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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Big Brother 2004

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23:26 / 28.05.04

Oh god, I've had two green frogs, two vodkas and I'm loving this! Last two years have been shite. This year, full of fuckers and I like it!

I'm a bad man.

(Last ever Friends, new Big Brother! Mini mexican wave for Channel 4! Woo!)

23:28 / 28.05.04

Based on what I've seen so far, I like Dan. Everyone else can burn. Especially the guy who shall from hereon in be called 'Alice band cunt'.

Emma. Pissed and trying to formulate an intelligent thought about religion and politics. The cherry on the top would be her throwing up in the pool.

23:31 / 28.05.04

"What's that thing... that tree... it's in the Muslim Bible, the Quran... it, like, shows the path of life; it was in the papers..."

Is she talking about the Kabbalah?

06:34 / 29.05.04

Was it just me that noticed that the sound of Davina's voice didn't come through properly for the first two minutes of the show?

I thought that said it all.

06:49 / 29.05.04

(And sorry to drag it off topic slightly, but where is the "Last ever Friends" thread in this forum?)

07:10 / 29.05.04

I haven't watched any of this yet. " Yet " being the operative word, god knows I will...

So based on that tragic premise, does anyone fancy doing a sweepstake ? This would be for virtual money, ie the principle, no cash would ever change hands, but a virtual fiver on whichever one of these, no doubt, uh, characters is likely to win ?

I'll be " up to speed " a hell of a lot earlier than I'd like to think - basically we've got a couple of days to try to pick out a winner, it won't be quite the same once somoene's been ( deservedly ) booted out, so what I'm suggesting is, place your bets now.

Whisky Priestess

07:52 / 29.05.04

Shell, based on personal preferences and the British love for the underdog. Mind you, I was gunning for Cameron from quite early on last year.

I think it's often the compromise candidate (Dan), hiwever, and he seems personable enough not to attract hatred from either the housemates or the public, as least for a few weeks. That's until the tabloids start lashing into him for being "boring", i.e. not a raving exhibitionist psychotic.

10:05 / 29.05.04

Dan would be my guess - based on the Just Gay Enough principle.

11:41 / 29.05.04

Is Dan the not-queenie gay? If so, then tabloids are already talking about how he claims to only sleep with straight men (didn't he actually say straight men fall for him?), which will mean he said all straight men are really gay, which will mean all straight men are honour-bound to look at him oddly and then punch him.

And we can all take joy that stupid stupid hair band boy is going to fail to ever get a job ever because it's quite clearly going to to be noted that he fucks off whenever he feels like it. Hurrah! Also, he's clearly not geeky+cool=more cool, because how many geeky+cool people do you know how go around talking about how much life experiance they have and all their great adventures? None of them.

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:56 / 29.05.04

Emma's drunken conversation with sober Ahmed is already a wince-inducing highlight of the show this year.

I actually really like the fact that the producers have twigged that last year, they failed to hook as many viewers quite simply because the group were too fucking boring, so now they've swung to the opposite extreme.

I can't believe you all seem to like Shell and her vintage Dior fucking bracelets. Ugh. Poshos go home!

I'm rooting for Victor and Kitten. Unsurprisingly. The question is, will they be allies or opponents?

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:02 / 29.05.04

We should get Emma on Barbelith to post in the Temple. Tree of life! Tree of life!

The Alpha quotient is soooo high, 'Nesh, you're right, eg, Victor was president of the African and Caribbean Society at University - it's like they've assembled a superteam... Ultimate Big Brother. It's edgy!

Reading Michelle's profile is quite terrifying because it confirms that there is someone out there who actually aspires to be Jordan.

13:33 / 29.05.04

I don't watch Big Brother, but I always tune in for the Barbelith thread about it. It's like some kind of Reality TV Borgesian Thread Experiment.

14:33 / 29.05.04

KITTEN SMASH!!

(The State, that is.)

14:39 / 29.05.04

In fact, if she could master cut 'n' paste, Emma would make a terrific Barbeloid generally:

Emma airs some interesting thoughts on life in the future and a world where everyone's being watched 24 hours-a-day.

"You know what, there's a book about this," mused Emma, kicking off the discussion. "It predicted that there was gonna be cameras everywhere you go and you're not gonna be a private person".

But the Oldham lass was at a loss when it came to the name of the book.

"Big Brother!" offered Ahmed.

"No! Not Big Brother... yeah! Big Brother," said a confused Emma. But it was Kitten who finally enlightened the group, "Is that George Orwell, 1984?" she suggested.

As they continued the discussion, Emma got increasingly excited that Big Brother could become a reality outside the House, developing theories about a real-life 1984 situation.

The 20 year-old talked about a world where, "everyone's got our bank details, our phone number... we'll be watched every day so that we can't say we are a private person."

And she decided that the only way to live undetected was to become a tramp. "They have a private life though. Maybe that's why they're tramps... MAYBE that's why they want to be tramps because they don't want to be watched."

Okay, she is this year's Jade.

14:53 / 29.05.04

Kitten = the unfortunate result of a Red Wedge/Human League mash up?

Jason = BB1 Craig meets Mr Gay UK?

Shell = Nush, tbh.

14:54 / 29.05.04

You know what pisses me off about Kitten? I just know the next time I get bolshie about something some twat will compare us.

The "alpha" quotient is indeed high in this house, interesting to watch but I'd hate to be there.

Madman in the ruins.

