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The miserable thread

 
  

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Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
15:45 / 23.04.08
You'd be too easily satisfied with one achievement and never try to do something more? That's usually the answer I arrive at. I'm driven by my own perceived failure.
 
 
Blue Eyes Not Innocent
21:09 / 23.04.08
I'm miserable right now because I'm no longer in love with my girlfriend, and the dread of breaking up with her is wrecking me.

I love her, I really do, but I'm not in love with her, if that makes sense. She's like a very good friend to me. Additionally, there are behaviors she has that she seems unwilling to change(I told her about them yesterday and her response was to cry and say that she didn't know how to change and didn't think she could), and they make me mental. But in spite of that, I love her dearly; as I would with anybody I count among my good friends, I'd lay down my life for her, I'd do whatever I could to help her. But I just can't stay with her.

This is compounded by the fact that she moved in with me last August, at my request, and now I'm seeing that we really don't work as a couple. It's a small apartment, and I'm not sure what exactly we're going to do in the coming weeks, as she'll need to move out somewhere(lease is in my name and she can't afford the rent on it on her own anyway), but I keep telling myself that I can't let logistics figure into this decision, things will work out.

It's tough; people have given me the advice that I need to look out for myself in this, and that's never been my MO in a relationship; it's part of why most of mine have ended spectacularly poorly and explosively, because I've been willing to stay in degenerating situations long after any normal and sane person would've jumped ship. I'm just hoping I don't make a complete mess of it and that she doesn't hate me when the dust has settled.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
21:33 / 23.04.08
I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. Relationship issues are often the worst. I wish you and her the best of luck.
 
 
Blue Eyes Not Innocent
12:08 / 24.04.08
Thanks; it's new territory for me, having to break up with someone rather than just passively wait for things to break down, and I'm not looking forward to it. She's a sweetheart, and I feel like a selfish prick because I'm thinking about myself and I'm about to drop the bomb.
 
 
Triplets
13:35 / 24.04.08
Do it in a clown costume.

Regardless of your attire I hope it goes as easy as poss for you and your girlfriend
 
 
Triplets
18:33 / 27.04.08
How did it go, The S/B?
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
22:52 / 05.05.08
Gnnnh. Allergies. I can not breathe. I can not go for more than five minutes without blowing my nose. My eyes itch. I can barely think. I hate springtime so much.
 
 
Shrug
23:50 / 05.05.08
I'm grinding my teeth really badly, have a temperature and am really tired.
Wreck.
 
 
Blue Eyes Not Innocent
03:49 / 06.05.08
How did it go, The S/B?

My bad, I hadn't even seen this until tonight.

It...didn't go that well. There was a lot of crying, from both sides, and she's working on moving out. I keep finding myself wanting to go and try to make it better, but I know that nothing I could say would be genuine, and even if I could convince her it was, things wouldn't, couldn't go back to the way they were. So we're both a wreck, she's finding a place closer to her job and her sister out in Western Massachusetts, and late at night I'm a miserable bastard because I hurt her. I'm thinking it'll get better after she moves out and we've had our space.

Also, it seems to have been the lynchpin in life and now that it's been removed, things are falling apart, like the center cannot hold or something; my boss informed me today that Boston Properties(may their entire fucking company fold in a sex scandal or something) has informed him that if one more person complains because they don't like being told to wait, not interrupt our real customers, or that our display cases are not appropriate places to organize their things, do their make-up, or rest their coffee while they chat, that they're going to require him(HIM, a rent-paying tenant) to replace me. So I get to polish my resume, in a city that takes a bachelor's degree as standard equipment for most jobs. Shit just keeps spinning out of control, I find myself kind of desperate for human contact(to the point of making the stupid drunken mistake of getting down with another ex over the weekend), and I know I'm going to need a new job in the near future, and one that pays at least as much as my current job to maintain my apartment and bills.

So, yeah, shit's going about normal, I suppose.
 
 
GogMickGog
21:15 / 06.05.08
Muchly saddened to hear Michael De Larrabeiti (of Borribles fame) passed away 2 weeks ago. Did he make any of the Broadsheet Obits? His influence is manifold, on the New Weirds among others. Scanning his biog he seemed to have lived a rich, adventurous life and at nearly 74 he'd lived a good time but, for some reason, this one seems to tug at me.

