Thank you for the responses so far. This question has been formulating for a few months within me. It just flooded me today when I thought that I could be acting like a misogynistic jerk to someone else. It is no wonder I have trouble dating women.
BIG TANK!: There have been times when I've hated aspects of myself (at this time of my life in particular), and sometimes those parts have a lot to do with a notion of maleness that I've helped myself construct throughout my life.
I do relate to the hating of parts of myself. I may identify on this board as female, but I feel very, very male also. That male aspect isn't all that nice. Probably because I have modelled my male aspect on images from media, or family members who were abusive or misogynistic themselves. All in all, I feel as if my "animus and anima" are having a dysfucntional relationship. It's like my alchemical marriage lead to alchemical spousal abuse, and ultimately could be a messy alchemical divorce. But, enough metaphor...
...perhaps labelling it misogyny might not be helpful when it comes to processing it all and dealing with it.
That is probably true. I have been for the past year and half trying to break unhealthy emotional patterns, and this is good example of a very destructive cycle.
bad self-image> self-loathing> self-abuse> identifying self with the abuser/jerk> part of self which identifies as victim feels angry at self> self punishes self further> bad self-image> and so on...
I usually find things get easier to manage if I can break things down into the specifics of what I'm actually thinking and feeling rather than using a broad label. It makes it easier to accept myself for who I am, warts and all, and then that makes change easier, because you're no longer fighting yourself and beating yourself up over things.
That is good advice, Seth. Thank you. I am going to do more meditation on this today.
Although *easier* might not be a helpful word in this context, as it can still be really fucking hard.
It sure is.
Anna de Logardiere: ...very few people engage in self-hatred because they are female. Why do you ask?
It is not because I am female that I am engaging in self-hatred. It is a bit more complicated than that. Let me process it a bit more so I can clearly define for you, and for myself, what exactly is going on.
Bold in Her Breeches: I think it depnds on what form the self hatred is taking. For example if one was to hate herself for reasons inherent in society's gender roles ( passive, weak, stupid, sexual standards etc) rather than reasons grounded in unique experience, then yes.
I think those two things may be hard to separate in some cases. For example: one experiences sexual abuse, and then in order to feel in control and potent, starts to identify with the male-abuser role, (because of the percieved relationship post-abuse between one's female body and victim-role) and then aims that abuse at oneself and one's own body....does that make sense. I am still processing this. As Seth said, it isn't easy
So I'd phrase it that cultural misogyny can imprint on a person and cause her to hate herself for exhibiting those traits or behaviors she's been taught to devalue.
does that make sense?
Yes, it does. I think it may relate to the example I gave you.
Decadent Nightfalling: It doesn't have to be, though. I'm relatively sure women can hate themselves without it being tied to gender/sex.
And that is a very good point!
I'm also relatively sure that without a proper measuring tool, looking at self-hate/loathing as optimistically as possible, as not an end in itself, but a process or simply a punctuation, means recognizing the why and what is a good thing, no matter what those turn out to be.
Another very good point! Dealing with destructive emotional states has been the focus of my spiritual practice, quite intensely, for the past year and a half or so. Having found that I put myself in situations that perpetuate the victim role, or hanging with people who reinforce stereotypes, or working in an industry that perpetuates those stereotypes...maybe I am just tkaing on the role of sexist, misogynistic jerk to feel in control, since it seems to me (childishly) that the manifestation of power in most societies and cultures are, well...sexist and woman-hating. |
