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Urgh! Fuck!: A thread for untamed hate and anger [PICS]

 
  

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The Natural Way
09:04 / 13.12.02
Let rip!

I need to.

For starters: that fucking Gary Rhodes cookery show. Jesus! Have you seen it? All that soft plopping; oozing olive oil; gently, gently wooden spoons stirring the ingredients in the bowl: the sound effects, man! Has anyone checked the sound on that show? The food shots are porno enough w/out the bloody noises! I tell you, the sound effects are the culinary equivalent of full on hardcore, moaning and groaning sexbunnies! And add his delicate, "come stick yr wang in my naughty chocolate pud" voice into the cake-mix and JESUSGOD, YOU FUCK! PEOPLE ARE STARVING OUT THERE! I'm not exagerating - watch this fucking show and see for yrself. It's sickening. Those long, lingering shots.... And I don't want to hear any crap about how all cookery shows are bad - I know that - but this one...it takes the biscuit. After 15 minuites, tell me you aren't entirely disgusted by a country so wealthy and privileged that it can throw up this shit w/out blinking. I just imagine someone in the third world (or, y'know, the vast majority of people on this planet) viddying this stuff and.....

Taking a breather. Got quite overwrought. Will be back with more phlegm and bile later. Join me, you know it makes shittingbastard sense!
 
 
yawn - thing's buddy
10:14 / 13.12.02
even fucking worse:

those bastard asian network ads on the bbc.

They seem to be saying:

Hey look whitey! We’re exactly the same as you lot. Loud, trashy, slutty, working in garages-y, chucking stuff at eachother n that – slagging off ethnic music and head groovements. And we wait in vans outside football grounds.’

Aye -cos you get stabbed if you go inside them.

BBC ads are horrific.
 
 
The Natural Way
10:34 / 13.12.02
That's it, Barbelith. Bollocks to LOVE and POSITIVITY. Urgh! Loving Barbelith: "aren't we all friends?"...."Aren't we caring and supportive?"

BALLS. FUCK THAT.

Bring on the commuters w/ their morning papers: if there's one thing I can't stomach, it's those fuckers (I know we've been here before, but...c'mon...let me...). Now, I'm pretty sure this is bad and wrong of me, but there's something about that look many men affect as they approach their fifties - that furrowed-browed "SILENCE! I'm contemplating something incredibly important and serious and you'd better take me newscaster-forecasting-the-end-of-the-world seriously!" look - that really winds me up at 7:30 in the morning. The rustling and crackling of broadsheets being straightened, the frowning faces....garrgh! And sometimes it's the fucking Sun, Mail or Standard and it's still exactly the same: "I'm reading a paper! I care about the news.... It's a serious activity reading the paper! See how stern I am!"


Heyho! I'm sure they're all lovely guys IRL, outside the paperverse...

Jesus...does anyone else here commute? We could bitch all day! But I could bitch more: I travel Connex. You should try travelling Connex...those fucking bastards....
 
 
000
10:35 / 13.12.02
Ggggh. I hate threads about headsick and rage.

Besides, @And I don't want to hear any crap about how all cookery shows are bad@...

...

I love Nigella, you cunt.

 
 
The Natural Way
11:31 / 13.12.02
Nigella's just there to make women on diets feel less guilty about sneaking downstairs at midnight and caning the entire fridge: "Ssshhhh! No-one's watching I think I'll bullyram the steak!" That's it, scoff it down...it's alright...

She just underlines how fucked up our eating habits are. And our buggered relationship w/ our bodies/body image. And she's annoying and all "look at the SIZE of that CUCUMBER!"

She can fuck off, too.
 
 
Gary Lactus
11:35 / 13.12.02
Nnnnnnnngggg! Fucking Avril Levine telling me how "Life's like this, uh huh, that's right.". She's a thirteen year old trapped in an eighteen year old's body. Saw her in an interview the other day and she would not get the hair out of her face and when she speaks she just babbles like someone too self concious to use more than a four word vocabulary. There is already an Avril Levine thread somewhere so now I shut up.
 
 
that
11:37 / 13.12.02
Gary Rhodes' cookbook, which I had the misfortune to flip through - every other page looks like a dog has puked on the food - all yellow and frothy.

