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Shag, marry, push off a cliff.

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Tryphena Absent

01:26 / 17.01.03

Hmm...

Paleface:
Nana Mouskouri
Belinda Carlisle
Justine Frischmann

Harmony:
Dangermouse
Jerry
Mickey Mouse

Mixmage:
Sorted for E's and Whizz
Ebeneezer Goode
Charlie

03:29 / 17.01.03

grrrr... I can see people are forming a mental image of the mixed-up-mage!

Bendt Chromeo:

hmmm. Right. The shag goes to 80's Bon Jovi [so slippery when wet!]. Well, that's the idiom, right? 80's rock, big-haired groupies, shallow, meaningless sex with "Welcome To the Jungle" blaring from the stereo while the rest of the band play Wonderboy on the SEGA.

Europe? I'll invite them to my 2012 new year party, so they can play Final Countdown just before I kick 'em off the cliff at midnight.

Which means Def Leppard gets my ring! Heh. My walkman was married to Hysteria for a good long time back then. Messy divorce - cost an arm and a leg... although not as literally in my case.

Back atcha with

Chromeo and Juliette [Luhrmann]
Chromeo Must Die
Chromeo Lies Bleeding.

Ahhh... Ms Logardiere. Not entirely sure how you intend this one. I'm not cragging any of my records, but on the relative merits/personal ties to the songs [not substances!], I'd say:

Shag: Ebeneezer Goode. Probably while rolling a joint behind the Wall of Speakers and reciting it word for word. Pity I can't remeber it now [much]. Yeah a quickie with the geezer, just cuz I've got no cash on me.

Bag: Charlie. You big, inconprehensible-yet-caring kitty. You come stay at my house and gimme warm memories. Easy tiger!

Which, unfortunately, sends Jarvis over the crag. boo-hoo. Why do you make me choose?

In retaliation, although I think it may be a forgone conclusion:

Heels
Flats
Trainers

[don't know enough to make it any harder... but I will Logardiere, soon enough]

03:46 / 17.01.03

expressionless:

Dragonball Z
Samurai Jack
Cowboy Bee Bop

Sorry, mate. Just discovered CNX has been added to my package. Yaaaay!

05:40 / 17.01.03

Perverse indeed, Izabelle. No matter how I choose, I am a bloody deviant with these three. Here goes...

Shag
Pee Wee gets the shag because I don't think I could last longer than 90 minutes with the spastic freak and I don't think he deserves to be tossed just because he was caught masturbating in a movie theatre. I mean really, who hasn't maturbated in a movie theatre?

Bag
Oh dear me, Tinkie is for life. After all, ze won't mind holding my purse while I shop and just think of the free cable access!

Crag
Pete Townsend. Just because he was a moron, research or not.

That was hopefully the most difficult decision I will have to make for the rest of the week. I really had a tough time choosing between Tinkie and Pee Wee. On one hand, Tinkie has the really cool cranial dildo thing happening and a built-in entertainment system I could watch porn on while I have hir helmet in the vice. On second thought though, having to spend the rest of my life with Pee Wee would mean spending my days 24/7 caring for an invalid. Just trust me on that.

09:41 / 17.01.03

Gee. Thanks, Anna.

Anyhow, let's kick off with the obvious: bag Justine Frischmann. Just because. Of the choices, best music, probably the most interesting, and veeery lovely. And hell, I wasn't even a big Elastica fan.

And now the problem. On sheer musical merit, Belinda Carlisle goes straight off the fucking cliff as fast as possible. I don't actually know much Nana, so have had a glance around the interweb, and guess that the shag is probably going to her... but I just couldn't. The glasses!

So basically, Belinda gets the most trivial one night stand known to man, during which she isn't allowed to sing, and I regretfully have to crag Nana.

And now:

expressionless, or, indeed, anyone (following mixmage's lead): a trio of NGE ones. Answer whichever, according to taste.

Asuka
Rei
Shinji

Misato
Ritsuko
Ryuji

and, the nastiest:

Eva 00
Eva 01
Eva 02.

Ouch.

16:21 / 17.01.03

Stonemirror: Your query is duly noted. Processors in effect. Hold please.

[takes swig from coffee, scratches ass]

All right.

Shag: Aliens. Specifically the machine that Ripley's in, and the sexy guy. You know the one. Oh yes, and the sexy little Latina chick. In a puppy pile. Ohyes.

Marry: Alien. Better movie in general, but only because it's ponderous and older and didn't get the overproduction thing going on. Something about the aesthetic makes me feel more comfortable. And, as you know, comfort over shaggability if you're going to marry it.

