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The miserable thread

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12:31 / 30.11.08

Jesus. Sorry, you guys— here's to things getting better.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

16:27 / 30.11.08

It's kind of rubbish when the two worst possible outcomes of a situation, which you had believed to be mutually exclusive, turn out to be more than capable of coexisting. I want to cry but I shall be strong and listen to METAL instead. Or maybe sleep.

museum in time, tiger in space

23:20 / 30.11.08

Seems like a lot of people are having a bad time right now - I hope things get better for all of you soon.

On a not very related note, Granny's humorous stylings are making me feel a lot less inclined to interact with this thread in any way at all. That could just be me, though.

Essential Dazzler

23:51 / 30.11.08

Not just you.

Anna de Logardiere

09:33 / 01.12.08

I never imagined I would do this because I generally regard this thread as a safe space for people to be miserable in but I've slept on it and I've decided that someone needs to respond to you Blue Eyes.

Go and read what you've written, your expression of your misery comes across as totally emotionally dishonest. The main body of your post blames your ex-girlfriend who you apparently still love for being unhappy, for feeling threatened, for disliking the amount you drink. Did you stop seeing your friend because you loved your girlfriend, did you cut back on your drinking because you wanted to stay with her? You make it clear that Ariel was justified in feeling insecure around Rachel but the response is that she just should have known that she shouldn't be. I mean lord above, take some responsibility for your interactions with your partners, you seem to be handing it all to your ex while pretending that you've taken some. Who wouldn't be insecure about their partner perceiving another woman as so very perfect? Then you undermine your current girlfriend who incidentally you actually posted about on an internet message board searchable through google. Not only is she one in a succession but you're trying to what? Get us to tell you to break up with her, tell yourself to do it by writing it in a public forum? Grow some responsibility, these are people who have loved or love you that you're talking about and are showing no respect for online.

22:03 / 01.12.08

I'm with museum and Dazzler, Granny.

That's really off.

Your irreverence is your thing, for what it is, but I think it's pretty bad form to lay it on people who are admitting to vulnerability in a space where they hope it'll be treated with a bit of respect.

A wee bit of restraint here followed by a particularly acerbic comics post would have done you just as good.

03:14 / 07.12.08

I don't know, I'm not totally miserable, but I am, sort of. In the next room is a little cardboard box containing the body of our ancient cat that we had to have put down tonight. She was somewhere around nineteen years old, I remember the day I got her at the shelter as a tiny shaky kitten. She had been through a lot with us, and had done great until a few months ago, when she started to decline. We tried some things that didn't work. In the last few days it was obvious that it was time. I can't feel too bad, because it was quick and painless and she was suffering, but god damn I loved that cat, she was always incredibly sweet and smart, she's been a part of our lives for most of our adult lives, and I'm going to miss her sweet big-eyed purring. I'm drinking in her honor, and maybe to try and feel better, I suppose, but it was the right thing to do. Sorry for the maudlin run-on; but I sure loved that cat.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

06:56 / 07.12.08

Oh, Tsuga, I am so sorry for your loss. Your cat is in a better place now and I am very sure that she loved you too.

(looks wistfully at her own cats)

07:04 / 07.12.08

I'm so sorry, Tsuga. I've lost a few close pets, and I find it weird to admit that losing them is frequently harder than losing human loved ones. Just remember that your kitty got as much happiness from you as you did from her. My heart is with you.

16:31 / 07.12.08

Damn.

Sorry to hear that Tsuga. Sympathies.

18:13 / 07.12.08

Thanks, guys. I buried her today in a nice spot beside a big rock at the edge of the yard. What the hell, we'll miss her but she's not suffering anymore, and she had a long, good life.

Blue Eyes Not Innocent

19:39 / 07.12.08

Damn. Sorry Tsuga.

21:32 / 07.12.08

Sorry to hear about your kitty, Tsuga.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

03:02 / 09.12.08

She had a wonderful life, Tsuga. I am glad you buried her somewhere beautiful.

09:44 / 25.02.09

Stewie, our cat, wasn't quite five yet. He was the most affectionate kitty in the world, so much so he was a pest about it. He loved us so much sometimes I thought he'd explode.
We had to put him down yesterday: when we woke up, he was crying and growling and biting at his own crotch. The night before he seemed fine.
The vet said that they would need to operate to remove a blockage and he'd need to be kept in the hospital for 5-6 days with a catheter. She said that if everything went perfectly it would cost $1500, which we don't have. Even then there were no guarantees. The only other option was euthanasia.
We had to decide on the spot. Stewie was suffering really bad and we just don't have that kind of money. I stayed with him for the whole procedure. The vet and her assistant were wonderful and sympathetic, and Stewie spent his final 10 minutes in my arms, pain free.
I loved that cat so much and going through our morning routines, realise how much we were affected by him and how much he filled our house and lives.

