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The miserable thread

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jentacular dreams

15:20 / 07.03.08

Not always true....

17:57 / 07.03.08

So despite you being able to think about the words for a bit (and say it all without being cut off), what you put down is open to radical misinterpretation.
Just what do you mean by that?

19:19 / 07.03.08

Im going insane without my art tools. No paints, no canvas, no paper or pens. All of them waiting for me when I get back. But not here now, and I stupidly keep watching shows on art and artists on tv. Its getting me quite miserable.

23:48 / 09.03.08

My cat Snuggles is dead. I woke up Saturday Morning to find her vomiting all over the place and her hind legs had stopped working. I rushed her to the emergency vet clinic and they told me she had saddle thrombosis and that the prognosis wasn't good but they would do what they could to save her. Then here were complications with treatment, and they strongly recommended euthanasia. She was only 9 years old.

When I went in to say goodbye, she was fighting so hard to live, still trying to get up and walk. Even though I know intellectually that her condition was usually fatal and survival would result in lifelong suffering and possible recurrence (according to the vet), I still feel like I betrayed her.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

23:50 / 09.03.08

Oh, Liger, I'm so sorry...

01:26 / 10.03.08

Thanks, LaR

What's bothering me now is that I wasn't in the room when they gave her the shot. I wasn't given the option, and I'm having her cremated, so the next time I see her she will be some ashes in a box. I feel so removed from the process, it just doesn't seem real to me that she's gone forever, is this normal?

*

01:30 / 10.03.08

I'm sorry, Liger, that's awful. I'll be thinking of you and of your kitty.

02:09 / 10.03.08

Oh Liger, I am so sorry about your cat. At least you were there trying to do everything in your power to help her. IMO, that will mean a lot to how she feels departing. She will feel cared for. She had a good life with you, I am sure, since you obviously loved her.

Hugs, sweetie. It sure is okay to miss her. Perfectly okay. And it is okay that it doesn't seem quite real yet. Grieving is a process.

10:41 / 10.03.08

Shit, Liger.

Kitten pain is the worst thing, but don't let yourself feel guilty; cats aren't too keen on surgery and prolonged suffering, so you did the right thing.

I know how gutwrenchingly awful it feels to loose one when they seemed absolutely fine a couple of days ago. It makes it hard to process that death could be the best option ('but surely ze'd be fine if we left it a couple more days!?'). But you mustn't let yourself feel bad about this.

If you really feel the need, say sorry, but let the apology be accepted and move into a loving grief. You owe this to the kittun and to youself.

Hugs, dude.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:56 / 10.03.08

Oh God, Liger, that's horrible. Thinking of you.

12:09 / 10.03.08

Sorry to hear that, Liger.

it just doesn't seem real to me that she's gone forever, is this normal?

totally, speacially if you were kept from sticking around though the whole "process". It may take months for it actually to sink. I guess that's why funerals are so important.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

13:05 / 10.03.08

Ditto on the hugs Liger.

18:14 / 10.03.08

Oh hell Liger. A similar thing happened here in August - one day our cat Doom was fine, the next day he was sick, and the day after that he was dead. It takes a few weeks to really process the absence, and for the loss to become real. As for not being in the room, well, I held my cat in my hands while he died, and while I don't actually regret it, I don't recommend it. You try to give them the best life you can, and when the time comes, you try to give them the best death you can. You did the right thing letting her go, and it will hurt less in time.

20:16 / 10.03.08

A similar thing happened here in August - one day our cat Doom was fine, the next day he was sick, and the day after that he was dead.

Sorry to hear about your little Doom kitty, Cailin.

And thanks so much for the comforting words, everyone. Reciprocal huggles going out to all of you.

22:29 / 10.03.08

I'm sorry too— I think I know how you feel. I lost two cats in a month last year, it was seriously depressing. It's a sad thing to go through. I hope you feel better before too long.

13:09 / 12.03.08

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lancashire/7291985.stm

The story of Sophie Lancaster is making me especially miserable at the moment. Being kicked to death for dressing differently is pretty much one of the most pointless deaths I've heard of in a long time. Not only that, but the fact that the environment that the attackers grew up in led them to reach a point where beating a girl to death who's cradling her injured boyfriend is even an option. There's not even a ray of happiness in this case, what seems to be an intelligent and friendly young woman is dead in brutal circumstances, the lives of the attackers have been irrevocably fucked up by their own hand, and as a product of their upbringing.

Sometimes I just wish the nukes would drop.

14:58 / 12.03.08

That is a low, fucked up point those boys went to. Mr. Flunchy, that story has deeply saddened me.

17:41 / 12.03.08

I have most of the symptoms of clinical depression, and I've been living with it since I lost my job back in October of last year. Last night, I stopped pretending that it wasn't a big deal, that I could handle it, and that it wasn't actual DEPRESSION. The lie became too big and obvious. I started looking for a therapist today.

