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Big Brother: Revenge of the Sixth.

 
  

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Spaniel
14:27 / 28.05.05
Alex, I think that's the position to take.
 
 
Spaniel
14:29 / 28.05.05
In fact, I'm going to punch myself in the face for considering it.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
14:44 / 28.05.05
I wonder who'll the first to develop a schoolgirl crush on him ?

Well he does seem to be rather taken with Mary - I can't back up this theory at the moment because, horrendously, there is no live feed on E4, but I can picture those two taking on the role of surrogate parents, thus ushering in the time of New Age Big Brother, in which everyone will spend a lot of time talking about their feelings, as opposed to getting pissed and trying to kill each other.

If I was a producer on this show, I might be starting to worry a bit.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
15:57 / 28.05.05
I wish they'd let them have Class As in the house rather than just booze and nicotine.
 
 
Warewullf
16:56 / 28.05.05
Oh, please not the mole/plant/actor shit already...

I'm not suggesting she is a plant. It's just that last night she mentioned that her friend thought this would be a good move for Mary as it would help wth her acting and then I saw that ad this morning. I don't for one minute believe that any of them are plants/moles/actors/spies or whatever.
 
 
Ganesh
17:04 / 28.05.05
That last one directed more at Boboss than you, Warewullf.

Not sure I can see Mary and Roberto as Mummy and Daddy of the house. She's too flaky and self-conscious; he's too thick. Stranger things have happened, though, I guess.

At the moment, Craig The Destroyer seems to be spearheading an attack on the Alpha Hets, particularly targetting Maxwell and Sam. Mary agrees that Maxwell emits "bad energy" (yeah, Mary, but at least it's energy...).

Interesting dynamic: Queer Outsiders broadside Alpha Hets.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
17:14 / 28.05.05
That would be excellent, it's true - 'This week's task is you have to take 250 mgs of LSD. Anyone who bursts into tears, becomes convinced they can fly, or otherwise fails to keep things together will be considered to have flunked the challenge, thus detracting from next week's food budget.'

Evil genius !
 
 
w1rebaby
17:53 / 28.05.05
Eh, that would be an easy challenge. All you'd have to do would be to sit quietly on your own and not bother anyone else in an attempt to validate your own experiences...

...oh, hang on.
 
 
Ganesh
19:56 / 28.05.05
"She's just not on my level." That's because you're on the level of the mooooon, Moonpig!
 
 
Shrug
20:48 / 28.05.05
Why not Alpha Queers and Het Outsiders just for once eh?
 
 
Ganesh
21:02 / 28.05.05
That might work if the Hets take to congregating in the outside loft 'snug'. And if self-styled "alpha male" Maxwell fucks off and dies...
 
 
Shrug
21:23 / 28.05.05
Well we can only hope.
So Mary is an actor If I was an actor and on BB I'd take on a different character role each week. What an opportunity (I hope this is what she's doing but well it's just too fucking much to hope for isn't it?).
 
 
Ganesh
21:33 / 28.05.05
She seems to be 'acting' hyperthyroidism at present...
 
 
Ganesh
21:47 / 28.05.05
Apparently black Jews don't wank. Methinks Science has 'issues'...

(Alternatively, there's a theory floating around that he started life as a biological female. Look out for mastectomy scarring.)

Politics and religion are a theme this year, eh? Christian, Muslim, Jew, Wiccan (she's Wiccan, right?)...
 
 
Ganesh
22:37 / 28.05.05
Over on Faceparty, Lesley Luvz U (seems to have a full range of strippogram uniforms, as well as an apparent weakness of the cervical vertebrae preventing her straightening her neck).

Stary Mary, meanwhile bemoans "cheap and tacky" people who "aren't being themselves" - and missing the irony of having this sort of critique spring from the mouth of someone who has clearly cobbled together her persona from Fortean Times and the works of Anne Rice.

Seems it's not just me who thinks so. Quoted in the Mirror, one "Kevin Carlyon, King of the White Witches" (yep, a witch called Kevin) sed, "She's not a witch. She had just drifted from one thing to another and her latest thing is trying to be a witch but the reality is that's just rubbish. Whatever she comes out with in terms of magic on Big Brother will be an absolute load of crap."
 
 
Spatula Clarke
23:01 / 28.05.05
Lessee, then. Dog taken to kennels? Check. Milk cancelled? Check. Spare keys given to next door? Check. Enough clean pants? Check.

Good to go.

