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Shag, marry, push off a cliff.

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Matthew Fluxington

16:45 / 11.01.03

Dr. Weaver
Dr. Carter
Dr. Romano

I'm afraid poor Dr. Romano is going over the cliff. He's generally an asshole, which is likeable on tv, but would be insufferable in person.

I'll shag Dr. Weaver, because I only find her attractive in a limited way, and a one time deal is probably better for her, seeing in that she really does not prefer men at all.

I'll bag Dr. Carter. Handsome, smart, good-hearted, and generous Dr. Carter.

22:51 / 11.01.03

*chuckle* thanks iszabelle!

Obviously I'd let McKenna rub his n-dimensional self all over my invisible landscape. After that shamanic shag, I'd bag Hoffmann, crag Leary and become the one to turn you all on!

Can I nominate later? Drop out, for now?

04:18 / 12.01.03

[big pouty face - lower lip sticking out far enough that even I can see it...]

If you must...

Regrettable Juvenilia

18:52 / 12.01.03

Erykah Badu
Missy Elliot
Khia

Hmm. Okay, Erykah goes off the cliff, because all though she had a few good songs on her first album, that second one was wack, and all that worthy headwrap nonsense bores me.

Khia gets the shag, but she better not be too demanding, cuz honestly, y'all know I get down like dat anyway, I don't need telling, and in her case I'd just be avoiding looking at her not-too-lovely face anyway...

Marry: Missy! Missy and I are meant to be! Ti esrever dna ti pilf, nwod gniht ym tup I!

Avril Lavigne
Justin Timberlake
Beyonce Knowles

Crag: Avril. Got a lot of time for her, but she can't cut it against this competition. Why the long face, Avril?

Shag: Justin. Just pretty enough to make such a novel experience interesting.

Marry: Beyonce - see Missy. Lots of sex,lots of ruling the world through the power of great tunes. Work it out!

Rock 'n' roll
Hip hop
Pop

Ouch.

Okay, rock 'n' roll gets the shag. Pop, though I love it, goes off the cliff. But hip-hop is for life!

21:44 / 12.01.03

The Prisoner, The Saint, The Fugitive...

So I'm such a dork that I thought that these were tarot cards. Google sorted me out, though.

The Prisoner is considered by many to be the most unusual and thought-provoking television series ever made..... Patrick McGoohan plays a man who resigns from a top secret position and is abducted from his London home. He finds himself in a beautiful village where everything is bright and cheerful - the people, their clothes, the buildings, the flowers. But despite this rosey exterior, the village serves a sinister purpose. People are forcibly brought there in order to have their valuable knowledge protected or extracted.

Lord have mercy, it's the Mafia game... brrrr...

Roger Moore is Simon Templar: The Saint on TV

AAAGGGHHH, CRAG!

Well, I hope that wasn't a mistake.

The Fugitive was a tv show airing from 1963-67 starring David Janssen as Dr. Richard Kimble, falsely accused of killing his wife.

Okay, I know that one. Well, I've always wanted to travel...

So it's crag Roger Moore, shag The Prisoner, and bag The Fugitive.

For Xoc:
Reverend Scott
Mike Rogo
Linda Rogo

For exp:
faith
hope
charity

The Return Of Rothkoid

22:10 / 12.01.03

For anyone who wants 'em: the permatanned version.

Jack Lord
George Hamilton
Roy Scheider

The Return Of Rothkoid

22:17 / 12.01.03

And just as an aside, there's this. Didn't this thread revive about a fortnight ago? Hmmmmmmmm.

01:26 / 13.01.03

Shag:Roy Scheider...he's a good ol' boy. And my child will have superpowers.
Bag:Jack Lord..he's dead so at least he won't hog the remote.
Crag:George Hamilton...He smiles way too damn much.

And for who ever wants it...:

Frodo (not Bilbo):
Yoko Ono (in toronto):
Bill COsby (in a tub of Jello).

No star here laces

09:39 / 13.01.03

For Mr Illmatic:

Phil da Agony (underground rapper)
Philthy Animal (Motorhead rock monster)
Phil the Power (greatest darts player ever)

I refer you to google for details...

The Natural Way

09:50 / 13.01.03

Well, if it was up to me, I'd marry everyone.

I like it when Man Thing has a massive snout. But I couldn't bear it snuffling around me, all horny and weddingbed. No. Off the cliff.

Man Bat I would marry, but not talk to. That would be fine. He could sleep during the day and fight crime at night. We wouldn't see each other much - he'd be going out at just about the same time as I'd be coming throught the front door, all telly-channeled out. If anyone asked, I'd pretend he was my old Nan come to visit.

