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Marvel Mythology Surgery

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Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

18:50 / 27.11.04

There are two different Exiles series. One was the Ultraverse one, where they teamed up Juggernaut with some very forgettable Malibu characters, trying to get the X-Men fans to buy Ultraverse books. It didn't work.

Now, the name is being used for a group of X-Men characters from alternate realities who bounce from messed up Alternate Universe to messed up Alternate Universe trying to make things right. In my mind, Exiles is the best example of X-Men fan fiction masquerading as professional comic book being published.

06:42 / 28.11.04

Wow. That's dead on. Here I was trying to figure out why I was enjoying it.

00:11 / 29.11.04

going back a bit to the topic of Wolvie's regeneration, a few years back I read a fat interview with Claremont, post-X men online, and he was talking on what he would have done had he continued and he insinuated at a story involving Lady Deathstrike (i believe) vs Wolvie in the deepest corner of some godforsaken forest/jungle/etc. whereby she completely decimates him (claws thru the eyes or somesuch) burns him completely and leaves him to rot. Wolvie's body just sits in the forest for like several months while his body regenerates from a singel cell...check the X-Fan.com site I believe, but it has been several years...lots of interesting insight from CCl...

09:56 / 29.11.04

1. Does Magneto and his children speak with thick East European brogues? Do Pietro and Wanda over-pronouce certain letters in words and do they smell of cabbage like all gypsies inherently do (I can be derogatory to gypsies because none of them know how to use a computer)?

2. If Polaris is Magneto's secret love child with a green-haired British Airways trolley dolly named Carol, then does that mean the quiet and reserved Zaladane also stands in line to inherit some of Magneto's stolen Nazi's gold?

3. Why, during his time in Madripoor as Patch, did Wolverine wear a patch? Pirates wear them because of hollowed-out eye sockets or gooey eye slime, but Logan can regenerate such a problem some eye. Was it all part of Wolverine's attempt to be chic and trendy in a town reputed for its one-eyed socialites?

4. If Gwynneth Paltrow had stayed with Brad Pitt would she still have named her daughter Apple?

*I am not being sarcastic about any of these questions (except the last one...Apple Pitt...phaw). These are real, interesting questions that have always/recently plagued me. I know they sound stupid but this is the place to dispense with them. I really was wondering about their accents because of the fact that when anyone talks with an accent the writers insultingly misspell words to get that across (Ah dunna kenna du ansur, Dooctarr McTaggert). For characters, who’ve spent most of their lives in East Europe, to not have accents would be...mean. And that question about Zaladane...well if she is Mags' daughter too then that means he has had four daughters, three of who are kinda unstable and prone to screaming at strangers and passersby, like a crazy person (while wearing purple capes). Oh, and the fact that Logan would poop around Madripoor for twenty years with one working eye behind a patch for no reason, is just stupid...almost as stupid as naming your child Apple.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

11:00 / 29.11.04

Cyber ripped one of his eyes out, he took to wearing the patch around town and it stuck, I think?

14:21 / 29.11.04

>> 4. If Gwynneth Paltrow had stayed with Brad Pitt would she still have named her daughter Apple?

Only if Gwynneth was raised as a child by a humanoid cow midwife.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

19:55 / 29.11.04

1. Does Magneto and his children speak with thick East European brogues? Do Pietro and Wanda over-pronouce certain letters in words and do they smell of cabbage like all gypsies inherently do (I can be derogatory to gypsies because none of them know how to use a computer)?

It depends on who is writing it. Magento has been described as having a very slight accent, and in the VERY early days of Marvel, Wanda and Pietro had accents whenever Stan Lee or Roy Thomas remembered. Since then, it has been brought up only once in a while, and I have imagined that they had slight accents that were noticable but not so think that you could place where they were from.

Or, you could just imagine that being with Captain America for so long made them sound like they were from the Midwest.

2. If Polaris is Magneto's secret love child with a green-haired British Airways trolley dolly named Carol, then does that mean the quiet and reserved Zaladane also stands in line to inherit some of Magneto's stolen Nazi's gold?

Is Polaris Magneto's child again? In her first appearance back in the 60's, she claimed she was, but in the Neal Adams issues, they dismissed it by saying she was told that by one of Magneto's robots. That's right, Doom isn't the only one with robots!

3. Why, during his time in Madripoor as Patch, did Wolverine wear a patch? Pirates wear them because of hollowed-out eye sockets or gooey eye slime, but Logan can regenerate such a problem some eye. Was it all part of Wolverine's attempt to be chic and trendy in a town reputed for its one-eyed socialites?

