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The miserable thread

 
  

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Papess
19:14 / 09.02.08
I am a quite sad today as I am stressing about how I am going to take care of bills and feed my child. I have fasted before for health and spiritual reasons, but it seems I am going to have to fast for the rest of the month in order to have enough to feed my boy. I find that a bit disturbing. Feeling guilty for eating a slice of bread because, I could be giving it to my son, is not a good way to live. Yeah, I realize that I still have a lot more than a lot of other people in the world. So many are starving and I at least (still) have a roof and clothes. I can't help thinking that this is absurd in a wealthy, N.A. country. The fact that I can't get a childcare subsidy in order to go to work is ridiculous. Apparently, I have to already be employed to get the subsidy. It doesn't make sense to me. You can read more about my struggles with the system here, if you care to.

I know that if I didn't have some form of spiritual practice I would be in the gutter right now. I feel like I am running on sheer faith that I will move out of this phase. Not just faith, but the knowing that all things must pass, so this must pass too. Just so long as I am making every effort possible to change it for the better, I know it will change in a positive way. Let's face it, everything passes, but worse things may lie ahead. Most certainly if no effort has been placed in making positive change.

OKay, thanks for the rant.

P.S: I didn't get that awesome job opportunity I wrote about in the "Wish Luck" thread. *sob*
 
 
pony
19:22 / 09.02.08
Papess, is there a local foodbank that you could make use of? Everywhere I've ever lived, there's been at least one in the area, and they help those in far less dire situations than yours. Best of luck...
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
19:25 / 09.02.08
Not sure of any good advice I could give, but best of luck as well, Papess.
 
 
*
19:32 / 09.02.08
Papess, there's a thread somewhere around here (is that the one?) for helping Barbeloids who find themselves in temporarily dire straits, and I'd feel privileged and honored if you'd give me a chance to put some money in a paypal bucket for you, or to help out in any other way that would feel comfortable to you. I could personally benefit from that because it would help me see the shiny side of Barbelith again.
 
 
Papess
19:49 / 09.02.08
...is there a local foodbank that you could make use of?

I think there is one within walking distance, since transportation is an issue as well. My only problem with foodbanks, (and this may seem petty to some) is that the food is prepackaged, highly processed crap that I can't really feed my son because he reacts to it negatively. I understand that part of the reason they stock this is that packaged food keeps better, the other reason is that is generally cheaper.

I will go there because there may be something I can feed my son in the foodstuffs they give me, or at least I won't starve and there will be more good food for my growing boy. Quite frankly, I might just prefer to do a fast.

It is frustrating that good, healthy, wholesome food is so expensive and hard to come by. Anyway, it is better than nothing, I think....hopefully. Thank goodness tofu is inexpensive!
 
 
Papess
19:57 / 09.02.08
Oh, Zippy, don't make me cry. It wasn't my intention to solicit Barbelithers. Although, I will admit to pimping out my blog a bit in hopes of a little traffic. I am over-whelmed by your generosity and I really don't know what to say. If that doesn't make one see the shiny side of Barbelith, nothing will.

Damn, my fingers are tongue-tied.
 
 
*
21:03 / 09.02.08
Helping people you don't know should be a normal part of life. Feeling guilty for not having enough to keep yourself and your child healthy, shouldn't. That's pretty simple.
 
 
Papess
16:28 / 10.02.08
Helping people you don't know should be a normal part of life.

It really should. You are really an inspiration, Zippy. Generosity doesn't have to come in financial form either. Like my landlady who is offering her time to pick up my son from school when the agency can send me on assignments - these things mean a lot to me. Money is good too, don't get me wrong. I am certain it is always helpful, but for someone like me, or my landlady who is on a fixed income because she is retired, there are other ways to help. It's a state of mind that kind of generosity.

The bit about tying to feed my child in a healthy way brings up a little rage because it pisses me off that the healthiest food is so expensive. I will rage on that in the appropriate thread.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
12:17 / 11.02.08
This Camden Market fire's a bit of a shitter, isn't it?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
16:00 / 11.02.08
To see Camden going up in flames was unbelievable and totally surreal, says Noel Fielding in the NME.

