
Wayne Hussey
Shirley Bassey

What kind of poof do you think I am? And who is Wayne Hussey, other than the kind of character they'd make up for 'The Fast Show'?

19:12 / 11.03.02

quote: To expressionless;
Doctor Seuss
Doctor and the Medics
The Flying Doctors

I’d marry Dr Seuss. In a lot of ways, it feels as though I already am married to Dr Seuss. Plus he deserves a good man for writing The Lorax, which is still the best children’s book ever written (apart from Dogger and the Borribles Trilogy).

Doctor and the Medics are a definite shag. Big, dumb, pseudo-spiritual rock and roll band in make up. YUM!

The Flying Doctors were the bane of son many afternoons home from school, waiting for cartoons to start. They can die, die, die!

quote:Bruce Lee
Lenny Bruce
Bruce Campbell

I’d shag all three, run off and marry Bruce Campbell (I want to be his She Bitch), and crag anyone who got in the way of our perfect future together.

ephemerat:

Pooh
Piglet
Eeyore

Mordant Carnival:

Bad Badtz Maru
Dear Daniel
Kero Kero Keroppi

Lothar Tuppan:

Tiamat
Dungeon Master
Venger

Tannhauser:

Aslan
Tash
Reepicheep

Lyra Lovelaces:

El Producto
Mike Ladd
Saul Williams

Matthew Fluxington

19:42 / 11.03.02

Shortfatdyke:

Pamela Anderson
Carmen Electra
Jenna Jameson

Flyboy:

Justine Frischmann
Melissa auf der Maur
Peaches

Bitchiekittie:

Robocop
C-3PO
Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation

Captain Zoom:

Saturn Girl
Shrinking Violet
Light Lass

Suds:

Jack White
Jack Black
Jack Kerouac

Sauron :

a woman made entirely out of living liquid (her name is Abby)
an invisible woman (her name is Marie)
a woman who existed only as a thought-form (her name is Lisa)

19:48 / 11.03.02

quote:Originally posted by Flux = Avoiding The Conceptual Life:

Sauron :

a woman made entirely out of living liquid (her name is Abby)
an invisible woman (her name is Marie)
a woman who existed only as a thought-form (her name is Lisa)

These are all fantastic Flux- especially SFD's.

Ok, I shag Lisa- should be mind blowing.

I marry Marie- you can't get much more *trophy* than invisibility.

Abby goes off the cliff. If there's water at the bottom- she's going home- if there's not, it's not gonna kill her is it?

19:49 / 11.03.02

[fault] [/fault]

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:11 / 12.03.02

quote:Originally posted by expressionless:
Mordant Carnival:

Bad Badtz Maru
Dear Daniel
Kero Kero Keroppi

Okay. Now you've done it. You're on my list. Allll you little wierdos are on my list, but expressionless is the most listy of you all.

Crag: Kero Kero Keroppi

Sorry, but the amphibian gets it. His accessories just aren't cool enough.

Bag: Dear Daniel

Oh, yeah- he looks sweet and innocent, but if Hello Kitty needs a jar of lube that big on her bathroom windowsill, Daniel must be pretty well-endowed.

Marry: Bad Badtz Maru

No fucking contest. Look, it's a goth chick thing, okay? If you have to ask, you'll never know.

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