RIP.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
19:46 / 07.05.08
I feel like a vehicle for moving snot around, and I'm bordered on agoraphobic now. I hate being sick like this, and it's breached the edge of allergies into an outright cold.
 
 
Withiel: DALI'S ROTTWEILER
14:11 / 10.05.08
Exams on Monday. Snobtroll College Oxbridge Finals, to be precise. I have officially no idea about any of the periods I'm to be writing on, nor what I'm meant to be wearing. And bizarrely, the thing that's actually reducing me to an abject jelly of terror every time I think about it is not the exams themselves, but the ridiculous dress code. Infractions of which, down to and including grey rather than black socks, involve fines of around £50. For a sock. Now, for many other of my fellow students that might be pocket change, but not for myself. If I am pulled up on dress-related charges I dread to think what will happen, apart from my being unable to eat for the next two weeks, &c. And of course, what I'll do with a third-class or lack of degree afterwards.
Hardly Basra, but nevertheless. Misery.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
14:25 / 10.05.08
Subfusc is a bit of a pain in the bum if you don't like dressing up but the best way to get over it is just to wear black tie without the bow tie (presume a college or black tie will do). If you're at Oxbridge I'm guessing you've got a DJ or black suit somewhere in the back of the wardrobe.

And gown, and cap, obvs. But you'll have those left over from matriculation, unless you've hocked them for Heinz.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
14:26 / 10.05.08
If female, white shirt, black skirt/trousers, black shoes and black ribbon (or was that just matriculation?) plus gown & cap did fine for me.
 
 
Withiel: DALI'S ROTTWEILER
14:57 / 10.05.08
Cheers, WP - I've got all the stuff, I'm just irrationally paranoid I'll make a tiny mistake and be fined/eaten. Unhelpfully.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
18:45 / 11.05.08
Argh help an essay is eating my weekend and my brane is broken
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
00:12 / 12.05.08
I just found out that a guy who I never actually knew in real life, but who I had a lot of time for online on another board, is dead now.

I have no idea what to do, Barbelith. And it's obviously too late for anything I do to actually matter. But... what do I do? I want to do SOMETHING.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
00:27 / 12.05.08
Oh, Stoat. I'm so sorry.

Perhaps archive his posts or his interactions with you? There was a segment on Spark this week about on-line footprints and how we memorialize our internet presence after passing...
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
00:39 / 12.05.08
Shit, Stoatie. I'm sorry.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
00:52 / 12.05.08
That's kind of nice.

I have no idea whether that's the kind of thing he'd like, though- I have no idea at all. I don't know what to do.

That's twice in a few months people die on me. I wish they wouldn't. Both times the world would have been better off if they'd stayed here.

I'm really pissed at the moment, so I shall just wish both their souls the best of whatever they believed in, and hope that a drunken prayer counts. (If it doesn't, then I take back every nice thing I've ever said about God).

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, PEOPLE. I MAY COMPLAIN ABOUT HUMANITY, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING DIE.

Shit.

Shit.

I have no idea now.

Shit.
 
 
ghadis
01:14 / 12.05.08
Shit Stoatie, that really bad.

I've recently found out a saying in Arabic used a lot in Egypt.

A Day of Honey
A Day of Onion.

I'm using it as a mantra at the moment as my life seems to collapsing around me into a black hole.

Collapsed ruined marriage...check
Lost job and unemployed....check
Flat with mortgage to pay....check
Ex girlfriend and mother of my son sectioned...check
17yr old son having a really hard time of it...check
Big drink problem....check
Various other horrible stuff...check,check,check...

A Day of Honey
A Day of Onion.

Role on the Honey i say!!!
 
 
Triplets
11:42 / 12.05.08
Fucking hell, Stoatie, that sucks. I'm sure you'll think of something. Perhaps a group thing with the people who knew him online?

