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Films - It's 'Gone with the wind' meets 'Scooby Doo'

  
  

Page: 12345(6)78910

 
 
Alex's Grandma
18:35 / 21.03.04
SCORPIO RISING DAMP - Homo-erotic biker movie fetishising black leather, chrome and grubby brown cardigans. Disowned by it's star, Leonard Rossiter, immediately on release.

THE WILD BRADY BUNCH - Cute time-warp Seventies American family gets together again for one last job. A mediation on the end of the Seventies dream. Iconic final shoot-out still treasured by connoisseurs of cinema ultra-violence.

CATS AND STRAW DOGS - Inter-species rivalry gets way out of hand in the English countryside. Outraged R.S.P.C.A. organises mass demonstrations, A.L.F. bombs cinemas.
 
 
Yes
21:24 / 21.03.04
The truth about cats and reservoir dogs

Drew Barrymore pulls off a jewel heist and discovers that the man she loves is an undercover cop. Who will ever forget the Rosie Mcdonell/Michael Madsen ear-slicing scene?

The woman in red dragon

Gene Wilder unwittingly falls for a psychopatic model and gets his lips chewed off.

Crouching tiger, hidden dragonheart

Kangaroo Jackass

Two cons struggle to catch a kangaroo who is wearing a jacket stuffed with stolen cash. Painful stunts ensue.

Enemy of the state of grace

Big night of the living dead

Stanley Tucci struggles to keep a pack of mad zombies well-fed as they destroy his restaurant.

Twin Peaks: Fire walk with me, myself and Irene

Jim Carrey can't remember whether or not he's responsible for the murder of Rennee Zelwegger's doomed high-school princess in a sleepy backwater American town.

Boogie night of the hunter

Howards end of days

A Merchant Ivory production starring Arnold Swartzneggar in a tweed jacket and Anthony Hopkins as the devil, out to take over his English manor.
 
 
PatrickMM
03:01 / 22.03.04
Mulholland Driving Miss Daisy - An old woman is in a mysterious car crash, and it's up to her driver to find out who she was, and what's the point of that mysterious blue box. Then, she has lesbian sex with another old woman.

Being John Q - John Cusack finds a portal into the Denzel Washington character's head. Will his manic puppetry stop Denzel from beating the corrupt HMO's and saving his son.

2001: A Spaceball - Mel Brooks directs this tale that stretches from the beginning of time to a psychedelic conclusion. Leslie Nielsen is HAL, and Rick Moranis as Dave.

Magnolia Force - Dirty Harry's back, but this time, he's struggling with the fact that he has cancer, and must reunite with his estranged child. At the same time, other characters experience the same problem.
 
 
Mr Tricks
22:32 / 22.03.04
Red Dawn of the Dead
Communist Zombies take over American Malls!

Big Mama's House Party
Under cover agent dresses in drag and throws house parties

Deep Blue Seabiscuit

er . . . well I'll be back
 
 
pomegranate
00:31 / 23.03.04
men don't amelieave
audrey tautou found her love and married him, but he died, leaving her and their two children. they must leave france for baltimore. subtitled.

the wizard of OZ
dorothy goes on a wondrous journey where she meets various criminals w/aliases who pimp her out. scarecrow is the brawn of the operation, as he has no brains. tin man has been known to gut grandmothers for a nickel, cos he has no heart. lion is the mastermind, cos he doesn't have the courage to carry out any plans. they all end up in a crazy place called oz, where they have to look out for the warden, nicknamed the wicked witch of the west, who wants all their heads on a platter. they fashion a shiv for self-defense. love the "poppy" scene, if you get my drift.

beauty and the sexy beast
ben kingsley is a horribly disfigured career criminal. when he finds love with a young animated woman, he freaks out, screaming, “no! no! no! no! no! no!” and he makes his friends, such as an animated candleabra, perform one last heist.

nine 1/2 miles
eminem stars in this soft-core porn with kim basinger as his mother, who works at an art gallery in detroit. their relationship takes an incestuous—and sexy!—turn.

toy love story
two college co-ed toys fall in love, despite their very different backgrounds—one’s from f.a.o. schwartz; the other,wal-mart. tragically, one dies. because love means never having to say yr sorry you ran out of batteries.

stigmata-hari
patricia arquette is a seductive world war I spy. her double-crossing works until she starts bleeding from her hands.
 
