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Text Adventure Game Emulator #1

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12:58 / 06.10.05

Two Minutes fifteen seconds in bullet time.

13:13 / 06.10.05

(Maybe we're bionic?)

10:22 / 07.10.05

Try to look cool walking in slow motion with exploding house behind us, Robert Rodriguez-style.

Regrettable Juvenilia

20:56 / 19.10.05

In a deadpan manner, you say:

"It's time, time, time. Time waits for no man. Time wounds all heels."

You furrow your brow and concentrate. You picture FITE!, the flying horse, and attempt to let her know that you are in need of her.

Then you examine the laptop and attempt to remove the power source. Bad idea. It's firmly attached to the wall and has a nasty security system built in. You receive a painful electric shock for your troubles. Fortunately it does no actual physical harm.

The white text on the blue screen now reads: 'POWER SOURCE DETONATION IN 45 SECONDS.'

00:14 / 20.10.05

Run. Outside. Now.

"FITE!"

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:58 / 20.10.05

There is an exit to the North that leads to a kitchen area. There is also a door to a bedroom to the South, one to the West, and a door to a bathroom to the South-West.

Through which exit would you like to run?

14:33 / 20.10.05

Let's see, dum de dum...
WEST!

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:41 / 20.10.05

You go West, opening the door which you are relieved to find unlocked.

You are in a small hall area, lit by a bare buld dangling from the ceiling. Peeling wallpaper, many coats hanging. There is a door leading back into the living room to the East, and another door to the West in front of you. Both doors have catflaps set into them near the floor.

P. Horus Rhacoid

19:47 / 20.10.05

West. Observe catflap during approach, judging whether self might fit through if door is locked. If door unlocked, go through. If locked and catflap looks manageable, go back down the hall, get a running start towards West door, dive and slide on stomach through catflap. Unless catflap doesn't reach the floor, in which case simply dive through and hope for the best.

Regrettable Juvenilia

20:46 / 20.10.05

You go West. As you do, you look at the catflap in the door. It is clearly too small for you to fit through. Fortunately the door is unlocked.

You step out onto the top of a set of rusting metal stairs that run up the Western side of a run-down building with grey concrete walls. You close the metal door behind you, just as the floor of the building behind you is ripped apart by a considerable explosion. The metal door is ripped off its hinges and propelled towards you. It strikes you in the back and knocks you in turn towards the waist-high railing on the side of the metal stairs. This hits you in the belly, and you flip head first over it.

Somehow, you manage to spin around as you're falling, and grab onto the edge of the top stair. Heat scorches your fingers, and assorted bits of burning debris - brick, metal, Michael - fall around you.

You are hanging from the side of a metal staircase running up the side of what used to be a three-storey building. It only has two storeys now.

21:50 / 20.10.05

Pause, take a deep breath, and try to look at the situation clearly. How is it that we seem to keep on surviving these life-threatening scenarios that would pretty much finish off lesser crypto-goth androgynes with lacunae in their myndes?

While contemplating the mad skillz that must be involved, and how to remember how to do them more often, whistle the melody of 'Time For Heroes' by our old enemy Pete Doherty's old band.

Seeing as if it ever is genuinely a 'Time For Heroes,' that time is surely now.

Also, examine the staircase, and the scene in the streets post-explosion down below.

Get ready, if necessary, to kick some serious butt.

Fucking A!

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:00 / 21.10.05

You whistle the melody of 'Time For Heroes' by The Libertines. A chunk of brick bops you on the forehead, as if you were being punished by the gods. You curse, but manage to retain your grip.

You examine the staircase. It is metal, three storeys tall, and you are hanging from one side of it. It is making a creaking sound as the other side begins to come away from the building.

The scene in the streets post-explosion down below is quiet, but strewn with rubble.

With an awful screech, the top half of the metal staircase tears itself loose from the side of the building, and begins to bend down towards the ground under your weight. Fortunately, it doesn't collapse completely.

