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Big Brother 2004

 
  

Page: 12345(6)7891011... 50

 
 
electricinca
07:47 / 03.06.04
You're so harsh I actually felt a little sorry for Marco, but then I am emotionally unstable and easily manipulated.

What did make me laugh was Stuart, he looked so petrified when Michelle tried to make a move on him. So the power of the 'Handsome Brigade' (or whatever the fuck he and his mates call themselves)is defeated by an amorous Geordie girl.
 
 
Ganesh
08:01 / 03.06.04
I guess 'Team Jittery Virgin' wouldn't have had the same robustly macho charm...
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:15 / 03.06.04
I bet Dan is starting wonder whether someone's having a laugh: he tells BB he likes to seduce straight men, and then a purportedly straight man starts throwing himself at him... What was most astonishing was that the "here, rub this on me" bit came after Weapon Pecs had not only grilled Dan about his relationship history/philosophy, but also said something along the lines of "I'm not like you, I keep a lot of things bottled in"... Do. You. See?
 
 
Ganesh
12:13 / 03.06.04
Yeah, I wondered about that too. It's either conscious cockteasing on the Spambot's part, or unconscious bolstering of self-esteem via tacit reassurance that yes, his buttocks do appeal to at least one gay man.

Short of actually painting his sphincter blue with arrows pointing into it, I'm not sure he could be any more psychologically blunt.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
12:14 / 03.06.04
I hope he does do that though, Ganesh.
 
 
Ganesh
12:24 / 03.06.04
It'd definitely bring a certain 'Longleat Safari Park' vibe to the house, wouldn't it?
 
 
Bear
13:22 / 03.06.04
According to the guy with THE TRUTH - there will be a twin coming into the house and one of the tasks will be dependant on them sussing it out. But I think the twin rumour appears every year.

I haven't been watching that much of it to be honest, it's all too loud and shouty for me at the moment will watch on Friday though I'm sure.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
15:29 / 03.06.04
From Stu's profile:

What is your best chat up line?
The sock trick. I take a sock off and put it on my hand in my back pocket, I then get chatting to a girl and tell her about my friend who really likes her but is incredibly shy. I continue this process for several minutes and then reveal my friend as the sock puppet.


Poor Stuart, Michelle obviously didn't give him enough time to put his sock on.

And I suspect Spambo's next step will be to follow Dan around, on all fours, wiggling his arse in the air ever-more-desperately...
 
 
Alex's Grandma
15:49 / 03.06.04
It's either conscious cock-teasing on the Spambot's part...

Well according to today's Daily Mirror ( and I am now beyond medical help, I realise, ) the Spambot, say his friends, does not fancy men, he'll " just do anything to get attention, " and only told the producers he was bisexual so he could get on the show. But then who honestly knows what goes on in that brain cell ? If he is leading Dan on though, he's playing a questionable game. Watching the live coverage earlier ( working from home + all day Big Brother = not so good, ) I noticed Dan getting a bit misty-eyed when the Spambot revealed that a) he's adopted, and b) doesn't really get on with his parents... So let's hope that Dan doesn't do anything silly. Or let's hope he does, I don't know.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
16:16 / 03.06.04
I should probably add here that I don't find the Spambot's family background a source of amusement, or anything. I do, however, still think he's a fool.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
16:30 / 03.06.04
Spambo arse lies shocker!!!

*Hysterical* Police 5 moment with Dermot 'investigating' the apparently wobbly basis for the 'Lanarkshire prize-winning buttocks' story.

Apparently they're just bog-standard buttocks.

(I'll be joining you in the 'needs help' corner, then. though I'm going to miss tonight's 'special', in mitigation.)
 
 
hanabius yamamura
20:34 / 03.06.04
... kitten, upon hearing her third warning, states ' it's not my fault ' ...

... utter bollocks - of course it's your fault, you stupid P.D. ridden cow - jesus ...

< grabs head in EXTREME exasparation at the woman >

... apologies re venting ...
 
 
Ganesh
21:05 / 03.06.04
Indeed. Although "I'd never want to confine you, Kitten, 'cause that's not my bag". Man.

The comforting thing about conspiracy theories (especially those in which you actually have intentionally placed yourself at the mercy of an omnipotent 'oppressor') is that nothing is ever your fault. You never have to take responsibility for the consequences of your own actions, because there's always a Them to whom you can point by way of explanation.