 
Lionheart
08:24 / 23.03.04
Donnie Brarko- Johnny Depp is a cop who goes undercover to infiltrate the mafia only to discover that the mob's being ruled by a time-travelling apocalyptic man in a bunny suit.

Stand by Me, Myself, and Irene - Jim Carrey plays a man with multiple personality disorder who sets out on an adventure to find the dead body of Renee Zellweger only to lose his medication and discover himself(s).

The Enemy at the Ninth Gate - Jude Law plays a book detective/sniper, Vassili "Rabbit" Zaitsev, who is hired by Nikita Khrushchev (Bob Hoskins) to track down a book, rumoured to be written by the Devil, which promises to turn the tides in the battle of Stalingrad.

Rear Window to Paris - James Stewart plays a wheel-chair photographer vacationing in Paris whose voyeristic hobby is ruined by a constant stream of Russians appearing in his window.

Steal This Scary Movie - After accidentally killing a 60s anti-war activist a group of teenagers find themselves stalked and slowly murdered by a masked Abbie Hoffman (Vincent D'Onofrio).

Who Framed Roger & Me - Michael Moore investigates the economical devastation of Flint, Michigan, a town wrecked by the closing down of its sole source of employment: A Walt Disney animation studio.
 
 
Sax
08:34 / 23.03.04
Carry On The Beach

(three for the price of one!)

Leonardo di Caprio escapes to a remote island following an apocalyptic nuclear war, where he finds a small community led by Sid James and Hatti Jacques.
 
 
sleazenation
10:48 / 23.03.04
Wayne's world is not enough

Dana Carvey decies that if mike myers can do a james bond spoof then so can he...
 
 
rizla mission
14:00 / 23.03.04
The Greatest Show on Battlefield Earth

John Travolta leads a scientologist circus troupe attempting to bring together the opposing factions in a vast intergalactic war. Or some such nonsense.
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
14:26 / 23.03.04
Three films? Pah!

The Good Will Munny, The Bad Boys, and The Coyote Ugly
Mammoth nine hour long arty action chick flick loaded with TNT and A. Mathematical genius and grizzled ex-outlaw Will Munny works as a janitor in an old west brothel, longing for tart with a heart and inspiring song-writer Violet Sanford, but their life is shattered when a gang of outlaws ride into into town led by a robotic bald gunslinger, hotly pursued by wisecracking black sheriff brothers Jim and Bart West. Can Will be head-shrunk by kindly Doc Holliday while buildings and horses are exploding? Will Jim and Bart finally be accepted by the townsfolk before there's none of the town left? Can Will outdraw the robot gunslinger in the final one hour long stand-off, scored inexplicably with a wild west version of Baker Street sung by Shania Twain? Will audience members go for nine hours without their eyes crusting over or their bladders prolapsing?
 
 
John Paul Vann
16:33 / 23.03.04
Groundhog Day Afternoon -
Obscure Pennsylvania barometer type totem creature robs a bank to pay for not his transsexual lover's re-assignment op. Needless to say it all goes tits up, so to speak...
 
 
rizla mission
20:05 / 23.03.04
Lord of the Rings: the Return of King Ralph

Yes! John Goodman returns to the highlight of his comedic career, playing the boisterous accidental monarch who, when elected to unite the tribes of Middle-Earth and repulse the armies of Mordor, instead decides to spend his time stuffing his face, drunkenly cavorting with hobbits, refering to his companions using insulting un-PC epitaphs such as "big ears", "shorty" and "grandpa", and telling the council of elders to "lighten up a little!"