Shit.



I left the oven on.
 
 
Ganesh
23:28 / 28.05.05
You just don't appreciate acting, Spatula.
 
 
Shrug
23:50 / 28.05.05
Look to clarify ,although Mary's profession is as an actor, I don't think this is a character role she is playing. However it would be pretty fucking interesting if that was her angle.

At the mo Kamal is teaching the house bellydancing steps cue enthusiasm from much of the house and jibes from Maxwell (fucking twat). Derek is attempting to soundproof the snug(?).
 
 
Ganesh
00:25 / 29.05.05
Hmm. I think "peacock" may be this year's "fake", as applied to non straight-talkers, possibly with g*me-pl*ns. Cheers for that, Mary.

Elsewhere, the 3 Non Blondes (Sam, Saskia, Moonpig) seem to be bonding in misery at the "fucking freaks" they're sharing a house with - or at least the first two are. I s'pose this sidelining of the 'normal' hetgirlies is something of a Big Brother theme; they seem, as a subgroup, to do less well than the hetboys and the queerdoes - unless they manage, Jane Austen style, to procure themselves a 'match'.

Derek goes to "two or three dinner parties a week... sometimes four to ten". He is TEH A-GAYY!!!
 
 
Ganesh
02:29 / 29.05.05
The BB-issue bisexuals may be more bespoke than I'd imagined. Scouring the InterWeb for transcripts of live footage reveals that Kemal identifies as bisexual, and Craig the Destroyer is officially "not gay" - he's had sex with a woman but no men - and is puzzled as to why his parents keep asking him if he is. Only BB clichesexual so far is vibrator-totin' Sam, who's bisexual but thinks about men "all the time".

So... that's only the one full-time gayer, then, Derek (who disapproves of same-sex parenting, and of whom durr-brained Makosi opined that, if she hadn't been told, she would've assumed him to be straight); two self-identified bisexuals; and one whateverthefuckCraigis.

Then there's the Moonpig who, sexually, seems hellbent on channelling the Fat Slags from Viz.

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE: MOONPIG BI!!

Quelle surprise.

"Lesley admitted that although she "likes to be in control" with men, she would enjoy taking a more submissive role with a woman. Her ultimate fantasy would involve a girl blindfolding and handcuffing her before "doing whatever she wants to me."

She went on to reveal her most embarrassing sexual experience: during one encounter on holiday, her fake tan came off when she orgasmed.

Lesley does have some standards, however. She told the others that she would never take anal, declaring it to be "just disgusting.""


Indeed, there's little or no brown love sloshing around the Big Brother house:

"Kemal made the delightful revelation that he has been rimmed, but refuses to reciprocate."
 
 
Ganesh
13:18 / 29.05.05
Look to clarify ,although Mary's profession is as an actor, I don't think this is a character role she is playing. However it would be pretty fucking interesting if that was her angle.

Is she an actor, though? I thought she just wanted to be one. Her profile has her career as "Psychic".

I think she probably is playing a role in that I'm not at all convinced she actually believes her own wicca-by-numbers guff - and her supposed personal history (father an ex-priest, mother an ex-nun) is too convenient, as are her film/television/book choices and her "I've got loads of conspiracy theories" bollocks. Question is, has she evolved the Charmed spooookester persona 'organically', as a way of managing her own personal inadequacies (ie. unconscious defence against dullness) or has she cynically constructed the "white witch" persona for more tangible reasons (conscious attempt to get into Big Brother, show that she can act, etc.)?

At the mo Kamal is teaching the house bellydancing steps cue enthusiasm from much of the house and jibes from Maxwell (fucking twat).

Maxwell's coming out with increasingly iffy stuff about Kemal (he's got a "poofy little mouth" apparently - shades of Deliverance) and Makosi (when informed that she could speak ten languages, he asked, "why doesn't she go back to her own country, then?"). Presumably he's being set up as the Cockernee Straight Talkahh who says the things the rest of us are too PC-gone-mad to contemplate. Could win over the closet BNPers...

Seems that Kemal's also been defending his "confused" sexuality in an Alpha Het/Queer Outsider clash with Science - with hilarious consequences. From Digital Spy:

""I'm the people's person, I'm the people's champ," declared Science. "I don't know what you're coming in here trying to be. Be yourself, be real. You're a man."

He continued: "I ain't got no problems against gay people, but you're not gay, you're not straight: you're in between. So what's that? You're fricking confused mate."

...