17:53 / 29.05.04

First impressons of Kitten, sticking her tounge down her girlfreinds throat at every oppourtunity and flicking the V sign at the cameras, Hmmm shes got the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. And why the name Kitten? You hear the name Kitten you think Strpper/lapdancer not Dykey activist.

Intresting how Stuart manages to try and turn every Conversation around to his own intellegence.

19:15 / 29.05.04

So Kitten slept in the bathroom? She's such an individual!

Hah! They have to nominate who they want to go without their suitcace for the whole series!

19:19 / 29.05.04

Ah. Big Brother's really going to have its work cut out for it if it's going to match up to Gordon Ramsay just telling Edwina Currie that she's a "pathetic bitch" and "full of shit."

Actually, every television ever made is going to have to go some to better that...

19:19 / 29.05.04

Hahahahahhh! Dan nominates Marco to not have his suitcase delivered. Hooray for the gay community!

Whisky Priestess

19:24 / 29.05.04

Just watching the suitcases choices. Ahmed/Emma "Oh no! Oh dear ... I'll choose the person I least like"

Dan: "Hmm, well, Marco said last night that he didn't care if his suitcase arrived or not ... and hmm [eyes up own legs, mentally measuring them against Marco's] he's about the same ... yeah, Marco."

I like Dan. He is a problem solver.

19:34 / 29.05.04

Dan's certainly good at justifying what is quite possibly a gut reaction...

Kitten's too emotionally unstable to stay in the house. She reminds me of those highly ambivalent individuals who'd expend a huge amount of energy trying to get admitted to a psychiatric ward (increasingly dicey self-harming, threats of suicide if they don't get their way, etc.) then, once they're an in-patient, spend all their time railing against the unfairness and oppression of the NHS, before asking if they can be discharged to kill themselves, please - and end up being sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Which gives them even more to fulminate against. Silly cow.

I keep thinking Nadia looks vaguely familiar...

19:38 / 29.05.04

Kitten's really getting on my tits now. At the risk of stating the bleeding obvious... if this is all so abhorrent to you, why the hell did you apply for the show?. And if someone says she's doing it to advance The Cause, then I'll wear that leopard-skin jock-strap as a hat.

19:40 / 29.05.04

Yeah, I quite liked that - he just perceived it not so much as a test of who you like, but a simple problem-solving thing. It's not like there aren't going to be any clothes in the house they can't borrow, and so he was looking for the path of least resistance.

Smart boy.

My desire to put something sharp through Kitten's face grows by the second. Anyhow, I am honestly enjoying this, which is something that's surprising me - mainly because Big Brother has been constructed very well this season. The phrasing of that question - 'who does not deserve to have their suitcase' - is delightful. And BB is being evil without actually ever being truly malicious.

The only thing I'm a bit concerned about is that whilst everyone is already bored by Kitten, they've possibly been diverted away from realising just how awful Stuart is. This will no doubt kick in soon...

19:48 / 29.05.04

Yeah, like now - after his interminable "Should I make a decision now, then?" performance in the diary room.

19:50 / 29.05.04

By the way, is Kitten really Tobey Maguire?

19:50 / 29.05.04

High IQ Stu needed two explanations before he understood that 12 into 11 doesn't go. "I don't really understand the process I'm supposed to be using. It seems a bit trivial..." Cunt.

Victor reckons Kitten's "not all there mentally". Clever boy. I think she's on the Borderline Personality Disorder continuum, and can only suppose that, after psychological evaluation, it was decided she should go in anyway - pursuit of conflict an' all...

19:53 / 29.05.04

"Barbelith Big Brother's celebrity psychiatrist Dr Ganesh will be right back after these ads for The Return of the King and Head and Shoulders."

20:00 / 29.05.04

(On the other side, Ramsay has commented that Currie "farts too high for her own arsehole", then told her that she's spineless, remarked to somebody else "how the fuck that became a politician, I'll never know", before rounding it all off when she had a go at him for spitting when he yelled at her by shouting "You've got a fucking hair net on! It won't make any difference for somebody so fucking diseased!" My respect for Ramsay has suddenly shot through the fucking roof.)

Kitten's got to be the first to go, really. She might mix it up in the house a bit - albeit not in the way she wants to - but the annoying people have always been among the first to get voted out.

20:03 / 29.05.04

I'm actually quite surprised the Royal College of Psychiatrists doesn't recognise Media Psychiatry as a valid sub-speciality by now. I could so do that.

Kitten: "It's alright; I don't give a shit". Ohhh, but I do... At the risk of being the target demographic, I love the cruelty of the ensuing Big Brother conversation:

Kitten: "I'm sure the housemates will be supportive and share."

Big Brother: "Why do you think your housemates nominated you?"

She describes her oppositional nature quite articulately. After the event. And foil on the cameras! Rrrrebel!

20:05 / 29.05.04

(E Randy: I'm videoing Hell's Kitchen. START A THREAD!)

20:05 / 29.05.04

At the risk of being the target demographic

I'm so going to nick that for something.

20:35 / 29.05.04

...they've possibly been diverted away from realising just how awful Stuart is

Just to remind people, here's a lovely picture.

Just a hint of a cheeky "I'm finding this all sooo amusing, sheeple" smirk there. Could it be he's evoking strong emotion in Barbeloids because he's not entirely unreminiscent of... *gasp* one of us?

20:59 / 29.05.04

You've got to figure that 'The Handsome Brigade' is meant to be an ironic title.

21:03 / 29.05.04

"Wow, if we got one of us in there we could, like, totally subvert the concept, you know, screw with people's minds!"
I knew i shouldn't have missed the last meeting of Team Handsome. Being the mascot and all.

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