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Hooray for meaningless, useless papertrails! What's that, Mr Clarke? You're here to sign on. Certainly! Did you bring your completed DWP questionnaire with you? Oh, you weren't sent one? Okay, we'll send one out - complete it and return it to us.
Questionnaire arrives. Only questions which have a tick marked next to them in the left hand column are relevant to your claim. Please answer those questions only. But wait - not a single fucking one of the questions has a ticked marked in the column next to it. So... what? Leave the entire fucking thing blank, save for signing it, and return as is?
Hello Mr Clarke. Hmm? Oh, the DWP questionnaire we sent you. Yes, just fill it in and return it to us. What's that? Yes, you do only answer the questions indicated. Oh, none of them are indicated as needing answering? In that case, just sign it and stick it in the post. No, we find that in the vast majority of cases none of the questions have to be answered by the claimant.
Nice work, dickheads. How much fucking money do you pricks waste every bastard day printing out shit that isn't actually necessary? How many manhours sorting through forms that have been left completley blank, save for a fucking signature? That's eight printed pages of crap that you send out to every single new claimant, and you're saying that most of them will never even be filled in, save for a signature on the back? I hereby declare that the information that I've not given, but would have given had any of it been applicable to my claim, is accurate, or would be accurate had I actually been required to give any.
Also - Hello, Mr Clarke. Okay, let's see what jobs we've got on our system that fit in with the skills that you've got. Ah, okay. How about this one? Great, I'll just print that off. And this? Yep, okay. Now then, what have you applied for recently? Oh, a job with the local county council. Right, I'll just go into the system and mark that one down. Hang on, it's not in our system. Oh well. What else? Oh, another one with local services? Right, let's find that one. No, that's not in our records either.
What? How the fuck do local government positions not appear in the local Jobcentre's database? Is there any bastard communication between departments?
I tell you what, let's kill two birds with one stone here. My qualifications are in information systems and all that nonsense, and if there's any system that's obviously in desperate need of some analysis and reorganisation, it's yours. Do you see what I'm getting at here? Everyone's a winner. |
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