Well, I think we know who started it.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
16:06 / 11.02.08
I love the way the tabloids keep referring to how Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty's local was caught in the blaze, The Daily Mail will have worked out how it's their fault by Wednesday, they'll be demanding their burning in a huge whicker syringe to appease the Gods by the weekend.
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
16:19 / 11.02.08
To be honest, since living near Greenwich and the Cutty Sark going up, then moving to Kentish Town last year and this happening, I'm starting to suspect my SO may be a bit keen on the old arson. Better investigate...
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:52 / 12.02.08
And the run of bad shit happening to my friends continues apace...

I just found out that a friend of mine, one of the other dogwalkers, has had a nervous breakdown and has gone missing. The cops want to have her sectioned and we've all been told to call 999 if we see her. It's all very worrying.
 
 
Papess
12:47 / 12.02.08
That is awful, Stoatie. I certainly hope she gets the help she needs.

I do apologize for this upbeat update but....

To all the people who responded to my situation without hesitation or reservation, I would like to give you my deepest gratitude. My seven-year old boy would like to give his thanks as well, since I explained to him why we had received a gift basket. I had shown him the responses to our having a rather difficult month (I am trying not to alarm him) and he said, "Wow, tell those Barbelith people thanks!" It is very good for him to see that people care about us as he has seen too much of the other.

Not to embarrass anyone but the gift basket is XK's doing. I feel that she should be recognized for her generosity, as well as Zippy, Aim for Joviality and Keggers, (who was a bit ticked off at me for not mentioning my situation to him as it didn't occur to me to actually ask for help!). I would also like to thank everyone who sent kind messages to me, or thoughts and prayers (because I have a feeling that a few of you lovely people did) for us.

The next few months may be very hard depending on if I can get steady work or not. I have faith that we will get through this - more than ever - so, please keep your spirits up and so will I!

Maybe we should have some kind of recognition thread to mention people in. I feel a little guilty for messing up a perfectly good miserable thread. Being properly miserable, even in the face of adversity, is becoming increasingly difficult.
 
 
*
13:59 / 12.02.08
It's okay to relieve the blackness a little, Papess. It shows that even misery isn't perfect. Woe.

Stoatts, that is downright shit. How awful for your compatriot. I hope she gets good care.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
17:45 / 12.02.08
It's extremely difficult, watching the Accomplice's life right now -- he finally moves out after ten years of looking after his mother during her slow decline with M.S., and put up with her growing paranoia toward him. He finally moves out and his aunt, who has put her claws in and turned his mother against him, manages to get his mother to -sue him- for money she believes that he stole and for his half of the house, because she's forgotten why things were done the way they were -at her request-, and has grown to believe he's evil. And the lawyer is egging her on.

It's difficult not being able to do anything but be there, and worry, and try not to worry too much, and try not to nag too much, and try not to be frustrated that we'll never actually get to have a life together, even after nearly five years, because his family will continue to fuck up and set out to ruin him out of greed and paranoia.
 
 
Papess
18:07 / 12.02.08
Oh dear, Love&Rad/Papers...how horrible. Families really suck sometimes. Poor mum, though. It has got to be awful losing one's faculties like that.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
18:29 / 12.02.08
Yeah, it is. It's been really sad to watch her degenerate. It's very frustrating to know that while he's only ever done what was in her best interests or what she wanted done, he's punished while everyone else just takes advantage. He only stayed at home for those ten years so she wouldn't go into a home against her will, and now she's alone with a panic button -- as she wanted -- being eaten away by paranoia.
 
 
Dead Megatron
20:21 / 12.02.08
This is awful in all sorts of ways, L&R, sorry to hear, and wish you two good luck.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
20:33 / 12.02.08
Thanks. It will be better. It will be better. One day. He's very unhappy about having to go through years' worth of bank statements and credit card bills to prove that he didn't do things he's been accused of.

The good thing about the Lith is that the miserable thread can at least make you feel a bit better by typing it out and putting it away from your head a bit.
 
