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The miserable thread

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Essential Dazzler

01:06 / 18.11.07

Being an alcoholic is really shitty.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

01:16 / 18.11.07

I heard you get better if you take smack though.

Essential Dazzler

01:30 / 18.11.07

Well that sounds like a plan.

Essential Dazzler

01:37 / 18.11.07

Spar doesn't stock Smack.

My Mom Thinks I'm Cool

00:37 / 19.11.07

my usual barrier of having no idea what's going on in a relationship

Ask her!

I have been. I did. she doesn't seem to want to talk about it. "why are you asking me these questions?" like that.

Pants, between the speed dating, your problems with showing affection, the language/culture barrier... does this person actually know that you are going out?

exactly. after two uncomfortable conversations, I'm still not sure.

we hold hands. we pay for each other's nights out. she slaps my wrist, literally, if I look at other girls in short skirts. she's met my mom and exchanged presents with her and bought me a big dorky sweater.

but after our two conversations (one of which was just now) she says we are "friends first". okay. but maybe more than friends someday? "anything can happen in the future." so are you dating other guys? no. but, you know, would you? "why are you asking these questions?" I mean, should I still be looking for a girlfriend? "you should do whatever you want."

I think that when she says "friends first" she means something I would call "dating", but not necessarily exclusively seeing each other and no one else. maybe. and no sex.

I don't mind waiting for her, as long as she's, you know, waiting for me. on the other hand, if this isn't likely to go anywhere in the next couple of years while I'm in town, I'd just as soon go back to the personal ads and start going on dates again, because I really miss the sort of intimate conversation you can get with a girlfriend, among other things.

blah, blah. no, I don't totally know what I'm doing and may be doing something totally stupid. but this is the miserable thread, right? I can be dumb here.

as for the speed dating - she really genuinely seems to think that "speed dating" is where you take your date to go dancing, or something. I think that one was a false alarm.

I'm under the impression that not being able to show affection is considered manly in many quarters.

It's not so much "not being able to say how I feel", which, if anything, I tend to do too freely. it's more like not knowing when to dive in for a kiss instead of an uncomfortable teeth-baring grin.

00:59 / 19.11.07

I mean, should I still be looking for a girlfriend? "you should do whatever you want."

There's your answer right there. If she doesn't know what she wants, there's no point in waiting for her to make up her mind. It's time to move on, dude.

jentacular dreams

15:07 / 19.11.07

Hurumph.

3 months ago the rest of my lab (all also working in oncology) moved to another floor, leaving me working alone in a large lab, and in the position of having to beg and borrow reagents which I previously shared with them whilst I spent a large chunk of my grant purchasing new chemicals (mostly pretty basic stuff, salts, buffers, solvents etc.). I've only just got my research back on its feet.

After a month 3 people moved in, all with different projects. Two of these people will be gone by easter. I've just found out that the third (with whom I share my first supervisor, though our projects are completely unrelated) is moving to another building on Friday, and I am moving with him right after Christmas, to the pharmacology lab. My supervisor is quite keen for me to move tissue culture labs as well, thus severing any connection I have with the oncology group with whom I've worked for two years (and within which all the groundwork for my project was laid), to a lab where no-one will have any experience with the diseases I'm working on or the cells I work with.

I thrive in a social working environment, and felt like I was beneficial to the rest of the oncology group, so it was disheartening when their supervisor left me behind in the move. That (combined with having shit-all to actually work with) did a lot of damage to my productivity, and I can see it happening again after Christmas. It's frustrating and I can feel myself slipping into a grumpy sulk. Which is also quite annoying.

I'm going to go mope in tissue culture for a while.

15:19 / 19.11.07

That does rather suck, then, Mice. It doesn't surprise me that we aren't more advanced when moving people and projects around (assuming for fiduciary reasons) takes precedence over the actual needs of the people and research they are doing.

I'm going to go mope in tissue culture for a while.

Go for it. It might be a cure! Well, it worked in "The Last Mimzy".

15:54 / 19.11.07

Indeed suckage ensues, Mice. I do remember from my short-lived and ill-fated attempt of working as a biochemist the way labs' politics and/or bureaucracy can be annoying. Keep your eyes in the article, I guess.

ONLY NICE THINGS

16:13 / 19.11.07

I think that one was a false alarm.

It's certainly an easy mistake to mistake, given ALL THE ALARM BELLS CURRENTLY GOING OFF IN EVERY POSSIBLE REGISTER AND AT DEAFENING VOLUME.

My Mom Thinks I'm Cool

17:23 / 19.11.07

fair enough.

in a way, though, it's indicative of the basic problem here - that wouldn't exactly be a subtle hint, normally. but things that seem like very, very obvious signs are sometimes, with her, total mistakes.

whatever. I didn't come here for dating advice (not that I might not benefit from some, or appreciate the effort). I came here to complain about it sucking.

I know, more or less, what I need to do. like she said - I need to do "whatever I want". I need to stop making decisions based on guesses about things that may or may not ever happen. or trying to hold on to something that probably isn't there.

18:15 / 19.11.07

I can feel myself slipping into a grumpy sulk.

eeeEtherrrr..... Eeeetherrr will hellllllp!

Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:36 / 19.11.07

Tonight I am just vaguely and nonspecifically fucked off with things.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

19:38 / 19.11.07

Being an alcoholic is really shitty.

Right there with you on that one.

20:19 / 19.11.07

if this isn't likely to go anywhere in the next couple of years

Years? Weeks, dude. At most. And, no, it doesn't sound like she wants to be your girlfriend, to be frank. Sorry, dude.

