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Text Adventure Game Emulator #1

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Regrettable Juvenilia

20:50 / 24.08.05

There is no vampire here.

20:57 / 24.08.05

Examine shopkeeper's reflection in mirror.

Matthew Fluxington

21:36 / 24.08.05

Remove all of your clothing.

Regrettable Juvenilia

21:48 / 24.08.05

You walk over to the fitting room with the clothes, and slide back a curtain to reveal a full-length mirror. As casually as possible, you turn your body sideways as you walk into the fitting room, in order to view the reflection of the shopkeeper, who is behind you.

He is of medium height and slight build, in his mid-forties He has brown curly hair, and quite a long, thin face, with sunken cheeks and a prominent nose. He is one of those people who manages to seem fairly cheerful about life without ever actually smiling.

He is not a vampire. You step into the fitting room and close the curtain behind you.

Regrettable Juvenilia

21:49 / 24.08.05

You undress, glad to get out of clothes that you estimate you have been wearing for at least 30 hours.

22:31 / 24.08.05

Dress up like a Gaiman-Burton lovechild. Practice sultry denizen of the night poses.

Do the clothes fit? Do they make the (wo)man?

If they fit, shout over the cubicle door and tell the shopkeeper that he stocks the finest garments in the Village (of Bastard). Then ask him how much it's gonna cost.

Regrettable Juvenilia

23:00 / 24.08.05

Choosing to put your underwear back on first rather than 'going commando', you put on the white shirt and the leather trousers. You examine yourself in the mirror, and throw a few Nephilian poses. The trousers are a bit tight, but other than that, not too shabby. The shirt's a bit OTT but hey, at least it's clean.

You put on the trenchcoat and look in the mirror. It looks fine, but should you be able to see it at all? You try flipping the collar up. Instantly your reflection vanishes. Neat. You flip the collar back down and see yourself reappear. You'll have to remember that's how this thing works (hint, hint).

"You stock the finest garments in the Village of Bastard!"", you call out to the shopkeepr. "How much for the lot?"

"60 dollah!", he calls back.

Whisky Priestess

23:54 / 24.08.05

ALEX IS "DEPRAVED" WRITES:

Offer him fifty, and while haggling in the cool, wordly-wise traveller's style that has made the young(ish) people of Britain such a hit in deprived areas across the globe, subtly quiz him for clues about Mr S $ Mr G

Regrettable Juvenilia

00:00 / 25.08.05

"I'll give you fifty", you say. "And by the way, what would you say if I said a friend of mine wanted to know about a certain Mr S and Mr G of these parts?"

"Fair enough", he says, taking the money. "And I'd say, your friend should be careful not to meddle in other people's battles. Neither of them are what they seem. Then again, who is?"

He disappears!

Then he reappears.

"Nope, it really is too hot to wear this coat indoors..."

Goodness Gracious Meme

00:44 / 25.08.05

Say to shopkeeper: "Do you stock Manolo Blahniks?"

Tryphena Absent

00:47 / 25.08.05

Particularly in luminous green?

06:05 / 25.08.05

(Oh dear)

06:24 / 25.08.05

Ask him if there are any other doors that lead out of the dressing room into alternative dimensions where one might meet dragons, spacemen, clowns and the like.

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:26 / 25.08.05

"No and no. Although I'm getting the latter installed in a few days, so pop back a bit later if you're into that kind of thing."

11:12 / 25.08.05

check time. leave shop, thanking shopkeeper, and head towards docks.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:19 / 25.08.05

You check the time on the watch you're increasingly coming to think of as yours.

9.49pm

You thank the shopkeeper and exit the shop.

You are standing in Acacia Avenue, the nicest street in the village.

To the North is a Library, which is closed, and has a couple of bullet holes in the door.

To the South is a Magic Costume Shop, which is open.

Acacia Avenue continues to the East.

To the West, there is a crossroads.

Which way do you want to go?

11:34 / 25.08.05

Run to Bastard Harbour, and, presumably, the pier. Hide loaded gun in pants, prepare to drop empty gun as a cunning ploy.
Repeat mantra "IAMCOOLASCHOWYUNFAT" to self.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:38 / 25.08.05

Which way do you want to go?

Whisky Priestess

11:51 / 25.08.05

E

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:09 / 25.08.05

You continue East along Acacia Avenue.

To the North is a large, windowless warehouse that has been slathered in layers of black paint. Red neon lettering above the door picks out the words Club Twart. Red light glows from a small entrance. In front of the entrance are a pair of bouncers, a velvet rope, and a queue of would-be clubbers. You can hear the muffled thump of music coming from the building.

