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Text Adventure Game Emulator #1

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Regrettable Juvenilia

08:08 / 16.08.05

You awake to find yourself lying on your back on the ground. Rising unsteadily to your feet, you see that you are in a clearing in the middle of a jungle. Tall trees, draped in vines, rise above you. You can hear the calls of exotic birds, the whooping of monkeys and, to the East, what sound a little like human screams.

The ground slopes downhill ahead of you, to the North.

To the West, a patch of long grass stretches for about 100 metres before vanishing into the jungle once more.

To the East, you can make out a faint path that winds through the trees.

Y'know, those sounds are definitely screams...

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:28 / 16.08.05

Inventory.

Regrettable Juvenilia

08:58 / 16.08.05

You rifle through the various pockets of the ill-fitting double-breasted suit which you discover yourself to be wearing. You find:

- an empty wallet.
- a small packet of Mini-Cheddars.
- a tiny bottle of vodka.
- a pistol, unloaded.
- a shit vampire novel.

Read novel

>Already Anatol was feeling the hunger, the deep red aching thirst that consumed every atom of your being. The soldier's corpses looked tempting but he knew if he drank now then the coupling would begin, the sensual dance between teeth, lips and neck that could not end until complete exsanguination had occured. He was still at risk of discovery, and there were juicer prizes to be had in the ballroom. He began to strip the nearest guard, his uniform to be the sheep's clothing this particular wolf desired.
>Read further? y/n

n!

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:18 / 16.08.05

You try to resist, but a strange compulsion overwhelms you, and you flick forward to a later section.

The novel is entitled Unholy Seduction: Book IV of the Red Myst Chronicles. It falls open this time onto a particularly salacious passage involving mind control, bloodplay and an honest, down-to-earth Chicago cop called Burr Connors, who'd never have suspected that he was the last in a long line of werewolves until the vampyre Queen Dismalelda made him her "pet". Strangely eager to find out more, you turn the page rapidly and a small folded slip of paper falls out.

ONLY NICE THINGS

09:42 / 16.08.05

Examine slip of paper

■

09:44 / 16.08.05

You can't do that!

ONLY NICE THINGS

09:51 / 16.08.05

(No-longer-mod hat: the topic summary of this thread reads:

I am teh computer. Everybody else is the player. You post directions or instructions - "look", "South", "take [item]", that kind of thing - and see where it takes us...

As such, if you want to do the responses, PM Flyboy and ask, or set up your own thread)

Eloi Tsabaoth

09:52 / 16.08.05

-Mr. Flyboy wrote me a special note of dispensation for my last slip-up but I won't be doing it again...-

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:08 / 16.08.05

The slip of paper has writing on both sides. On one side somebody has typed the following: I am teh computer!

On the other side is a crude map drawn in felt tip consisting of four arrows stemming from a single point. At the end of each arrow is a letter and some words. Clockwise from the top, they read:

N: BASTARD HARBOUR
E: BEACH
S: DEATH MOUNTAIN
W: BAD MONKEY PLACE

Eloi Tsabaoth

10:15 / 16.08.05

iamus

10:17 / 16.08.05

Say "Fuck"

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:26 / 16.08.05

You stride through the long grass confidently in a Westerly direction, not in the least bit worried by the fact that you cannot see where you are treading and you are in the middle of an unfamiliar jungle. Perhaps you should be worried, though, as you manage to trip over on something just as you reach the trees.

"Fuck!", you shout as you crash forward onto the floor. You pull yourself up, a bit scuffed and bruised, and turn to look at what you tripped over.

It is the corpse of a monkey.

You are standing at the edge of a section of dense jungle. You could continue West, but it would mean struggling through foliage. To the East, across a patch of long grass, is a clearing.

iamus

10:27 / 16.08.05

Examine Corpse

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:53 / 16.08.05

The monkey appears to have been killed relatively recently. It seems likely that the cause of death may have been the large dagger that protrudes from the monkey's back.