 
Spaniel
13:20 / 13.02.08
I might have shingles.

Naughty chicken pox virus.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
15:09 / 13.02.08
Aww, man, Boboss. That's shitty. Did you not get the pox as a wee Bobo?
 
 
jentacular dreams
15:15 / 13.02.08
I had something that looked like shingles once, but then it just stopped spreading and went away. Was told later that I was probably overstressed or immunocompromised in some other way, and as soon as I recovered the virus probably got blasted. So maybe taking a bit of a step back from anything that's been stressing you out unnecessarily might help?
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
20:25 / 13.02.08
...and cue management locking us out as of this Sunday. Well, at least I don't have to picket until Monday.

(also cue: looking for a new job, zen panic, strong urge to drink ALL THE BOOZE IN THE WORLD.)
 
 
Olulabelle
20:40 / 13.02.08
Don't drink all the booze, it will make you feel awful in the morning and that will add to your feelings of misery. And then you'll feel all self-hatey on top of everything. Which is bad.

Have some bananas (potassium) and chocolate instead?
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
20:45 / 13.02.08
I don't really like bananas - ugh, texture - but I might try the winning combination of chocolate and potatoes (also potassium!).

How feasible, Lula, is it to install a cat flap in the back door and keep the door itself locked most of the time? Just to make yourself feel a little safer?
 
 
Bubblegum Death
11:11 / 14.02.08
Well, after working third shift for the last 7 years I guess it was going to happen at one time or another. We were robbed at gunpoint at around 4:00 this morning. No one was hurt, but I feel very useless right about now.
 
 
luminocity
12:03 / 14.02.08
However useless you feel, what would you have done differently that is worth risking your life for?
 
 
Papess
12:36 / 14.02.08
that's awful Undertoad. Luminousity has a good point, though.

There is certainly a desperation during this time. I feel it. So do most of the single mothers I know and a few other families and individuals. Could be the fallout of "Blue Monday". The realization suddenly occurs that one can't make ends meet and then they turn to the desperate alternatives.

I dunno...between the starving* single moms I know, (like my best friend and my cousin overseas whom I am trying to help as best I can but I am in a similar position) and the break ins and attempted break ins I have heard about, this time of year is just horrid. Truly though, it can bring out the best and worst in people.

*When I say starving, I mean: not able to afford enough food to feed themselves and their kids adequately. My cousin hadn't eaten in 3 days. My BF regularly goes without meals to take care of her two boys.
 
 
*
14:32 / 14.02.08
Undertoad, you got neither yourself nor anyone else shot or killed. In a gunpoint robbery, that's a very useful thing to do. And it's a difficult thing to do because robbers with guns are often nervous and twitchy, and it takes strength to keep calm enough to keep them calm. Good job.
 
 
Papess
15:03 / 14.02.08
I went off on a tangent there, Undertoad. Sorry about that...those are things I am miserable about because I can't help more.

Please listen to wise Zippy and Luminocity. You are not a useless person. Must have done something right if no one was hurt.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
15:04 / 14.02.08
Yeah, "not being shot" sounds like a win, really. I know it feels shitty when this stuff happens, but, y'know, when they say "your money or your life", it's really not that hard a decision, and you shouldn't worry that you might have made the wrong one.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
15:24 / 14.02.08
You didn't do anything wrong - in fact it sounds like you did everything right.
 
 
Dead Megatron
15:39 / 14.02.08
We were robbed at gunpoint

Well,my friend, welcome to the brotherhood of those who've stared the wrong side of a barrel. One gets used to it after three of four times (here's hoping you don't get to that point, of course)

That feeling of uselessness, of impotence, is perfectly normal after such situations (it would be worse if the robbery was at home instead of work). But, hey, if you did something and you, or someone else you care about, got hurt in the process, you'd feel a LOT worse. It's better to be rational and do nothing when it comes down to that.
 
 
Papess
16:11 / 14.02.08
...welcome to the brotherhood of those who've stared the wrong side of a barrel.

Err, there is a right end?
 
  

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