To the South is a nice little traditional Italian restaurant, Il Centro, its front painted in green and white.

Acacia Avenue continues to the East.

12:20 / 25.08.05

Become teh invisible. Enter restaurant.

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:38 / 25.08.05

Or...

Flip up collar of trenchcoat.
Save.
S

Regrettable Juvenilia

18:19 / 25.08.05

You flip up the collar of your trenchcoat, walk South and enter the restaurant.

Il Centro has some interesting interior design. The floor is tiled in black and white squares. The walls to the West and East are both covered with murals: one is a skillful reproduction of Michaelangelo's 'Creation of Adam' from the Sistine Chapel; the other shows two duellists, circa the 16th century, their swords clashing.

You can hear the sound of water trickling, presumably from an unseen indoor fountain. The restaurant is filled with round tables, places laid out, a flower in a vase in the centre of each, surrounded by chairs.

A waiter, funereal in dress and manner, walks towards the door when he sees it open and close. But when he fails to see anyone there, he frowns and stares a little before turning away.

There is a party of five to the East, a family of four to the West. South takes you further into the restaurant, where all the tables are empty, bar one.

18:32 / 25.08.05

e. examine party.

Regrettable Juvenilia

18:39 / 25.08.05

They are a group of average-looking people in their mid-to-late twenties, finishing off their pasta, drinking Peroni and talking about cartoons from the 1980s. They don't seem to be particularly important given everything that's been happening to you.

Regrettable Juvenilia

18:41 / 25.08.05

"Did they ever actually get to the Lost Cities of Gold?"

"Yes! I saw that episode..."

"...ever realised that he was He-Man, when they look EXACTLY THE SAME? At least Clark Kent wore..."

"Shall we go to the pub now?"

18:59 / 25.08.05

w,w. Examine family.

Regrettable Juvenilia

19:07 / 25.08.05

One of the children is a boy of around eight years who is currently decorating the tablecloth with the sauce from his pasta. The other is an older girl, about eleven or twelve, who is sitting silently, staring at her emptied plate, and clearly wishing she was elsewhere. This is because their parents are having the kind of argument that seems to be about a very trivial minor issue, but is actually about the massive, insurmountable flaws in their relationship that will soon lead to divorce.

"Well if you want a dessert then you can have a dessert, I was only trying to say -"

"No no, it's fine, I'll do without..."

They don't seem to be particularly important given everything that's been happening to you.

19:12 / 25.08.05

e, s.

Regrettable Juvenilia

19:24 / 25.08.05

You walk South, further into the restaurant. Here the atmosphere is more intimate, the light a little dimmer, the sound of trickling water a little louder. The latter is because in the South-East corner of the restaurant is a small water feature: an artificial spring breaks from a pile of small rocks and fills a pool, in which colourful fish swim.

On the South wall, a mural shows a herd of wild horses stampeding across a sky full of black thunderclouds and flashes of pale blue lightning.

There is a door to a bathroom to the East, and a door to the kitchen to the West.

In the South-West corner of the restaurant, two people are sitting at a table, eating and talking. One of them has their back to you.

19:34 / 25.08.05

sw. examine men.

Matthew Fluxington

19:45 / 25.08.05

Punch one of them in the face and start screaming.

19:45 / 25.08.05

(Damn, we were doing so well...)

Regrettable Juvenilia

20:28 / 25.08.05

You walk over to the table and examine the two people sitting there.

The person sitting facing towards you is a thin, slightly frail-looking man in a pale brown shirt and a dark grey knitted sweater. His sandy brown hair is parted at the side, and greying. His voice is quiet and soft, but he speaks with intensity, leaning across the table as he addresses his dining companion.

"I'm telling you Wally, Highgraves will be arriving at the pier right now. Things just very rarely go haywire now. Everything will play out exactly as I expected. I'm disappointed, really."

Sitting across the table from him, wearing a brown suit, white shirt and black tie, is the short man who was behind the front desk at the Dancing Bear Inn earlier.

"B-but, why would you be disappointed?", he says, laughing. "Surely it's nice when things go according to plan! I'm always very happy when that happens! It's very comfortable!"

The thin man shakes his head dolefully.

"But, Wally, don't you see that comfort can be dangerous? I mean, you like to be comfortable and I like to be comfortable too, but comfort can lull you into a dangerous tranquility."

The homunculus you now know as Wally furrows his brow quizically.

"Tell me more!"

The funereal waiter comes over to refill their drinks (white wine for the thin man, red for Wally). You quickly move out of his way.

Regrettable Juvenilia

20:29 / 25.08.05

Which man do you want to punch in the face, if indeed that's what you want to do?

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