So I get a call today from a former co-worker who's now at a fashion magazine. They're looking for a production manager, and she thought I'd be a good fit for the job. I asked that they send all the relevant info to my email. It would be nice to get this job (and an answer to a prayer!), but now I'm worried because A) I don't feel like I'm qualified and I'm scared that I'll get canned within a week if they do hire me and B) If I can't get insurance thru them immediately, then I won't be able to get the therapy I now know I need (there's almost always a 3-month wait for new hires to become eligible for employer-subsidized insurance in the US).

I'm probably not in a good state to start a new job anyway. Which is made of SUCK, because this job would almost surely pay a lot better than the one I have now, and money woes seem to me to be the major factor in my current depressive state. And around and around we go.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:03 / 13.03.08

Not really miserable, but more of a confused question-

when two people who collectively broke your heart a while back split up and are clearly both miserable, is it normal to feel quite this guilty for, well, having introduced them in the first place?

I'm sure part of me should be smug, but all I can think is "fuck, it's all my fault..."

21:12 / 13.03.08

is it normal to feel quite this guilty for, well, having introduced them in the first place?

Yes, incredibly, seek help. However, emotions surrounding relationships (and break-ups especially) are hardly ever normal.

21:19 / 13.03.08

Stoatie, you're just too good for this planet.

Don't forget that.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:26 / 13.03.08

Oh gosh, Stoatie. No, it's abnormally sweet of you. And totally not your fault.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

22:17 / 13.03.08

To be honest, I think a part of it is that at the time I consoled myself with the fact that I was at least good at being a facilitator. And I'm clearly not even good at that. So it's not entirely selfless.

But I really don't like seeing my friends unhappy (especially when I know it wouldn't have happened without my "help"). It sucks. And it's kind of awkward trying to be a supportive friend in this situation.

22:31 / 13.03.08

But I really don't like seeing my friends unhappy

This is completely okay. You're a good egg, Stoatie. Feeling guilty for introducing your pre-ex to her current ex, however, is a small log cabin on the mountains of madness.

*

05:00 / 14.03.08

Gravitas, I'm not qualified to give you advice. But—and there's always a but with these things—if you want some, read on.

I would suggest that you look into low-cost/sliding scale solutions in your area for therapy. They might let you not disclose your treatment to any future insurance companies (this is important). Apply for the job because you'll be amazed what a difference it will make just to feel you're doing something about your money woes. If you don't get it, you still have your existing job to cushion you while you look for something else; if you do get it, there's no saying you have to take it—you might be able to use it as leverage to get more money out of your current job. At any rate, applying gives you more options than not applying.

Depression sucks, but it sounds like you're at least on the right track—you've decided to start looking for some help.

18:06 / 14.03.08

I miss my girlfriend. Or rather, I miss having a girlfriend.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

02:54 / 17.03.08

It's selfish, but recent exodus makes me very sad, even if I didn't necessarily have deep connections to any or all of the people gone. Simply because they were always around, with smart things to say. I thought randomly the other day that I hope Barbelith at least makes it until All-Star Superman finishes up, because that thread is such a good example of what the Comics can be, and always enhances my reading experience of the comic. As an example of what's awesome about Barbelith, anyway.

It's not a Barbannoy or really a miserable thought so much as a wistfully sad, mournful one. But I'm feeling a little melodramatic today. And by "today," I mean "every day, particularly days where I'm breathing."

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:06 / 17.03.08

I shouldn't worry. While there's no particular reason for Barbelith ever to be fixed, there's also no particular reason for it to be killed. I imagine that the half-dozen or so people in the Late Shift and the dozen or so talking about All-Star Superman and collating interviews with Grant Morrison can continue to do so without fear of molestation - especially as the bandwidth costs must be going down at a decent clip...

20:59 / 19.03.08

I'm going through one of those weeks where I can't do right by my parents. Gnnngh.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

23:21 / 19.03.08

It'll end, Trips, before you know it. Probably best to steer clear for a few days, that always worked for me.

23:43 / 19.03.08

Would you like me to have a word with them?

19:32 / 20.03.08

Last night, I hit the wrong button on my phone when I was setting my alarm for this morning. As usual, it was still dark when it went off, and I switched it off without paying attention to the time, showered, dressed, made breakfast, and went to the bus stop. Since it's a public holiday (on which I am, nonetheless, working without penalty rates), I checked the timetable, and when I looked at the time, realised I had accidentally gotten up at 3am instead of 6am. When I got home, it took well over an hour to get back to sleep. And because it's a public holiday, now that I'm at work I can't get a coffee!

18:18 / 23.03.08

I'm really irresponsible, with an extremely poor concentration span and I just can't seem to stick at things even if they'll have really beneficial results-
a flibbertygibbet, a will-o-the-wisp, a clown

18:21 / 23.03.08

Oh I'm not miserable, exactly.
My logically side is just imperiously sneering at my emotional one, while proffering the information that'll I never be a real success, sotto voce.

Whisky Priestess

15:40 / 23.04.08

Why is my pleasure in my own achievements (such as they are) so feeble compared to my envy of the achievements of others?

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