So.....it's shunnice with the Scorpian Queen. Why: she's the Scorpian Queen, she's down with my astrological totem and, well, she's not made out of bark or possessed of big, flappy ears. And she can talk. Call me vanilla, call me traditional/conservative/I like it when, but tha's how it is.

Back at you, Grant:

Mount the face

I like it when

Yr old Nan

11:43 / 13.01.03

For moriarty, if he's around...

Mrs Bumstead
Miss Fury
Brenda Starr

for Persephone:

The Jetsons
Joan Jett
Jenny Everywhere

And for Yawn

Mr Reddy
The Red Dragon
Red Razors (Megazine innit)

Matthew Fluxington

13:10 / 13.01.03

for Persephone:

Jean & Scott
Emma & Scott
Logan & Scott

for Rothkoid:

the 60's
the 70's
the 80's

for Haus:

grown-up juice
mounting the face
huggles

for Bio K9:

cheeseburgers
french fries
milkshakes

for The Apple-Picker:

Ira Glass
Tom Scharpling
Randy Cohen

for Todd:

Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin (from Coldplay)
Beyonce Knowles & Jay-Z
Brittany Murphy & Ashton Kucher

for Runce:

Buffy + Spike
Anya + Xander
Willow + Tara

The Natural Way

13:29 / 13.01.03

That's cruelty Flux - I dearly love them all.

Alright...Crag.... Errr. Right, it's got to be Xander and Anya and the reasons have to be really superficial because, as I said, I DEARLY LOVE THEM ALL. Xander because he has a chin and a soft head and Anya because, well, she has horrible, frilly nighties.

Shag. Well that's easy: Spike and Buffy. Why? Because they're the most violent, shaggy people in the show. All physical and probably very bendy. But Spike's not allowed season 7 gentle hair. He's gotta stick to the Billy Idol look. Jokes about staking. Fnar.

Marry. Willow and Tara. Because they're generally decent and reasonable and they could show me how to make my eyes go all black and strip the skin off people I don't like. What a jolly time we'd have. Hmmm, actually though, they might gross me out with all their incredible niceness....arrgh....look, this isn't fair....suddenly I want to hang out with Anya....shit....

13:49 / 13.01.03

*bursts into tears*

I love this game so much more than the Mafia game... that game is making me lose my mind...

The Jetsons, Joan Jett, Jenny Everywhere

I'm going to perform the Bitchlaces Feint on the Jetsons. Send them over the cliff, where they will be whisked to safety by a flying car. The Jetsons will never die!

Shag Joan Jett, because... because that's how bad I am. Rawr.

YAY! Bag Jenny Everywhere! I've always wanted to travel! Plus we're both Asian, and we both love toast.

Jean & Scott, Emma & Scott, Logan & Scott

Wah, I don't want to have anything to do with Scott. I want Emma & Logan!

Oh, all right. Crag Jean & Scott. Who wants to be the third wheel in that situation?

Shag Logan & Scott. However, I request the hairy Logan!

Bag Emma & Scott. Yeah, this could work... me & Emma can lounge around and Scott can bring us things on a tray and do the housework.

13:55 / 13.01.03

(Sorry moderators, I just put in a nonsensical mod request...)

For moriarty:
Lobster Johnson
Roger the homunculus
Hellboy

15:40 / 13.01.03

Mordant Carnival:

Phant

Extendable Lamp (very safe)

7 Funky Freakimals

Crag: Extendable Lamp (very safe) goes over the cliff to be picked up by the beach comber who lives at the bottom in an amazing Crusoe style cave-house and has his pick of all the stuff we chuck over. If he's got any sense he'll keep it well away from the mains and use the socket as a candle holder.

Shag: Phant. Look at the poor bastard, have you ever seen anyone in greater need of release?

Bag: 7 Funky Freakimals. Yay! My own freakimal harem. I shall have a coat made with seven little felt pockets on the front, just the right size for them to see out of, and share tea and creamy cake with them and take them to the zoo and the theatre to see puppet shows. My only worry is that their constant enthusiasm might be a bit wearing, but I can always BURN THEM on the fire.

17:05 / 13.01.03

Persephone, from the labyrinthine processes of my senescent brain bubbles up a waterlogged memory of the S. S. Poseidon. Lessee…

Bag Mike Rogo because he is clearly a discerning man, having busted Linda for street walking six times before asking her to marry him. Plus there’s the growly voice and Borgnine’s entertaining eyebrows.

Shag Linda Rogo because of her history as a professional in the shagging business. She should be good at it after all that practice. Plus she shoots from the hip, calling whiny Shelley Winters a fat ass. And I haven’t had sex with a woman since the early 80’s and was never much good at it, so she’d keep me right.