Crag: Alien3. That fucking stupid lava pit. That fucking stupid prison. That fucking stupid "everybody's dead" device so the cute guy couldn't be brought back. Game over, man.

This one's for mixmage: Faith, Hope, Charity.

:::aphonia:::

Goodness Gracious Meme

16:42 / 17.01.03

crikey. forgotten about this.

shag
screw
fuck

why Grant, you little tinker, you.

crag - shag. 'orrible word. I don't shag.
shag - screw. as in 'a long slow screw'... plenty of time and options, but I don't really see a long-term future in it for us.
bag - fuck. me and fucking undesta-a-a-a-nd each other, baby. 'Till death do us part. Oh yeaaah. Oh yeaaaahh. Oh yeaaaaahhhhhhh.

Sean Cody
Rocky Lamont
Zoe Lamont
Victoria Lamont
Trixie Lamont
Cassy

Flyboy, you absolute bastard. They're all drawn by PB, so I want them *all*. and making me sort them as well.

gon' split them thematically and see whgat happens

Zoe Lamont
Victoria Lamont
Trixie Lamont

Ok. so here we have the Lamont ladeez.

bag - Victoria. She's the most interesting one, the one I'd want to talk to and hang out with. And I think she's kinda cute. and as I suspect she's about to regain her powers, if we fancy having her young and smooth again, we can. Geez I'm a geek.

shag - Zoe. of course. Sexy as fuck, and far too barmy for anything but fabulous sex. and she'd be mad and filthy, I suspect, always a good sex option! oh, and looks rather like the fucking gorgeous bus driver I saw yesterday (who was actually sexier, for being, yknow 3-d, and a lot bigger) And I've always preferred dark hair.

Which leaves me cragging Trixie, I'm afraid, don't have anything against her, but process of elimination demands.

Sean Cody
Cassy
Rocky Lamont

The non-lamont ladeez

Hmm.

Shag - sean. cute but dim. fun and disposable.
Crag - Cassy. Can't see me getting on *or* getting on with a Tunbridge Wells Horsey Set slumkid. Too much of a whiff of Common People about it. My awful inverse snobbery tells me I'd hate her.
Bag - leaves me with Rocky. Reckon I could make quite an atypical rock star's wife. and I'd meet some interesting people. And the money'd be nice.

17:58 / 17.01.03

mixmage desperately wants know, sooohh:

Let's start with the easy one and crag Chromeo Must Die, a shitty showcase of boring and outdated aesthetics. Chromeo must not die. The only one I've liked so far, starring Li, is Kiss of the Dragon but only for Bridget Fonda's sake, she saucy. [as an aside, can anyone remember the title of the movie she did with John Hurt and Joanne something Kilmer? I luuurved the moment where she bares her smile to the press, done in delicious slo-mo]

Chromeo Lies Bleeding, you say? Here I'll suppose you meant Chromeo Is Bleeding... Shag, because I don't remember enough of it to have an opinion, much like the majority of my one-nighters. Although I do know Oldman is in it, Juliette Lewis also -- she da bad girl, yes? She dies, yes? Shagtastic.

Chromeo and Juliette - bag, bag, bag. I like Leo. I like Paul Rudd. Luhrmann made a mistake not to include a slashtastic moment between them but let's not hold that against him, whut? I actually remember the first I saw it, the only available seats were on the front row, way on the side -- fantastic.

18:08 / 17.01.03

...can anyone remember the title of the movie [Bridget Fonda] did with John Hurt and Joanne [Whalley] Kilmer?

Scandal.

18:09 / 17.01.03

grant, you never answered mine -

for grant:
(florida edition)

katherine harris
jeb!
bob martinez

i know things move slow in sorrysota, but....

18:17 / 17.01.03

Thanks Jack,

Let me return the favour with:

Sensitive
Fragile
Vulnerable

18:29 / 17.01.03

Bastard. I'm gonna look like the bad guy any way I do this...

Fragile goes off the cliff, and shatters into a million tiny pieces. It always was my least favorite Yes album anyway.

One-night stand with Vulnerable is a natural, as it is (according to Webster) "liable to succumb, as to persuasion or temptation."

Take Sensitive for my blushing bride: physically tingly, emotionally empathetic, psychically gifted, knows all kinds of classified government information. What's not to love?

Let's see... Rothkoid, a musical threesome for you:

hurdy-gurdy
mellotron
washboard

18:47 / 17.01.03

What I wouldn't give to trade with Rothkoid for that one.

