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Urgh! Fuck!: A thread for untamed hate and anger [PICS]

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Jake, Colossus of Clout

07:21 / 19.08.05

Oh, by all means, box 'em up and send 'em over. In return I expect a baseball manager who understands pitching dynamics.

I'm terrified of spiders, but I'll cuddle the creepy things if I can have a skipper who actually wants to win.

Jake, Colossus of Clout

07:40 / 19.08.05

Oh, and on the traditional "Urgh! Fuck!," my fantasy baseball team has decided to start to play like little leaguers. Jake fucking Peavy, a top-three fantasy pitcher, shit the fucking bed for a pathetic seven points today. MY team is being carried by rookies and lucky vets right now. The only genuine star I have that's producing is Jason Bay. Thanks, homie. Meanwhile, Carlos Delgado, Greg Maddux, Troy Glaus, Julio Lugo and Randy Winn: Fuck you. I'm trying to win $700 here, and you sorry sonsabitches aren't fucking helping. I'm sorry I drafted your poor asses.

Jake, Colossus of Clout

04:36 / 20.08.05

Thanks, Ortiz, for throwing a hissy-fit and arguing balls and strikes with the umpire.

Now it's 3-3 in the top of the tenth, with Kapler on second and Damon on first, one out. And the immortal Roberto Petagine at bat. In YOUR slot, Ortiz. Way to put yourself ahead of the team, you overgrown child.

08:11 / 20.08.05

It's Saturday and I'm in the shit-cocking lab. Stupid technicians and their stupid chest infections. It's a beautiful sunny day outside, the birds are singing and the deer are doing whatever the hell it is that deer do. I'm sitting in here waiting for the incompetants in Cell Production to send me 3000 litres of soupy goo. Bastards. All bastards. I'm drinking cup after cup of foul coffee which is doing nothing to improve my mood, and in fact is making me more and more agitated. I've moved all my Urban Dead characters around. Now I want to go home. WANKARSE!

Mysterious Transfer Student

14:12 / 20.08.05

When members of an African family took some time to figure out the fare payment mechanism upon boarding a bus on my estate this morning, the two old farts directly behind Final Girl and myself decided to change the subject of their conversation to Enoch Powell and his famous speech about the "can of worms".

Now, I know this might seem like a somewhat elementary beef, and that complaining about ambient street-level bigotry sometimes seems akin to raging against pigeon crap (i.e. unlikely to make any difference to a universally invariant feature of life)... but RRAAGH! Inaccurate racists!

02:08 / 21.08.05

How the hell am I able to catch a cold when it's 115 farentheit with the heat index?! Fuck you, me.

Jake, Colossus of Clout

06:38 / 22.08.05

Oh, fuck yes, mediocrity! By all means, come kick it with me!

Yes, I'm pissed. If I had played any other team than Joe's in fantasy baseabll this week, I would have swept. That pisses me off. And not just because there is a significant chunk o' change on the line. I have better pitchers than ANY OTHER TEAM. I have top twenty-five hitters across the board. The only reason I'm scratching at the playoff door is that I play in the most vicious division in our league. It's fucking bullshit. I would be undisputed King in two of four divisions. This is why we need a wild card. I want to win the fucking money.

Tryphena Absent

08:57 / 23.08.05

I am beginning to believe in god because frankly I don't see who else is trying to punish me. My interview has been cancelled at 10am, 6 and a half hours before I was meant to be there. Fine. I get it. Nepotism really is the only way for me to work in this city. Fine.

Essential Dazzler

09:49 / 23.08.05

June Sarpong

08:32 / 24.08.05

Grrrr 9 fucking points in a week!! You usless bunch of tossers surely one of you could stay on the pitch for 90 minutes without getting injured.
Thanks for making me bottom of the league - I hate you all! (Apart from Petr Cech)

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:59 / 24.08.05

Oh - fantasy football. Right. For a second there I was thinking "hold on - 9 points in a week is brilliant. Tranmere have only got 4 points all season..."

09:16 / 24.08.05

Listen, cocksuckers. When you have plans to fill a position at your fuck-nudging company internally, and you already know who's going to get the cock-knocking job, don't fucking bother advertising the position, because to do so will lead me to apply for it, and faff about interviewing for it, only to learn of your half-bright, idiot moonchild's version of an evil scheme, which will lead to me coming round your fucking place to put your fucking windows in.

Cunts.

Goodness Gracious Meme

10:17 / 24.08.05

Loads of exciting things happening this weekend and it's looking like I won't make any of them due to skintment.

I fucking hate my life sometimes*.

*That is to say, I usually manage so it money eeks don't get in my way, but right now my bank balance is a big fucking pile of 'no GGM, no fun for you. Stay home and eat worms. Nice and cheap'

[EDITED to add that my friends and the larger universe are providing wonderfully in some very unexpected ways. i=teh luck33]

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:17 / 24.08.05

Oh - fantasy football.