Bloody narrow-minded college - my PhD proposal summarily rejected by the department in which I did my BA. Why? No imagination. It's a sexy subject, dagnammit.
 
 
The Natural Way
11:40 / 13.12.02
But there isn't a "I FUCKING HATE AVRIL LEVIGNE (or however that little cock spells it)" thread anywhere. Puke that black shit, boy!
 
 
The Natural Way
11:44 / 13.12.02
I LOVE yr dogsick comparison, Chol. I know what you mean - I've seen that book.

Come to think of it, though: I HATE IT! Fucking Yarrghrgg! HATE! GNgnnGyyythhhhhhhuuurghthhh! Ack!

Ahem.
 
 
Saveloy
11:55 / 13.12.02
You're a shot in the f***ing arm, runce, that's what you are.
Gary Rhodes is trying to be a male Nigella, don't you reckon? He's obviously aware that he hasn't got much of a physique and appears to be trying to compensate by being incredibly clean. Have you seen how unnaturally smooth and shiny and moist his face is? He must have the skin off a baby's arse freshly pressed on between each take. And a pair of currants for eyes (soaked in brandy to give it a shine). Urgh, evil man. My missus noticed all the ploppings and flelleppings too, but thought his style more fecal than sexy. Called his chocolate mountain thing "Poohsuvius".
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:56 / 13.12.02
Those WKD ads. I know there's already a thread about hating ads on the telly, but really. They've always been aimed at the most hateful end of 'laddism', but have you seen the latest one? It's not just that it's openly homophobic - are you allowed to do that on't telly these days? - but that it's *aspirationally* homophobic - it's saying "ha ha, you're a solid sort of bloke who likes a LARF, drink this, then you'll be the sort of person who mocks people in the locker room if they strike an 'effeminate' pose!"

STAB THEIR EYES!
 
 
The Natural Way
12:07 / 13.12.02
Saveloy: Yes! flelleppings! Yes!

HATE Soooooooooooooo much.


Flup.
 
 
The Natural Way
12:14 / 13.12.02
Here's a weirder one:

You know when yr walking up a really steep hill w/ no end in sight, and all yr muscles are aching to buggery and yr sweating and you really need to go to the loo and the grounds all sloppy and yr feet are slipping (the last 3 are optional, but we've all been there).... Well, in that situation there's nothing worse than someone uttering the words "bloody hill!" or "fucking hill!" There's something about the niggling little similarity between "hill" and "hell" that sends me right over the edge... I can't explain it...just does my head...

Almost as much as picturing massive animal heads wobbling gently at the crest of the hill. That really gets me. But that's another, far more annoying and bizzare story....
 
 
yawn - thing's buddy
12:54 / 13.12.02
you ARE glass onion

smile please.
 
 
The Natural Way
12:56 / 13.12.02
I HATE it when you do that! I am NOT glassonion! He's a bloody postman, for God's sake!
 
 
Saveloy
13:05 / 13.12.02
CD or book titles that are printed so small you need a f**king electron telescope to read them make me want to crack open the designer's skull with a hammer and chisel and fill the cavity with boiling lead. ESPECIALLY when there's f**k-all else on the cover - in a typical example you'll have a massive field of flat olive-green or shit-brown and the writing will be all compressed into a microline of white in the bottom-right corner (no caps or punctuation, natch). WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME TO KNOW WHO MADE THE F**CKING RECORD? Something of a late-nineties fashion, granted, but you still come across it. Comes out of the fashion for minimalism, but I sniff a link also to the "boredom and ennui is soooooo-phisticated" aesthetic (cf blank-faced, dopey looking models in Dazed and Confused mag, adverts/cover-art that feature near-empty rooms in muted colours, cf the fucking title of Dazed and Confused mag), which in turn comes from our collective worship of - and desire to be - teenagers (who are either hyper and bouncy or bored and sulky, see?) The designer is desperate to make a big show of how smart/sophisticated they are but simultaneously desperate not to make a big show full stop, because that would be undignified. Grrrr. GRRRR!
 
 
dj kali_ma
14:06 / 13.12.02
Seeing as I've not had my morning cup of coffee, yet, I'm not going to be much in the way of articulate vitriol.