"You're a joke," said Kemal. "You're just a bit of entertainment here because you think you're from the ghetto. Everyone thinks [that] - that's how it is. With your name Science; then I'm English, I'm Maths, I'm Art.

"Everyone's sick of your voice. Your friends think you're a joke, I think you're a joke. The public are laughing at you. You've got your tits up your arse and everything the wrong way round."

Relegated to the defensive, Science attempted to explain exactly where he was from.

"I am from the hood," he stated defiantly. "There are hoods in England."

But Kemal shot back: "If you really are from there, I don't truly believe you'd be in here. I don't think you'd audition in the first place if you're 'truly from the hood.'"

With the clear upper hand, Kemal continued to mock his rival. "You think that, but I know that's a lie. Everyone is sitting at home pissing themselves thinking 'what a prick.' I guarantee. I think you and your 'homeland posse' are the only ones who believe that you are from the hood.

"You're 22 years old but you're acting like you're 12. You sit in your room all day listening to your music, smoking about three cigarettes and thinking that you're hardcore - maybe you do a bit of dope as well - and you think you're from the hood.""


Exxxcellent.
 
 
Spaniel
14:04 / 29.05.05
So they've finally gone and put an openly bigoted prick in the house. It had to happen sometime, but I've been hoping against hope that they'd steer clear of that kind of arseholery.

The problem is, Maxwell will almost certainly stay in for weeks and fucking weeks, and we'll have to put up with his particular brand of wisdom constantly throughout that time. Oh, and with a bit of luck that other bloody idiot, Saskia, will join in.

You know, it really puts me off watching.
 
 
Ganesh
14:09 / 29.05.05
He's currently jockeying with Roberto as bookies' favourite to win...
 
 
Spaniel
14:11 / 29.05.05
Doesn't surprise me one bit.

More's the bloody pity.
 
 
Spaniel
14:26 / 29.05.05
Oh, and Science doesn't wank, because, what now? He's a black jew?
 
 
Triplets
14:30 / 29.05.05
Who's from the hood! Maybe he only gets his "bitches" and "hos" to pull him off - and shave him in the morning.
 
 
Ganesh
14:35 / 29.05.05
If he's Jewish, one would assume he no longer has a "hood"...

Light relief: one of the finalists of Italy's Most Handsome Man 1996:

 
 
Warewullf
15:45 / 29.05.05
Must've been a slow year...
 
 
Alex's Grandma
16:24 / 29.05.05
Maxwell seems to a bit on the 'Bubble' ticket though - Ordinary geezer, man of the people, etc, who's pretty much bound to crash and burn psychologically well before he's put out of his misery by the viewing public.

He's a paper tiger at best, IMVHO - Week 7, tops.
 
 
Shrug
16:46 / 29.05.05
Remember the unlikely house friendship between Bubble and Brian; constant playfighting and all. Do you see Maxwell developing this type of friendship with a gayer? I know early days yet and yes he may be relying on the common geezer ticket but he's far from the easy going fun guy Bubble was.
In any case niether analogue compares (yet).
 
 
Spaniel
16:54 / 29.05.05
I'm not sure I'd compare Bubble to Maxwell, they're not even superficially similar, imo.
 
 
Rawk'n'Roll
17:17 / 29.05.05
during one encounter on holiday, her fake tan came off when she orgasmed

How the hell does THAT work?
Did she shed her top layer of skin as she came?
I'd say that's more disturbing than embarrasing.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
17:23 / 29.05.05
Isn't that just the 'media friendly' version of Bubble's story though ? I could be wrong here, but it seemed to me that Bubble's true character arc was to do with how he expressed himself after that incident with his leg. Not that I mean to criticise, it must have been a bit depressing, but the way he'd talk about what's-her-face who wasn't too sure where London was, almost envying her innocence... he seemed to have lost his mind, from where I was sitting, for a while back there. It looked to have been all a bit much for Bubble, towards the end.

In that respect, though possibly in no other, I'm guessing Maxwell and Bubble have something in common.
 
 
Spaniel
17:28 / 29.05.05
Yeah, I don't get that either.

As for Max being a paper tiger, who cares? What concerns me is that he seems to be a real live racist tiger.
 
 
w1rebaby
21:51 / 29.05.05
Every Zimbabwean should be ashamed

Makosi is apparently not popular with newzimbabwe.com

"Zimbabweans are generally cultured people, but not this chicken-brained sanctimonious squit."
 
  

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