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| You stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid undergraduates. Have you actually bothered to listen to anything I have said all semester? Of course not. Nor was it in your interest to come to the revision class. Obviously. That's why I've spent the last two hours trying to read your scrawling handwriting that looks as if the pen was held like a dagger being thrust into the near-dead soul of critical thinking. That's why none of you have answered the fucking exam questions! Not only did you manage to not write your name on the front of the exam booklet, you also managed to write 'question 4' at the top and proceed to answer question three. And you got it wrong. You do not know the difference between 'there' and 'their', or 'were' and 'where'. You do not know how to spell meant, privatisation, objective, hugely, micro, adequate...in fact most of the words in the English language will forever be a mystery to you. You do not know how to use use apostrophes, commas, periods and hyphens. You use textspeak in your sentences, replacing 'and' with '+' and 'you' with 'u'. You routinely place the end of a sentence at the start, or forget where you are in the sentence after five words and therefore put the exact thing you started with at the end. You insist on using phrases such as 'done away with', 'got seen to' and 'so it is' that identify you as a country yokel playing at being at university. You do not finish your sentences. You shift between tenses like a drunken, Scandinavian slalom skier. You use three, four or five words where one would have done. Instead of appearing sage, wise and intelligent, you look like a moron. Congratulations. |
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