04:30 / 22.10.05

inventory

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:20 / 22.10.05

Because there's no better time to examine the contents of your satchel than when you're dangling from a metal staircase!

You have:

- a stick of 'Bad Faith' lipstick
- a large brass coin
- a watch
- a money clip containing 67 dollah
- the key to room 23 at a Dancing Bear Inn
- a further set of keys including the key to room 7 at the Dancing Bear Inn, a car key, a small key for a padlock or safe-deposit box, and a swipecard for the Abraham Facility
- a Library card
- a small slip of paper with a crude map drawn on it
- a Babelfish
- a mobile phone, with no battery

Someone appears to have removed the guns from your satchel while you were sleeping.

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:25 / 22.10.05

With an awful sound, the top part of the metal staircase snaps clean off from the main structure. It and you fall to the ground. Fortunately, it had already been pulled down by your weight so that your distance from the ground was such that your fall was not fatal, or even painful. You land on your feet.

You are in a dark, rubble-strewn alley between two buidings. The top floor of the Eastern one is a smoking ruin.

There are exits to the alley to the North and South.

17:11 / 22.10.05

south

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:40 / 23.10.05

You walk South.

You find yourself in another alley, that meets the one you were just in at right angles, forming a T-junction. This alley is bordered on the northern side by apartment buildings, and on the southern side by a high wooden fence. Though the sky above you is clear and blue, the alley is heavily shaded and dark. The ground is muddy under your feet.

To the East, the alley exits into daylight, and what looks like a larger street. To the West, it becomes darker still, and several large weeds have grown on the path.

19:22 / 23.10.05

East. Whistle "Campdown Races".

Regrettable Juvenilia

08:13 / 24.10.05

You walk East, whistling.

"Deet-do deet-do doot-deet-do, doo-dah! Doo-dah!
Deet-do deet-do doot-deet-do, doo, dee-doo-dah-dey!"

You exit the alleyway onto Munt Lane.

The eastern side of the street is comprised mostly of a large amusement arcade, garishly signed Giant Amusements. You can hear the sound of videogames and one-armed bandits coming from inside.

The western side of the street is bordered by apartment buildings to the North of the alley you just left, and a high fence followed by run-down warehouses to the South.

To the North, the road slopes down towards the seafront. Gulls wheel and the sound of waves crashing on the beach can be heard.

To the South, the road rises a little, and you can smell coffee.

You sense the approach of Fite!, the flying horse, even before you see her. You turn and watch as she canters down out of the sky. However, before she can touch the ground, a glowing rift in space-time suddenly opens in her path. The horse whinnies in fear, but is unable to reists being pulled into this portal, which promptly closes, leaving no sign it was ever there.

08:15 / 24.10.05

Drop to knees, throw arms out to sides and shout 'FITE! NOOOOO!!!!!' to the sky.

Regrettable Juvenilia

08:43 / 24.10.05

You drop to your knees, throw your arms out to sides and shout "FITE! NOOOOO!!!!!" to the sky.

There is no response.

08:54 / 24.10.05

South.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:59 / 24.10.05

You walk South, and find yourself at a crossroads. There are several people on the street here, walking to and fro or, in the case of some teenagers in hooded tops, milling about and listening to Slipknot on their mobile phones.

Munt Lane carries on to the South, curving South-East.

To the North, Munt Lane slopes down towards the seafront.

To the West is a dirt road surrounded on either side by run-down warehouses, which comes to an end after a few hundred metres, blocked by a metal gate.

To the East is a pleasant cobbled street, signed Acacia Avenue.

A quick audit of the buildings on each corner:

South-East: a music shop, open.
South-West: a garage, open.
North-West: an office building, open.
North-East: a coffee and cake shop, open.

00:49 / 25.10.05

North-East. Purchase coffee and cake.

Regrettable Juvenilia

08:52 / 25.10.05

You push open the glass-paned door to the coffee and cake shop.