Whatever Kitten says (and one suspects she's never going to admit to personal responsibility - not in the group setting, anyway), I suspect she's pretty shaken by everyone's response (and Emma, bless 'er, phrased it pretty well - "you're selfish"). For all that she works to be the Sole Voice Of Dissent, the irritant outsider, I don't think she likes being outcast. She looked pretty miserable isolating herself in the living room...

Meanwhile, over in Cocktease Corner, Spambo's deep 'n' meaningful conversation was a classic come-on: throughout his sighing reflections on the shallowness of casual sex, he talked about wanting "someone", the "person" who'd spoon with him (and, presumably, moisturise his quads) of a Sunday morning - then, at the height of mutual yearning, squashed it all with suddenly-gender-specific mention of a wife, kids, car, house, picket fence, etc. Poor Dan.

(I suspect that Jason wants to be a wife. A trophy one, 1950s style, with nothing to do but keep young and beautiful for hubby...)

For what it's worth, I actually thought Kitten was right on the 'gay oppression' stuff. The fact that she has only one way of making a point (stand apart and hector/moralise, in increasingly strident tone), however, means that anyone who might sympathise treats her (at best) like the "don't be a sinner, be a winner" Jesus-freak on Oxford Street.
 
 
Ganesh
21:19 / 03.06.04
Poor Stuart, Michelle obviously didn't give him enough time to put his sock on.

Perhaps he has a relatively undersized sock...
 
 
Smoothly
21:29 / 03.06.04
the "don't be a sinner, be a winner" Jesus-freak on Oxford Street.

Way to hurt my feelings.

Bastard.
 
 
Ganesh
22:16 / 03.06.04
Well... I'll give you a friendly punch on both shoulders next time I see you.

More Spambo-initiated man-on-man buttock-worship. Now with added scat (sort of)...



Rimshot. As they say. In America. (I think.)
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
22:26 / 03.06.04
well well.

'great' minds and all that, just read that very piece:

Jason had a second chance for a tongue sarnie with Vanessa and this time stripped off his shirt for the occasion and pounced.

all good clean fun, but uh-oh

But, Vanessa, the blonde archery champion was keener for a bit of girl-on-girl action and the tongues came flapping out as she went for a full open-mouthed kiss with Emma.

obviously archery=bykery in the BB pysch. notes. fan me, i'm only just coming around from my faint.

buuuut

Not to be outdone, Jason decided to get his trousers off. To the delight of the housemates, he then whipped off his pants and smeared his derriere with chocolate spread. Daniel's task was to get rid of it.

he really can't bear anyone else getting any attention, can he? Twit.
 
 
Ganesh
22:35 / 03.06.04
obviously archery=bykery in the BB pysch. notes.

It is kinda... Amazonian. Appealingly so.

The slightly earlier snoggery was equally unsurprising, really:

As the bottle span and landed on Daniel, Ahmed had to nominate his target.

"I dare you to kiss Jay," the naughty Somalian requested.

Seconds later Daniel moved in for the kill. Jason threw his head back and opened wide but chickened out, puckering up at the last minute.


Wide to receive, then puckered shut. I suspect the exact same thing would happen at the other end of Spambo's gastrointestinal tract...

Then there's monocellular Victor:

As the bottle landed on Stuart he was nominated to kiss Victor. Stripping off his shirt the A-grade student launched himself at Victor for a quick snog.

Once the smacker was over Victor looked as if his world had come to an end, and sat on the sofa with his head in his hands.


Ew! Ewwww! Kissed a man! Victor's caught battyitis! That means he's, like, a bitch!

Etc.
 
 
Ganesh
22:56 / 03.06.04
Daniel wisely prepares the way for a little passage-easing...
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
00:32 / 04.06.04
love the way that link has an 'over 18s only' banner on it.

are we about to see a cherry popped?
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
00:58 / 04.06.04
or two?

"TOPIC: Is Stuart and Michelle's romance for real?"

Of course, how can you doubt that they'll get married and have lots of babies?

I really need to go to bed.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
04:23 / 04.06.04
Ok, here's my guess for the final three.

Vanessa, Dan, and either Victor or Kitten.

And Vanessa to win. The only serious competition, as far as I can see, is coming from Victor, but he's gonna break, man, he's gonnna crumble like... like... summing WELL crumbly, d'you knowworrimean ?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
07:19 / 04.06.04
For what it's worth, I actually thought Kitten was right on the 'gay oppression' stuff. The fact that she has only one way of making a point (stand apart and hector/moralise, in increasingly strident tone), however, means that anyone who might sympathise treats her (at best) like the "don't be a sinner, be a winner" Jesus-freak on Oxford Street.

