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Eloi Tsabaoth
16:07 / 04.06.04
I was just about to post that but was briefly distracted by a passing sparrow that you sent.
 
 
40%
07:15 / 05.06.04
Flyboy in the Callgirl of Cthulhu thread (another old one):

'(She Is My) Sexual Therapy' is one of my favourite singles, Bill - how did you guess? It's taken from Toil's 1995 lp Toil Death Do Us Part. At a time when everyone else was making shallow Britpop hits with melodies and everything, Toil showed that you could still release six minutes of an aging North London occultist grunting and wailing over the sound of a block of flats being knocked down in Hackney, and still have a Top 70 smash hit!

Genius.
 
 
Hieronymus
14:54 / 05.06.04
Ganesh on his familiarity with Mr. Grant Morrison in the Good Morning Barbelith thread:

Well, it's easy to make up ridiculous spoof titles like that, Sax, but if you circle every third letter of Flex's speech balloons, in issue 4 of Flex Mentallo, take a few letters away and add a few, you get GANESH S MY BST FREND I LIKE HM MOR THAN EVRYBODY ELS ND WANT HM TO TOUCH MY BTTOM.

I still can't catch my breath.
 
 
Baz Auckland
13:35 / 07.06.04
Bedhead in the Reagan thread fills my morning with laughter:

Thatcher. Never mind all the lily livers fretting over their response to Reagan's demise, I openly admit to clapping my hands with evil glee on hearing a tale of Thatcher’s current state - so senile that the death of her beloved Dennis has had to be broken to her again and again and again, with the same horrific initial shock and grief absolutely devastating her, every single time - but really, I don’t think I could have invented a better end to her days! If it’s true, I rather hope she doesn’t die for ages yet. Reagan got off lightly with his cozy dotage.

And now,that’s a gut reaction I’m properly proud of.
 
 
cusm
20:48 / 07.06.04
Realistically though, there are probably only a handful of world leaders who are actually blood drinking aliens

Solomon applying cool headed compromise in the Conspiratology thread.
 
 
pomegranate
15:07 / 09.06.04
oh seldom killer, you crack me up in the "I Can't Really Sit Here And Listen To This" corporate bullshit thread:

In a meeting today, someone referred to the HR Cadre and Training Cohorts.

Next week I'm going to hear about the Finance Posse and how they got right on up in the motherfucker. Nothing like that bunch of badass pivot table wielding pimps.
 
 
Sax
14:27 / 11.06.04
Among the reasons why the wonderful yawn likes his job:

Get to wank in hotels occasionally.
 
 
Grey Area
21:31 / 11.06.04
The Seldom Killer in the 'Tell Me About Your Penis' thread, making me laugh and startling the other office occupants:

That said though, nothing is going to kill the moment quicker than reaching for something in a package that depicts a male orgasm face. There is nothing sexy about someone trying to do an impression of a startled rhino.

That's the third time in a week I've had to clean coffee off my monitor. Thank-you.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
02:10 / 14.06.04
Baz Auckland:
In contrast then, what's our healthy way of relieving aggression that the Japanese lack?

Haus:
Karate.

Obviously.
 
 
Jack The Bodiless
11:40 / 16.06.04
Rizla: "...doing it online [slagging people off] is dead easy and doesn't involve having to deal with other people's reciprical hostility face to face..."

The Stoatfather: "Good ol' Rizla's put it far better than I would have. (If anyone's interested, I was gonna say "you can call someone a cunt and they can't twat you")"
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
13:16 / 19.06.04
It's like if I just bought a miniature ceramic duck-mounted harpoon or something - it's a purchase from which I gain nothing, and which just makes no sense.
Rizla's crappy-comic-buyer's remorse makes me chuckle.
 
 
Cat Chant
12:23 / 21.06.04
For me, there's a delicate balance between posting so little that I don't make enough mistakes to learn from, and posting so much that I make too many mistakes to learn from at once.

7 Beats to the Bar is wise. I would put this on the wiki (because I think, if it's not the answer to a FAQ, we're all frequently asking the wrong questions), but I don't know how to use it yet.
 
