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In order to be able to pour a cup of tea, you would need to plug in the kettle, switch it on, wait for it to boil, put a teabag in a cup, and so on.
So you do all this. Then out of some half-remembered impulse, you add milk and one lump of sugar. While you wait for your tea to cool, you sit down on the bed and peruse the leaflet. It consists of four pages including the cover.
The cover says:
The Dancing Bear Welcomes You!
And there is a picture:
You sip your tea and open the leaflet. On the inside, the following is written in a flowery font on the right-hand side of the page:
It is a truth universally acknowledged that the Dancing Bear Inn (established 1905) is the finest place to stay in the village of Bastard, and the second finest place to stay on Monster Island as a whole. It is a port of call, a home away from home for artists, musicians, hired assassins, diplomats, hustlers, entrepreneurs, and wanderers. Whether you're here on business, as part of some kind of baroque amnesiac revenge quest, or just sight-seeing, we hope you enjoy your stay! Our staff are always keen to help. If there's anything you need, just pick up the phone and dial 7!
Yours,
The Management
You notice that there is a phone on a small table next to the bed, which you had previously failed to notice for some reason.
The left-hand side of the page lists a couple of the hotel's special features:
The Bar
Have a drink with some of the unique bohemian characters who frequent the Dancing Bear Inn! Take in one of the regular shows, which range from piano-playing troubadors to poets and burlesque magicians - and, of course, our famous Dancing Bear himself! Feel free to engage our bar staff in conversation - they're generally very attractive and full of stories!
The Roof Garden
Our wonderful roof garden provides a great view of the village and the surrounding jungle. Some people even claim to have seen strange, inconceivable sights from there, including flying horses, zombie gorillas and the mythical Monster Island monster!
The back cover consists of the menu for the restaurant downstairs, which you have already read.
You finish your tea, and turn on the television.
"While Miranda was dating an ass, Samantha was taking it up the ass..."
The preset channel is currently showing an episode of Sex In The City.
"Later that week, I found myself wondering... Can a rich woman and a poor man ever be happy?"
You shudder and turn off the television.
Suddenly, you hear a sound.
doot-doot. beep-beep.
It sounds like a mobile phone ringtone. |
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