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The miserable thread

 
  

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miss wonderstarr
11:32 / 22.02.07
I also want to tell everyone who is low on here to hold on of course, and to accept the love, support and advice of the good people helping you out on this thread. I do think it can help. The posts and private messages I received because of my contributions to this thread genuinely bolstered me through a hard time.
 
 
Olulabelle
12:45 / 22.02.07
It's really good to hear that you're feeling better. I don't care if it's offtopic, it's a happy addendum to a sad story we have all followed via this thread. It's been a privilege to be an observer to your journey, actually. Thank you for sharing it.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
12:51 / 22.02.07
That's brilliant, miss w. I'm so glad to hear that things are going a bit better for you. Mad props for surviving such an insanely difficult time.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:54 / 22.02.07
Yes, good for you, miss w. I had been "wondering" (see what I did there?) but thought it would be out of place to ask.

I hope this provides some inspiration for others in this thread, all of whom also have my utmost sympathy.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
19:21 / 22.02.07
Well, thank you. The physical thing is still very much ongoing, but I am way more emotionally stable and positive. I feel I can already count this as an achievement to be proud of in my life ~ a positive reflection of who I am, what I can deal with, what I can handle ~ rather than a horrendous monument (I'd been thinking I could only ever look back at 2006 as "that year everything was ruined"). Of course, surgery is miserable, painful, bleak and potentially dangerous, and I am not really under the illusion that it will repair me 100%, but to be honest I am quite proud of myself for climbing back out of the pit.
 
 
Kit-Cat Club
21:23 / 22.02.07
miss w, I am very pleased to hear that you are feeling better. I hope it continues - I can't imagine what it must have been like to go through such a shattering experience (or rather, I can, but only through your posts). Also, obviously, I hope the new surgery turns out as well as possible.

Very bucked.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:27 / 22.02.07
I feel I can already count this as an achievement to be proud of in my life ~ a positive reflection of who I am, what I can deal with, what I can handle

And so you should. You're an inspiration, m'dear.
 
 
Triplets
02:19 / 24.02.07
I'm listening to Nik Kershaw's 'Wouldn't It Be Good' and looking at old pictures of my ex-girlfriend.

I want to cry my fucking eyes out.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
08:59 / 24.02.07
I remember Nik Kershaw's work from the last time round.

Me and Steve Strange and Boy George and Midge Ure used to do heroin in the toilets of the Blitz club, and talk about all kinds of things, I suppose (they thought I was 'dead camp' like Mrs Slocombe from 'Are You Being Served', even though I was only about fifty at the time,) and Kershaw's name was one that would often crop up. He was accused of 'being a sell-out' and 'not really meaning it.' By these paragon of sincerity. Later, I would take cocaine with Bob Geldof, which is a memory I will carry to my grave. I mean he talks a lot normally, so ...

They were terrible times, the Eighties, so not to revisit them really, Trips, in terms of what you're listening to. I think the closest I ever got to suicide was at a disco when the DJ was playing the Eurythmics.

It, Kershaw, Kim Wilde, that sort of thing, is music that was designed to depress, and not in a good way either.

Hope you're feeling a bit better now though.
 
 
Triplets
04:51 / 25.02.07
I'm good!

To be honest I think I was at the mercy of spirits. Alco spirits, not some kind of astral parasitism. Anyway, I was at the "weepy point" of a night out composed, mostly, of mixed drinks. And I got in, possibly (definitely) not at my best, and Nik Kershaw came on and I toppled like a human game of Jenga and...

Ahem.

Well, I'm at the same point tonight and Nik Kershaw is on, and I'm full of vodka and I'm - okay! So, give it up for the random god of bioalchemistry, he's a wacky one, Alcogod Kershaw. I'm sorry to hear he's had such a... checkered past. But it was the 80s, hey? One had to do a lot of things (to a lot of people) to get by.

Thanks, Grandma. A gift basket of assorted whisky truffles on it's way.
 
 
Blake Head
22:51 / 26.02.07
I am GLOOMtastic at the moment.
 