 
Sax
10:10 / 29.06.04
The unsniffable Mike Robot in the resurrected Mad Skillz thread:

Like Morrison's X-Men, you cunts are disposable,
I treat your sub par skills like an Epic proposal

That was beautiful.
 
 
Char Aina
00:59 / 02.07.04
the Fool
I made this sigil, U LUV IT! as a marketing exercise. I've currently put it on a t-shirt and put it in a competition so we will soon see how far a sigil can go in the cutthroat corporate world...

Its meant to make anything you put it on more desirable...


FinderWolf
That looks cool, Fool - what's your site again for buying them there T-shirts?




well it made me giggle.

here
 
 
gravitybitch
03:14 / 02.07.04
"I mean, heck - we all know that post-structuralist and postmodern theory leads to ritual murder, right? So there's no need to bang on about it."

Thank you, misty laine - that made my evening!
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:04 / 02.07.04
No. You've all got it wrong. We made God, Ze worships us and we don't want Hir to be gay. God will cry if evolution is taught in schools because it'll undermine Hir faith in us. God is lovely but like a child.

Beneath this thread lies a disease.

Seth makes great use of comic timing between two of the funniest things ever written on Barbelith. I will start calling everything "lovely but like a child".
 
 
Smoothly
14:59 / 02.07.04
Flyboy: Guys, I think you're being rather harsh on the guy. I mean, wouldn't you have some issues with people who got to have sex if you looked like this?

Haus: Now, now, Flybs. This is like sex. Plenty to explore before aiming for the face.


I'm so stealing that.
 
 
40%
21:01 / 04.07.04
From the Never Been in a Band thread:

Johnny O'Clock:

[quotes] "Imagine telling the cute object of your affections/lust that you're in a band and being met with "Have I heard of you?"

That's not so bad. What's worse is being ignored by said object because you don't play guitar, do vocals or play the drums. I feel so very bad for bass players, but someone's gotta do it...

pin:

We don't need yr fucking sympathy, our instruments are the most cock-like instruments in the world!
 
 
Papess
15:30 / 05.07.04
A thank you goes to Our Lady for this:

Maybe if you take your Tyler Durden bomber jacket off and try giving a fuck ...

From this post.

Oh yeah! Good one!
 
 
*
19:30 / 05.07.04
See what you've done? See what you've done? You've made the Clue Fairy cry! Poor Clue Fairy.

Mordant Carnival, same thread. Gives me chills.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
04:48 / 06.07.04
Still more goodness from the thread the last two quotes have come from...

Mr Spong *puzzled* Are you suggesting that television ,might not give an accurate portrayal of non-hetro culture?

the cat's iao Does television give an accurate portrayal of anything?

olulabelle Yes. Terry Nutkins really does know a lot about animals.
 
 
electricinca
20:02 / 06.07.04
Lord Morgue wrote in Books for Soldiers thread.

Shh, I'm on a roll here, let's not spoil it with the facts.

DISpensing our LITerary MANna from our SECRET INVISIBLES AIRSHIP, raining Micheal Moore and... and STING ALBUMS on the battlefield, causing... 2001-like chaos as the... UNEDUCATED JARHEADS discover FREE THOUGHT and JOIN HANDS WITH THE ENEMY TO FORM A HUGE CIRCLE AND SING "WE ARE THE WORLD"! YES! THAT'S WHAT BARBELITH IS! It's the fucking MONOlith from 2001! Feed thhhhheee woorrrllddd...
Dooo theeyyy knooowww it'sss chhriiistmaaas tiiimeee....

Oh my god, I've burst my brain...

After the shitty day I've had reading this made me laugh out loud, cheered me up no end and put the day in perspective.
 
 
Sax
10:58 / 08.07.04
Random Out-of-context Reasons Why I Love Haus #1:

So far it hasn't been a moebius strip but a lemniscate, for future design references.
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
10:01 / 09.07.04
From the Mark Millar Spiderman thread, a brief yet robust detour about Ultimatewolverine:

Flyboy
It was the goatee that made him TRULY DANGEROUS.