That said, the following can go to hell:

1.) Mothers with ten babies all crowding on the bus at the same time, and all the kids are filthy, smell like pee, are snot-and-chocolate golems from the nose down, and the mum is this screeching woman saying "You better fucking sit down before I burn you with the curling iron again," and ohthefuckingpathos, she's paying in pennies from a dirty Ziploc bag.

2.) Mothers with ten babies all crowding into the store where I work at the same time, and all the kids are filthy, smell like pee, are snot-and-chocolate golems from the nose down, and the mum is this screeching woman saying "You better fucking sit down before I sell the other fucking kidney," and ohthefuckingmadness, she's paying in what doesn't even look like currency from a dirty Ziploc bag. But somehow she manages to pay for the cookie and the Coca-Cola, and then they sit and hang out for hours, and I'm not allowed to kick 'em out because my boss is fond of reminding me that: "We're a family establishment."

3.) The SUV-load of Limp Bisquick fans that threw water balloons at me (in the cold, no less) while I walked home on a road with no sidewalks, in a town where I swear to fuck everyone has cars that are bigger than the public transportation. (They run more often, too, judging from the eerie sensation of seeing what looks like the exact same people behind every wheel.)

4.) Bands that are too clever to put any information in their CDs. Look, I've gotten over the fucking fact that you don't want people to know what you're singing about and therefore aren't in the practice of printing lyrics anymore, but you can at least tell me who's responsible for putting this out.

5.) Those whingeing, oh-so-clever, wanna-be-Internet-superstahs that piss all over everything in an attempt to be cooler than... uh... wait.

::a::
 
 
deja_vroom
14:50 / 13.12.02
(deep breath)

People who speak loud in buses
People who smoke in buses
Bus drivers that don't stop when they're supposed to
Buses

(breathe, breathe)

The traffic
The heat
People who put non-existent vowels in words (There's no "i" in "nascer" you filthy shitbag)
Not being able to have what I want
The fact that these posts don't come with sound, because right now I want to scream until I spit out my skull.
 
 
Jack Fear
15:04 / 13.12.02
Yikes.

Aphonia, what is it about your first two scenarios--the poverty, or the poor people?
 
 
Catjerome
15:12 / 13.12.02
That -fucking- catchy Eminem song "Without Me". My memory runs on singsong mnemonics[1], so this damn song gets stuck and recited in my head stuck _all the time_. And then my own whiny pedantic reaction to the same line, every single time: " 'Back on the rag and I'm ovulating?' You can't be ovulating _and_ on the rag at the same time!" As though that was the worst part of that song.


[1] Mad photographic and lyric memory here, so I make up songs and rhythms to help me remember things, e.g. "thutmose 2/hatshepsut his wife/thutmose 3 and his obelisk life" and so on for the important pharaohs of the 18th egyptian dynasty. But that just gets me singing rhythms over and over in my head. Like "Without Me". fahhhhhhck.
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
15:27 / 13.12.02
Bus drivers are about the only motorists I can stand. Because motorists...MOTORISTS!!! ARRAARAGGHH!!!!! Oh, could you go a little faster? You know, that stop sign is not just a suggestion. Thanks for splashing me, by the way. Oh, it's your turn to go? My mistake. I thought I'd been standing at this intersection for a FUCKING HOUR trying to get across the street. Yes, I'm here, walking in front of you. If you'd put down the cellphone, you might realize that there's a world outside of your car. AND THANK YOU FOR HITTING ME AND MY BIKE, KINDLY MOTORIST, SIR!!!
 
