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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Big Brother 2004

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21:09 / 29.05.04

Couldn't you just see him in green tights, with a bow and arrows? Ideally, one in his neck. It occurred to me that if the rest of his mates were Alice Band Cunts, they could change their name to The ABC Warriors...

Whisky Priestess

21:29 / 29.05.04

I want them all to start a rock'n'roll group, using vegetables as instruments.

Shame the chickens have gone. Please nominate one of the following animals to be the next Big Brother pet(s) - and, in the words of BB, state your reasons:

Gerbil

Pig

Spitting Cobra

Kitten (a real one)

Shetland Pony

Flea

Koala

Rhino

Piranha

Screaming Caterpillar off the Simpsons

(btw, I have worked out who Kitten looks exactly like, and it's Federico from BB4. Seriously.)

21:33 / 29.05.04

No, Sax is right; it's Toby Maguire.

23:17 / 29.05.04

the shot of kitten saying "i really dont care" while so obvously caring sooo fucking much, was absoulute tv genius.

shes a child and need to be spanked, christ, i dont mind breaking the rules when need be, but taking a pillow into a bath? thats just silly (and not the good silly, like food fights and shampooing your hair into a mohican)

that said, anyone think they crossed the line by having davina going through her shit? i would be lived if that was me speshly wearing my earmuffs and waving my photographs around.

Victors got my vote, his posing is done with his tounge so far in his cheek im suprised it hasnt peirced it in a bizzare mess of flesh, and that line about the pizza, while obvouisly rehearsed, was still ace.

23:29 / 29.05.04

and as a pet, next year, i want a celebraty pet, i want that white tiger that mauled the Siegfeid (or Roy), with a fone-in vote each day about who has to wear a raw meat suit and shout "i hate tigers" untill there vioce is bleeding and sore and any crys for help will be just pathetic rasps, which then pete tong could mix into the theme song and in years to come play to the surviours over the phone at three in the morning at random intervals

07:30 / 30.05.04

Kitten is such a pain in the arse that she (sorry, zhe) is bound to win. So utterly unlikely as a winner that the betting syndicates that _really_ decide who wins are going to make a fortune backing hir.
I hate them all. I don't want to watch. I don't want to watch. Someone PLEASE stop me watching this year!

10:07 / 30.05.04

Kitten's anal sex. She seems like a really good idea in theory, but then when it actually comes to it, she's scratchy and annoying.

10:34 / 30.05.04

Why the hell was Victor waltzing around last night with a towel wrapped up around his nipples like a woman?

Tryphena Absent

14:58 / 30.05.04

What the hell is wrong with you people? Kitten is Great!! She's clearly gone in there purely to piss everyone off and do precisely what she's not meant to and frankly if she doesn't want to have fun than she has every right not to have any. Admittedly she's being a little idealistic about everyone else (and her own leadership qualities) but at least someone on this earth still has a little faith in humanity.

Tryphena Absent

15:00 / 30.05.04

Oh and also- Nadia is really pissing me off with the constant flirting, I mean is she ever going to stop and there's really no need to elaborate on my hatred of the headbanded guy. I love Daniel (and that hat. Woo!).

15:01 / 30.05.04

She's clearly gone in there purely to piss everyone off

Including herself, from the looks of things.

15:18 / 30.05.04

I'm sorry; we're all wrong for not liking Kitten, and Fly gets to side with Victor without retribution?

Again I say: she sounds great. but she's not. I thought it would be great, but no. I just want people to hug. What's wrong with hugging?

And I'd say they all seem to have faith in humanity; despite saying how fantastically controversial they all are, and how willing they are to air their views, they all seem to be getting along fairly OK (I think) and ignoring how evil they're supposed to be (am I idealising?). I do hope they all share with Kitten. And even Emma seems perfectly willing to allow other people into her incredably well defended little world by telling them Big Brother that 'they're all on my wavelength'.

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:26 / 30.05.04

I love the way the first week or so of watching this show is like Freshers' Week at University, in that all the people you think you like first of all soon become people you can't stand.

So, Kitten: biggest problem with Kitten is that she seems to have gone into the house either a) without realising the nature of Big Brother, in which case she's disappointingly stupid but not unusually so, as this has happened every year, or b) with the intention of breaking the rules, disobeying authority, etc, in which case she's either still stupid (if she doesn't realise how much this will annoy both housemates and public), or a bit sad really (if she thinks it's a worthwhile form of political rebellion). I also suspect that in this case attention seeking is really a major motivation, as much as I hate to say that because it's a cliched accusation often thrown at activisty types. Shit, I've just realised Kitten = Quentin Quire. But the most damning thing about her was that she actually described herself as "politically correct" with a straight face - anyone who's bought into that term rather than recognising it for what it is, is going to be a bit embarassing.

Other thoughts:

Venessa the Sewf Effriken is actually quite likeable.

Same goes for Dan.

Emma, bless her, is also less objectionable than amusing. She hasn't really been tested yet though...

Marco is a halfwit.

Victor should never be allowed near alcohol, or women who aren't wearing overalls or wooly jumpers or burkhas.

