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Fuck this shit.
Terry "The Coma" Francona is managing the first-place Boston red Sox like the last-place Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
The Sox have a great seventh inning against the best pitcher of another first-place team. Hey, sure, they're still down by five, but their offense is one of the best in baseball, and they're especially good at come-from-behind wins. You have a bullpen that features Mike Timlin, who has been unreal all year in the setup role. Mike Myers is a lights-out lefty specialist. Chad Bradford is an submarine righty who's been hot lately. Manny Delcarmen is one of the hot young arms in the organization who... What's that you say? He's been what!? Sent back to AAA ball? For who? What!!? For Mike fucking Remlinger? A forty-year-old reliever who has an ERA of infinity with the Sox so far? The man who gives up the gopher ball on a daily basis? Oh, well, that's okay, Timlin, Bradford and Myers are pretty fresh. So who ya gonna play, Tito?
Wait, what the FUCK? Is that goddamn Remlinger coming in this game? Sure they're down by a lot, but this is the motherfuckin' RED SOX OFFENSE, asshole! The COMEBACK KINGS!
Oh, there go two runs. Way to demoralize the whole fucking team. Oops, there go three more. Well, that's a wrap, folks. Way to show absolutely no trust in an offense that features Manny Ramirez (one of the three best hitters in baseball, bar none), David Ortiz (best clutch hitter in the game), Johnny Damon (the premiere leadoff hitter) and Jason Varitek (the best-hitting catcher since Piazza got old and tired).
Look, Tito. It's fine to concede games and give your poorer bullpen pitchers work when you're the KANSA CITY ROYALS and you are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. It's all about getting guys work for next year (good fucking luck, KC). But when you are in FIRST PLACE in the AL East and arguably the best team in the American League, you PLAY EVERY GAME TO WIN THE FUCKER. especially when you're playing another contender. That's what's known as playoff practice. Are you gonna throw in a shit pitcher when we play the Angels in the playoffs? I fucking well hope not, or your ass is grass. There is no less forgiving sports city than Boston. Remember Grady Little? 'Nuff said, true believer.
So: STOP PUTTING SHIT PITCHERS IN IMPORTANT GAMES. You might as well just concede. Remlinger exists to pitch in 10-2 blowouts vs. Tampa and Kansas. No, fuck that. Remlinger exists to be sent down to AAA so promising flamethrowers like Delcarmen, Lester, Papelbon, Alvarez and the unearthly Hansen can get a shot at the bigs. Remember a man named Roger Clemens? Seven Cy Young awards? Ring a bell? He was in these kids' place and he won 22 games.
You fucking lazy, safeplaying, sorry excuse for a manager. I'm shocked we even won it all last year. No wonder they call you "the Coma," you drooling fucking moron. |
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