Well, exactly. I'm sure many of us have despaired at previous 'political' conversations on BB and wished that someone would forward a point of view more like hers... But the way she did it... oh dear.

Worst of all was the fact that at one point Victor audibly agreed with her, and she didn't even seem to hear him - because what would someone like him know discrimination etc, eh Kitten? - instead moving quickly along to "You're all ignorant!" Again, it's a terrible cliche but it really does seem as though being the only person who knows the truth and stands up to oppression is more important to Kitten than the possibility of making alliances with other people who might, shock horror, already be aware of the truth... No wonder Victor was angry with her after that, I have to say I think he voiced his objections very well later on. Further points deducted from Kitten for telling Ahmed "It's not their fault... They've just not been educated properly" - careful, your public school roots are showing...

Have to say in balance, Dan also loses a little of my liking for him with that "blondes are discriminated against!" nonsense.

But that's enough politics: on with the filth!

(I have to play Devil's advocate and suggest it's possible Stuart isn't a virgin: maybe he's just actually aware that he's on the telly?)

"Don't be embarrassed... Have a squeeze of me bum."
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
07:24 / 04.06.04
OMG WTF Dan is a dark thaumaturgic magus!!

"...seemed to mutter some sort of incantation to himself as he sat alone in the dawn air..."

 
 
Ganesh
09:32 / 04.06.04
Aaaand, from the pink pages of this week's Boyz comes a flurry of support from the gay community:

Marco's a stereotypical camp queen who wants punching.

...

Kitten just reaffirms public perceptions of lesbians all being humourless dykes.

...

We did laugh as she fought back the tears saying, "Well I don't care about it... it's just material things"

...

I almost shat myself laughing at Big Brother on Friday. That arch queen with the little trilby going on about straight men falling for him, being straight-acting and not liking mincing gays. When he pursed his lips and sashayed from the car to the house he was half a fedora brim away from being John Inman. Get over yourself girl.

Gay Pride!
 
 
Ganesh
09:49 / 04.06.04
The sap is definitely rising in the Big Brother house (and I don't just mean Marco): not only does Michelle succeed in partly reanimating High IQ Stu's warmed-over corpse, but Jason starts to 'joke' about sex with "that arch queen with the little trilby":

Dan... kept quiet even when Jason asked him, "£50,000 for the first shag? Are you up for it?"

All Spambo needs is enough alcohol to substantiate the God, I Was Sooo Drunk Last Night MSM post-fuck defence. Notional tabloid cash, it seems, might lubricate things just as well...
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
09:59 / 04.06.04
I think it was made clear last year that gay sex didn't count for the purposes of the cash, wasn't it? Or have they altered the terms this time around?

There's rather a sweet article on the BB website about Kitten raising Emma's consciousness and Emma making Kiten a bit more relaxed. It's actually quite heart-warming... believe it when I see it, mind...
 
 
yawn - thing's buddy
10:01 / 04.06.04
Enjoying this lark - a lot - thought 1 was good. 2,3,4 all shite - well done chan four.

Kitten: well, if anything, she's grange hill circa 86: imelda’s big dykey sistah. (or possibly trisha yate’s wee gay cuzzin)

Ahmed: ma man!!!

Jason: well I like the poor cunt. First, cos he's a jock, reprasentin the West o' Scotland with some fine patter (and he could batter any of the other English cunts in there).

examples:

shuttle runs
marco's FUCKIN' harem
sure, big guy
cheers bud

and I know all the places he's talking about. He's from the mighty 'Ton ye see, home of the Academicals. I find reaction from many Barbelites to his 'presentation' and style quite amusing - perhaps you are prejudice against blondes you fuckin hypocritical scum.

Stuart - during the flesh-storm years (life, aged 20-26) always knew I was better looking and far, far cooler than long haired, slightly poncey men such as this but maintained nagging worry that my hold over a gang of women could be disrupted by the presence of body-face combo typologies re: Stuart.

Observed: his way of speaking starts too abruptly and is still slightly mannered after a week in the house.

Victor: quite fond of his vocal style (he is and so am I) and he gives off a black ops military feel - which is welcome.

Dan: I like Dan.

Vanessa: hasn't registered.

Shel: body shape, dimensions and musculature are all primed to make me watch, tho her transparent face, wobbly voice and tendency to cling to a fellow (archery) blonde (in case of discrimination) cause me to have doubts - despite her apparent intelligence, she doesn't seem to have said anything of real brain-challenging value yet.

