| |
|
Well, I've been watching a LOT of Battlestar Galactica lately, and it has reached the point where my chief goal in life is to make a show called Making Toast With Edward James Olmos.
The show, see, would be hosted by Edward James Olmos, and it would be like a cooking show, but the only thing he would make would be toast. And he'd have, like, sixteen kinds of toasters or other toasting devices, and a nigh infinite variety of breads, and he'd totally just make toast.
But this is the thing: it's EDWARD FREAKING JAMES OLMOS. So he'd look at the camera and say in that weary steel-and-gravel voice:
"What I'm going to do now, is I'm going to take this piece of rye bread."
And Edward James Olmos would pick up a piece of rye bread.
"And I'm going to put it."
Dramatic pause.
"I'm going to put it... in this Sunbeam toaster. On medium. Medium heat."
And Edward James Olmos puts the rye bread in the toaster. No drama, no flourishes. He just puts the bread in the toaster. And then he slowly, deliberately, presses the little white lever down.
"And in a few minutes..."
And Edward James Olmos picks up a butter knife.
"...I'm going to butter this toast. The butter's a bit... salty."
And then Edward James Olmos would stare at the camera for three minutes.
Then the toast would pop up.
Then Edward James Olmos would butter his rye toast. And eat it.
"That was pretty good toast," Edward James Olmos would say. "It's a bit salty." And he'd look at the butter. "But that's not your fault."
He would pause, then, and look into the middle distance, and say "I'm proud of that toast."
And then he'd reach down. And he'd hold up a piece of 11-grain whole wheat bread.
"And now," Edward James Olmos would say, "now what I'm going to do, is I'm going to put this 11-grain whole wheat bread... into... this toaster oven."
And Edward James Olmos would put the bread into the toaster oven.
You can probably visualize how the show would go.
This would be the awesomest show ever.
The awesomest. Show. Ever. |
|
|
)