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Urgh! Fuck!: A thread for untamed hate and anger [PICS]

  
  

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■
21:29 / 19.07.05
On the subject of smashed car windows, did anyone notice that that car that got twatted in a violent and unnecessary attack on the news coverage of the G8 disturbances was parked on the zigzags leading up to a pedestrian crossing, so that it would at any other time have earned the owner an automatic three points on hir licence and a hefty fine?
 
 
Essential Dazzler
22:43 / 20.07.05
nor did I bat an eyelid when someone deployed "spacker" in the photo thread

Oh shit. That was me. That post would have been much more at home in Barbelush, not exactly the best first impression to make on Barbelith.

Actually, I'm quite angry you didn't call me out on it. How am I supposed to feel part of Barbelith when I'm not involved in epic, pedantic arguments about ridiculously moronic, offensive posts.

I'm even angrier with myself for posting it.

I'm even angrier a certain co-worker who seems to think "I fucking hate asians" is just as acceptable as "I don't like how HSBC use asian call-centres, the poor connection, and occasionally indecipherable accents make things a lot harder for me"
 
 
Psych Safeling
16:18 / 21.07.05
Peering at face in mirror, isolating almost imperceptible blemish on face, surrounding said blemish with force-wielding fingernails, continuing until large bleeding hole appears in face.

It's not moral outrage (though I would go with Stoatie on the dog-baking scoundrel, notwithstanding that directional urinating is harder when you ain't got no hose), it's outrage at my own foolish incapability to learn from my mistakes. It's been sixteen years since my first brush with acne, for holy Jesus Christ's sake.
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
17:10 / 21.07.05
I didn't bat an eyelid because it was fucking funny, dude.
 
 
Essential Dazzler
17:34 / 21.07.05
Thank Christ for that, I thought I was the only one laughing, that made me feel dirty.

Unless you're being sarcastic, in which case I'm all apologetic and self-loathing again.
 
 
P. Horus Rhacoid
22:56 / 21.07.05
I keep seeing this pickup truck that, in addition to a "no liberalism" bumper sticker (a la no smoking), has this fucking sticker that says "BUSH KILLS TERRORISTS DEAD" complete with a pic of a stereotypical Muslim Arab (dark skin, turban, assault rifle, etc.) being struck by lightning.

At a fucking university! People are supposed to be educated here. Fucking racist dickheads. I want to find whoever owns that truck and punch them in the fucking nose. Or better yet, if it's a male, the crotch. Come to think of it, I want to find everybody involved in the manufacture and distribution of that sticker and punch them in the crotch as well.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
23:06 / 21.07.05
(shhh...remember what Axel did in 'Beverly Hills Cop' to the car, when Judge Reinhold and John Ashton were tailing him outside the posh hotel? Remember, the bananas?...Not that I'm suggesting anything, of course...)
 
 
Liger Null
23:32 / 21.07.05
"I want to find whoever owns that truck and punch them in the fucking nose."

Why wait for the owner?

That's what golf clubs are for, baby...
 
 
fuckbaked
20:40 / 22.07.05
Ok, you know what pisses me off? There are a few simple rules that I expect people to follow when they're riding in my car, and it seems like nearly everyone who gets in my car breaks at least one of these rules, or argues with me a lot to try to get me to let them break at least one of these rules. If the car is moving, the rules are:

don't drink alcohol.

don't do drugs. no, you can't even smoke weed. no, you can't even smoke crack.

don't throw your trash out the window. As much as I'd like to, I can't stop people from littering when they're not in my car, but if they litter out the window of my car, I could get a $1000 fine for it. Not only that, but whoever's littering is usually ignoring my other rules, so if the cops pull us over to fine me because some idiot in my car just threw trash out the window, the cops are going to notice that said idiot is sitting there drinking a forty and smoking crack.

don't take your penis out to show it to the people in the other cars. (why do I need to tell people this????)

If I tell you that if you don't put your crackpipe and your penis away, then I'm going to pull over and kick you out of my car, and then 5 minutes later I see you with either your crackpipe or your penis out, then when I pull over by the side of the road to let you out of my car, don't yell at me and refuse to get out of my car.

Don't ask me for a ride somewhere, and then give me directions for an hour that lead nowhere, and then yell at me for not knowing where your fucking grandmother's house is.

Don't tickle me.

Don't grab my crotch and/or my boobs.

Wear your seatbelt, because when the cops pull us over to give you a seatbelt ticket, they're going to notice that you're drinking a forty and smoking crack. Either that, or you're underage, so the cops are going to give me a ticket because you're refusing to wear your seatbelt, and I know that you're not going to pay the ticket.

Don't demand that I drive you somewhere. You're welcome to ask, but you have no fucking right to demand that I drive you to San Francisco. You especially have no fucking right to demand that I drive you through the Jack In The Box drive through to buy you a burger with my money, especially since you live with your dad, and he provides you with 3 healthy meals a day.