Tryphena Absent

18:22 / 30.05.04

Fly gets to side with Victor without retribution?

Victor's so obvious he's not even worth talking about. Eventually his misogyny will be flumped over the head by someone and I'm not engaging with Fly in this thread- yesterday he told me Shell was a munter and well, I yelled.

Madman in the ruins.

19:36 / 30.05.04

Kitten=Qunetin Quire, Flyboy you are so right.
Watching the C4 recap at the moment, picking up on what i've missed so far. Smasing the microphones and giving it the big 'I dont care' then begging for a Duvet. I'm sticking to my first impression. She's still got the emotional maturity of a 14 year old.

19:50 / 30.05.04

Aaaand now Kitten's climbing on the roof.

Like I say, I think she's somewhere on the Borderline Personality Disorder continuum - which fits with the low self-esteem, ambivalence, boundary-pushing and apparently self-destructive 'acting out' behaviour. I'm kinda surprised the Endemol psychologists chose to put her in there, as I reckon the Big Brother environment could fuck someone like Kitten up quite badly. Somewhat irresponsible...

Victor, with his weirdly compelling turn of phrase, reckons she's "shaky as Rik Waller doing Riverdance on a three-legged table". Perhaps he'll "alpha male her to death" along with everybody else. Hmmm.

19:52 / 30.05.04

Which unfortunately also gives hir the energy of one: which makes for great confrontations. You know she's getting "voted off" this week, and so do the others. We know she gets to play with their heads after this and probably even get back in.

20:03 / 30.05.04

Thing is, I really think she's going to get psychologically bruised by Big Brother - and it's not like it'd have been hard for their psychs to predict this. Okay, they do this to a certain extent with everybody but I think even more than most, they've sacrificed Kitten's mental well-being for on-screen conflict.

Hmm. Just saw her Diary Room chat. She comes across as pretty intelligent and, in a lot of ways, she's got really good insight into her own personality and behaviour. I still think she's vulnerable enough to suffer a lot in there...

21:15 / 30.05.04

Perhaps he'll "alpha male her to death"

Victor uses "Alpha Male" as a verb. He cannot be allowed to win.

And I'm so torn about Kitten. When she's around other people, she's a right twat but when she's alone or in the Diary Room, she's actually alright and, as Ganesh says, vulnerable.

Goodness Gracious Meme

00:51 / 31.05.04

should've known I'd've been beaten to the pysch point regarding Kitten. Her filters are still seeming non-existent, though she seems to have calmed down a bit.

And I've got my first candidate for the electric chair... whassaface in the red bikini with the terrible laugh

I'm enjoying this lot. Will definitely be alpha male-ing it around town tomorrow..

01:05 / 31.05.04

This could well be sign of encroahing madness, but was that a ( cough, ) marital aid in the jacuzzi last night ? If so, I'd consider myself not so much shocked or angry, more just frightened.

Anyway, as far as animals to replace the chickens go, I'd vote for the spitting cobra, because they've got a real " don't give a shit " attitude, they're edgy, confrontational, they're just totally now. " Love me or hate me, " the spitting cobra says " I ain't gonna change, man. " There's never a dull moment when there's cobra about, and they're always sure to liven up a social gathering.

But I'd to see cane toads in the house as well, just so the " up for anything " Big Brother crowd could spend an evening reliving whatever nightmarish childhood traumas had led them to appear on this show in the first place.

Oh, and so far, anyone except Victor to win. Based on last night's performance, he'd be a menace not only to himself, but also to everyone else he happened to run into.

Bu

09:07 / 31.05.04

This could well be sign of encroahing madness, but was that a ( cough, ) marital aid in the jacuzzi last night?

No, it was one of the pistachio latex wall decorations from the living room (anyone else reminded of The Hand's HQ, in The Filth?); Marco accidentally broke it off on Day One. Clearly you have been failing to watch every single minute of coverage. You need to get out less.

09:48 / 31.05.04

Emma and Marco's feedback loop screachy thing needs to stop. NOW.

Also, I seem to remember getting the impression that Kitten has moments of lucidity even around other housemates, but I stand by my assessment that she's going to get really annoying because I can't see it being in C4's interests to keep showing her good sides, although I've not read any tabloids yet, so maybe there isn't as big a demand for hating her as I keep thinking there is. Info, people?

Also,I'm pretty sure she doesn't describe herself as PC, but gets attacked for being it; and it was inferred (am I just making this stuff up now?) that she was there to test herself.

And also, Nadia? She's a girl, so she'll need her make-up and not having it will be hard on her? Has being a transexual given you a remarkably mature and grown-up understanding of the less then cast-iron nature of gender stereotypes?

10:31 / 31.05.04

Yeah, the Emma and Marco thing needs to stop before it upsets every canine within a five-mile radius of the Big Brother house.

