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Underground > Creation >

Text Adventure Game Emulator #1

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Alex's Grandma

09:23 / 24.08.05

Using the 'Smoothly Weaving' part of the brain, which has evidently studied A level German ( and back when those were difficult too! Not like these days!) translate conversation with barmaid to self in head.

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:43 / 24.08.05

You hum the song made famous by Marlene Dietrich in the movie Destry Rides Again. The bartender says:

"Mein Deutsch ist hübsche Scheiße. Aber ich kenne alle Beleidigungen, die erfordert werden, in dieser Stadt kühl zu sein. Le Français est ma première langue."

Your inventory does not include a 'Smoothly Weaving' part of the brain.

Goodness Gracious Meme

09:59 / 24.08.05

Say:
"Pardon, madame. Je parle un peu du Francais, pourquoi est-ce votre mari 'un Shiesse'? Et, vous conassaisez un Monsieur "G""

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:07 / 24.08.05

"Mon Allemand est merde, non mon mari. Je n'ai pas un mari. M. G a beaucoup de puissance dans ce village."

Lord Morgue

10:14 / 24.08.05

Put watch on. Check time.

Whisky Priestess

10:20 / 24.08.05

"Mais ou est M. G? Et qui est-il? Ou trouverai-je lui?"

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:28 / 24.08.05

"Il est l'un de deux côtés dans un jeu. Il mange souvent dans un restaurant sur l'avenue d'acacia avec un ami. Il peint."

You put on Robert's watch and check the time.

9.22pm, BST

Evil Scientist

10:57 / 24.08.05

Ask my nice new friend if she knows the way to the docks (in English).

Down shot of booze.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:22 / 24.08.05

You ask, in English, if she knows the way to the docks.

She says:

"Bon. Vous devez voyager nord après le carrefour. Vous arriverez au bord de mer. Tournez à gauche pour le port, et droit pour l'embarcadère."

You down a shot of clear liquor which tastes like it's already been used to clean some paintbrushes. You cannot help but grimace. The bartender grins, and pours you another.

Persephone

11:28 / 24.08.05

take drink

go to restaurant on avenue acacia

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:35 / 24.08.05

You take the drink, and start to leave.

"Anschlag! Sie müssen für Ihre Getränke zahlen! Dollah zwölf!", says the bartender.

Persephone

11:39 / 24.08.05

inventory money

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:41 / 24.08.05

You have 138 dollah.

You owe 12 dollah for the last few drinks.

Persephone

11:45 / 24.08.05

(I just didn't know how much money I had.)

Persephone

11:45 / 24.08.05

pay twelve dollah

go to restaurant on acacia avenue

Evil Scientist

11:55 / 24.08.05

Surreptitiously check to see if anyone's following me. Do this every now and then until I get to the restaurant.

Jauntily whistle a dixie version of the Funeral March.

Alex's Grandma

12:09 / 24.08.05

Make the following mental note to self; that the next *pfft* person to speak to you in anything other than THE QUEEN'S BLOODY ENGLISH!!!11! will be shot first and asked questions later.

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:25 / 24.08.05

You pay the bartender 12 dollah and your regards, and exit the bar. You check to see if anyone is following you. Nobody is. You jauntily whistle a dixie version of the Funeral March.

You are on a street that you see signposted as Munt Lane. Night has fallen. Gas lamps burn on either side of the street.

To the West is the Bwah-Ha-Hah Bar.

To the East is a clothes shop, which is shut.

South-East, the street leads to the village square.

The other end of the street curves so that it is heading due North, and carries on in that direction. If you strain your eyes, you can see a crossroads in that direction.

Which way do you wish to go?

Alex's Grandma

12:35 / 24.08.05

Examine crude map.

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:29 / 24.08.05

The crude map is drawn in felt tip and consists of four arrows stemming from a single point. At the end of each arrow is a letter and some words. Clockwise from the top, they read:

N: BASTARD HARBOUR
E: BEACH
S: DEATH MOUNTAIN
W: BAD MONKEY PLACE

Ganesh

13:54 / 24.08.05

Go north.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:06 / 24.08.05

You walk North, and find yourself at a crossroads.

To the North, Munt Lane continues, sloping down towards the seafront.

To the West is a dirt road surrounded on either side by run-down warehouses, which comes to an end after a few hundred metres, blocked by a metal gate.

To the East is a pleasant cobbled street, signed Acacia Avenue.

A quick audit of the buildings on each corner:

South-East: a music shop, closed.
South-West: a garage, closed.
North-West: an office building, closed.
North-East: a coffee and cake shop, still open.

Eloi Tsabaoth

14:12 / 24.08.05

east

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:31 / 24.08.05

You turn right and walk East down Acacia Avenue. This is the nicest street in the village, and so there is a woman walking a dog here, and a young couple enjoying an evening stroll.

To the North is a Library, which is closed.

To the South is a Magic Costume Shop, which is open.

Acacia Avenue continues to the East.

Tryphena Absent

14:46 / 24.08.05

Shoot your way into the library to find a better map.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:52 / 24.08.05

The Library is closed, and the heavy wooden door is secured with a series of heavy bolts, padlocks, etc. You waste a couple of bullets shooting at these, but all you manage to do is scare away the passers-by. You'll have to come back when the Library is open.

Eloi Tsabaoth

14:53 / 24.08.05

South, walking in a very stilted way, as if poorly animated.

Disco is My Class War

16:00 / 24.08.05

Double-take, shake your head distractedly, and re-orient to skip East, whistling dixie. Fondle the gun in your pocket.

Whisky Priestess

17:38 / 24.08.05

And after that, enter magic costume shop! Perhaps it has a magic flying horse costume ...

Regrettable Juvenilia

18:40 / 24.08.05

By a somewhat circuitous route, you enter the Magic Costume Shop. The door creaks loudly as you do so.

The interior of the shop is not large. There are clothes rails running down each side of the room and down the middle - four in all. These are all filled with hangers, and on the hangers are clothes. Unexpectedly, each clothes rail is filled with exactly the same item in different sizes. There is a rail filled with black trenchcoats, a rail filled with black leather trousers (what the Americans call 'pants'), a rail filled with one-piece black PVC dresses, and a rail filled with frilly white shirts. The room is lit by a large number of candles, which seems a little foolhardy given that the place is full of clothes.

There is a counter in the South-West corner, and a fitting room to the South.

"Oh hello there!", says a disembodied voice.

You can see nobody in the room.

check time

Ask to try on black leather trenchcoat, black leather trousers, and frilly white shirt. Prepare to be stunned by the pale, smoky vision of transgressive beauty in the shop mirrors.

Alex's Grandma

19:33 / 24.08.05

As well as all manner of telling, sombre, but strangely pleasing thoughts about the life and career of poor dead Pete - If only he'd done things differently!

Ganesh

20:26 / 24.08.05

Interview vampire.

Regrettable Juvenilia

20:49 / 24.08.05

You check the time.

9.35pm

"Can I try on some clothes?", you say out loud to what appears to be an empty room.

As if by magic, a shopkeeper appears. He is holding a black trenchcoat in one hand.

"Good idea!" he says. "I particularly recommend the Trenchcoat Of Invisibility."

He looks you up and down, assessing your size, then picks out one each of the trousers, shirt and coat, and hands them to you. He gestures towards the fitting room.

"You can try them on in there."

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