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The miserable thread

  
  

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Char Aina
14:48 / 26.01.07
sorry, cross post.
do you retract all the stuff about theists, then?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:50 / 26.01.07
toksik, stop poking.
 
 
el d.
14:54 / 26.01.07
nope, I actually meant that theists have their god assumption as an explanation for every contradiction that crops up, whereas I try to find other explanations.
(I concede, not very efficiently.)

Btw, I read a very nice thing today:
If god created the universe, who created god? A Meta-Creator? If god is eternal the explanation is void, because the same could apply to the universe.

well, back to whining.
 
 
Jake, Colossus of Clout
14:56 / 26.01.07
I'm miserable because of threadrot. Take it back to the Dawkins thread, please, gentlemen.
 
 
Ticker
15:01 / 26.01.07
philantrophic bakhuninite if you'd like to talk to a theist about the why and reasons in a non dogpile way feel free to PM me. I'm a polytheist who is happy to explain my beliefs to atheists and how they differ from monotheists. It's a very different model of belief.
Though I tend to stay out of the atheist threads around here as they don't seem to be about exchanging views respectful as much as shouting down at each other.

The whole 'prove it to me' stance is a bit cross eyed for anyone on a message board.

XK

p.s I don't perceive you as a half wit but rather as someone who isn't completely aware of tonality in this medium. It takes extra effort to put across a polite tone.
 
 
Char Aina
15:08 / 26.01.07
I'm miserable because of threadrot.

i am not engaged in threadrot.
i will leave it for now, but dude.
the thread is about being miserable.
were you reading my posts?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:12 / 26.01.07
Well, I don't think anyone called him a semi-literate halfwit, in defence of the rest of Barbelith, xk.

It does make me miserable, however, that discussions of religion on Barbelith tend to be so... shit. Too often, not believing in God seems to be considered the equivalent of admiring Dennis Bergkamp back when he joined Arsenal - something which in and of itself is expected to prove your sophistication, without any further explanation of why.
 
 
el d.
15:15 / 26.01.07
that´s one of my sources of being miserable as well.

There simply seems to be no way to talk about religion without at one point making assumptions about the beliefs of others. Which then offends them.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:17 / 26.01.07
Well, if you assume that anyone who disagrees with you must be doing so because they believe in God...

Anyway. You should be studying, young man. Barbelith will still be a nest of vipers when you get back.

Huggles!
 
 
el d.
15:26 / 26.01.07
it´s possible then. Utopia is here.
(this is really cheering me up.)

Huggles as well!
 
 
Princess
20:12 / 29.01.07
I'm getting sick of myself now. Barbelith is important to me, and I worry about other's opinions of me. Please, please, don't take what I keep endlessly repeating in this thread as an indication of what I'm like. I'm actually an ok sort, I think. I try hard and people always say I'm nice and I'm not the vapid introvert that these posts suggest.

With that out of the way:

It's gotten to the point where I'm having to look at the "Suicide: Read this first" thing at the top of google again. It's not like I'm going to do it. I'm really not going to. But I'm just so desperate to get out. I'm so sick of being me. I feel dead and I'm finding it hard to even pretend to be nice. Ever day is this battle, I wake up and I force myself to talk to people and to be compassionate, but it's like this tiny tiny voice trying to shout over an apathy bagpipe band. I'm about to start self harming again. Because I've stopped caring if it's not working as well as it used to, at least it feels ok for just a little bit. I'm sick of life being so uch effort. I'm so sick and so tired and I feel like I've been struggling against the current since I was a kid. I really do. I've actually been this unhappy for about seven years. That's more than a third of my life. And there's still no answer. There is no resolution. There can't be a resolution. I can never be truly alive, or truly one with the moment, or truly understand another human being because I'm stuck within the limits of the human body and the human psyche and the edges of that just aren't permeable. I'm stuck in this shitty cave with myself and I'm just some rotting corpse all covered with buzzing flies and smelling of old meat. And no-one can fix it. There isn't a cure for this. There cannot be a cure for this because MAN CANNOT ESCAPE HIS HUMANITY. We are all stuck, we can never escape. So why isn't eeryone going bug fuck crazy? What's wrong with me that means I can't deal with something that basically everyone else has. I'M JUST SO ANGRY AND I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HELP ME AND THEY CANT

I'm sick of this and I'm sick of life and I'm sick of everything. The only reason I stay alive is guilt, and I think that at least once a day. Normally more. I'm so sick of this and it will never be better. I hate this i hate this ihat e the ihate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate thi i i hate this i hate this
 
 
sorenson
22:24 / 29.01.07
Oh Princess your post made me cry. It is just hideous to feel so awful...

I want to give you advice, things that helped me, but I also know that advice, also known as assvice, can be deeply irritating and often trite. And I think that any assvice I have would find it hard to touch the depths that you are in.

But just at least know that someone out in the wide world is feeling deeply for you, and hoping very hard that some light makes its way into your darkness soon...
 