Don't tell me how to drive. (There is one exception to this rule: if I'm going over the speed limit, then if you ask me to slow down, I will). If I'm going 35 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone, don't demand that I go 10 mph because there are warrents for your arrest, and you think that the cops will be less likely to notice us if we're going incredibly slowly. Also, don't tell me to go 110 mph because you're late. Don't tell me that I shouldn't make a complete stop at stop signs (I always come to a complete stop), don't tell me to run stop signs, and don't start screaming "there's a stop sign coming up!" when it's still way ahead of us, and quite clearly visible to me.

Don't steal my stuff out of my car. This rule applies even if the car is stopped.

----

I don't think these rules are unreasonable. Most of them have been broken way too many fucking times. I'm really fucking sick of telling people that I don't want them drinking alcohol in my car, and then looking in the back seat a minute later to see them chugging a forty, etc.
 
 
*
21:08 / 22.07.05
FB: Better friends.

Come on, man, you're a barbelithnianer or whatever it is we're called. You deserve better than this. Leave them on the side of the road between wherever it is you're located and San Francisco. Someone else will take them in and you'll be shot of them, guilt-free.

Or drop them off at the local human society.
 
 
*
21:11 / 22.07.05
Er, humane society. Human society won't take them, evidently.
 
 
fuckbaked
22:55 / 22.07.05
You deserve better than this.

Yeah, that's what I always thought, but it really doesn't seem to be true. I'm barely tolerated in human society, even if I am a Barbeloid. And most people who hang around with me do so because they want something from me, and I'm very gullible. Also, there are a few people who break the rules of my car who don't try to manipulate me and who are really nice, wonderful people, and even they drink in my car after I tell them not to, and take their penises out (although the guy that I've been hanging out with lately who frequently exposes himself to anybody and everybody is someone who's probably just hanging out with me to get stuff from me. he's fun, but I'm sick of him smoking my cigarettes, drinking my beer, demanding that I buy him burritos, and taking his penis and/or ass out of his pants. one of these days he's going to get arrested for exposing himself, and he's underage, so I really hope he's not in my car when he gets arrested, or even with me at all, because I don't want the cops paying attention to me. and he stole something from my car. It was something cheap, so I'm not upset about losing it, but I don't think that real friends would steal anything from me.)

And really, am I a barbeloid? I never post anything with any substance. I would be a troll, except I'm trying to follow the rules, and I don't actually get moderated much. In real life, I don't have friends like you, or Stoatie, or like most of the other Barbeloids. I have friends that are more like Morpheus. If he lived nearby, I'd probably play cards with him.

----

Since I'm already in this thread, ya know what else pissed me off today? Last night I went to sleep at about 3 or 4 am, in my car, and this morning at 8 am some fuckhead woke me up by pounding on my car window, and started begging me to give him clothes. He could see that I have clothes in my car. I was pissed off that he fucking woke me up. I gave him a coat that I had in my car that's way, way too big for me, and it fit him. I told him that since he's more than a foot taller than me, none of my clothes would fit him. He said I was lying about my height, which people always say when I'm sitting down. When I stand up they say something like "oh, wow, I never noticed that you're really fucking short before". And this guy kept begging me for clothes, even after he saw that the top of my head doesn't even reach his shoulder. And he kept begging and begging and he wouldn't leave me the fuck alone so that I could go back to sleep. He said that if he got clothes that looked alright, someone was going to give him $90, and he'd give me $20 if I give him clothes that would allow him to get the money. Since I didn't know how I was going to get food today, and I could have really used that $20, I decided to give him the pants that I was wearing (did I mention that I'm gullible?). I found them recently, so they didn't cost me anything, and they're way too big. I had a belt on to keep them up, and they were rolled up by, oh, at least half a foot at the bottom. I took them off and gave them to him, and put on some pants that I had in my car that fit me. The pants I gave him were a bit small for him, but they looked better than what he was wearing before. Things just got weirder than that. He kept stalling on the money, and said he'd get some weed to smoke me out, so I drove him around to try to get that fucking weed. Finally we got to a place where the person who he was supposedly getting weed from was, and he went over to talk to them, and came back and said that they hadn't been willing to sell him weed there because their landlord was there, but that we needed to go back to Denny's and they would meet us there to give us the weed (obviously nobody ever showed up at Denny's). I think that's total bullshit, because I don't understand why they would have sold him coke if they weren't willing to sell him weed. And he was smoking coke in my car, of course. He bought me a burrito early on, so I kept hoping that he'd actually get the money or the weed that he kept saying he'd get, so I stayed with him. After he got the coke, he got a lot sketchier, and I finally just drove off when he walked into a gas station to buy something (another beer? I don't even care why he was there.) Total time spent with that guy: 5 hours. Yeah. What a waste of a morning. If I weren't fiending for weed, I would have driven off after I gave him the coat, and told him that if he goes around waking people up at 8 am he's going to get beat up. I did get a burrito, so I'm not really pissed off at him, but damn what a waste of time and gas.
 
