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Hey, I'm pretty new to all this so naturally i gots questions about everything. This is my first post in the Temple, please bear with me! This is kinda long but theres alot of info, I really want this to be clear.
A little background is most likly necassary. I've been drawn and followed around by the Norse panthelon since I was around 13 and first discovered them in a very old Collier's Encycolpedia. I was nicknamed Loki in elementry school, which terrified me but others seemed to think it was fitting... . I have seen the Old Man several times and he has never talked to me, but laughed at me every time(in a good natured way... I think.)
I've also seen a goddess that I have been unable to identify and I have only seen her once when I was younger. She made it possible for me to sleep.
Two days ago I saw Hel for the first time. I wasn't expecting it or looking for it, I was trying to sleep but it did not feel in any way like a dream but I may have been asleep but certainly wasn't afterwards.
My question is how do I interact with them for longer than a fleeting moment? I haven't been able to interact with anything non-physical since the Unnamed Goddess closed me off. Does anyone know who she is and how I can contact her? I assume she will open me up again when it's time... but I still want to learn all I can.
She seemed around 35ish and had blonde hair that seemed black when she looked away. She was kind, but aloof. She seemed slightly disappointed that I wasnt able to do what she wanted of me. There were a group of women behind her who seemed disdianful of me. They wore black(or dark, washed out colours that appeared darkish) woolen cloaks that they kept wrapped around them as if they were in the cold. They were surrounded by blackness as if they had a created this spot outside of everything to deal with me.
I don't know what the Unnamed goddess wanted me to do, prehaps just learn to cope and deal with what was happening to me. I do know that I used to hear voices, I know that sounds crazy. I didnt know what to do with them, they overwhelmed me. It was like I was hearing things that had already been said, like several moments before I heard them. I had always heard them, like background noise, but the older I got the louder and more frequent they got until I never had a moment of silence. I couldnt sleep. I felt like was growing crazy. When I tried to sleep they were the loudest. Not like they were shouting, but as if the volume had simply been turned up.
My insomnia, if thats what you would call it got so bad and lasted for so long I now have a neurological disorder from prolonged lack of sleep. One night when I was crying in my bed because I was so exahusted I felt I would die and began repeating the phrase "Make it stop" over and over again in my head. Begging for someone or something to make it stop. I really thought I was going to die.
Then the Unnamed Goddess showed up with the other women behind her and I was with them in this "void" I mentioned earlier. I had stopped crying and was staring in wonder. She looked me in the eyes for a second and it's hard to explain what I saw there... it wasnt compassion just understanding and prehaps a touch of what seemed to be duty. Like she felt I belonged to her and she needed to watch out for my wellbeing. She came close to me and I knew she wanted me to sleep. She pulled the blackness from the void around me until I was cocooned and could no longer see her and the other women. I felt her leave and I fell into my first real sleep in long long time. It was heaven.
When I seen the other God(dess)s it like whatever I'm wrapped in becomed clear and dissolves a little bit, like a one way mirror suddenly cleared away to clear glass for a moment and I could look both ways.
Does anyone have any idea who she is? How I can contact her? The blanket she wrapped me in seems to be thinning and I want to know what she wants from me and how to deal with it. I know that sounded crazy, and I may very well be but I would still appriciate any help any one can offer. |
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