(My latest successful music project has been making a virtual mellotron out of cello samples. It rocks.)

Instead, I have lolita nation's all star lineup:
for grant:
(florida edition)

katherine harris
jeb!
bob martinez

This is a trip into the darkness.

Ick.

OK:

Shag: Jeb! With a hidden videocamera! And sell the footage on the internet! So everyone can watch! When he begs for more!

Crag: Bob Martinez. He was, as Dave Barry correctly observed, actually a vampire. According to his official state portrait page, he was pretty good with the environment, but he also went on to be a leading light in the War on Drugs. Have fun with the gators once you reach the ground, Governor.

Bag: Katherine Harris. That entry that Utopia made about Christina Aguilera in the Fantasy Weapons thread? That's what our marriage will be like. And (to quote new DCF chief Jerry Rigeur, the guy in charge of investigating spousal abuse), we'll be fine as long as she doesn't rebuke me.

The Return Of Rothkoid

21:23 / 17.01.03

hurdy-gurdy
mellotron
washboard

Shag: The hurdy-gurdy. Wild tunes, kinda eastern, unpredictable and full of interesting bits to play with. It's all good.
Bag: The Mellotron. Because they go out of tune if you move them around, so stayin' at the homestead is a good idea. And WARM, baby!
Crag: the fucking washboard. Too many images of fucksticks in po'boy caps, making those "ritza-ritzaah!" noises while dancing like Dick Van gor-blimey Mary Poppins! Dyke on crank. Away with ye.

Keepin' it musical, I give you a backwoods selection;

lagerphone
jug (not full of liquor, either)
tea-chest bass

22:42 / 17.01.03

Crikey.

Crag:the jug—a.k.a the white-trash dijiridu. "Don't stop playing the juh, Lisa. Don't ever stop playing the jug..." Too fucking bad, Homer: despite its cartoony promise of XXX, I wouldn't even give it a pity fuck. Look out below, Snuffy Smith—hit's a-rainin' moonshine.

Shag: the lagerphone, a.k.a. the Jingling Johnnie: the classic novelty instrument—fun to mess around with for a while, but nothing you'd want to live with for long.

And joining me in wedded bliss, the tea-chest bass. Flexible, solid, upstanding, and deep—all a man looks for in a mate.

Is Ariadne reading this from her American sojourn? If so, my dear, I give you

Cambridge, England
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Mercedes McCambridge

Tryphena Absent

23:43 / 17.01.03

Bag - Crichton, twins are always fun.

Shag - Crayce because I have to-

Crag Xan(?) because her voice made me want to violently kill her with a frozen baguette.

Of course this makes me a necrophiliac which I'm not too happy about and I can't even recall what Crayce looks like so I could be making a vile mistake.

Tryphena Absent

00:03 / 18.01.03

Oh, me again, how lovely. Except I hate you now Mix, how could you make me choose between shoes!?

After much careful consideration...
Crag the trainers. *groan* Despite the knowledge that they do make some lovely and sparkly trainers at the moment and I live in my Buffalo's they're just not elegant enough to live with.

Shag the flats, if you pick the right ones they're great, even when you have size 8 feet. Used to have some flats in the style of a Mary Jane minus buckle, they looked like ballet/ court slippers, definitely a fleeting but passionate relationship.

Bag the heels! The cause pain but damn they create beautiful legs for thousands of people, if you want to look sexy there's no other shoe to go for, they're damn versatile and heels come in a multitude of lengths. I love them... forever.

Constitution Hill

00:12 / 18.01.03

Hmmm. Don't really know anyone well enough yet to do any specifics SO, these are for anyone. Let's see if i can cover all the bases of my fragile existence:

Prince
Ani Difranco
Ella Fitzgerald

***

Alfred Bester
Philip K Dick
John Brunner

***

Kurt Vonnegut
David Foster Wallace
Doug Coupland

***

Amiga
PC
PS2

***

Forgiveness
Revenge
Denial

***

Buffy
Oz
Twin Peaks

***

Sleep
Reading
Frisbee.

and that's plenty.

01:04 / 18.01.03

I would definitely bag Buffy the Vampire Slayer - if Joss Whedon had had enough foresight to call it Faith the Vampire Slayer. Coming into the Buffy mythos post-Bring It On, which was my 2002 obsession, I just thought what a neat, strong and morally complex personage Faith was, as opposed to the whiny Buffy, and I just thought the exclusion of her presence, because of some whiney shit about homicide, made the series weaker, so, a shag only relationship, please.