Kitten's spearheading the suitcase rebellion and Stuart, as the show's proto-Barbeloid, is her admiring acolyte. As has been said previously, Kitten looks great on paper and talks a good game (subverting patriarchal heteroppressive systems for the hell of it, etc., etc.) but I suspect her primary means of self-definition is through opposition to something, and if she had nothing to fight against, she'd barely exist, psychologically speaking. I think she's only partly aware of this, and retro-mythologises herself accordingly as a heroic iconoclast. Thing is, I reckon being in the Big Brother house is gonna spell out for her the way(s) other people react to that persona: if they accept her as a funky rebel and go with it, well and good; if they decide she's an emotionally-draining pain in the arse, and shun her, it's gonna be difficult for her to do the big 'Fuck You' And Run without losing face.

And transsexuals having a more sophisticated understanding of gender-stereotypes? Yes and no, depending on the individual. Certainly no more so than gay people having some sort of innately sympathetic understanding of alternative sexualities (ie. not necessarily very much at all).

ONLY NICE THINGS

13:16 / 31.05.04

Hmmm... I want to like Kitten, but I suspect that her entire Big Brother career is goign to be a downward trajectory - her big moment was running off to snog her girlfriend on the way in, and anything that actually takes place within the BB house is going to be a downhill slant... This "big sister" idea depends on the idea that power can be reordered from within the house, and it can't; by stepping inside, you have accepted the power of Big Brother to control your existence within certain parameters in order to provide entertainment, and any rebellion merely forms a part of that entertainment... the worst thing you can do is be boring, but even then Big Brother can compel you to be more interesting by making your situation more uncomfortable or confrontational.

In fact, is it me or is it odd that the people who compete to appear on Big Brother seem very rarely to behave as if they have watched it, or followed any of the media coverage devoted to it?

Goodness Gracious Meme

13:34 / 31.05.04

Stuart is very irritating, and I can't quite figure out why. Oh yes, Team Handsome. and 'four A's at A level'.

that'd be it.

Goodness Gracious Meme

13:45 / 31.05.04

oh and she's not Tobey Maguire, she's an early days young Brett Anderson.

Tryphena Absent

15:27 / 31.05.04

Last night Kitten managed to get all of them to temporarily refuse to give their suitcases back to Big Brother, then she had a nice chat with Victor (who wasn't drunk and was actually alarmingly sweet) and then she vogued badly in the garden for 10 minutes to the sound of crazy-bisexual-Emma singing. I love this show.

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:38 / 31.05.04

Christ, Ganesh, I thought I had a low opinion of the average Barbelither, but if you think that of all these people Stuart is the one who best fits that description, that's a whole new low...

So I've changed my mind about Kitten again on the basis of watching almost two hours of live coverage last night, in which she managed to systematically persuade each and every one of the 11 other housemates to accompany her in the first stage of the Riot (all going into the diary room and saying they wouldn't give their empty suitcases back, or something). She's pretty good at this demagogue lark, it would appear. So my initial exasperation at the whole applying-Marxist-theory-to-a-gameshow thing has faded as I remember how annoying it was two years ago when they refused to all jump the tiny fence onto the rich side, and how fucking entertaining this year is so far, which really is largely due to Kitten Kwire, agree with her or not. I'm not sure she's leaving any time soon, folks: they'd be mad to kick out the person who's generating the most txt messages from haterz and fans alike, and who they're basing phone-in discussions on, etc. I think the only way she'll be out soon is if she walks - cf John Lydon and the jungle. (And pin, she really did say "I'm politically correct, and I don't get on that well with people who aren't" in one of her auditions.)

In other news, check out the first picture here and tell me Ahmed isn't turning into a Bond villain. Although quite what his "sand and cement!" mutterings mean is anyone's guess.

15:38 / 31.05.04

Is it me, or is it odd that the people who compete to appear on Big Brother seem very rarely to behave as if they have watched it...

Yeah, this is strange. One would assume they're all big fans of the show, and that by now, ( and what is it now series 4, series 5 ? ) they'd have some idea of what not to do, in terms of annoying the great British public. But apparently not... My theory is that like the goldfish, your average Big Brother contestant lives very much " in the moment, " and may well have trouble remembering what happened last week, never mind a year ago. That would seem to explain why more of them don't go out of their minds, living as they do in what's effectively a fish tank. Also, for the true narcissist, nothing's ever quite real until it's happening to you, so what's gone on before in the exact same situation must seem a bit, well, irrelevant...

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:47 / 31.05.04

Nadia giving Kitten a makeover: genderfuck theory comes to primetime. Awesome.

16:25 / 31.05.04

Uh, guys, you do realise BB tells the contestants not to talk about previous shows don't you?

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

16:32 / 31.05.04

Big Brother's little brother: Hilarious revelations of Kitten being rewarded/punished for her behaviour at home by her girlfriend via a star system. Awesome.

16:33 / 31.05.04

Well yeah, but they must at least think about them surely ?

ONLY NICE THINGS

17:30 / 31.05.04

Uh, guys, you do realise BB tells the contestants not to talk about previous shows don't you?

Ah, but it can hardly command them not to have watched them, which is what we were talking about.

Having said which, I now want a series in which the contestants from last year's big brother are locked in a house and allowed to do nothing except relate their experiences last year to the experience of the contestants of the years before that, until eventually they lose all sense of identity. It would be like Masters Football...

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