 
Linus Dunce
15:43 / 13.12.02
I second the motorists and the WKD ads. And that tosser in the bitter ad that disppears on the magician's stage to return with two pints of beer ... and a smug look on his face that makes you want to HIT HIM WITH A BASEBALL BAT!

And XHTML/XML/whatever pages like the BBC's Radio 4 and the Guardian's jobs that ONLY WORK IN IE yet they still add a "close this window" link AS IF THEY'RE PROVIDING CROSS-BROWSER SUPPORT.

But that's probably just me.

Anyway, not too good on the hate thing at the moment because, about an hour ago, I GOT A JOB!
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
16:31 / 13.12.02
I know I don't live in London anymore, but even two months away from the place has not dimmed my loathing for FUCKING ARROGANT BASTARDS WHO THINK HAVING A GOLD CARD FOR THE TUBE ENTITLES THEM TO SPECIAL FUCKING BLOODY BASTARDING TREATMENT.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
16:37 / 13.12.02
Let me explain: A gold card is a yearly pass for the Tube. It entitles the bearer to ride on trains. It does not entitle the fucking bearer to stride ahead of everyone else, elbowing lesser mortals to one side. It certainly doesn't entitle the bearer (should the ticket barriers malfunction) to stand in the way of everyone else with thier sodding Gold Card held out in a sort of Hitler salute, bellowing: "Gold Card! Gold Card! Excuse me! Hello! I've got a Gold Card!"

Look, a year's pass saves you money. You pay more money up front but over the course of the year you pay less than people who can't shell out upwards of a grand and who therefore have to use weekly travelcards. You are paying LESS MONEY but making MORE NOISE! Fuck off!
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
16:39 / 13.12.02
Tell ya, if I had Jeremy Clarkson and Gary Bushell in a room, and I had a gun, and I had one bullet...

I'd shoot myself.
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
16:57 / 13.12.02
Door to door carol singers. Not just the proper organised kind (which I haven't seen in years) but a couple of kids who obviously didn't have any other plans for this evening and said "fuck it, a verse of 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas' and we'll be in scrumpy money for a month! Excellent!" I just answered the door to three of these little fuckers and took great pleasure in shutting it again before they could get to the end of the first line. Of course, this does mean that by this time tomorrow my flat will be covered in dogshit and I'll be killed by having a firework let off through my letterbox but damn it felt good.

Right, back to the tedium.
 
 
bitchiekittie
16:58 / 13.12.02
LADIES! STOP SOILING THE TOILET SEATS, PLEASE!

you fucking dirty thing, if you must dribble doctors-only-freaking-know-what on the goddamn public toilet, at least have the goddamn common decency to wipe it up! if you are too disgusted to clean up your own filth, imagine how the poor dying-to-piss-but-with-poor-squatting-abilities woman who comes after you feels!

I also feel that if you shit on the toilet seat and leave it or pick your nose and place the evidence in plain view you should be forced to feel the brunt of my wrath. there will be something vile in store for you, pig
 
 
that
17:02 / 13.12.02
Again, I find myself agreeing with Jack. It's fucking disturbing, I tells ya. I comfort myself with the idea that Haus would've said it if he'd got there first.


The fucking hideous Marks and Sparks ad with all the celebrities. [Homer] Urge to kill rising[/Homer].
 
 
Jack Fear
17:11 / 13.12.02
When I was a little kid, there was a retarded boy who lived next door. He was hydrocephalic, and a dwarf, and I found him intensely disturbing and grotesque. His fingers were fat and gnarled, and he had to stand on a platform to use the toilet.

I used to smack him around, whenever I had the chance.