Bag Twin Peaks. Madchen Amick, mmm, Sherilyn Fenn, mmm-mm, Bobby, mmmmmmm. The series are running on telly now, and I had the good fortune to catch a couple of episodes. I can't wait for the final episode because as things got ugly in the second to last episode, they went ugliest in the final. Gotta admire that kind of closure.

So, by default, Oz goes off the hill.

01:57 / 18.01.03

Why me , :::a:::?

Faith, hope and charity. You ask me to send one over the lip?.. heh. Thanks. Might I use another translation and plead faith, hope and love. But the greateast of them is Love.?

Face it, all three have deserted me at times in my life, generally during the same periods. They really are a tricky triplicity.

If I was to marry, it would have to be for love. Fuck faith, she's the flightiest of them all. err... sorry... shag for faith. I know it'll be worth it in the long run.
I've fallen for Love before and I'm sure it'll happen again. I'll keep it pencilled in just in case it ever turns up. Again... heh.

Which means Hope goes into the abyss. But she springs eternal, right?

Did I do a bad thing?

02:02 / 18.01.03

ask me again tomorrow.

Actually, don't.

02:07 / 18.01.03

heh. Fuck it.
Keep them.
Crag me!
soon see if i have faith in the assemblage point!

13:43 / 18.01.03

I repeat:

Haus:

Seymour
Compo
Clegg

Mixmage: I have no familiarity with any of those. I don't have digital! This will therefore be based on whatever I can find out from a Google search...

Dragonball Z gets cragged for the tired designs (it just seems so Streetfighter II). I'm gonna shag Samurai Jack as the geezer looks like a laff (Barbelith: the only place where that sentence would make any sense). Cowboy Be Bop gets my hand in marriage: it has a cool name, tons of excellent online reviews and seems to focus on character and decent story telling.

Paleface: That first one is evil. Three fourteen year-olds from abuse backgrounds. Shagging them would fuck them up and put me in prison, marrying them would fuck me up (they're all impossible to live with), and they all regularly get cragged during the series anyway. Do I really have to make a choice?

The second... everyone wants to shag Misato, but I'd probably marry her. She's fun, tough yet vulnerable, and could drink me under the table. Ritsuko gets the shag but no long term relationship, as she's a bit cold and distant and has too much of a weird mother complex. Kaji gets cragged by default, even though he's quite a nice bloke. It's probably his overriding smugness that gets him over the cliff.

And the Evas. 00 gets cragged, as the idea of going anywhere near that spooky thing is just too weird. I'll marry 01, as I reckon it gives me the broadest range of options when the apocalypse comes. 02 gets the shag, a nice violent bio-mechanical war machine shag, haunted by the spirit of a suicidal loony.

Incidentally, are the the Evas modelled after the four Barons of Hell, or Unicron/Marduke (leaving the other two unaccounted for)? Shall we kickstart an old Evangelion thread (I can't remember if there are any devoted purely to Evangelion).

13:46 / 18.01.03

I think your answer to the first one will do nicely, exp. Quite a tasteless question handled most appropriately

The Apple-Picker

14:05 / 18.01.03

Prince
Ani Difranco
Ella Fitzgerald

Well, Ani Difranco is, for me, an easy crag. I can appreciate why other people like her, but I've only gotten into her even a little bit when my friends have beaten a few choice selections into my head.

Prince gets the shag so that I can

bag Ella. We'll dance cheek to cheek for eternity, just like Heathcliff and Catherine.

For Zoom--wherever you are:
anaphora
alliteration
assonance

18:25 / 18.01.03

I was online in Boston but didn't get round to checking this. Home now, so....

Hmm. Hampered by a distinct lack of knowledge here. Thank heavens for Google.

Okay, Cambridge Mass. is kind of cool but a bit too self-consciously so. So perhaps I'll shag it once and then dash off without leaving my phone number.

Mercedes - well, I can only find one photo of the woman - on the cover of a DVD for the Marqui de Sade's Justine, and she looks terribly uncomfortable. So I'll unhook her, take her home with me, and bag her in the hope that she'll be eternally grateful and look after me for the rest of my days.

And that leaves Cambridge, England, which I know nothing about other than boat races and posh folks. So off it goes, over the crag...

I'm not doing very well at *all* in thinking of ideas for other people. Here's this evening's best attempt:

Persephone -

cheese sauce
strawberries
rare steak

and Jack Fear -

France
China
New Zealand

19:26 / 18.01.03

This thread has been going for almost a year and I haven't been asked yet. What am I, Mother Theresa?

Although I was actually an option in the very fifth post. Thank you Ganesh.

