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barbequotes

 
  

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40%
12:12 / 24.04.04
I've only just started reading the 'memorable fist fights' thread, and this one's from over two years ago, but it doesn't appear to have been quoted already. This is from Haus:

If you get into a fighty fighty situation you accept tacitly that you are prepared to risk both suffering and inflicting severe injury or possibly death, no matter how small that chance is. Generally I am not a big fan of being hurt, but I think that is actually outweighed by my fear of the ethical and legal hassle of seriously hurting somebody else; which is not to say that I am unduly indifferent to my own suffering, only that I hate paperwork.
 
 
40%
12:15 / 24.04.04
its like i was there...
that post and the marshmallow children post are two of the best things on the boards: in the one thread!


Are there any rules in this thread about the amount of information that should be given? This post makes me curious to read the thread it came from, but I have no idea which thread that is. I figured part of the function of this thread is to serve as a billboard for various other threads. Any chance of giving the details toksik?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:24 / 24.04.04
Marshmallow children were in drunken ramblings thread...

creepy mcgoo (of which I was ALSO a huge fan) I think was in the same one.
 
 
40%
01:35 / 25.04.04
From the policy thread on 'general cleaning':

Perhaps we should add: "Before replying to this thread, please be aware that no-one cares what you think. Still want to post?"

God bless you, Sax...
 
 
The Falcon
02:43 / 25.04.04
If you're so dumb you don't know the name of "Superdog", I don't think you have a right to post on this thread.

I like this guy Kovacs.

As it's in the DC Universe Surgery thread inna Comics forum, it's both funny and true.
 
 
Bed Head
11:49 / 28.04.04
Well worth preserving for posterity: E Randy sez

Tip for the day: Never get John Thomas and John Hancock confused when asking somebody for their signature.
 
 
Saint Keggers
19:28 / 28.04.04
Mike Robot in the Should I Kill Christopher Lambert thread

When you're going down on him, quickly bite off one of his testicles and scream, "There can only be one!", and then fall to the ground making electrical noises.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
03:04 / 01.05.04
In a thread I'm afraid to finish, Tom Coates made me laugh. Twice.

It's not elitism or snobbishness to say that we aspire to a certain level of quality of conversation that is somewhere between everyone shouting "Hulk Hulk Hulk" and comprehensive studies of A Critique of Pure Reason.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
03:07 / 01.05.04
Hee hee hee. I just read it again. And laughed some more.
 
 
Smoothly
19:25 / 02.05.04
Paleface made me blow bubbles in my carton of Ribena while reading the If Barbelith were Winnie the Pooh who would be whom? thread:

I'm Eeyore. Everyone wants to be Eeyore on here, I bet. Fucking goths.
 
 
Olulabelle
13:24 / 03.05.04
Ex, in the Barefoot Doctor gets a kicking thread:

This board has an astonishing collection of people with esoteric knowledge and belief. We have Tao coming out of our eyeballs. We also have various stripes of magickian (does that spelling work?), sundry buddhists, some Christians, some anarchists, and I'm standing on the sideline calling for the unilateral dismantling of gender.
This isn't the Church of the Closed Mind.
 
 
Jub
08:44 / 07.05.04
From Rage's thread on Israel in Switchboard, Nobody's girl pulls an (unitntentional?) blinder:

I used to watch newscasts about Northern Ireland and wish I could give all the silly bastards involved in the violence and hatred... a big fucking slap.
 
 
Char Aina
03:36 / 08.05.04
In short, the technology (technical name "EMITE", 'electromagnetic induction of temporal lobe experience'; proposal name "Braindance"; insider name "I Can't Believe Its Not Buddha"; and mocking name "the Brain Tickler")


man, i want to name stuff like that.
(in the hmmajgickq)
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
08:00 / 12.05.04
From the Iraqi torture victims thread...

wonder diz powers: ACTIVATE! you know, honestly, fuck Godwin. Godwin's Law is based on the presumption that comparing something to Nazi Germany is always absurd hyperbole. when we have prison camps where people are tortured regularly but have no legal recourse, when we have a domestic propaganda machine going full blast 24/7 and eroding civil liberties, when our allies are essentially engaging in the warm-ups for ethnic cleansing in the Occupied Territories, and when we have a President leading us into wars out of a sense of God-given apocalyptic destiny... you know, maybe the comparisons aren't quite so absurd.

Testify!
 
 
Bed Head
14:41 / 13.05.04
Seldom Killer -
[cockney gollum] comes to brockwell park my prehciousss, we wants you there. no nasty stinking flamingoes sahf of da river, nooo we gots picnics and drinkings and we wants it we wants the lovely drinkings and such pretty knees up. joins us and you will see. stupid fat little norveners will likes this.

follow me [/cockney gollum]


‘Cockney gollum’. Fab. I see this, I hear this, I love this to bits.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
05:24 / 14.05.04
Polyquotage in the Organic Veg thread...

