Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

barbequotes

Page: 1 ... 21 22 23 24 25(26)27 28 29 30 31... 81

17:57 / 14.02.05

...I intend to don a big fuck-off Dutch army coat and a hat with earflaspa and a picture of Lenin on the front, so I can go to the pub without being found tomorrow morning in a frozen heap outside the newsagent's.

Stoatie, in the clothes thread, because I want some earflaspa. They sound warm and perhaps a little damp, and are clearly what I need to keep my cold head warm.

Brigade du jour

11:26 / 15.02.05

I want some earflaspa too. I could keep them in a perforated jar and feed them small rodents all summer until they died of old age.

13:09 / 18.02.05

In response to my post: 'Last night I watched a programme called Celebrity Detox, where a bunch of celebrities went off into the Amazon jungle and chewed Coca leaves and drunk Ayahuasca,' Gypsy Lantern is once again spectacularly funny.

What the fuck?!? Get me out of consensual reality, I'm a Celebrity? This week James Nesbitt and Eddy the Eagle Edwards share a single profound moment where space seems to fold inward upon itself and they instinctively understand that all consciousness is a single musical note reverberating through a cold universe."

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:48 / 20.02.05

Darrrn. olulabelle beat me to it. I shall have to content myself with Qalyn's take on the Paris Hilton video:

Oh, god, so what?

22:10 / 20.02.05

Dammit, MC, I'm no one's booby prize!

Less searchable M0rd4nt

23:08 / 20.02.05

You'll always be my booby prize, sugar-tush.

10:52 / 22.02.05

Haus, in the Children thread:

At this point I for one propose a liberal coup. We shall march to the doors of Parliament, break them down, and cry look, we'll pay for the damage.

If I had my way, this is how the Mosh video would have ended.

21:04 / 22.02.05

I'm a sucker for puns, so this one by Keggers made me chuckle.

I had an american girlfriend who wanted to go clubbing. Seems it means different things to the americans... I'll never forget the look on her face when I hit my first seal.

unheimlich manoeuvre

00:25 / 24.02.05

Haus and Reidcourchie lay it on in the Bill Hicks Live! dvd thread

Haus
I'm pretty sure Jesse Custer quotes Bill Hicks at some point, too

And meets him. And wanks him off with a sock full of liver, in what has to go down as one of the most embarrassing Mary Sue moments in the history of comics.

"Holy shit! You're a preacher!"

"Well, ah reckon that makes two of us. Ah'm nigh-invulnerable when I'm blasting. Gambit, ah can never touch you."

cloud
With a sock full of liver? Sounds fun.
Yeah, that sounds just about right.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
At the end of Revelations he does a whole spiel about not being afraid and life being a ride. Does anyone have a copy of that in text form. I want to tattoo it on to my cock so I can read it whilst wanking into a sock full of liver.

09:26 / 02.03.05

ass candling will save the world

red shoes dancing in the Newbies thread - never truer words were spoken.

12:42 / 02.03.05

At this point I for one propose a liberal coup. We shall march to the doors of Parliament, break them down, and cry look, we'll pay for the damage.

Sorry to disappoint Smoothly, but this is an almost verbatim quote from the comedian Eddie Izzard
Mr. Izzard is a fabulous comedian though, you should look him up if you fancy a laugh. Just avoid his later stuff.

ONLY NICE THINGS

13:05 / 02.03.05

That's right! I knew it was an alternative comedian, but I couldn't remember which one. Cheers, NG.

ONLY NICE THINGS

07:07 / 03.03.05

Personally, at least, it has a 'body moving' quality to the music that I associate wtih dancehall, soca, and some jungle.

Oh and < Good Housekeeping >

Goodness Gracious Meme, unintentionally causing a double-take as I read her as saying that grime had a "body moving" quality that ze associated with housewives' favourite Good Housekeeping.

20:25 / 03.03.05

3 sugars Jack? Fuckinell that's a lot. You must be bouncing off the walls.

Idunnowhyyoudsayathinglikethat, itneverreallyeffectsmeina BADway, just givesmethatlittleboostIneedtogetgoingin the morning yup gottagetupand gogogoGO heyLOOK! A MONKEY!!!

that had me giggling inanely for about the last ten minutes...thank you Jack Fear (in the 'How do you have your coffee?' thread)

unheimlich manoeuvre

22:43 / 07.03.05

I'd go so far as to say that if Michael Howard's the next Prime Minister, I will personally fellate a sheep on the Strand at midnight and sell the story to The News Of The World, and interweb pictures of the whole terrible scene to my friends and family, and if that's not an election promise, I don't know what is.

...

Alex Is Losing His Edge doesn't favour the Tories to win the next general election.

11:26 / 09.03.05

Does Sauron post once a year? It's always a happy time for me.

Sauron: You nobbers could all write for Sugarape.

The most Nathan Barley thing in the world is to talk about Nathan Barley.

And that's why it's so good.

Wankers will eat themselves and absolutely love it.

Futures Bummers.

Spatula Clarke: No, the most Nathan Barley thing in the world is to talk about people talking about Nathan Barley, and to use the word 'nobbers' while doing it.

And that's why you're a nobber.

Sauron: Exactly. Nobber.

Now cunt off.

12:23 / 11.03.05

Stoatie on the House of Lords doggedly defending Habeas Corpus and refusing to back down on control orders-

Does it strike anyone else as slightly terrifying that the mainstay of our entire legal system currently owes its continued existence to how long a bunch of old people can stay awake?