Crag therefore poor old Gene Hackman. If he were a repressed RC priest or something he might be fun but these New Age types are too woolly. When the theology’s slack, there’s less perving in the sack. Or maybe I’ll just ease him over the cliff in mid-coitus, whilst I’m distracting him with penis puppetry. Good way to go, all in all.

Now, a spin on this intellectual whirligig for CherieLaBombe, since she has been unduly quiet since she just blew in from the Windy City (where they ain't got what we got, no sirree!):

Cameron Diaz
Daniel Day Lewis
Leonardo di Caprio

*Mwah*

17:09 / 13.01.03

Back at you, Grant:

Mount the face

I like it when

Yr old Nan

Well, I know I'm gonna wind up shagging Yr old Nan. Because that's the dirtiest.

I like it when seems so cosy, so willing to compromise, and that's what's necessary for a real, lasting relationship.

Which means mount the face is destined to face the mount... and head over the edge.

bengali, you got me into this mess, so now I play dirty:

shag
screw
fuck

The Apple-Picker

17:37 / 13.01.03

Flux, you just may well be the cruelest man ever to inhabit the Earth. How could you?!

for The Apple-Picker:

Ira Glass
Tom Scharpling
Randy Cohen

I love them so! ....Though this is difficult, it's not as hard as I at first suspected.

I have no choice but to crag Randy Cohen. I just couldn't live with him knowing that I'd pushed someone to their death. Oh, the look in his eyes would be too much to bear!

I'd shag Tom Scharpling 'cause he's a sexy piece.

I'd bag Ira Glass because I would get to hear that lovely voice every day. He'd tell me stories that restored or maintained my faith in humankind. We'd laugh; we'd cry. He'd let me read stories on the radio.

17:46 / 13.01.03

Flyboy:

SugaBabes
Atomic Kitten
Spice Girls

Haus:

Love
Hate
Apathy

May Tricks

Vagina
Breasts
Penis

17:52 / 13.01.03

My lovely xoc and other barbie-lovies, I am here, but have been in a barbie-quiet phase of Running Around Doing Boring Grownup ResponsibleThings and Getting Over Jetlag. Should resume normal programming sometime this week.

Crag: Leo. Yeah, I have friends who think he's the second coming, but I think he's overrated, and the world would be better off without him. So off he goes.

Shag: Cameron Diaz - She's so good at being sexy AND funny... but I have a feeling she's clingy. So, only a one night stand with her, methinks.

Bag: Daniel Day-Lewis. But only if he's got that scary villianous mustache.

And now, for Kit Cat, crag bag or shag:

Ariel Sharon

Henry Kissinger

George W.

(Sorry sweetie, couldn't resist the lineup!)

The Apple-Picker

17:59 / 13.01.03

Oh! I forgot--

For Fridgemagnet:
Buses
Taxis
Speedboats

20:52 / 13.01.03

And now, for Kit Cat, crag bag or shag:

Ariel Sharon
Henry Kissinger
George W.

(Sorry sweetie, couldn't resist the lineup!)

Oh, you beast. I may be ill.

Gods. Which one is most likely to die soon?

Right, I don't particularly care which one I crag and which one I bag, since I can keep the bagged one locked up in an attic a-la Grace Poole/Bertha Rochester (wails of maniacal laughter can echo around K-C Club Hall for years for all I care - I will be elsewhere) - and then, according to canon, they will die in a fire anyway, and thus I will be doing the world a favour.

But that means I still have to shag one of them, and I don't think I can stomach it even on this entirely theoretical level.

Perhaps it would work if I could do really humiliating dominatrixy things to them? And not actually have to physically engage with them at all. I could handle that. In fact it could be vastly entertaining.

So on that basis and on that basis only I shag Georgy boy (and he never really recovers and skulks around looking furtive and distressed for the rest of his life, loses all ability to head the GOP and becomes a nonentity; the Bush family have to sink all their remaining cash into care for him). I bag Sharon and crag Kissinger, though really that's just the luck of the draw. Ariel turns out to have an excellent maniacla laugh which is used in Radio 4 ghost stories for 20 years after his unfortunate demise. I, meanwhile, change my name and move to Vladivostok.

I think I probably will be ill.

Persephone:

Diomedes
Menelaus
Odysseus

07:49 / 14.01.03

Byron: Hard, hard choices - I wants 'em all.

For a bit of glamour , I'd shag Phil da Agony. Astonishing name - and he's worked with Dilated - enough to get anyone a shag in my book. But they're a bit easy come, easy go, these rap stars - so a shag only. He can't offer me the kind of long term security I'm looking for.