Illmatic Me and me "bird" (she loves being called that, in a spirit of post-feminist ironic japery)

led to

Ariadne Me and 'ma man'

only to be trumped by

Ganesh If me and me battyman

This thread has also given us the delightful

Ganesh (My initial too-quick skimreading of Ariadne's last line conjured up a terrible flash-image of Flyboy attempting to grow organic produce in his foreskin. Brrrr.)
 
 
Saveloy
13:14 / 14.05.04
Bizunth, in the Fictional Biography thread, ages ago:

"When I asked him if he had seen Nelson's most private of parts he fixed me with a glassy, terrified stare and said only 'There are more things in heaven and earth... Horatio.""

That's just the tin cherry on the cake lid, go read the rest of the post, it's ace. When you've done that, add something to the thread for fuck's sake, or start something similar, cos we've been a bit low on that sort of thing in the Creation lately. I'm excused, I've got a note from my mum.
 
 
40%
22:07 / 15.05.04
eddie thirteen in Rage's "Is this art?" thread

I really don't know what to say about this. I feel humbled by it. It's one of those posts that makes you take a good hard look at yourself and ask why exactly you didn't have the sense to say those same things...
 
 
gridley
19:51 / 17.05.04
Triplets rule indeed:

Stop saying "Xorn" in quotes! He's a real boy!
 
 
_Boboss
13:51 / 18.05.04
on your knees fuckos - none of you are as good as this:

'Beast' as well.

I use this as a positive word, as well as 'weapon' and 'the damage'.

Sample:

"Heard that tune?"
"Aye, weapon."


the hawk headed god is better than you, from 'Words only found in tabloid newspapers' in Books.
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
13:08 / 19.05.04
This amused me in the Almost Famous thread.

"It's just too obnoxious in that "oh, she is beautiful and cool but so fragile really, why does she not realise that instead of the cool grown man who will mistreat her she should be with the geeky sensitive boychild?" - if I want that shit I'll read the Conversation."

From Flyboy.
 
 
Z. deScathach
03:12 / 21.05.04
In the "Walk like a Zombie" thread, Haus throws out a hilariously true image....

"Take a look at the expression.. confused, but resentful - like a drunk who's just lost a bet."
 
 
Z. deScathach
03:24 / 21.05.04
I'm so sorry, but I couldn't resist. From Ex:

So - the more intelligent I get the less cute I will be?

Hmmm.

[Ponders own long bushy tail and tiny wuffly nose reflected in monitor]

[Casts aside Being and Time and reaches for tail brush and nose polish]
 
 
Char Aina
18:22 / 25.05.04
You need to sigilise or make a servitor so yer competing thought forms play friendly footy with each other just like France at the Great War when they were all mdma'd out of their gas masked nipples!


macrophage

y'na'ah'mean?
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
05:13 / 26.05.04
I'm not going to say who it is, but this was in their moderation request:

double... and it WASN'T MY FAULT

IT WAS BARBELITH

Barbelith made me do it, and said a rude word, and ran away. It was something like "SQL error" and that sounds very rude to me. My mummy told me never to say SQL in front of anyone because it was a bad thing. I trust my mummy. Don't you? Why don't you? What's wrong with you? You're weird. I don't like you any more. I'm not playing with you. Give me my Gameboy back. Miss! Miss! The moderator won't give me my Gameboy back! Tell hir to give it! What do you mean, "what does hir mean"? Nobody understands me! I hate you I hate you I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
Bomb The Past
23:20 / 26.05.04
From sleazenation in the Draft thread:

This sounds like it has all the makings of a really tacky reality TV show...

Welcome to survival of the fittest - the show that helps only the most attractive americans to escape Bush's America in a marriage of convenience to a range of elegable Europeans...

Quick, someone sell the format to Rupert Murdoch.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
06:53 / 27.05.04
At the Foundry last night.

Anna de Logardiere "Will you get to wear a pretty dress"

Cherry Bomb"No, but I do have to buy a relatively large inflatable penis
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
23:53 / 31.05.04
Reality TV, 'Nesh style:

Mine is 'Madhouse', where the multitudes of individuals who've claimed, in their Big Brother audition videos, that they're TOTALLY MAAAAA-HAAAAAAAD are actually held against their will in a high-security psychiatric unit (I'm sure the Mental Health Act could be tweaked a little to accommodate them) with a variety of truly psychotic people. Maaaaa-haaaaaaadness would be treated with periodic Acuphase injections, under restraint if necessary, and jaded nursing staff would dispense cigarettes as they saw fit. They'd be reviewed weekly by yawning junior doctors, but allowed no leave. This would go on for six months to a year, after which time they'd be discharged into supported housing.
 