10:18 / 25.02.09

Poor cat. Really sorry.

23:17 / 25.02.09

Sorry about your cat, that's terrible. Now we're about to lose our two old dogs, it seems.
That's going to be three cats and two dogs in a year. For fuck's sake.

23:29 / 25.02.09

Ah shit...
Stewie was my first pet, really, and I never knew it would be so hard. I'm really sorry for you Tsuga. I realise though, that the love and good times ends up outweighing the pain and I'd never, ever let anything diminish that.
Stil sux tho.

trouble at bill

16:07 / 26.02.09

Really sorry to hear about all these puttings to sleep, everyone. (Jeez, this thread's an animal lovers' nightmare...)

21:04 / 01.03.09

I uploaded a photo onto my 'pute yesterday from a day earlier this week that I don't remember taking (huge quantities of alcohol). It has three people in it. A is someone I kissed earlier in the night, was kinda couply with for comfort but had no serious interest in (which fact I thought was mutual but turns out might not be). B is a friend I've had a substantial crush on, who I kissed later in the night followed by intense moments and scared mutual confessions. C is another friend, as well as the girlfriend of B.

I know I'm not exactly blameless in the matter, but basically it's causing me excessive anxiety. This isn't a call for Barbadvice, just an opportunity to whine. Sigh.

22:20 / 01.03.09

This should give you some insight.

Watch, internalise, and try not to kill Noel Fielding.

08:25 / 02.03.09

I get cut from ear to ear? Awesome.

Dancing same time this week, it seems, with all of the above. Mmhm.

08:11 / 24.03.09

I got a REALLY CREEPY email last week from someone I was very close with in high school. I cut him off in Uni (while he was stationed in Texas doing his ROTC Airforce stuff) becasue he was getitng creepy then...sort of having dreams that he had to 'porotect me' becasue I was some kind of 'chosen one' type of crap.

I haven't spoken to hin in over 10 years. I actually couldn't read the whole email, some kind of creepy poem that definitely had a reference to John Lennon (not the kind of thing one wants to hear for someone who's potentially obsessive). I was on the phone with my brother when I checked my emails, so I forewarded it to him so he could read it over....and he told me that it seems like yhis guy thinks he's been able to communicate with me telepathically, and that I might not want to read it all becasue it would freak me out.

I've sent a quick email to our only mutual friend (a lovely guy also from my high school). When I hear back form him, I'm going to explain the whole situation, because this dude might be having a serious mental breakdown or something...and maybe get some idea about how serious the situation is.

So...I feel wierd and a little miserable. At least we're not living in the same country. And I'm a bit calmer than I was over the weekend, when my imagination was in overdrive i.e. "He was in the military...he knows how to use weapons...he could find where I live...etc, etc.

Argh!!!

Closed for Business Time

08:28 / 24.03.09

Lord, that sucks. My advice would be to do exactly what you're doing + DON'T feed the guy, IYKWIM.

09:24 / 24.03.09

Thanks for the sympathy...I'm definitely NOT going to contact him in any way, or delete the email. That would be crazy.

22:54 / 24.03.09

Christ, that's terrible. Do you know how this person got your email? Was it given to them? Hopefully they're sending to anyone who's email they could find, and they don't know that you are actually you, you know? I hope your mutual friend has the wherewithal to keep your location secret from the other.
I've got a good friend who's fairly seriously mentally ill, occasionally going into deeply nutty shit; the last episode at various times he contacted three different ex-girlfriends through emails because he was convinced he was being guided to. Nothing dangerous, but disturbing and sad.
I'm sorry, I'm sure that's so alarming and shitty.

07:26 / 25.03.09

Bless you. It's fairly easy to find that particular email (it's the one that I associate with all my online accounts)...I had a long chat with the mutual friend last night, and it doesn't seem to scary anymore, just creepy and sad.

I'm sure this guys knows I'm in England, but I don't really feel threatened in any way. He might try to contact me if /when we move back to the states, but I'll cross that bridge when it comes. I think I was letting my imagination run a little bit too wild. Still a bit creepy though...

09:06 / 26.03.09

I've been feeling miserable for the last three months, and it's getting worse. My girlfriend left me in september, after four years together (and a weird relationship, in which we both developed an insane dependency on each other).

After two weeks of pain, I tried to start living again. Reading, smiling, spending more time with my friends, visiting my family. And, in october (too soon, now I know that) I fell in love again, and I got involved in a serious relationship. I was scared at first, but everything seemed to be marvellous, and I felt happy and alife.