He wore the patch as a disguise, and in the Peter David issues, it was dismissed rather quickly by someone in Madripoor saying, "Oh, we knew it was you, Wolverine, but we figured you must have wanted to keep that secret, so we humored you."

05:47 / 30.11.04

Thanks Rosie...

1. I also assumed that they would sound quite europee. But I guess the fact that they've been living in New York for almost 40 years would erode anyone’s gypsy sensibilities to...muh.

2. Oh, I thought it had been confirmed that Polaris is in actuality a Lensherr (by lame-o's Casey/Austen). I thought she found out along with Nightcrawler when the X-Men held a party and Magneto and Belasco jumped up from behind a sofa and everyone cheered: "Surprise! Your father is secretly a Super-villain!!!” No, I was more wondering if (a) Lorna and Zaladane have been confirmed blood relatives and (b) Zaladane had been linked to Magneto.

3. So Logan was of the opinion that he could conceal his trademark Flock Of Seagull's haircut and excessive body hair simply wearing a little patch over one eye? His enemies, whom I assume he was hiding from, must have been like: "Wait a minute, that short hairy guy smoking a stogie and wearing a WW2 bomber jacket sure looks familiar...but it can't be anyone I know because I don't know anyone who wears a patch". Superman is an inbred country bumpkin who has really thick villains; you can understand the thinking behind wearing the Urkel specs but Logan? Master spy trained by shadow government agencies? He should have sat up straight and paid more attention during his "Not Getting Noticed and Drawing Attention To Yourself 101" class. Maybe the next time Miss Marvel is trying to reinvent herself, she should take Logan's example and replace her mask with really heavy eyeliner.

Sean the frumious Bandersnatch

06:06 / 30.11.04

I always figured that Quicksilver talked way too fucking fast for an accent to be decipherable. Wanda, however, is supposed to have an accent (some writers make this explicit, but it's never been as heavy-handed as claremont's irish/scottish accents).

ONLY NICE THINGS

09:55 / 30.11.04

1. Does Magneto and his children speak with thick East European brogues? Do Pietro and Wanda over-pronouce certain letters in words and do they smell of cabbage like all gypsies inherently do (I can be derogatory to gypsies because none of them know how to use a computer)?

OK - I have a question. If we throw people out for being anti-Semitic, can we ban this racist fuck as well?

The Policy, here we come...

11:31 / 30.11.04

Stop spoiling the fun, FOOL!!!

I doubt PsionicNurse meant for you to soil your underwear. I didn't find her comments offensive, nor do I think any one else did. After twenty years of witnessing gypsies being portrayed as dirty, nomadic thieves in every kind of media, I've kinda accepted this and given up the fight for gypsy rights. She was trying to be flippant (and in any case it's like me calling people fucks because they call cave-men smelly). Do you know any gypsies? Are you a gypsy? Were any gypsies offended by this comment? Can you prove they don't smell of cabbage?

Grow up and give your P.C. hooter a rest...

11:34 / 30.11.04

What? Cabbage-smell post was a joke, at least I read it as such. Is yours to be joking as well, or are you just feeling victimized and retalitory?

ONLY NICE THINGS

11:37 / 30.11.04

Oh, don't be so excitable, Chad and Cromagnet. What are you, black or something?

What? It was a joke...

Further discussion of this in the Policy, where your input will no doubt be massively appreciated. Cheers!

11:40 / 30.11.04

As a Gypsy, I find these constant attempts by the PC-class to find kinship with us travelling folk by calling to question remarks that we really couldn't careless about, deeply offensive, and demand that they stop.

Oh, and as much as I love the stuff, I don't smell of cabbage, but can smell of horseradish after a heavey drink.

ONLY NICE THINGS

11:43 / 30.11.04

I'm afraid I don't understand this term "PC", that you young people seem to be so fond of using instead of an actual argument as if it were some kind of doomsday weapon rather than the favourite term of the Daily Mail. Could you explain it to me? Possibly over here?

11:53 / 30.11.04

I think it has something to do with computers, but I have never seen it in Mac User, which is a good magazine except for that there are too many adverts in the back, and that it smells of cabbage.

11:54 / 30.11.04

That's right, Doom isn't the only one with robots!

Can anyone find me a Marvel uber-villain who doesn't use robots? Juggernauts, Rhinos, and other muscle-villains need not apply, although bonus points to the first person who says "Haus".