 
Spaniel
07:08 / 27.02.07
Sorry to hear that, Blake. Hope things improve soon.

MW, I'm so glad you've begun to heal. I think you should be damn proud of yourself.
 
 
Sniv
09:38 / 27.02.07
I just found out that I may or may not still have my current job in a month's time. Which is not good at all. Due to 'restructuring', my job is up for grabs an may be obsolete come this Friday when the Admin Review comes out. So I'm sat here at my desk with a little pile of work, and do I feel like doing it? Do I fuck, what I feel like is having a good cry, going to sleep and pulling the covers over my head.

I'm so scared, my partner and I just moved house 2 weeks ago and got a loan (without payment protection, hahahaha) to buy new furniture that we now probably can't afford. And I still have to tell her when I get home - I've taken this very badly, and she is much more nervous and esilty-worried than I am. I don't want to tell her, because she'll be a wreck. I think I'll tell her after this friday when I should know for sure, but I still see her every day, and I'm finding it very hard not to let this affect my mood as it is.

The worst part is, not even a month ago I had to make the decision to either defer the last units of my uni course or give up work. What with work being the one that allows me to pay the rent, I chose to give up the last year of my uni course, because I found it impossible to do both at the same time. Now I find that I may be out of a job without even a "thanks for the last two years". I feel cheated and let down and scared for my future.

So yeah, bummed out. Now I have to find the motivation from somewhere to sit at this desk for the rest of the day (week).
 
 
Disco is My Class War
13:07 / 27.02.07
I feel angsty, but it's angst that I've brought down upon my own head. Totally. I'm also kind of responsible for bringing down angst on other people's heads right now, too. This does not feel good. I'm doing what I can to make it right. I just don't know what 'right' is, right now.

Love. Who invented it. They should be shot.
 
 
Sniv
13:19 / 27.02.07
That Valentine cunt, that's who. Who has a time machine? Let's go kneecap 'im.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
13:21 / 27.02.07
Hugs to all.

I'd like to make it clear that I had no part in the invention of love. I only wrote the book.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
13:45 / 27.02.07
I'd like to make it clear that I had no part in the invention of love

The men we are looking for are Tom Stoppard and A E Housman.
 
 
Princess
20:35 / 01.03.07
I'm listening to Radiohead and reading online collections of suicide notes.

This is my nadir. My motherfucking emo nadir.
 
 
Olulabelle
20:39 / 01.03.07
Princess, you really need to stop it. Look at some kittens or something instead. Seriously. Stop it with the I'm so EMO thing. You're only making yourself more EMO.

Triplets, I like Nik Kershaw. Ignore Grandma.

John, I'm so sorry to hear you're worried about your job. I hope it works out for you.
 
 
Princess
20:41 / 01.03.07
You're right. I'm on it.
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
20:41 / 01.03.07
You need 20ccs of the A-Team theme tune, stat!

Yes, that's a monumentally flippant and trivial response. But that's the kind of guy I am. Also, I can cook some Italian foods.
 
 
ibis the being
00:44 / 06.03.07
A cloud gathered over me last night and has lingered all day. I can't pinpoint the cause but there are many factors... I'm tired of being broke, tired of struggling all the time and ignoring my health problems while I wait til the day I can afford insurance. I'm homesick for the East Coast and feeling like I just can't relate to people here. I'm depressed by all the strip malls and not having found my niche in this city yet - which I can't do because I'm broke all the time. I've got cabin fever and the sight of my dirty gross carpeting just makes me want to cry. I hope to feel better tomorrow or in a week....
 
 
Kirin? Who the heck?
16:24 / 06.03.07
[From the trivial-compared-to-other-people dept.:]

You're the most inexplicably perfect man I've ever met. You can be a bit of a wanker at times, but I like you even so. You keep dropping these little hints that maybe, you just might be interested in, well, other men. Then you say or do something that demolishes all my hope. Ugh. Telling myself that 'maybe it's better if we're just friends' never works, because I want you, dammit.