 
■
23:02 / 22.07.05
That's not rage, that's a Hemingway short story.
 
 
Char Aina
23:36 / 22.07.05
duuuuude...
you need less 'lying scumbag fucker' acquaintances, huh, fuckbaked.
 
 
fuckbaked
08:36 / 23.07.05
you need less 'lying scumbag fucker' acquaintances, huh, fuckbaked.

%what gives you that impression?%
 
 
Harrison Ford, in a battle suit, wheels for feet, knives and guns
08:56 / 23.07.05
LOL that's the funniest most entertaining tale i've heard for ages, thanks Fuckbaked.
Can i suggest you get an ejector seat fitted in your car. That way you won't even need to tell them to stop breaking the rules & they may even eventually land at thier requested destination.

Shit i've just talked myself into getting one.
 
 
Spaniel
09:28 / 23.07.05
Fuckbaked, if some weirdo was banging on my car window demanding I give him clothes I think I would have driven off.
 
 
Harrison Ford, in a battle suit, wheels for feet, knives and guns
09:39 / 23.07.05
No Boboss you would have given him your sexy catsuit that you always wear for special!
 
 
Ganesh
11:23 / 23.07.05
British Cunting Telecom. They can cock up and turn off one's broadband supply instantly, yet it takes seven days for them to turn it back on again. Fuckbiscuits.
 
 
Spaniel
12:33 / 23.07.05
That is annoying.
 
 
Benny the Ball
14:04 / 23.07.05
That is British Cunting Telecom
 
 
Harrison Ford, in a battle suit, wheels for feet, knives and guns
18:41 / 23.07.05
Yes they are THE CUNT!

Put a £1 in a phone box yesterday to make urgent call, machine ate money, no call for Harrison Ford. Phoned the operator who promptly told me that she wasn't going to give me a £1 phone call to the person i needed to contact but would post me a cheque for £1 to my home address or alternatively i could have a reverse charge call.

Thankyou BT, i'm now at home by the front door bent over ready for you to come round and FUCK ME SQUARE IN THE ARSE!!
 
 
■
22:41 / 23.07.05
I remember the days you used to be able to:
Get your 2p coin back if the call wasn't connected;
Ask directory enquiries for street adresses;
Use phone boxes as makeshift tents when your camping holiday went awry.

BT now? Twats.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
23:34 / 23.07.05
And while we're on the subject: a big angry shout going out to all you tossers who break and / or rig phone-boxes! There's a new way of doing it round my way, where these riggers do something which results in your coin getting stuck in the slot, and unless you've got paper-thin fingers or happen to carry a butter knife around with you, you can see the coin but can't - get - it - out. Grrr....bastards! Don't such f**kers realise that some of us can't afford mobile-bloody-phones and that last fifty pence was intended to phone my dear old mother and let her know I'm still alive?!!!!!

You're robbing your own; you pricks!
 
 
fuckbaked
05:50 / 24.07.05
Phones, ugh. Pay phones often are either broken, or they work but the button to increase the volume doesn't work, so I can't use them. My hearing's not very good. One time I went to the airport to pick up a friend, and I couldn't get to the area where she'd said to meet her (I don't recall why). I knew she was there, somewhere, so I figured I'd use one of those airport phones to talk to someone in the airport who could page her over the intercom (or whatever they're called in airports), but I couldn't hear well enough on the phone to be able to do that. I went walking in search of an information booth or something of that sort, and I found one...but no one was there. *sigh* Then, as I was wondering what to do, I heard my own name, or what I thought might be my own name, over the intercom, but I couldn't hear what they'd said about my name. I knew it was probably a message about where to meet my friend. I stopped someone who was walking by and asked if they'd heard the message, and they said something like, "Why don't you just use that white phone over there to call and ask what the message was?" before they quickly walked away. Ugh. I can't use those phones. I'm trying to recall how I actually found my friend, and I think that what happened was that I went outside to smoke a cigarette and think about how the hell to find her, and she was out there smoking.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
06:10 / 24.07.05
I think that what happened was that I went outside to smoke a cigarette and think about how the hell to find her, and she was out there smoking.

Class. Aint that always the way? I remember losing my Dad when I was a teenager on various family outings, then giving up and going outside, sparking up a fag, and (much to my horror) seeing him nearby chuffing away on a cigar. Thankfully, I've got quick reflexes and I never really did get caught for smoking. But boy, was I close?