Regrettable Juvenilia

20:29 / 19.11.07

Surely it depends on how old Iron Pants and his friend are? At a certain age, holding hands is a perfectly normal indicator that two people are "going out".

jentacular dreams

13:03 / 20.11.07

Thanks for the sympathy guys. I've decided to be a bit more proactive about it and have had a meeting with my boss and am now aiming to shift labs in the next week or so rather than at some point in the coming months. I'm also going to ask for a chat with the oncology group supervisor in which I'll ask him if he minds me continuing to work in his culture lab, maybe also mentioning how I've felt members of his group and I have benefited each other in the past. Also I'm not sure but I suspect that he and my supervisor may have had a bit of a falling out, but they've got a good history together and am sure that if it is the case then it's just temporary, and maybe talking with him directly might help to mend that bridge.

Grant - the ether didn't help at all... [clutches head and whimpers]

Essential Dazzler

13:18 / 20.11.07

I am hungover and completely worthless.

jentacular dreams

13:43 / 20.11.07

eeeEtherrrr..... Eeeetherrr will hellllllp!

Closed for Business Time

13:44 / 20.11.07

See, word gets around..

What am I doing here? I feel fine!

As you were.

21:00 / 20.11.07

@Pacific State: I hope things improve & chin up. Which may sound empty and without advice but I still, very much, mean it.

21:05 / 20.11.07

I am hungover and completely worthless.

Well, respectively, yes and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

*

22:40 / 20.11.07

Pacific State:

Hey, do you have any support right now? People have been reacting as if you're being facetious, and I don't know if you are or not, but just in case: If you need a real ear to talk to, PM me and I'll give you my cell number in the States. Or we can talk on that thing, what'sit, Skype, if you have it. Or AIM or GTalk if that fails.

At any rate... you are worthy. One of my best mates went from an actual (not a J0K3!1!) heroin addiction to a renowned professorship of something or other at a really shiny university. Like Harvard caliber. I won't say where because it would suck for him if his story got out. And he doesn't feel particularly special about it... it was hard work and he had the support of good friends and he swallowed his pride and got help when he needed it. You can have that too. You more than deserve it. You're not worthless; it's that addiction sucks and makes life shitty even for really topnotch people.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

23:04 / 20.11.07

Pacific State: I know it feels completely real, but you're not worthless. Those feelings are as much an effect of the poison you're processing as the headache and whatnot. You're a decent sort whatever the hangover monsters are telling you, and help does exist.

23:43 / 20.11.07

Yes Pacific State, I have met you and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that you are not worthless. You should listen to me, because I am an great judge of character, and I wouldn't condescend by offering you empty platitudes. I don't say this shit 'less I mean it. You should listen to Zippy and Mordant too, because they are fucking smart and savvy people who, in my experience of Barbelith, tend to be very good at cutting through the crap and speaking with the voice of sense.

I met you for a few days only, but you've since given me the complete run of Neon Genesis Evangelion! You gave me a Double Dip with an additional Cola sachet!You put them both in a jiffy bag addressed to me with the surname "off of Barbelith"!

And you did it just to share the love. That gave me a major happy (And I've still not managed to properly pay you back for that). Selfless happy-giving is a drastically underappreciated personality trait. It's the sort of behaviour that is Winsome in the extreme.

Didn't you say you posted off on of your issues of Flex Mentallo to Canada just sos Papers could finally read it? Dude, that rocks!

Lay of the drink, as easy as that is to say and as hard as it may be to actually do. The bottom of a vodka bottle is a really shite lens to try and view yourself through. The bottom of a yummy packet of Double Dip is a far more realistic and flattering one.

*

00:36 / 21.11.07

Hmmmmm... what is this Double Dip? Is this that powder candy that you eat with a candy stick? Does that still exist?

And in cola flavor?

I MUST KNOW MORE.

07:50 / 21.11.07

HERE IS MORE

08:07 / 21.11.07

Pacific State:

Water, and lots of it. That headache and general ickyness you're feeling is likely the result of dehydration and a nice tall glass (or two or three) of cool water will help flush those poisons right out of your system. A friend of mine who's a nurse told me about this, and it's really worked for me.

08:10 / 21.11.07

Also COLA FLAVOR DOUBLE DIP!?!?!?!

Gasp! I NEED!!!!

Back to your regularly scheduled misery.

10:23 / 21.11.07

Yes, DOUBLE DIP!

Made from moonbeams caught in fizzy-juice rivers and filtered through the jingly hats of pixies!

11:33 / 21.11.07

LabHug for the Ubermice!

17:09 / 21.11.07

Having tried every single number in the yellow pages, as well as numbers I got from the local pet shop and the vet, I still haven’t found anyone to feed my cats while I’m away over Christmas. I really, really didn’t want to put them in a cattery but it looks like I’ve got no choice. It breaks my heart; I feel so evil. Plus all the catteries have really stupid fucking opening hours, which means I might have to take them there and collect them at the weekend - meaning they will spend two weeks in a cattery even though I’m only away for six days. Fuck, I feel horrible.

And once again the whole Christmas-thing is turning into a fucking nightmare.

17:35 / 21.11.07

If you are away for six days you could get a rotating automatic feeder and get a friend to refil it after four days (or however long it lasts). That way you could leave your cats at home, as long as you have a cat flap.

18:47 / 21.11.07

I've just spent about three hours trawling through scientific journals looking for information on the environmental adaptations of Fennec foxes.

No such papers exist.

Now I'm going to have to take my essay in an entirely different direction which means hours and hours of re-writing. The chance of being able to do anything remotely approaching fun for the rest of the week seems diminished.

Sigh.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

20:23 / 21.11.07

Two hours reclined in a dentist's chair while someone hacks away at the plaque and I had to use every single meditation trick I could think of to overcome the pain of inflamed gums and then after that we have to talk about the upcoming gum graft situation and the pulling of wisdom teeth as well.

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