Unless it's Haus, in which case you'll be called upon to prove it.

12:01 / 30.11.04

Bobossboy puts head in hands.

I'd advise Mass, Psionic Nurse, Chad and possibly Benny to take a good long look around you.

This is Barbelith where rascist jokes are frowned upon for reasons that have nothing to do with PC fascism (whatever the fuck that is).

12:03 / 30.11.04

Don't remember the Molecule Man using robots. I know for sure he didn't use them regularly.

12:12 / 30.11.04

Arghh! Don't lump me in with them, please! I was attempting to highlight the stupid turn of the thread.

Who makes all these robots?

Arcade (is that his name, the guy with garish bow-ties in X-Men) always had robots.

I'd like to write a story where all the heroes discover that every villian in the Marvel Universe is actually a robot, and that they were actually created by the heroes as a means to give them something to do or justify their existence (having spent the early part of their careers stopping robberies etc).

12:22 / 30.11.04

I wrote "possibly Benny" cause I found your post a little confusing and wasn't sure what kind of point you were making.

Sorry 'bout that.

12:32 / 30.11.04

It was vague, and I was on the other thread with Haus as well, so no problem.

Although I do find you're jumping to conclusions offensive (I'm kidding! Don't hit me!)

Back to the thread;

When DC do a projected future thing they always seem to shy away from linking the DCU with the possible future (one armed green arrow, in DKR and in his own book, just when you think he is about to lose his arm it goes off on a different route entirely).

My Marvel knowledge ain't so good, so what, if anything, has hinted at the future worlds linking to current Marvel continuity?

12:52 / 30.11.04

Well, Days of Future Snooze comes to mind, as it pretty much wrote itself into 10+ years of X-stories, allowing the actual writers more time for afternoon naps. Remember Ahab? If your answer is no, then you should be thankful.

(and it brings to mind a question to which any answers will prove unsatisfying: how the fuck did Rachel Summers go from being a (barely) leather-clad, worlds-weary sex muppet, circa Excalibur #1, to a plucky 17-year old girl in the current UXM?)

ONLY NICE THINGS

13:03 / 30.11.04

Well, most obviously there was the 2099 line, which described an interlocking Marvel Universe continuity a hundred years in the future. Wild Thing, Spider-Girl and I think a couple of other recent comics were set in a Marvel Universe a generation down the line, and dealt with the adventures of the children of Juggernaut, Spider-Man, Wolverine and others. Bishop's future - the XSE, mutant registration and so on, which is - what? A couple of centuries in the future? - has not been invalidated, as far as I know. There is also Days of Futures Past, the near future where the Sentinels have taken over the USA and set up death camps for superhumans, then are ultimately defeated by the remains of the Marvel UK heroes and Excalibur (no, really), the orientation towards or away from was a big theme for the X-Men for some time. There is currently Claremont's "X-Men: The End", which I've been trying to avoid.

Waaaaay in the future, there's the world Cable grew up in, where Apocalypse is in charge and his mutant satraps govern various areas. Everything is desert, it seems... basically, it's the shit version of the age of Apocalypse.

That's mainly just X-Men continuity - I think that the assumption is that, since the characters are not going to be allowed to age, and are never likely to die irrecoverably, they can do pretty much what they want with futures, as they will remain possible but out of reach.

13:19 / 30.11.04

>> This is Barbelith where rascist jokes are frowned upon for reasons that have nothing to do with PC fascism (whatever the fuck that is).

Mutie scum!!

ONLY NICE THINGS

17:52 / 30.11.04

Funny.

Smelly.

20:00 / 30.11.04

He Hem!

It seems that most of Marvel's projected history seems to focus on X-stuff, most writers seem to think that it's smart to show Wolverine with grey temples and think that this is enough. What future do most people prefer for Marvel?

I just remember thinking that Marvel seemed clotted yet DC upset me with what seemed a cowardly back down in Green Arrow.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

00:03 / 01.12.04

Back in the 70's Steve Gerber mapped out a complete Marvel "future history" that included the Deathlok series, Killraven and a number of others, ending with the Guardians of the Galaxy in the year 3000. When he left Marvel, it was pretty much forgotten other than a story here and there to explain why it was 1986 and Deathlok hadn't shown up yet. I would have LOVED it if they did a huge intercompany crossover in 2001 which showed the Martian invasion from Killraven, but no one seemed to care.

Then, in the late 80's Tom DeFalco put together a shorter Marvel future history in the Machine Man mini-series and his different "Iron Man of 2020" stories, which no one read but him, apparently.