Bio K9
Logan should get some tattoos. That would really be badass!

Damn that's funky Suedehead!
To be frank, he'd be way cooler if if he had RETRACTABLE ADAMANTIUM CHAINS OF DEATH in his arms. Claws are so obvious.

LDones
Or they could be Adamantium Chains With Claws On Them! And then GOATEES ON THE CLAWS. FUCK!
Also the goatees would be retractable. And have a drinking problem.

Damn that's funky Suedehead!
ONNNNAMOTAAAAAAHBIIIIIIIIIIKE!
 
 
Char Aina
17:44 / 09.07.04
I've never had that conversation with a Greenpeace operative f'rinstance

Never would have guessed. It appears that JAMM has won every argument he has ever had with the people in his imagination.

Good for him!


snigger.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
20:18 / 09.07.04
I would like to nominate the photos of The Fool because I can't stop playing with myself since seeing them...
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
22:41 / 09.07.04
For some time I've maintained that barbelith's magic forum (or Temple) is the finest place for intelligent discussion of magic and related subjects. But really, I take it all back.

Quimper666 makes the point far more eloquently than I ever could:

Sacrifice your knowledge to me at the altar of hyper reality for i am metominous god of the meta and my words change reality

No shit.
 
 
Seth
08:44 / 10.07.04
Also the goatees would be retractable. And have a drinking problem.

Those little beards can be our secret.
 
 
pomegranate
13:07 / 13.07.04
Synchronicity's fine... except it's also the name of an album by The Police. "The Police"!!! geddit? I "Thought" so! Ahahahahah. The Empire never ended.

stoatie cracks me up. i love punctuation-based humor, it really does it for me for some reason.
perhaps you need to read this thread to get it.
 
 
Cat Chant
12:57 / 14.07.04
Stoatie, from this thread:

Could I be a carpenter AND a cult leader? Or has that already been done?
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
12:57 / 15.07.04
Solitaire Rose, from the Why other comics message boards make me cry thread...

Not to say anything bad about the pros we have here, but I almost prefer that comix professionals don't show up. They tend to change conversations, with either people being too fawning or attacking them, rather than just accepting their opinion as that of another person.

For me, at least, it's hard to slag off on a comic if someone working on it is around.

Unless they are Chuck Dixon. He can go fuck himself.
 
 
Jub
07:37 / 19.07.04
Qalyn in "mission impossible" thread...

Barbelith is Hell.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
13:10 / 19.07.04
Jack Fear, talking about the possible Green Lantern film:

FinderWolf's comment that "Hopefully they will come to their senses after the fan outcry" made me weep with laughter at the twinned propositions that (a) seeing the premise of a fearless hotshot in posession of a magic ring with which he creates bulldozers and giant boxing gloves of green energy as rife with comic potential is evidence of madness, and (b) that believing such a premise must ipso facto be treated respectifully, as a dignified, character-driven drama, is the very definition of sanity.
 
 
Papess
22:03 / 21.07.04
Gypsy Lantern in the Temple, giving wise counsel on the thievery of mojo bags...

You can always construct new bags. A hassle, but not as much hassle as having a homeless angry duppy on your back, and not being in a position to know what it is or what to do with it.

There's comfort in knowing...
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
11:58 / 25.07.04
being a scouser, I have an inherent need to be funny. It is as if I have to live up to the image portrayed in the media of quick witted funny guy. Humour is disproportionately important to scousers. Everyone is a bloody comedian. Generally scousers are quick witted because we talk fast, I believe our brains work quite speedily as well

***

I sent him a picture that I thought would make him laugh. It was of a guy with a mammoth penis, so big in fact that I am convinced a little photoshop work had been done. I found it funny

From the "Why is Ganesh so fucking *camp*?" thread, JoetheNeophyte's forces stampede across the open plain, leaving the borders of Selfawaria unthreatened.
 
  

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