12:07 / 14.03.05

Bizunth on the Guardian's way to improve school dinners (in the Jamie Oliver thread):

Start by sending letters asking to change the dinner policy in Ohio?

Ooh, you are awful...

22:18 / 16.03.05

Put on Eye of the Tiger and PUNCH IT.

Ms Triplets in the The Nesting Habits of Pigeons thread.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:54 / 18.03.05

I tried being magic the other night, but when they saw me in my hat they all laughed...and I think this is a lesson for us all.

...

The dog above is what any magic would call a "familiar".

...

When my friend Chris Horn told me that "Sixth Form is for kids" I thought he was a prick. But sometimes you have to acceopt - as I do now - that this is the actual fact of REALITY (the School of Hard Knocks).

...

My mate Chris Horn is an MC. When he gets on the mic he chats about the Actual Facts of Reality (The School of Hard Knocks) - snd he CAN. While very young men are drawing pentagrams, Chris has to graft for a living. What's he gonna make of all this business? Aaah yes, I think we all know what Chris would say.....

"Look at those fools in their hats!"

My Grandfather was always very impressed by students at Harrow Boy's School. We'd drive around town with him pointing them out:

"Look, the BOYS! In their HATS!"

It is all a question of perspective. Obviously. Just take a look with yr own eyes.

Sometimes even trolling can be beautiful. Runce shows you the way.

18:00 / 18.03.05

I absolutely agree. One of the funniest things I've read in ages.

12:42 / 21.03.05

"Fuck him and fuck you." Qolynda in the 'I give you...a new member...' thread.

Not sure why, but it has had me laughing all weekend, and every time I read it.

13:57 / 21.03.05

Sssh. Sssh. Please be quiet as if you were dead.

This post by Mr. Shaftoe in 'kill this thread and die' is so intricately executed you can feel the pain in each little syllable.

11:14 / 22.03.05

From the 'Unlock the "This Thread Must Die" thread;

Mistoffeles - For the promise of not a lot of money, you have proven yourself to be unfit to be a moderator on this site

Petey Shaftoe - I've done worse for less !

Just has the ring of truth about it somehow...

12:36 / 22.03.05

Gypsy Lantern makes my day with hir response to mark r's statement in the Temple that trading a philosophical viewpoint for experiential reality is trading sanity for power.....

I haven't traded sanity for power, I traded the immortal souls of thirteen innocent babies for power.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

11:18 / 23.03.05

Mr Bizunth names the next Bond:

Takes One To Know One
Hammertoes
Sting Me, Venomous Scorpion
P.S. I Have Big Laser
Octovagina

17:24 / 23.03.05

The Love. Ugh. thread is only a day old, and is already full of gems too numerous to mention...

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

18:51 / 23.03.05

Fucker.

21:55 / 23.03.05

This is the best bit:

obviously the only tried and tested way of understanding this kind of problem is by asking a computer screen full of non-accountable text what it would do in your situation.

11:54 / 24.03.05

Not exactly a quote, but the pictures of the Krankies thrown on by Stoatie had me giggling and terrified in equal measure.

Withiel: DALI'S ROTTWEILER

15:14 / 24.03.05

Olulabelle, in the wonderful "Love.Ugh" thread.

"We just want Boogaloo to boogaloo.

Do we?

I thought we didn't much have a position on if he actually boogalooed or not, I thought our main concern was that he stop fretting so much about the boogalooability between the two of them, and concentrate more on getting to the potential boogalooing stage itself..."

It's the way it starts off perfectly rationally , and thne descends into a sort of orgy of "boogaloo"s.

03:04 / 29.03.05

Keggers gives Electric Monk the lowdown on world opinion.

Keggers - Odd. They tolm me I had a great face for a meatgrinder.

electric monk believes you - Bush warned us about that Canadian Beef.

Keggers - Yeah but President Bush will warn you about anything if it will make him a buck!

electric monk believes you - How the world must laugh at us. It must be cacophanous out there, but in here we can't hear a thing.

Is it as bad as I suspect?

Keggers - Pretty much... we sorta see you as sheep being guided by the wolf.

electric monk believes you - Certainly a fair assessment.

"He's not so BAA-AAD." And we're getting shorn everywhichaway.

Keggers - And soon he shall wool the world!

I laughed, and felt a little better about the world.

17:12 / 30.03.05

Stoatie in the Fruit & Veg thread, commenting on something that's probably THE coolest, alien looking whatever the fuck it is that I've ever seen :

'Where in the name of fuck do you get one of those fractal monstrosities? I must have one!!!'

I agree.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:38 / 02.04.05

Here's a %rrrrradical% thought: Maybe if very bored rich people with way too much time on their hands didn't sit around looking for the latest "esoteric buzzphrase" to self-diagnose themselves with (often in order to excuse the random fuckitude that they engage in) aided and abetted by lifestyle mags and "have YOU got syndrome X?" type quizzes on the net, there wouldn't be any latest esoteric buzzphrases, and thusly a lot less pills being doled out by desperate doctors ("All right then, you're bipolar then, now put away the colour supplement, take two of these and fuck off so I can explain to this homeless paranoid schizophrenic that he doesn't need to amputate his own arm for Jesus!")

Mordant lays the smackdown in the "Love Ugh" thread.

09:00 / 02.04.05

I HEART drunken Mordant.

Page: 1 ... 21 22 23 24 25(26)27 28 29 30 31... 81