(BTW, fuckbaked, from the few clues you've dropped in some of your other posts, I'd love to know more about your job. My imagination's going crazy. I keep thinking you're working on some Top Secret scientific sleep/dream research project. Are you? Go on, you can tell us... It would be sooooo cool if you were and I'd be really jealous. Also, it would be ironic considering the problems you once said you were having with sleeping and having micro-sleep like hallucinations -- sorry for the off-topic-ness everyone!)

To get back on topic: I f**king hate money. There's a picture I've got within a Pictures on Walls calendar for 2005, which shows a man in a suit taking money from a cash-machine. On the wall to his right in graffiti are the words, "Money sucks". I couldn't agree more. Grrrr.....
 
 
Essential Dazzler
20:39 / 24.07.05
An article in todays ""News" of the World" (My Dad gets it, shut up) about a Female teacher who seduced a 13 year old boy. Only one "depraved" and not a single "Paedophile".

Yesterday I saw a guy wearing a T-shirt that had an apostrophe where there shouldn't have been one. How the hell does a T-shirt with a Typo on it get designed, printed, sold and worn?

And will people learn to wipe their own piss off toilet seats? I'm not being unreasonable, I'm not asking people to stop pissing on toilet seats, that happens to even the most sober people, but just grab a sheet or two of toilet paper and wipe! It's that simple, and then it's safe for the next person to sit on! I can't remember the last time I left piss on a toilet seat, but I've had to wipe other peoples syrupy yellow mess off more than once this week. IS THAT FUCKING FAIR?!
 
 
P. Horus Rhacoid
22:14 / 24.07.05
How the hell does a T-shirt with a Typo on it get designed, printed, sold and worn?

Probably the same way a business puts up a sign with the same problem, or a restaurant puts out a menu, or my grandparents put up a sign next to their house that says "The Smith's"... seriously, nobody knows how to use apostrophe's these day's. (I'm not trying to be snide, it pisses me off too.)

I was hanging out in Borders today when I decided to indulge in my masochistic tendencies and read part of Michael Savage's wonderful new bestseller, Liberalism is a Disease or whatever the hell it's called. Displaying a truly stunning lack of grasp on geopolitics and history both, he compares the current war to World War II, and suggests that we deal with Iraqis as we dealt with the Nazis: leaflet them for a few days, warning civilians to run, and then bomb the shit out of cities with terrorists in them, e.g. Fallujah (the word "raze" is tossed around a few times). You know, what he's saying wouldn't make me angry on its own; what pisses me off is that the book is a fucking bestseller; a large segment of the population actually agrees with him. My country is full of morons, and a lot of them have really loud voices.
 
 
Hattie's Kitchen
15:24 / 25.07.05
Look, I'm really tired. I only got back to London at stupid o'clock last night after a 3+ hour journey from the north, surrounded by very annoying people. I've had 4 hours' sleep. I have to haul my arse up at stupid o'clock in the morning to get to work, thanks to twatting terrorists, 'cos there's no Circle line tube, and it takes me two hours to get to fucking work, and I really don't need stupid wankerage forced upon me as soon as I get into the office.

I've contacted all the people I needed to for this stupid fucking article, that 12 middle-management corporate banking wankers in the whole world will read, and the fact that NONE of them are willing to disclose sensitive information is not my fucking fault, frankly. And I am not your fucking secretary either.

I go on holiday in two days. Kindly do me a favour and leave me the fuck alone until then. No doubt by the time I get back I will be sufficiently chilled enough not to care about petty office wankerage, but until then please, pretty please, just FUCK OFF.
 
 
fuckbaked
23:39 / 25.07.05
paranoidwriter said: "(BTW, fuckbaked, from the few clues you've dropped in some of your other posts, I'd love to know more about your job. My imagination's going crazy. I keep thinking you're working on some Top Secret scientific sleep/dream research project. Are you? Go on, you can tell us... It would be sooooo cool if you were and I'd be really jealous. Also, it would be ironic considering the problems you once said you were having with sleeping and having micro-sleep like hallucinations -- sorry for the off-topic-ness everyone!)"

Lol. I have a totally boring job. Totally boring, I assure you. It's not top secret. I just don't want to say too much about my life. I'm pm you and tell you where I work...it's not interesting at all.
 
 
fuckbaked
04:54 / 26.07.05
I wish I didn't have a sex drive. It just leads to me feeling sad and rejected, and saying and doing things that I regret. I want to get rid of it.
 
 
Essential Dazzler
10:39 / 26.07.05
Have you considered castration?
 
 
Whisky Priestess
21:48 / 26.07.05
Or a long-term relationship?
 
 
Tryphena Absent
21:51 / 26.07.05
Or marriage? I hear that you have to call the sex inspectors after the first 7 days, they'll give you some fluffy handcuffs and that will really put you off.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:07 / 26.07.05
How's about a serious drug habit? It's amazing what one of those can do to your priorities.
 
  

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