If the Outer Church ever gets hold of me, and I'm engulfed in magic mirror and shoved into a looping moment of my deepest sickening shame, so that I can practically hear a part of my soul dying--that's the moment: raising my fist in a red mist against this stunted, weird-headed retarded boy.
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
17:16 / 13.12.02
Mobile phones being used at inappropriate times. I'm not just talking about them ringing (which is still incredibly rude); I'm talking about people having actual fucking conversations without a fucking shred of consideration for the rest of us. I especially feel a certain degree of hate for a certain fucking woman using her mobile during a performance of King Lear I was at last week. If I ever find out where she schools her pretty pretty children...
 
 
Shortfatdyke
18:01 / 13.12.02
Going from shop to shop in Camborne and having the bastarding staff synchronise their cd players so that Slade's Merry Christmas Everyone plays every time I walk through the door. If it happens again shortfatdyke will SMASH!
 
 
Mourne Kransky
18:06 / 13.12.02
bitchiekittie, my illusions have been shattered. I had this horrible sexist picture of the Ladies as pristine and perfumed. With a basket of complimentary mints by the door. Damn. I thought that was why there was always a queue to get in.

Gary Rhodes is indeed the runt of the (very irritating) tv chef family. Don't like his recipes, don't like his voice, really don't like his chef's trousers, and such highly irksome hair.

Which reminds me, I hate hairdressers.

You want your hair cut, you spend a small amount of money and a little of your time at the barbershop. No booking required. No frilly ephemera. No small talk, once you've said "No holidays planned" and "No, didn't see the game." Only a small tip required, if any. Also, you're bound to walk out looking better than the faded photo of Jason King on the wall.

Hairdressers are ridiculously expensive. It's a haircut, not plastic surgery. They take forever with all their faffing about and cups of coffee. You have to book and get there on time. Ephemeral frills and furbelows abound. They talk and, what's worse, expect a response, to be shouted gracelessly above the din of the lovely West Life tape that's grating on and on. They study the techniques of the Spanish Inquisition and the Romulan High Command at Hairdressing School, you know. Large gratuity expected because the wages are, apparently, pish. No Jason King either.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
18:35 / 13.12.02
Fucking people. Dirty nasty grimy people. All walking about, getting in my way not liking it how I stay in and how I have no aims in life and don't want to do anything except NOT looking at their nasty dirty little cuntfaces.

People who come up to you and start trying to make conversation with you and YOU JUST WANT THEM TO GO AWAY. You just wanna GET HOME and you get on the bus and they catch your eye and you try and hide and think GO AWAY YOU SMUG FUCK but they come over anyway, say hello and then force you to MAKE ALL THE CONVERSATION while they go "yeah, ok" and don't say anything remotely intelligent or interesting and probably start going on about pakis or niggers because they are FUCKING CUNTS - ALL OF THEM!

And FUCKING MUMBLERS, MUMBLING BASTARDS, WHO GO AROUND MUMBLING TO THEMSELVES AND YOU JUST WANT THEM TO SHUT UP AND MUMBLE IN THE PRIVACY OF THEIR OWN HEAD!

Mmmf. Pffrrrt.

I had more, but it's gone now. I am calm.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
18:40 / 13.12.02
OH YEAH, that fucking shit BOOTLEG, which starts off making you think oooh, good, by being "This Charming Man" and then ruins it all by having FUCKING EMINEM'S ANNOYING GRATING PISS WHINE VOICE SHITTING ALL OVER IT. AND THE TWATS THAT PLAY THAT KIND OF THING! I AM GONNA HIT YOU IN THE FUCKING BALLS MATE! THE BALLS! UNTIL YOU ARE SICKING UP THE PUREST BILE AND STOMACH LINING!
 
 
Tryphena Absent
19:17 / 13.12.02
(I would have thought that an interruption to King Lear would be welcome!)

The fog and the tosser who overtook me and went bumper to bumper with the car in front in the fog. Lemar singing that catchy Lullaby song without the lovely Ainslie. Grrrrrrrr. My inability to put away anything and having to go to the same fucking pub I've been to every Friday night since I was sixteen whenever I'm in Elizabeth Bennet country. Ssssssssssssssssssss.
 
  

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