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Text Adventure Game Emulator #1

 
  

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Triplets
10:33 / 17.08.05
Follow the hooded stranger, shout after them.
 
 
Persephone
10:35 / 17.08.05
ask if they have a light
 
 
Alex's Grandma
10:37 / 17.08.05
[Threadrot:

Q:What do you say to an English graduate with a job?

A:I'll have a Big Mac and fries please!

Threadrot ends.]
 
 
Evil Scientist
10:37 / 17.08.05
Look at stranger's ass.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
10:42 / 17.08.05
You walk North, catching up with the hooded figure, who turns to greet you. It is a young woman of Asian extraction.

"Hello", she says. "You can be a follower, but who's your leader?"
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
10:45 / 17.08.05
(I forgot to mention, you shouted "Wait for me!" before you caught up with her.)

You sneak a glance at the woman's denim-clad bottom. It meets your approval on an aesthetic level.

You ask her for a light, and she produces a cheap purple plastic lighter.
 
 
Persephone
10:47 / 17.08.05
Are you Jenny Everywhere?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
10:59 / 17.08.05
No, I am teh computer.

To pre-empt your next question, neither is she.

She is holding the lighter out to you and waiting.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
11:02 / 17.08.05
Light cigarette, flirt.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:16 / 17.08.05
You light the hand-rolled cigarette given to you by Ludacris.

"Blaze a blaze", says the woman.

As the pair of you walk North, you launch into a wittily self-deprecating routine about the social perils inherent in trying to figure out the etiquette for talking to strangers you meet after waking up minus most of your memory in a strange location. She doesn't look impressed exactly, but she seems to be amused by the fact that you're making an effort.

"Boys say wha?", she says, but not unkindly.

Unfortunately, after a few puffs on the cigarette you start to feel decidedly strange. Your vision is swimming and your legs feel like jelly. You tell the nice lady that you just need to sit down for a moment, and that you'll catch up with her later. She seems vaguely concerned, but agrees with a shrug, and turns to walk on. As soon as her back is turned, you collapse and fall into a trance.

You are on The Astral Plane. Exits are Up a set of golden stairs enshrined with the names of Horus, Left along a sea of magical reflective liquid, Backwards In Time, and On A Magical Horse.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
11:17 / 17.08.05
Go Backwards in Time.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
11:18 / 17.08.05
No, wait!

Look Backwards in Time.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:29 / 17.08.05
You watch someone who looks very much like you sitting in a bar which looks out over the sea, drinking a vodka martini. While the barman isn't looking, the earlier you reaches over the bar and steals a packet of Mini-Cheddars and a tiny bottle of vodka.

A dark-haired androgynous beauty walks up to you, coming from the direction of the bathroom.

"Right then," ze says, "My hotel or yours?"

"I'm staying at a youth hostel," you say, "So yours."

You watch, powerless and disembodied, as your past self walks out of the bar with this deceiver and is promptly coshed over the head in the car park by a bearded thug. Thug and androgynous beauty search your pockets, empty out your wallet and unload your pistol, sling you into the back of a car, drive into the jungle and dump you in a clearing. Those fuckers! You tried your best to pay attention to the route they took, this time round, but your picture of the past is slowly... breaking... up...

You, the current you, wake to find yourself lying on the dirt road where you collapsed. Quickly you check your satchel, but the monkeys have left well alone this time.

To the North, you can see a Gate at the end of the road.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
11:35 / 17.08.05
Damn, I should've ridden the magical horse.
 
 
Persephone
11:49 / 17.08.05
shake off memories of wasted youth

approach gate
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:59 / 17.08.05
You approach the Gate. It turns out to be a lot taller than it looked from further away. It is made of sturdy tree-trunks fixed together with iron bars, and it is shut. To either side, walls of equal height made from the same material disappear into the jungle. There are big spikes on the top of both gate and walls.

There is a vegetable patch on the Western side of the road, just in front of the gate.
 
 
Kit-Cat Club
12:03 / 17.08.05
Examine patch
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:05 / 17.08.05
It is full of beetroots.
 
 
Kit-Cat Club
12:16 / 17.08.05
pick three beetroot and plait stalks to form weapon
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:20 / 17.08.05
You pick three beetroots, but your fumblings with the stalks produces nothing but a rising sense of frustration and a firm belief that they cannot be used as a weapon at any point in this game.

"Dude."

You look up to see a Guard peering over the top of the Gate. He is wearing a Green Lantern t-shirt stained with mayonnaise. You hope it's mayonnaise, anyway. He is carrying a pike (not the fish).

"Who goeth there?", he asks. "You better have a good reason for wanting to come through this gate."
 
 
nedrichards is confused
12:34 / 17.08.05
Ask if this is the Amazon.
 
 
iamus
12:38 / 17.08.05
Ignore question.

Lean nochalantly against wall.

Read issues #1-3 of Violator/Badrock.
 
 
iamus
12:39 / 17.08.05
(Cross-posting there.)
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:41 / 17.08.05
"I don't know much about geography, dude. But I can tell you that this is the village of Bastard. Home of the famous Bastard Harbour."

Time passes.

"Hey, what's that you're reading, dude? Can I see?"
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
12:42 / 17.08.05
Initiate swapsies.
 
 
nedrichards is confused
12:46 / 17.08.05
Claim it's an unreleased Alan Moore/Ludacrais crossover.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
12:48 / 17.08.05
Offer Guard Issue #1 of Violator/Badrock in exchange for entry to Fort.

(Keep the rest to trade in case all the Guards are geeks)
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:54 / 17.08.05
"I'll let you in, but only if you give me the complete run!"
 
 
Whisky Priestess
12:56 / 17.08.05
Sigh, roll eyes, look gutted and hand them over with secret delight.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:47 / 17.08.05
You throw up the comics and the Guard catches them in his grubby paws.

"Dude!" he says, by way of thanks. Then he disappears behind the Gate. Moments later, there is the sound of a man exherting himself, and various creaking and whirring noises. The Gate swings open, and in you go. It swings shut behind you.

You are standing in a dusty square in the village of Bastard. Directly North, opposite you is the Dancing Bear Inn. It's a large, pleasant looking establishment with signs advertising food, drink and lodgings. To the West is an imposing grey stone building which you instinctively guess to be the Guardhouse. To the East is a run down building with windows so dirty you cannot see through them. Above the door, it says P WN SHOP.

There are streets leading North-West and North-East into the town.

There is a fountain in the middle of the square. Someone is sitting next to it.
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
13:51 / 17.08.05
With a primal scream rugby tackle the person sitting next to the fountain into the water, come up for air spluttering and then apologise telling them it was a simple case of mistaken identity.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
14:01 / 17.08.05
And while you're at it, Inventory please.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
14:21 / 17.08.05
You hurl yourself at the person sitting by the fountain. They look startled, and move out of the way quickly. You land in the fountain. There is no water in it.

Ouchy.

While you're lying there assessing your injuries, you examine your inventory. You have:

- a satchel
- a tiny, empty bottle of vodka (broken)
- a .45 calibre pistol, loaded with 6 bullets
- a .45 calibre clip containing 7 more bullets
- a digital camera
- a copy of The Waste Land and other poems by T.S. Eliot
- a chess set
- three beetroots


You discard the tiny shards of glass that used to be a vodka bottle.
 
 
Quantum
14:23 / 17.08.05
Go to Pawnshop
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
14:24 / 17.08.05
Did I break the ice?
 
  

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