But Darts - now that's an honest occupationa - and at the end of the day, how could I not want to bag anybody who looks like this?
I'd stay at home and do the cleaning and we'd both get fat off the trophy money (yeah, I know he's already fat, that's not the point)...

So by default, it's Philty Phil, who goes off the cliff. Nothing personal, but you've had your 15 mintues, mate. Off you go.

The Natural Way

08:16 / 14.01.03

Flux:

David Boring

Jimmy Corrigan

Evan whatsisface's Milk and Cheese

Fly:

Quartermain

Hyde

Nemo

Sex(zc)y stuff, eh!

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:42 / 14.01.03

Bugger - my 2face the mount" gag has been used, so I must think of some other way to puzzle out this tasty little conundrum.

grown-up juice
mounting the face
huggles

Crag - mounting the face, still. At first I had thought that mounting the face was the perfect companion for my latter years.

if the face is naughty, wax the face.
When the face is waxy, shine the face,
When the face is shiny, mount the face.

However, in my failing years perhaps the shiny waxy facemount might become too demanding, and snap my aged nose clean in two. So over the cliff it goes, victim of its own enthusiasm.

Shag - huggles. Just think how lovewly it would be to shagh huggles. All that lovely wriggly warm snuggly hugglebugging, going on in your town. Oh yesly yes. But over time I fear that huggles might prove a limited conversationalist.

Abg - grown-up juice. Well, wouldn't you? Probably not, actually. But a life spent in the nourishing company of grown-up juice has many advantages. Growing strong and tall, the yellowed teeth of mature consideration and, perhaps most importantly of all, having a sense of perspective on both the shagging of huggles and the cragging of mount the face.

So...for Grant:

Carter
Regan
Goneril

08:55 / 14.01.03

Marry the cheeseburgers for their cheesy meaty goodness.
Push the french fries over the cliff as soon as they go cold.
Make sweet sweet love to the milkshakes.

expressionless:

William Shatner
Patrick Stewart
Scott Bakula

The Return Of Rothkoid

09:00 / 14.01.03

60s, 70s, 80s

Right. Dang.

Shag: The '60s. Free love. Groovy haircuts. Experimental but still kinda nice.
Bag; The '70s. Pornomusic, disco, prog still acceptable, kinda, electro starting to take off, still kinda free love. And I could get away with a whiteboy 'fro.
Crag: The '80s. Because I know what I looked like then, and it isn't pretty. Also, anything that spawned ALF shouldn't be allowed to survive.

Anyone else:
Faith
Hope
Charity

11:37 / 14.01.03

Nooo, I already put f/h/c for expressionless!

11:56 / 14.01.03

Faith
Hope
Charity

Would that be the 1980s pop group with Danni Behr?

12:55 / 14.01.03

For Haus:

Saint and Greavesy
Ant and Dec
The Chuckle Brothers

Runce, I give to you:

Haslet
Luncheon meat
Corned beef

To Flyboy I say:

Toby Young
Tony Parsons
Piers Morgan

13:01 / 14.01.03

Tough one Chrome.

Shag - Vagina: Warm, inviting, delicious and I have lots of toys we can play with together, but I have my own vagina so thanks but later babe.

Bag - Breasts: Yeah, I have my own too but Breasts are so much fun. Fun to play with, hang with, cuddle with...mmm And they are so much easier to take out in public, unlike Penis and Vagina.

Crag - Penis: Half the time he is not working, he needs way too much stroking and only rises to a challenge if it involves Breasts, Vagina, or Vagina's cousin...who is an Asshole. Plus, Penis hangs out with a couple of nuts. So, in Lorena Bobbit fashion........TOSS!

Ohh, that was fun.

For Rothkoid
Beer
Wine
Voldka

For Stone Mirror
Temple ov Psychick Youth
O.T.O
Temple of Set

impulsivelad
Gek
IMP
Dabh Surgot

Oh, and for you Bendt Chrome
Dildo
Vibrator
Strap-on

(Apologies if any of these have been done already. I am not really up to the task of reviewing all eight pages....yeesh! Thanks for your understanding.)

The Natural Way

13:24 / 14.01.03

Crag: Haslet. I mean, just look at him:

Bag: Corned Beef. For good, comforting homely times bring on me old Nan's corned beef hash.

Shag: Luncheon meat? What? Look, I really don't agree with food and sex. I really, really hate it. Masticating and humphing do not mix in RunceworlD. And I can't hump the luncheon meat..... Urrgh...no....that's horrible. I don't want to kiss or stroke it and it'll break and crumble like a zombie's sex organ if I try to....penetrate it.

13:29 / 14.01.03

For Grant:

Arthur
Minty
Stephen

13:35 / 14.01.03

For Fridge:

SUVs
Taking the bus
The RIAA

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