So good I can almost smell it..
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
23:02 / 25.03.04
The Guyver: Lost Treasure of Atlantis

A techno-organic robot battle suit hooks up with Brian Blessed and Sophie Ward in a quest for the aforementioned treasure. Which is lost. As the Guyver refuses to use any of its projectile weapons systems, it is forced to deal death with a series of ingenious devices involving hot water bottles, fire extinguishers, chewing gum and the Moon's gravitational pull.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:44 / 27.03.04
The Last Picture Show

Sonny and Duane are best friends in a sleepy Texas town. They realise with increasing discomfort that they have come to not one but two crossroads. First, they are passing into manhood as their high school graduation approaches. Second, their hometown, Amarene, is dying, and they must decide whether to move on or try to make do with the decrepit pool hall and run-down cinema they have inherited from their childhood friend. However, things take a turn for the bizarre when, at the last showing at the picture house, a muscle-bound action hero, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, escapes from the screen and into the quiet streets of Amarene, pursuing a violent and pyrotechnics-heavy vendetta with a sinister drug-dealer (Charles Dance. Again).

Cybill Shepherd fights with nunchuks.
 
 
The Puck
13:13 / 28.03.04
Master and commander of the universe

the directer forsakes a convaluted storyline involving dimensional crossovers, big boats and other nonsense, halfway through and just films Dolf Lungren and Russel Crowe getting drunk and wrestling in baby oil. While Courney Cox makes an early apperance sobbing in the corner.

Scarface/off

the story of a ganster who suffers hidous mind bending episodes due to prlonged drug use and stress, convinced that poeple are stealing his identity Al Pacchino flips out kills everyone, expext scences of severe face mutilation, swearwords that will make a childs ear bleed and a herioc amount of drug abuse
 
 
Panic
19:16 / 04.04.04
Farewell My Columbine

scathing documentary about the aftermath of a shooting rampage by a Peking Opera troupe

The Fabulous Baker Boys Don't Cry

trannie teenage sisters/lounge pianists bicker over their new singer and are murdered by her boyfriend

Harry Palmer and the Sorcerer's Stone

um...never saw the Potter films/read the books, but you can't go wrong replacing a magic wand with a snubnose .38, can you?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
19:35 / 04.04.04
Elephantasm

It's a normal day at a normal high school. Told in pseudo-documentary style. Until... a couple of kids who are really fucked off with some other kids get a weird tall guy they met at the cemetery to send in some spinning balls to rip everyone's brains out.
Nothing is explained. But there are midgets.
 
 
The Strobe
20:22 / 04.04.04
The Love Actually Bug
Richard Curtis makes the most mammoth feel-good romantic comedy yet. Twelve plot-lines intertwine as the film details all the owners of Volkswagen Beetle number 53, or Herbie to his friends. Laugh as Bill Nighy tries to drive it home whilst flying on speedballs. Wince as Alan Rickman accidentally runs over Emma Thompson - but don't worry, you'll forget about the tragedy as the script promptly bowls onto a hilarious story about a twelve year old driving the car to save Liam Neeson. From smugglers, or something stupid. Hugh Grant plays a failed racing driver whose life is set alight by a feisty mechanic. Who isn't played by Martine McCutcheon.

It's All About The Love Bug
Joaquin Phoenix and Clare Danes play a pair of Polish race-car drivers, bequeathed an ancient VW Beetle. Around them, people are dying randomly, Sean Penn is stuck in a Lancia Integrale that he can't get out of, and they fight off a trio of Danes-clones in tricolore Minis, straight out of the Italian Job. It ends with a trip into the wilderness, Herbie running out of petrol, and his owners dying in a snowdrift. The end credits roll over the plaintive, repetetive, wailing of his horn.

In The Mood for the Love Bug
Wong Kar-Wai takes Herbie to Hong Kong in this 50s period number, about the early days of a plucky little car, and the restrained amorousness of his owners.