But the dependency with my ex were still there. She wanted to start again (a difficult thing, because she is spending a year in New York and I'm in Madrid), and she needed me. And, though I didn't wanted (or I thought I didn't wanted) to be with her any more, I still loved her, and phoned her, and tried to help her (she was very depressed, and seeing her in this state broke my heart). Of course, this hurted my new girlfriend. I tried to make distance beetwen my ex and myself, but I wasn't able to break all relationship with her.

In january we had a hard dispute about that, and she told me that I didn't loved her, that I hadn't never loved her. And I just broke. And I'm feeling depressed, miserable, weak, and scared since then. And I'm going worse and worse. I am going to therapy, but I'm not getting better. I have angst attacks, and seeing my girlfriend just scares me. And everytime I see her it's a complete disaster, because I'm hurting her and she needs things that I cannot give her right now (I cannot even have sex. I'm too scared, too anguished).
And I don't have the courage or the strength to leave her, or to tell my ex that I'm not talking to her any longer, or to do anything. I'm just feeling utterly miserable.

Whisky Priestess

13:34 / 26.03.09

Dude, you have to decide which one you're going to be with, and whichever one it is, do the stuff that makes *her* happy - I think up to and including not contacting the ex for a while, if you decide to stick with the new girlfriend.

Sorry to put it so starkly, but you simply cannot please all of the (ex) girlfriends all of the time, unless you are Hef.

14:37 / 26.03.09

Plus sometimes the best thing you can do to help others is be single and figure out your own baggage. It sounds trite but it is important to learn to be happy with only yourself as your main companion especially if you need to relearn healthy boundaries.

HUGS!!

07:55 / 27.03.09

Thank you both.

I think, as XKristen says, that I should stay single for a time, until I heal and learn how to live by myself, and not to repeat the same mistakes again and again.

But right now I just lack the strenght to do it. Everyday I tell myself to do anything, but I spend my time in anguish and fear. But I'm tryng to overcome it. I hope I'll be able to.

Whisky Priestess

18:17 / 30.03.09

I am ill, and it's crap. Not massively poleaxing (not since yesterday anyway) but crap. My throat glands feel like two tender testicles (and not in a good way), it hurts to swallow, and I can't control my body temperature.

On antibiotics, which I hope I can come off before my birthday party on Saturday. Fun.

19:33 / 30.03.09

I tried to fix the boxen through drastic measures. FAIL. EPIC FAIL. Which revealed more long term epic FAIL in the form of flawed backups. Lost a box to the FAIL of my mistake. I was made of FAIL all weekend while writing a SOP and trying to rebuild. I totes fucked up.

I couldn't sleep with the anxiety wondering if I was going to be fired, plus massive guilt for the work I have created for my co workers by vaporizing the box their worked lived on. I hope buying them lunch and apologizing goes some way to make up for the hassle.

The feeling of going to look for a backup and not finding it was one of the most awful icy guts puke vertigo moments of my life. I actually went into shock it was so bad. I think I do not want this kind of stress no more.

Blue Eyes Not Innocent

00:55 / 03.04.09

Gah, I just totally screwed up at an audition for a cool band. I'm mortified.

19:17 / 07.04.09

I went too far away (mentally/chemically and in distance/culture, out of the rut) and came back wrong. Split up with my girlfriend of three years, quit my job, handed notice in on house. Fully prepared to put my shit in storage and move back up North for some rest and recuperation.

Three days later, and I get a job offer (same industry which was driving me mad, same town) and am given (or give myself) two hours to consider. I realise that I am broke and lucky and accept the position.

No luck finding somewhere new to live so looks like I'll be couch surfing. Ex is sorted with a new place, and looks to be moving on - overheard something I shouldn't and she's been out getting some strange. And why shouldn't she, I ended it - rationally I shouldn't give a shit, but I really do.

Still in love with her, want her back - but have to break out of this cycle. Fall into a relationship, be intensely happy and lost in it for a while, then feel the shit seep back in. Blame the girl, then either end it, misbehave or go so nuts the girl can't take it. Sink back into the darkness. Rinse and repeat.

But now nothing really makes me happy. I feel guilty leaning on friends for support because I feel like I haven't been strong enough/have been too self & significant other obsessed to be there for them. Going outside (and more importantly STAYING outside) is still a struggle, but I know being the hermit and not facing this fear of (exposure? being laughed at? rejection?) will only make things worse.

All I really want is love, but if I can ever truly love, I've got to learn to be happy alone again, but I can't be happy on my own. What the fuck.

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