The X-Men keep having different futures, and people keep coming to modern times from them, but none of them have ever been consistant.

Spider-Girl is part of a line that was supposed to show the Marvel Universe in about 15 years, but when the line failed, it was pretty much forgotten.

Avengers Forever had a few characters from the future of the Avengers, and made hints to the future of the Avengers that haven't been followed up on yet, but editor Tom Brevoort says that they haven't been forgotten.

The 2099 Universe is also out there as well, now in two flavors.

And finally, Marvel has done a series of "The End" books for The Avengers, Hulk, Wolverine, Punisher and now the X-Men. Rumor is that Stan Lee is working on one for Spider-Man which is destined to make us ALL Face Front.

But, when you get down to it, Marvel is still on the "Roy Thomas Principle", which is that there are an infinate number of futures, and once the characters know about them, they are "alternate realities."

04:14 / 01.12.04

My last words on this subject:

If I were serious I wouldn't have made the comment about gypsies being computer-illiterate. The Scarlet Witch has on numerous occasions been depicted in front of her home PC pounding away at the keyboard, typing angry letters to talk show hosts for mentioning gypsies in their monologues. I was just trying to make a seditious comment on how these two characters have been portrayed since their inception, if it went over your head, thank me for the breeze and move on. What exactly broke your heart about my post, fella? Would you also have started crying if I had instead insinuated that Thunderbird and Warpath were alcoholic casino employees? Just because I made a reference to a commonly excepted comedic stereotype associated with two comic book characters, I get a one-person anti-ME protest on my front lawn!!! Sigh...there's always one in the crowd, isn't there?

PS. Fuck? You're the fuck, you fucking fuckity fuck!!!

Back on topic:

I saw the preview for X-Men and I just noticed that Storm and Logan are involved...this is the first I've seen or heard of anything like this! Have these two ever hooked up in the past before or is this the first time they finally realize they were created for one another?

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:22 / 01.12.04

Would you also have started crying if I had instead insinuated (you stated, you halfwit, not insinuated) that Thunderbird and Warpath were alcoholic casino employees? (like all Native Americans, you halfwit, as you did w/ gypsies)

If you were a better reader and writer of English, you may have noticed that I did not start crying. You and Cromagnet share this problem with reading - you have to imagine that your words are somehow upsetting, rather than just boring, in an attempt to feel better than the person you are insulting, because less "emotional". It's a pretty dumb gambit, but then you appear to be pretty dumb people.

I did not "cry" at any point. I called you a racist fuck. At the time, I regretted my turn of phrase, and might have preferred instead "somebody spouting racist fuckery". If you had suggested that Warpath, a propos nothing, was a drunk casino employee, just like all "Red Indians", then, guess what? I would have called you on spouting racist fuckery. Because - guess what? - you would be spouting racist fuckery. And the funny thing is, you're too stupid to notice and too arrogant to consider anyone else's opinion.

As such, you are no longer worth talking to. The grown-ups will just have to talk about how to deal with you. That's a shame, but it's not really something I have the time to try to change.

08:37 / 01.12.04

can we just delete the last few posts? fucking rubbish way to derail a good thread. few pms with a wrist-slappy tone to show pnurse what a goon he's been, its own thread in the policy for the issue to be threshed-out, let's just call him a prick and go back to talking about comics?

Dan Fish - @Fish1k

08:47 / 01.12.04

Re Wolverine/Patch:

If I recall correctly, the crapness of the disguise was mentioned during the run of Wolverine comics. Someone (maybe Spider-Girl?) pointed out that the disguise was poor, and that everyone was humouring him because he is hard. Wolvie seemed surprised that no-one had told him.

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:55 / 01.12.04

let's just call him a prick and go back to talking about comics?

We did. She decided to reply. Since that was apparently her last word, and I'm happy to keep it in the Policy, I think we should be able to get back to the thread subject.

09:16 / 01.12.04

Psionic Nurse, Just for the record, Haus is not the only one who deems your comments about gypsies highly inappropriate, to say the least. I had hoped that your comments about gypsies were merely a misjudged joke that didn’t quite come off the way you intended, resulting in a rather embarrassing silence as it slowly dawned on you that people thought you were spouting unacceptable racist crap. But no, it appears that I was wrong. Even when challenged on your remarks, you still cleave to the misapprehension that it was both funny and acceptable to all. So, I say, here and now, that they are not.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

12:38 / 01.12.04

Psionic Nurse- are you John Byrne?

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