Sorry to hear things are on a downward curve right now, ghadis. That's really shit. I'm sure you'll be due your honey sometime soon.
 
 
ghadis
11:55 / 12.05.08
Ah, i was just drunkenly moping about in onion last night. I've just woken up. It's actually my son's 17th today, the sun is out, i'm going to go round his with some food and a few beers, collect his mum and sister, and we're going to have a barbeque and a good time. It is a day of honey!!
 
 
electric monk
17:51 / 15.05.08
It's either:

a) I am in the wrong career

b) I am a no-talent hack

c) I am simply destined to remain a bottom-tier, pixel-pushing, trained monkey for the rest of my days.

I've narrowed it down to those three.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
18:25 / 15.05.08
You and me both, chief. For the last few months I've this brilliantly clear vision of the future in my head, which goes something like this:

Spending the rest of my working life in jobs that I end up resenting because of my recurring brainwrong and that don't pay enough for me to be able to stop living with blood relatives, retiring to a flattened cardboard box in the little unexplained cove between Woolworth's and Marks & Spencer's, eating out of other people's bins.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
18:38 / 15.05.08
Stoats> This is going to sound really fucking trite. I hope not, but I think it inevitably will, because I don't know how to phrase it properly.

But I wonder if it isn't enough to remember that what you are is ultimately just a collection of all of the experiences that you've had, those experiences including your interactions with other people. That your personality is entirely made up of those people you've known, that they all shaped you in some way. Identify the bits of yourself that have come from this guy - or the bits - the good bits - of his personality that you most identify with, because chances are that they're the same thing on some level - and remember him by making sure that you try and emphasise them in your own life.

Which is all a very long way of saying "honour the memory of...", I suppose, but it kind of works. And maybe it doesn't help in that very particular kind of loss, because I've thankfully never had the opportunity to find out.
 
 
grant
18:52 / 15.05.08
It does, it does.
 
 
grant
19:21 / 15.05.08
c) I am simply destined to remain a bottom-tier, pixel-pushing, trained monkey for the rest of my days.


There are no tiers any more, man! They're from the old paradigm, where there was a corporate ladder to climb!

Now, we're all just independent contractors.
 
 
Eek! A Freek!
19:40 / 15.05.08
Suicide sucks.
I feel really bad for you Stoatie.
I've offhandedly felt like dying before, but never considered doing it: I only ever wished it would just happen. I can't envision that level of dispair because I would always want to see what's around the corner. We're all going to die, why rush.
When you ask what can you do for your friend, I say: Write.
Pour everything into writing. Make him a character, an avatar. Fill your writing with how you feel ,right now... Let it be your send-off, your memorial, and your tribute. I've read your posts, and though I don't know you, I believe you can do this.
Again... I'm sorry...
 
 
Alex's Grandma
00:51 / 16.05.08
It's either:

a) I am in the wrong career

b) I am a no-talent hack

c) I am simply destined to remain a bottom-tier, pixel-pushing, trained monkey for the rest of my days.

I've narrowed it down to those three.


I think b), probably. But not to worry; I'm in the same boat, but it's amazing what you can get away with, maybe. I study Nick Hornby's career with perhaps an unhealthy level of interest
 
 
electric monk
13:29 / 16.05.08
%%%ThatissotrueIneverthoughtofitthatwaythankyousomuch!!!!%%%
 
 
Closed for Business Time
13:53 / 16.05.08
You know, Granny, of late you make me somewhat miserable, not because of your incessant out-of-context sniping, but because you've become so bloody predictable, so bloody boring. Do be a good granny, take your soporifics and shut your gob for a while.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
18:50 / 16.05.08
The comedy stylings of Alex's Grandma, everybody!

Crickets, frogs, soughing as of a chill wind tossing the tumbleweed around. A church bell begins to toll hollowly. Somewhere in the distance, a dog howls.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
20:59 / 16.05.08
B-but I wasn't trying to be unkind. Sorry, electric monk, if it felt like I was having a go. It wasn't what I meant. As I said, I'm in the same broadly general position, pretty much.

I really don't know how to respond to the comments subsequent, without causing a fight that bore the life out of some, so I'm not going to bother.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:05 / 16.05.08
b) I am a no-talent hack

I think b), probably. But not to worry; I'm in the same boat, but it's amazing what you can get away with, maybe.

> I think b), probably.
> I think b)
> b)
 
  

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