 
Princess
22:32 / 29.01.07
I'm sorry Sorenson. I didn't mean to make you cry.
I'm feeling a bit better now actually. People have sent really nice PM's and the tiredness has sort of drained out any emotions.

Thanks everyone who gave support. It made me feel less lonely, which was a really big help.

Lots of love to you all.
 
 
Dead Megatron
23:25 / 29.01.07
Yeah, Princess, hang on.

I don't now what to say that could help you for sure, but know we all know how you feel, for we all felt like that, if not as often as you seem to, at least on some occasions. You are not alone.

And we do care. About you, about each other. There is compassion in this world, even though sometimes it's hard to see it.
 
 
Ticker
02:01 / 30.01.07
I feel like crawling into the bathroom and passing out clutching the chill yet tenderly compassionate form of the toilet. Too much drink you ask?

No 'twere a slice of chocolate cake that hast laid me low. Something about the sugar shock and caffeine in the low grade crappy mixture is making me incredibly ill at the moment. Spoon contemplatingly ill....

Princess my darling you are very lucky I'm feeling too weak to start up the invisible jet night gauntron and come over there and hijack you.

I'm sure many kind and wise people have offered you wonderful suggestions and practical thoughtful folk theirs. All I can suggest is to focus on breathing and the knowledge of all the beautiful poetry out there you have yet to read, all the friends you have yet to dance with, and all the hearts you have yet to make a home in.


Besides way too many of the Temple folk like you. Someone would be sure to call you back up from where ever and cram you into a sock puppet just to keep you posting on the board.
 
 
illmatic
06:07 / 30.01.07
Uuuuhh, I feel appalling ill. It started with what I thought was a reaction to a cigar I smoked on Friday - sore throat - and is STILL going on. My throat is still sore, and I feel flu shivery. I'm never ill for this long. I've actually pulled a sickie today for the first time. STOP IT! COLD GO AWAY!

Princess - I can't offer much advice really, or anything, without it sounding trite. But I'm glad to hear you're a bit better.
 
 
MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
08:16 / 30.01.07
Ditto on the well-wishing-without-useful-advice-to-give, Princess. A friend of mine used to think about all the sandwiches he was going to eat during the rest of his life, if that helps. He really liked sandwiches, and during his worst moments he tried to imagine an infinite variety of sandwiches stretching towards the horizon with all the variables that can go into sandwiches present: types of bread (toasted and non, and the degree of toastosity), types of cheese (melted and non, and the degree of meltitude) and so on. It sounds goofy (he sounds like Dagwood Bumstead) but it worked for him as both a distraction and a celebration of life's simple joys.

See? No useful advice. But never forget that you are staggeringly good looking.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
08:39 / 30.01.07
Princess, dude, you're going to get through this. YOU HAVE GOT TO BECOME FAMOUS! The world needs yr scintillating awesomness!
 
 
iamus
08:42 / 30.01.07
Well if it's any consolation, you're a very witty, interesting and attractive person and the world would most definitely be a less enjoyable place to be without a Princess Swashbuckling swanning about.

I can say this 'cause I've met you, and I never, ever tell lies.


Besides, there's still a novel, a career in journalism and general fame to accomplish and you're not getting out of that so easy. You posted a jpeg. That means you're legally bound to us by Intertron law until you come good on your side of the deal.


So you get a big, warm, enveloping huggle......

....and you get a pen taped into your hand you workshy bastard.
 
 
Princess
08:50 / 30.01.07
Ok! Ok!

Thankyou Barbelith people, you have made me happy now. I will endeavour to be famous and rich for you all.

Thankyou.
 
 
iamus
08:55 / 30.01.07
 
 
Spaniel
16:50 / 31.01.07
Bosun started at nursery yesterday. He doing three half days a week.

This evening he's crying inconsolably. He never cries inconsolably.

I feel like a shit father. If I made more fucking money, and I do have it in me, we wouldn't have to send him.
 
 
Triplets
17:23 / 31.01.07
Mate, I was inconsolable for the first couple of days I had to go to primary school and I'd been to nursery quarter days from 3-5 days a week. It feels shit, yeah. No one likes their kids crying but I expect Bosun's calm and smart like his old man. He'll manage.

And don't think you're not doing enough. If anything nursey's good for Little B's socialising.

It'll get better, dude.
 
 
iamus
20:01 / 31.01.07
From someone who's not a parent, but knows people, I agree with Trips.

It's scary doing stuff that takes you out of your comfort zone, and it's really easy to want to stop when you've just started, but those are almost always the most rewarding things to do.

I expect the wee man'll thank you for it in time.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
18:17 / 02.02.07
Please explain the High Holy Mystery of Brain Chemistry. Things are going really really really well for me at the moment and my stupid head has decided that's when we'll play the game of All Your Choices Are Wrong.

Here's a brief transcript:

Oh, like your job, do you? Content, making a bit of money, don't have to worry about things so much?

It doesn't matter. You should have finished your college degree and done something which society would probably look more kindly on. As it is, you work a schedule no one your age self-respectually would. You suck.

And what was that again? You're attempting to teach yourself more discipline when it comes to your writing?