 
Cat Chant
09:27 / 01.06.04
I luuuuuuuuuurve Not Me Again! Oh, no, this is the barbequotes thread, not the barbecrush one, so - from here:

I suggest we throw England in a large lake - if she sinks, she can keep the baby...
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
10:17 / 01.06.04
Ex, in the 'Feminism and Sexist Culture' thread:

Then Jeffreys lays into SM, trans issues, drag kings and queer theory. I had to buy chocolate cheesecake just to reassure me there were still good things in the world.
 
 
40%
14:33 / 01.06.04
The Big Brother 2005 thread is providing some most entertaining reading (even though I've seen barely anything of the show), and Ganesh is definitely setting the pace:

So... highly-opinionated, spiky, abrasive 'alpha people' all, or almost all. I suspect Ahmed's not gonna last the distance, and poor old Victor's looking a tad cowed (possibly by the presence of so many loud batty-people). Of the poofs, Marco seems to be pretty much the standard-issue Asexual Screamer; Dan looks like he actually has sex with men sometimes. Jason appears to be constructed of Spam.

They've given up on the hets and non-exhibitionists this year, haven't they? Ahmed's sphincter must be watertight.

Kitten's spearheading the suitcase rebellion and Stuart, as the show's proto-Barbeloid, is her admiring acolyte. As has been said previously, Kitten looks great on paper and talks a good game (subverting patriarchal heteroppressive systems for the hell of it, etc., etc.) but I suspect her primary means of self-definition is through opposition to something, and if she had nothing to fight against, she'd barely exist, psychologically speaking. I think she's only partly aware of this, and retro-mythologises herself accordingly as a heroic iconoclast. Thing is, I reckon being in the Big Brother house is gonna spell out for her the way(s) other people react to that persona: if they accept her as a funky rebel and go with it, well and good; if they decide she's an emotionally-draining pain in the arse, and shun her, it's gonna be difficult for her to do the big 'Fuck You' And Run without losing face.

And yes, Marco is annoying me excessively. I'd love to say it's because he appears to have been hand-picked to represent the gay male stereotype in the way that Kitten represents the stereotypical dyke - but I think it's a more visceral thing. No doubt I'm repulsed by my own Inner Sexless, Witless, Screaming Queen...


The last one made me laugh out loud.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
07:57 / 03.06.04
If we scratched Stuart's surface, we may even find he's in love with his best female friend who's on the eve of travelling to Mozambique to get married to an utter bastard who Stuart knows she doesn't love, because her shoulders always look a bit tense when they're snogging

Ganesh (on Big Brother)

I imagine it would also include cover scans, full credits by individual issues, direct links to issues in a single storyline (especially useful in connecting stories that crossover between different books), precedents and references made within, direct ramifications of events portrayed, etc.?

Vladimir J Baptiste (on his dream comics online database)

Best wishes, Grant & Kristan! I too thought 'is he really the marrying type?' (not like we really know Grant's inner self anyway, we just know an image), but I see now that love has completely conquered these two and there's no stoppin' em! Congrats!

and Finderwolf (on the nuptials of George Morrison, to examine the private life of whom this board was created, as the books were too hard to read and had swearing in), with various degrees of knowledge, analyse, anatomise and vasectomise the spirit of Barbelith.


'Drokk! Alan, will you marry her?'
'Stomm, your grace! I will!'
'Grud on a greenie! Hey babe, will you marry Alan?'
'You bet I drokkin' will!'
'I now pronounce you man and wife! Now, outta the church, creeps!'


Also from the thread on George Morrison's wedding, imagining what marriage to Alan Grant would be like.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
08:27 / 03.06.04
I was going to quote that "we can't know his inner life... but I can see that love has completely conquered him" stuff, but then I decided that would be too mean.

I was wrong. It's priceless.

Fear Nimrod.
 
 
Ganesh
08:34 / 03.06.04
Mmm. It's like we've been magically transported back to the days of Jane Austen, isn't it? Only with more sugar frosting.

The whole thread's worth a notional quoting.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
16:03 / 04.06.04
It's as though Haus has a direct line to Grant Morrison's subconscious and explains what happened between parts one and two of Planet X, while in the Astonishing X-Men #1 thread:

Besides which, if you were Magneto, what would you destroy first? The library of mutant DNA samples? The records of mutant villains? No. The wardrobe room.

"The fools! Even if they return, now they shall have no option but to dress.... like wankers! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
 
  

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