The Love Bug's Labours Lost
Kenneth Branagh takes Herbie into Shakespeare! It's a musical, about the fortunes of three friends and their friendly car; they vow never to have sex on the back seat. Unfortunately, none of them can keep their hands off a pile of exchange students who turn up, and soon Herbie's floorpan is littered with used rubbers. Herbie just can't keep a secret... and turns the tables on them with hilarious results!

Shakespeare in the Love Bug
Period comedy. Will Shakespeare's dried up completely, but he's got a new play due. What will he do? From nowhere, a white VW Beetle appears fresh from a time portal, and soon he's full of ideas. He falls in love with his plucky co-driver after discovering that he (for 17th century rallying forbad lady navigators) is really a she, and writes up the story as the little-known (and now sadly lost with the rest of Quarto 3) play Ye Transport of Delighte.

That is enough stupid Herbie jokes for now. See also: From Russia with the Love Bug, Down with the Love Bug, The Love Bug Is The Devil (a sensitive automotive portrayal of Francis Bacon's life and loves) and Show Me the Love Bug (Cuba Gooding Jr in an Icelandic film originally titled Fucking Herbie).
 
 
PatrickMM
01:44 / 05.04.04
Hellboys Don't Cry
In which a young girl decides to become a large red superhero, much gender identity crisis ensues.

Eternal Sunshine of the Beautiful Mind
John Nash wants to erase the memory of his wife Alicia, but as he goes through his memories, he realizes that today, there's no way he'd get by with dating a student.
 
 
Brigade du jour
00:19 / 06.04.04
These are the result of a bored bus ride to work, way too many to write synopses for.

Lock Stock and Two Christmas Carols
Charlie's Aliens
The Breakfast Fight Club
Ferris Bueller's Longest Day Off
The Loneliness of the Long Distance Blade Runner
Harry Potter and the Road To Perdition
Saving Privates on Parade
Cheech & Chong's A Room With A View
A Nightmare on Arlington Road
The Big Lebowski Goes Bananas
Debbie Does Dune
Run Amelie Run
Crouching Tiger, Shallow Hal
Honey I Shrunk The Ring
Terminator 2: Training Day
Being John Malkovich in Las Vegas
Things To Do In Denver When You're Jaws
Ice Pirates Of The Caribbean
When Orgazmo Met Sally
Schindler's Wedding
Once Upon A Time in 101 Rejkjavik
When We Were Clerks
The Maltese Condorman

And we weren't even stoned. Well, I wasn't.
 
 
gergsnickle
02:52 / 06.04.04
Die Harder They Come It's Bruce Willis versus a gang of Rastafarian thugs who've taken over a high rise. Jimmy Cliff supplies the soundtrack.
 
 
Baz Auckland
03:06 / 06.04.04
Straight to Hellboy - Joe Strummer plays a hitman trying to kill a demon for some reason. In the end, Courtney Love screams a lot, everyone dies, and the director never works again...
 
 
Ex
08:25 / 06.04.04
From a friend...

I Know What You Did Last of the Mohicans.

Drunk US teenagers run over the most tenacious member of a waning indigenous people.
 
 
rory
18:30 / 06.04.04
Wicker-Man
On holiday in the island of Summerisle, Peter Parker is nibbled by a radioactive rabbit and becomes Wicker-Man, the pagan superhero with the power to spontaneously combust. All goes well until Kirsten Dunst's brazen nudity raises his temperature just that little too far...

The Running Man
Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a pious Scottish sergeant who flies to the Hebrides to investigate a murder, only to find himself caught up in the filming of Who Wants to Be a Pagan Sacrifice? Relentlessly pursued by game-show contestant villagers with chainsaws, he dons a thirty-foot high suit of wicker body armour and mows them all down with a geese-propelling bazooka.

Wicker: The Man and his Dream
Preston Tucker challenges the automobile industry of the 1940s with a bold new car design that's thirty years ahead of its time, with seat-belts as standard, triple headlights, and all-leather cow interior. Unfortunately, the exteriors are made of wicker, and as soon as the cars' engines are started they explode.