Still doesn't matter. If you were actually any good, you would have done something with it by now. You really suck.

Oh, and this! For the first time in your miserable little existence, you may have actually found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone that appears to love you for you and makes you happy?

You complete fucking idiot. Don't you realise you're doomed to die alone? You'll just fuck this up like you do everything else. You really really suck.

Dammit.
 
 
MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
18:32 / 02.02.07
I know that little voice well, and try to reconcile myself with the fact that it's also the same little voice that spurs me towards bigger and better things all the time, it just gets a bit... enthusiastic and LOUD on occasion.
 
 
Kali, Queen of Kitteh
18:40 / 02.02.07
It needs to shut the hell up. It's ruining my day.
 
 
Tsuga
19:21 / 02.02.07
You need to drug, gag, and possibly beat the shit out of your homunculus, Kali. Show it who's the boss. It ain't Tony Danza.
 
 
Closed for Business Time
10:10 / 04.02.07
Heh, I think I followed your advice without even knowing you'd given it, Tsuga. But then I often do that. Teh self found then, today, sleeping in a hellishly hot bedroom, all his clothes on, mouth tasting of fucking bacon crisps, a doom-doom-doom noise/pressure in the temple area. Man that redwine was too cheap. Too too cheap. And the whiskey.. the smokes.. At least I have coffee. I should build an altar to the god (gods? of coffee. I would pray and dance and curse the global coffee corporations, but then, the god of coffee is thirsty for blood, it seems.

Enough, already.
 
 
Leigh Monster loses its cool
18:31 / 04.02.07
I just spent the weekend with someone I barely know who is better-looking than me, more polite and outgoing than me, and espouses many principles than I basically hold to be true more rigidly than I do. i could not stand this person and wanted hir gone every second I was with hir. Everything about hir seemed methodical, shallow, self-righteous, smug, and condescending, and left me feeling insecure, jealous, nauseatingly bored, base, mean, and childish for being unable to transcend any of these things. I still feel that way for letting myself be so affected by it. UGH. Worst of all, I'm pretty sure this person thinks I like hir and want to be friends, and it's unreasonably important to me that ze know that I don't and why I don't. I feel like snow white's evil stepmother.
 
 
Ticker
19:12 / 04.02.07
laoi, I can't find it at the moment as I'm a bit too under a head cold to think clearly but I do recall Seth having a really great post in the Temple about these powerful reactions to people and what they mean. I do believe he mentioned it as an indicator of personal self work in a specific area. I also recall he used NLP to help put himself on the track he wanted to be on.

Sorry to be so vague but Seth's pretty fantastic and I'm sure he might be able to point you to the thread I'm babbling about.

The long and short of it is, don't feel so poorily about it. It is revealing something to you about yourself and giving you a chance to improve your overall interactions.
 
 
Leigh Monster loses its cool
19:29 / 04.02.07
thanks, XK. I'll look for it.

i always forget that if you do or feel something horrible it's not necessarily an expression of inherent, incorrigibly horrible personhood.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
09:58 / 05.02.07
Oh boy I hope my 5:00 cancels again.
 
 
Blake Head
08:10 / 07.02.07
Please fix the windows.

Please fix the windows.

It's not like I haven't let you know. I have a cold. My face hurts. My throat hurts. I didn't sleep last night because I was so cold; despite the extra sheet, and wearing my t-shirt and my socks and my dressing gown and then eventually after much shivering my trousers and another pair of socks and my hat. I want my place to be a refuge for those times where I need somewhere to recharge, not somewhere I try and avoid spending time in because it's so draughty and misery inducing and cold.

Please fix the windows.

It's not like I haven't let you know.
 
 
Disco is My Class War
10:42 / 07.02.07
Market research hell, #43,563:

"Do you agree or disagree that it's a good thing for a society to be made up of lots of different cultures? The options you have are strongly agree, just agree, neither agree nor disagree, disagree, strongly disagree."

"Well with the way things are at the moment. I mean, my grandmother was Dutch but I think the government should really change its immigration laws. In the 60's it was okay, you know, there were the Italians and the Poles and they shared their culture, they shared their food with us, the good bits of their cultures. But nowadays. And it's the Muslims isn't it. They come here expecting to be welcomed, but they don't want to share any part of their cultures with us. They aren't generous. Are you writing all this down? Can't you pass this feedback on to the government for me? I mean it's a survey for the government, isn't it? Why can't you tell them that we Australians don't want any more Muslims here and that they should go back where they came from?"

I think the thing that makes me most miserable is that when you're doing market research you have to be friendly, and you try to develop a rapport with the person you're interviewing, you imagine that they're quite nice people. Especially women, for some reason, because you expect middle-aged men to be grumpy and possibly conservative. But then they break your heart into tiny pieces. And all you can do is keep asking them questions, and then say, "Thanks for taking part and have a lovely evening."

But what I hate more is how it makes me hate the 'general public'. And for the rest of the night my quota suffers because I can't bring myself to keep sucking up to them. So I get to listen to racist diatribes and worry about whether work will cancel my shifts next week.
 
  

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