Sax

11:16 / 16.08.05

Take dagger.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:21 / 16.08.05

You pull the dagger from the monkey's corpse, and wipe most of the monkey blood off it with some grass. You notice that the dagger's handle bears the letter 'L'.

iamus

11:26 / 16.08.05

W.

Cut foliage with dagger.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:37 / 16.08.05

Resourceful! You hack and slash your way through the jungle undergrowth, heading West. After about fifteen minutes of this, during which you've built up quite a sweat, you find yourself at the edge of a small pond. The water looks cool and clean, but at the same time deep and scary. Across the other side of the pond, you can see a hut. There is foliage to the North and South which could be presumably be cut through should you wish.

Whisky Priestess

12:01 / 16.08.05

Take off clothes

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:10 / 16.08.05

You begin to undress. As soon as you drop your jacket on the floor, a monkey leaps out of the trees, grabs your jacket and scampers off into the undergrowth. You consider giving chase, but the monkey's a lot smaller and faster than you are. There go your wallet and your Mini-Cheddars.

You hear the sound of laughter, and turn to see a man paddling a small boat across the pond. He is wearing baggy shorts and a t-shirt that says 'ATLANTA'. He has a large afro.

"Hey, little stupid!", he says by way of greeting.

iamus

12:15 / 16.08.05

Scowl.

Uncap Vodka.

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:20 / 16.08.05

The man in the boat grins, nods and says:

"If your vodka and cranberry is really really dark like blood, that's because you didn't order vodka, buddy!"

Loomis

Offer vodka to man.

Jump into pond

(sorry teh computer - what Loomis said)

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:28 / 16.08.05

You offer your piddling amount of vodka to the man and he accepts, beckoning you to come join him in his boat. You jump into the shallow end of the pond, wade over to the boat and haul yourself in. After a nip of the good stuff each, the man introduces himself as a Mr C. Bridges, although he cryptically mentions that he has another name. He offers to row you across to the other side of the pond, where his shack is located.

iamus

12:33 / 16.08.05

Sing shanty.

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:51 / 16.08.05

You launch into a rousing rendition of the only song about boats you can remember.

"Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
And if you don't want holes in your boat
Don't roll on the Roll Deep team.
No, no, no you don't
You only Roll Deep in your dreams.
If that's what you're tellin' me, you must be my enemy
You ain't heard the word on the streets."

Chris Bridges seems very pleased with your song, and makes good time with his paddling. Once the two of you have disembarked, he explains that he runs a trading post from his shack, and asks whether you'd like to take a look around and maybe barter.

Alex's Grandma

13:04 / 16.08.05

Enter shop, dagger hidden, but at the ready

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:28 / 16.08.05

You follow Chris Bridges into his hut. It's cramped but cosy, with a hammock, a stove, and a small table and chairs. On the table is a chess set, the pieces in play. On the walls of the shack are several gold and platinum CDs in frames, and several shelves filled with stuff, hidden under a bit of old sheet

Bridges pulls back the bit of sheet with some ceremony, and indicates the contents of the shelves. On the shelves, you can see:

- a digital camera
- several rounds of ammunition of different types and calibre
- a shiny golden necklace
- a copy of The Waste Land and other poems by T.S. Eliot
- a can of worms
- some comics

"So", asks your host, "See anything you like?"

Eloi Tsabaoth

14:29 / 16.08.05

Examine digital camera.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:35 / 16.08.05

"Picture perfect, you might wanna take a flick flick flick flick flick", says your host as he shows you the digital camera's various features. It does seem rather technologically advanced, and in very good condition. Mr Bridges explains that although he's lost the battery charger, the battery has about enough power left to take about a dozen photos.

Do you want to trade for the digital camera, and if so, what can you offer in return?

Alex's Grandma

14:40 / 16.08.05

Examine comics, being careful not to dribble

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