Michelle seems as if she has been culled from either BB2,3 or 4 - old school, boring bitchiness, lazy eyes and brutal honesty in a page 3 kinda way.

Highlight: her saying this:

Do you really think I've got a better bum than Vanessa?

Stuart: yeah.

then she replied:

Ahhh, chicken, you don't know how much that means to me.

Quite profound, really. Much in the same way as the boys, once they were all in, decided to try and chart 'alpha male-ness' by asking how old ivry other cunt wis.

Who else?

Marco: yawn

Nadia: depends - could either tire or excite - depending on how much intelligence it reveals in due course.

Emma: didn't like the finger licking during dress down at all.

No no no.
 
 
Ganesh
10:09 / 04.06.04
I think it was made clear last year that gay sex didn't count for the purposes of the cash, wasn't it? Or have they altered the terms this time around?

Ahhh, but it wouldn't be gay, because Spambo - as his friend confirm - is Big Hettie McHettersley from Hetsville, Hetizona. So it'd be half-straight.

You're right, though: I remember the subsequent 'outrage' now. Given the make-up of this year's house, one would've thought the terms would've changed - but I've certainly heard nothing more about it since then...

There's rather a sweet article on the BB website about Kitten raising Emma's consciousness and Emma making Kiten a bit more relaxed.

Yeah, I agree that the two-way exchange element is possibly being overstated - but it'd be nice if it were happening.

Kitten regaled her with views on fairtrade tea and coffee, complaining, "Nobody buys it because no one knows what's going on."

"Here, I'll buy some. They make chocolate too," said Emma, genuinely concerned that workers in poor parts of the world should get paid fairly.


Kitten pushes fair trade. Spambo pushes rough trade.
 
 
penitentvandal
10:11 / 04.06.04
So, Dan is dressing as Obi Wan Kenobi and muttering incantations, and Marco can, apparently (according to that 'THE EVIL TRUTH REVEALED!' website, and who am I to argue with the weight of unsubstantiated information from undisclosed sources?) turn into a fucking animal, man...

Christ, I have to watch this tonight. The Gay Guru versus the Mincing Manimal! It'll be like Buffy, only less realistic...
 
 
Ganesh
10:16 / 04.06.04
Jason: well I like the poor cunt. First, cos he's a jock, reprasentin the West o' Scotland with some fine patter (and he could batter any of the other English cunts in there).

examples:

shuttle runs
marco's FUCKIN' harem
sure, big guy
cheers bud


And don't forget "thae cats".

I agree, he's increasingly likeable. He just needs - really needs - a good, thick cock up the arse. And my Gosh, don't he know it?
 
 
_Boboss
10:27 / 04.06.04
i think shell is the best girl-wise too. type of lass prime for autumn walks in big sweaters shussing through shin-deep leaves. not keen on feeding sheep though so sorry love but...

she likes swearing but not writing swearing - this is the kind of senselessness that makes me proud to be human.

her pisstaking last night was masterful 'don't want to oppress you, that's not my bag' said to her face! should've called her 'sister'!

very clever the way kitten has ensured she'll be the only person not in danger of eviction. kind of. would she be happier if there was still a threat of violence on pride day? surely the early fighters weren't there so they could do nothing but fight for the next thirty years. the ahmed-kitten minority axis is funny too - don't she know he's only after kappa-maling her arse?
 
 
Smoothly
10:30 / 04.06.04
It seems that while the rest attend to one another's bottoms, Kitten might get picked up by the fuzz.
 
 
Ganesh
11:01 / 04.06.04
Yay! Big Brother to evict a random housemate!

(Or, one suspects, pretend-evict them, spirit them away to the secret 'spy room' and let Kitten take the flak from the other housemates. Which'd be cool...)


Apparently not; seems they really do mean it.

So who do we think's gonna be up for the "retribution eviction"? They have to keep Kitten for the viewing figures alone - so who'll be the victim of her not-my-fault rule-trashing? Someone she cares about? Ahmed?
 
 
_Boboss
11:13 / 04.06.04
wow they actually done it? didn't take long esp. considering all the tedious weeks of pj/jade, paul/helen, spencer/kate will they won't they bollocks.

plus kinda hard to be the alpha male when someone else is junking off inside your chosen favourite eh vic?

i knew i'd be cooler if i'd done better in my a-levels
 
  

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