Sigh.
 
 
Squirmelia
09:33 / 07.03.07
I'm sad.

He bought a one-way ticket to the other side of the world.
 
 
Princess
09:39 / 07.03.07
I hate everything. Espesciall the nuclear family structure and my respiratory and immune sytems.

That is all.

Heartbroken peeps above, condolensces. Hope things get better for you both soon.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
16:13 / 07.03.07
For the first time in a very long time, I'm having thoughts of hurting myself again.

These are only small thoughts. I'm afraid they will snowball into one huge breakdown. Rather like the one I suffered last summer that caused stitches and a near-overnight stay in the psychiatric ward at the hospital.
 
 
Dead Megatron
16:18 / 07.03.07
Hey, Kali, I know how things can go bad sometimes (except when it happens to me I get more the urge to hurt other than me, which I dont even know if it's better or worse), but hang in there, woman. If you feel you need to talk, you have my e-mail.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
16:20 / 07.03.07
I appreciate it. I just tend to shut down completely when I get this way. It's not fair to anyone I care about.
 
 
Ticker
17:04 / 07.03.07
Kali have you considered getting tattoo of an image that would empower you?
Many people with a history of self injury find relief in having their bodies altered in a beautiful productive manner.
 
 
A Bigger Boat
08:44 / 14.03.07
last night I let someone I care about treat me like a piece of shit and take me for granted. It made me feel the same way I did when my relationship was breaking apart in front of me, and I just remembered at that, once that had ended, I vowed to myself that I would never let anyone make me feel that way again.

And here I am.

And today I'm still vacillating between seetinhg anger and grief. Grief that I'm actually considering having to cut this person out of my life. Grief that I'm wondering if the last 18 months of struggle have been for nothing; that I've learnt nothing and haven't changed; that I may just let the anger burn itself out, forgive and let her do it again, because I don't know if I'm strong enough to choose inevitable lonliness. The very thing that almost broke me - that still threatens to break me every day - and I might have to walk back willingly into it.

Sometimes things just fucking suck.
 
 
jentacular dreams
11:19 / 14.03.07
That they do.

Today I'm miserable because, one day after having a somewhat tortuous meeting with my supervisors, I've discovered one of my colleagues has contaminated at least a third of my cell cultures. Cultures I've been growing for the last 10 weeks. And given the lag that usually occurs between contamination and visibility, I'm afraid it will have spread. Tiny fungal bastards.

And things at home are varying wildly between brilliant and shitty, which makes it hard to make decisions. And they're not easy decisions to start with.
 
 
Sole Eater
06:07 / 15.03.07
My Fox Terrier, Zed, went missing a week ago. He was only one year old and I was still enjoying the fuck out of training and playing with him. Just finished teaching him to jump up into my arms whenever I said "baby". Posted notices all over town to no avail. I'm assuming the little pricks next door let him out.

AND I've just been given the most horriblest set of KPI's ever devised by the minions of Satan to aim for. Bastards.
 
 
Blake Head
18:04 / 19.03.07
I’m not feeling annoyed with the board, just miserable about the ongoing attrition. Lots of really nice people have left. Lots of really nice, interesting people have left that I liked reading - and I’m just finding that hugely depressing and unhappy making today. I wouldn’t say I knew any of them well but I was hoping to get to know them better, and now I probably won’t. I know it has nothing to do with me, and yet I'm still feeling pointlessly like I wish I'd done more to connect with them when they were still here. So putting aside questions of reasons and ongoing purpose and worth I’m really quite sad about their absence for its own sake. That’s all.
 
 
Leigh Monster loses its cool
18:40 / 19.03.07
seconded.
 
 
Disco is My Class War
14:47 / 21.03.07
I'm breaking up with my partner, and it sucks. Even though I am the one initiating the break-up, and things are quite amicable, it's still painful and hard. We've decided to vacate our house, but it looks like we're not able to get out of the lease for another two months -- during which we may both go insane. I wish I could afford to pay rent on two houses at once and just leave right now. Miserable.
 
  

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