Wick of Time
Johnny Depp burns to death in real time.
 
 
rory
10:46 / 07.04.04
Wilbur Wants to Kill Bill
Uma Thurman inherits a Glasgow bookshop and wastes its customers in four-hour gorefest. Cameo by Dylan Moran.

Eternal Sundance of the Spotless Cassidy
Two bank robbers erase their memories and forget why the hell they're going to Bolivia in the first place.

Frances with Wolves
1930s actress gets lobotomized for thinking she's an Injun.

Schindler's Millions
German manufacturer spends 30 million marks in 30 days to inherit a factory full of Jewish prisoners.

Stop! Or My Mom Will Klute
Sylvester Stallone desperately tries to prevent Estelle Getty from going on the game.
 
 
davida2z
22:36 / 26.04.04
The Great Escape To Victory

This star studded line up of internationally acclaimed football stars including the Brazilian Pele and the Argentinian Ardiles escape from the evil clutches of the Nazis only to be captured and shot with American Steve McQueen, in this multicultural war extravaganza, set in the seventies. Watch out for those flares and tank tops at the climax to the pitch invasion! You almost feel as if your in war torn France!
 
 
davida2z
22:42 / 26.04.04
The Scorpion King and I

Deborah Kerr shows what she's made of as she teaches 'The Rock' a thing or two about the etiquette of wrestle-mania. A full 2 hours of non-stop body slams in this royal rumble event. Contains moderate violence and play-acting.
 
 
davida2z
15:23 / 27.04.04
MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING SINGER

Demis Roussos, an autobiographical tale of the demise of 70's star Demis as he has to turn to playing weddings to make a buck. Amazing cameo by Billy Idol - you'll be surprised, the first time in ages he hasn't had broken legs!
 
 
MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
19:22 / 29.05.07
I was looking for a thread about The Man Who Would Be King and found this one and just got in trouble for laughing hysterically at work. So, bump for the new-within-the-last-three-years people.
 
 
Feverfew
19:24 / 29.05.07
The only thing that my brain can come up with at the moment is 28 Weeks' Notice, wherein Sandra Bullock is pursued by a rage-ified / zombified Hugh Grant. So that'll have to do for now.
 
 
Feverfew
20:13 / 29.05.07
Well, that and Twelve Angry Mystery Men, but the less said about that, the better.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
20:16 / 29.05.07
Even Cowgirls Get the Blue Velvet, wherein Uma Thurman has tremendous thumbs and Zooey Deschanel hides in a closet while Keanu Reeves gets high on helium. Fake Oklahoma accents and Kyle McLachlan shows up in drag.
 
 
This Sunday
20:30 / 29.05.07
The Wicker Man on Fire

Denzel Washington goes to little Scottish island to find young girl. Fucks people up regularly while they talk about snail sex and sing about maypoles.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
20:35 / 29.05.07
Clash of the Titus; following his execution of Jessica Lange's son, Anthony Hopkins is chased through an anachronistic Ancient Rome by his inner demons as represented by stop-motion Harryhausen monsters. Lange puts on faux Medusa gear to drive him further crazy and the particularly bloody claymation ends with Hopkins serving Alan Cumming his own stepsons in a particularly unconvincing prop meat pie.
 
 
Seth
20:59 / 29.05.07
The Se7en Samurai 7

Epic seven season anime in which seven disparate samurai are recruited to defend a village against Kevin Spacey's serial killer whose murders are themed around the seven deadly sins, with each season remaking the same story from the perspective of a different character.

Hana Bicentennial Man

Takeshi Kitano plas a corrupt mechanised police officer in debt to the mob who robs a hospital's supply of organs in order to become a real human being and take his Apple Mac on one last holiday around Japan before he dies of old age. With original paintings by Takeshi Kitano.

Lone Wolf and Cube

Ogami Itto and Daigoro wake up in a mysterious booby trapped maze.
 
  

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