For a really worrying moment I thought ze was talking driving license.

20:19 / 25.08.05

Stupid fucking skirt not fitting right.

Stupid fucking skirt riding up around the hips because it doesn't fit right.

Stupid fucking skirt making me tug at it all day because it's riding up around the hips because it doesn't fit right.

Stupid fucking skirt ripping at the seams when I tugged it because it was riding up around the hips because it doesn't fit right.

Stupid me putting on weight so stupid fucking skirt doesn't fit right.

And this is the house that Jack built.

23:35 / 25.08.05

Fuck Vodafone. Useless, patronising, unhelpful and rude.

Even ruder than the idlers in the Apple store, and that's going some.

And fuck the council refuse collectors too, once they've got home and had a shower. I want my new wheelie bin, NOW!

06:21 / 26.08.05

Fuck Vodafone. Useless, patronising, unhelpful and rude.

Oh, that's not the half of it. Ruin my home town by filling it with style bars and wankers in super-expensive cars and renege on your promise not to in-fill the green belt once your precious fucking bypass is built. Bastards. You won't see me with one of their phones. Ever.

06:36 / 26.08.05

I don't understand! Where are these Vodafone style bars and bypasses and infill?

07:28 / 26.08.05

Newbury. Known by most of its remaining original residents as Vodabury.

08:03 / 26.08.05

Why?

22:44 / 27.08.05

I used to work for the fucking government and I still have never dealt with the quantity of office politics I have at this job.

22:30 / 28.08.05

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you you fucking monster. I don't care if you were force fed lead paint chips as a child, fuck you with broken bottles. (It's Westboro Baptist, if anyone would like to avoid the sheer stupid of reading about their most recent mental vomit)

ONLY NICE THINGS

13:22 / 30.08.05

Charming people. It's the way that he's twisted his children so far out of true as well, rather than just finding a cave where he could wank himself to death thinking about queer-bashing that really gets me down.

On the literal headsick front - did anyone punch me in the jaw over the weekend? I seem to be in a degree of discomfort, which I suspect is tightened-up muscles from lack of sleep, but I'm keeping every avenue of exploration open...

13:26 / 30.08.05

Well, I certainly didn't though it all did get a bit kitchen kung fu kerazy over the weekend. I find too much caffine wires my jaw/face muscles in that way, and I seem to notice it most when it's wearing off. I'm down to 1 or 2 cups a day now...

13:30 / 30.08.05

.. and with regards to the link, at least he got chased out of town, rather than being elected to the Supreme Court or the invited to policy meetings with GW. I thought that story was quite heartening in that regard.

18:32 / 31.08.05

...and now they're engaged.

No, I'm not really that interested in seeing your wedding dress, thank you. In fact, I'd rather not be made aware of your wedding plans at all. Good night, and have a lovely future.

18:33 / 31.08.05

Why do you have to sign your posts? I just read your name an inch above. Narcissism? Short term memory problems? A nervous tic?

Why do I have to be so grumpy? Age? Stress? The Sartrean Hell that is other people?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

19:05 / 31.08.05

Lepidopteran- ouch. I'd offer you some platitudes at this point, but I know they don't work and are, at best, irritating. So have some sympathy instead.

19:08 / 31.08.05

Thanks, Stoatie.

I've made myself feel a little better with that most petty of 21st century revenge: I de-Friended her LiveJournal. Heh heh.

Okay, so it didn't make me feel that much better.

This too will pass.

All Acting Regiment

19:36 / 31.08.05

I'm angry because I need to read listings better.

E.G.

What The Ramones Did For Us. Great TV Program cool! I'll alter my schedule and everything. Now I'm sitting down with a korma waiting to see a program about ace rock band.

Eh?

Romans?

Fuck you, Adam Hart Davis! Fuck you to hell! Yeah!

Well no, not really. Actually I respect the man, and it was genuinely interesting to see a recreation of Roman bread, Roman milk, Roman fire engines etc.

Just I was expecting the Ramones, see.

19:43 / 31.08.05

Legba Rex, you have officially cheered me up.

Sorry about the Ramones.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:20 / 31.08.05

Yeah, Legba, that's officially one of my favourite posts ever.

20:38 / 31.08.05

Understandable mistake, Legba, bearing in mind the Ramones' musical references to imperial Rome:

Road to Ruins
Zeno Zeno UFO
and the one Caesar was humming when the knives went in
Seneca is a punk rocker

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:00 / 31.08.05

Xoc, you forgot:

XX, XX, XXIV hours to go
I wanna be se-na-tor

All Acting Regiment

19:43 / 01.09.05

Friends, Blondie, and countrymen, let us not forget:

The Icenae took my baby away
Took her away
Away from me-e...

And:

4,5,6,7- all you Cretans go to Devon!

Which is true actually. Thanks to AHD I know that many of the leginoaries posted in southwest England were of Cretan stock. Thanks to ADHD I know (that's enough Ramonons for now -Ed)

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