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I understand the reservations non-parents feel about hanging out with parents- I wasn't always a parent! I try to keep the gushing proud parent conversation to a minimum with people I feel would be bored by it, though I have no idea how sucessful I am as no-one will tell you if you're being obnoxious about it.
Y'know what else? I'm not actually that enchanted by babies either. I think kids get way more interesting when you can talk to them. I suppose this is in some way part of my problem. Amaya is a fantastic baby (gushing parent mode), as babies go, but I find babies pretty boring. This is where I differ with most parents, too. "Don't wish it away", they'll tell you. "They're only this age once", they'll warn, but I just don't dig the helpless stage. So I totally get it if people aren't facinated by her, I am ONLY because I'm her mum.
When you have a little one, you dont really have much option but to run around after their needs all the time. That doesn't mean you're not interested in the conversation the baby has interrupted 5 times in the last minute, but it does mean you have to attend to the baby before you can pay full attention to the conversation. I find it frustrating too!
I do understand the fragility of babies fear, but it's not like the first thing I do when I meet my friends is hand them the baby and leave the room! I'll offer them a cuddle, but I'm not actually that bothered whether or not other people want to hold her, I'm happy to do that myself, thanks! I only offer 'cos some people (belive it or not) are offended if you don't.
At the moment our ability to go out on a big night out is restricted, but with enough warning we can generally manage a few hours away. Individually we can go out a bit more than as a couple, again with a bit of warning. All it takes is a "We're off to the pub Friday, want to join us for a drink?" I will restrict myself to one glass, but trust me, I'm every bit as pissed on one drink as I was on three these days (pregnant abstention lowers tolerance).
I've no idea whether your friends feel the same. It may be that, if you're feeling stressed, tired and angry around them, they've been picking up on this and avoiding you more...
This does sound likely, but it's so hard not to feel hurt, and swallowing your feelings doesn't make it any easier.
I suppose the major problem we're encountering is that we're pretty young for parents and we're not joining an already present community in our circle of friends or even peer group, really.
What actually happened was we would get our bit out of the way and then spend the rest of the evening pumping her for news of the outside. She was our connection to the exciting world of pubs and fights in kebab shops etc.
That's what we need from friends, not polite interest and uncomfortable visits, she sounds like a good friend Saveloy.
I feel as though all I do on Barbelith is moan about parenthood, when actually I'm enjoying it, particularly since we've managed to get a bit more sleep. The isolation is really the main difficulty I struggle with now. I know it will pass, but I just needed to moan about it a bit. |
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