19:54 / 18.01.03

Miss Apple, with a little flexing of my dictionary muscles, here's my answer. Hope it satisfies.

anaphora - I hope that it falls from the cliff. I hope that it screams all the way down. I hope that it smashes on the rocks.
alliteration - We'll fuck like feral ferrets.
assonance - Let it be said, we'll wed.

Here ya are Sax:

Erik the Viking
Baron Munchausen
Mr. Toad

Zoom.

20:18 / 18.01.03

Sax, I give you:

An inanimate stick
Shit on a stick
A sticky stomach

21:03 / 18.01.03

Forgiveness
Revenge
Denial

Crag - Denial. It's useless, and facing up to things straightaway causes less pain in the long run.
Shag - Revenge. Revenge is like a short tempestuous relationship anyway - orgasmically OTT most of the time (though I myself practice an odd sort of revenge which just involves being nice to myself and not letting the bastards grind me down).
Bag - Forgiveness. Actually...I'm starting to change my mind on this one. Denial is sometimes necessary, if your fragile mind can't quite deal with the truth yet. But I don't think there's material there for a sustained relationship. So I'll have to bag forgiveness, though my attitude towards forgiveness is similar to my attitude towards revenge - not letting the bastards grind me down. Some people do not deserve to be forgiven, (unless they change their tune dramatically), but as soon as you can stop wasting energy over some evil fuckwit, all the better for you. So there we go.

07:23 / 19.01.03

Hellboy. Definite shag. Big, gruff bear of a man. Looks like he swallowed a barrel. Prehensile tail. Stubby horns for grips. Nice to linger in bed with, but I'd just be in it for a lay. Not the type I'd settle down with.

Abe. Bag. Thoughtful, sensitive, and a reader. Quiet yet curious and resourceful. Life would be full of exploration.

Roger. Unfortunately, the crag. I do find his chastity belt a little sexy, but it would grow tiresome after awhile, not to mention his moodiness. I don't feel all that bad throwing him off a cliff, knowing that he survived two cliff tosses in one 24 hour period. Who knows how many cliffs he's been thrown off in the past? He'll survive.

Persephone. Back atcha, in order.

The Head of Herman von Klempt.
Virginia Leith as The Head that Wouldn't Die.
The Head of Dr. Hill as played by David Gale in Re-Animator.

And one for Kegboy. In order.

Margaret Trudeau.
Sarah Polley.
Laura Secord.

MC Lentil, I'll get to yours soonish. It's become quite a struggle to decide.

22:25 / 19.01.03

Can I release Faith, Hope and Charity from their ordeal by giving them back to the floor? I'm sure one of you will do a far better job with 'em. I have complete faith in that and hope you will.

04:55 / 20.01.03

Hmmm. It seems like Charity is the perfect one-night-stand...
Which leaves me to decide what to do with the other two. I could shove Hope off a cliff without too much guilt, it springing eternal and all that, but that would leave me wedded to Faith which seems a little unfulfilling if you know what I mean. Of course, Hope probably wouldn't do much better in that department, but I'd feel awful being a Faith-killer.

Well, if I go looking for my amusements on the side, I think I'd feel more guilty about leaving Faith than Hope at home with the laundry and dishes. And neither of them seem to be threesome material...

This just isn't working!

Bag Charity. If nothing else, that will make for a comfortable dotage.
Crag Hope - it's guilt-free.
Shag Faith. The next person in line will be a much better match, I just know it.

11:37 / 22.01.03

Not for nothing are you called moriarty, you evil genius...

The Head of Herman von Klempt, Virginia Leith as The Head that Wouldn't Die, The Head of Dr. Hill as played by David Gale in Re-Animator

Head of Dr. Hill. Gooey. Crag.

Head that Wouldn't Die. Purty. Shag. Though I don't suppose I'll be seeing much of her face during *ahem* the act... I hope she does't bite.

Now do you think that I am going to bag the Head of Herman von Klempt??

Mais non! Because I was looking at my choices and thinking, I can't believe that moriarty gave me severed heads ,,,and *ting* I remembered my second-favorite novel by Iris Murdoch, A Severed Head. Which I substitute forthwith! And it's set in London, so I can meet some of the London Barbeloids.

Although it's set in London in the sixties, so most of you will be infants and in some cases zygotes...

13:14 / 22.01.03

Poor rejected Herman Von Klempt.

I think I've still got a choice left to offer.

I choose Sax, because he complained.

The choices:

--------------------

The Saxophone

The Saxons

Leopold von Sacher-Masoch

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