It is a pleasant little place, with a counter to the North-East, and a few tables and chairs near the big windows that face North and East. You can smell coffee and sugary pastries, and hear the sound of old soul music playing quietly in the background. There is a large, colourful clock on the wall above the counter, with a picture of a cow in the middle. The clock reads 10.15.

To the East, there is a middle-aged couple at a table, arguing about whether or not to leave a tip.

There is a man in a wheelchair at a table by the window to the North. He is reading a newspaper and nursing an expresso. It is Robert.

Robert looks up at you as you enter, looks at the clock on the wall, frowns, indicates the seat opposite him and asks:

"What kept you?"

13:29 / 25.10.05

ACCESS MEMORY, who the hell is Robert?

14:54 / 25.10.05

sit down with robert, keeping that couple in sight.

examine wheelchair and wince.

"hey listen . . . sorry about that whole "ankle stomping" thing."

14:57 / 25.10.05

order coffee

" ever had one of those nights when you fall asleep next to a beautiful woman and wake up next to 20 pounds of plastic explosives? i don't know WHAT i was thinking".

00:51 / 26.10.05

And once that's cleared up, sit down opposite Robert with a face like grim death, which is after all only the face that's been earned since the last time we saw this terrible man (thinking this, not stating it,) and then say to him, clearly, in the manner of Charles Hawtry playing Caligula singing 'All Apologies' in front of an X Factor panel,

'Well, I don't know, mate. Where do you think?

'Ooh crikey, and can I have a cigarette, please, if you've got one?'

While giving him to understand, in the nicest possible way, that if he doesn't come up with some sensible answers about... Well, that it would be for the best for everyone if that did not happen.

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:40 / 26.10.05

Robert is a tall man, apparently of Afro-Caribbean descent, with tightly braided hair. He is wearing jeans and a large yellow hooded sweatshirt. He has a long face, in both senses. Last time you saw him, he and Pete Doherty tried to "do you in", and then you broke both his ankles. Since then he has called you and offered to meet you here and give you important information.

You take a seat opposite Robert, look at his wheelchair and wince.

"Sorry about the ankles", you say.

"Professional hazard", he says. "I was BANG OUT OF ORDER."

You look around for a waiter or waitress so you can order coffee, but as yet there's no sign of one.

"Ever had one of those nights when you fall asleep next to a beautiful woman and wake up next to 20 pounds of plastic explosives?"

Robert sips his coffee and raises his eyebrows.

"That's a new one, even for me."

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:43 / 26.10.05

"I suppose that explains why you were late", he adds.

"What do you think?", you say, sardonically. He chuckles, but stops when he sees your grim impression.

You ask Robert for a cigarette. He says:

"You shouldn't smoke tobacco. Nicotine can cause paralysis, even in small doses."

Then he takes out a small envelope from under his sweater, glances around to make sure nobody is watching, and slides it across the table towards you.

11:18 / 26.10.05

In the manner of a chirpy mockney indie rocker who's seen a few things in his time, right, and knows how it goes down on the street, say 'Cheers mate,' then palm and pocket the envelope.

Then ask Robert if he's heard any of Pete's new music, and if so whether he feels, as Mick Jones from The Clash does, that it will 'save the culture'?

Try not to laugh while doing this.

14:33 / 26.10.05

calmly pocket the envelope.

"now for the questions. who put that hit on me and why? who's boss hjob?"

20:22 / 26.10.05

And when he's answered that, "Who or what is Assignment 13?"

Regrettable Juvenilia

08:37 / 27.10.05

You pocket the envelope without examining it.

You ask Robert if he's heard any of Pete's new music, and if so whether he feels, as Mick Jones from The Clash does, that it will 'save the culture'? You try not to laugh while doing this, but you can't help smirking as you remember Pete's dead body tumbling down to land among the chickens.

"Is that supposed to be some kind of sick joke?" asks Robert.

"I'll ask the questions", you say. "Who put that hit on me and why? Who's boss hjob? Who or what is Assignment 13?"

Robert rolls his eyes.

"Just read what's in there."

A waitress approaches your table.

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