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Films - It's 'Gone with the wind' meets 'Scooby Doo'

 
  

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STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
19:19 / 04.06.07
Elephantasia

Two disaffected youths take revenge on an unfeeling society by unleashing a plague of brooms in their high school.
 
 
grant
19:25 / 04.06.07
Also starring Kenny Baker

YES!
 
 
COG
19:26 / 04.06.07
8 & a half mile - A jaded Italian film director lacks inspiration for his next project, is surrounded by people hassling him (including his freakin' mom!) and can't get the cash together to record a smokin' demo.

He retreats into his memories of past lovers and freestyling victories, which provide the impetus for him to cross the metaphorical road that divides wannabes from gonnabes.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
19:26 / 04.06.07
Whoah. Just looked back over the thread and realised I'd already made one Elephant gag* a couple of years back. Blimey. I like that film a little too much, methinks.

*insert joke here.

Moving swiftly on...

Right At Your Doors- Oliver Stone directs this tense thriller about a rock band trapped in their house in LA after a dirty bomb has been set off downtown.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
19:27 / 04.06.07
Shakespeare In Love, Actually- take it from me, you DON'T want to see this one.
 
 
COG
19:28 / 04.06.07
Inland Empire Strikes Back would be incredible.
 
 
COG
19:40 / 04.06.07
Das Kinky Boots - This is the story of 42 shoe factory workers caught up in a war they didn't understand, and the Captain who must lead them in their struggle to survive.

After inheriting a failing submarine from his father, Herr Commandant has a chance encounter with the flamboyant drag queen cabaret singer, Lola. They form an unlikely partnership to manufacture men's fetish boots and sink allied shipping.
A world of boredom, filth, and sheer terror.
 
 
Chiropteran
19:44 / 04.06.07
Angels With Dirty Dancing

After three years in prison, James Cagney returns to his old neighborhood and falls in love with his dance instructor.

Petrified Forrest

While running across the country, a simple man stops in at the roadside diner where Duke Mantee and his gang of cutthroats are hiding out from the police.

Near Dark Passage

A man convicted of killing his wife escapes from prison and hitches a ride with a gang of nomadic vampires.

Key Fargo

Humphrey Bogart kidnaps his dead army buddy's fiancee in the middle of a hurricane.
 
 
CameronStewart
19:54 / 04.06.07
Hostel Rwanda - Amidst a bloody civil war in Eastern Africa, one man protects thousands from genocide in his luxury hotel. Unfortunately for the refugees, the hotel is also a front for a sinister murder-for-profit operation that supplies torture victims to wealthy businessmen...
 
 
COG
20:09 / 04.06.07
Jesus Christ Super Mario Bros. - A humble carpenter (the Son of God) and two plumbers must battle the diabolical plans of the Evil One (Dennis Hopper) and his lizard minions. However this trio of skilled manual workers have a few "miraculous" tricks up their sleeves. Based on a concept album project written by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice and a video game.
 
 
COG
20:48 / 04.06.07
Terminator 2 : Groundhog Day - A new, more lethal type of robot is sent back from the future to kill Bill Murray, again and again!
 
 
Triplets
21:25 / 04.06.07
I love you.
 
 
This Sunday
22:19 / 04.06.07
An Autumn Leaves' Tale: Young woman leaves China to attend school with her boyfriend in New York. Boyfriend leaves her and she begins to fall for her crimey good-natured cousin who's slowly going insane over seeing his wife in the arms of his dad.

Batman on the Moon: After seeing his parents murdered and training his entire life for vengeance, justice, and the right to wear black body armor and punch muggers, rapists, and giggling psychotics, Bruce Wayne channels his lifelong struggles into becoming a performance artist and comedic genius to open the eyes and hearts of millions, while possibly laughing at them the whole time, too.

Angel Heartbeeps: Val Angel is hired to track down Johnny Com, a robot who has not finished his necessary servitude, and Johnny's accompanying lover and their child-of-unnatural-origins. What will happen when Val realizes the awful truth and is forced to confront horrible notions of service, duty, love, and whether the devil eating eggs in monstrous ways makes up for his tendency to deliver bad quips.

L.A. Story of Riki-O: Man in future max. security prison known as Los Angeles is guided by an electric sign as to choose what sort of, and in particular what specific, woman he'd like to try having a serious relationship with, without cutting into his hobby of rollerskating through prison halls smashing to death anyone who gets in his way.

Meet Joe Black Mask: Slow-paced action film with awkward hiphop score, tells of a naive yet knowing avatar of Death, seeking a peace and vacation. He settles for a small job and quiet life, only to meet a confused young lady whom he's quite caught up with, and haunted by the realization that one can't leave all that death behind them, for there's always more on the horizon. Bonus points for casting Anthony Hopkins as a kinky psycho mob boss in a transparent I-be-yakuza coat.
 
 
CameronStewart
23:26 / 04.06.07
The 300 Blows - New-wave historical action film about a troublemaking adolescent boy in 5th Century Sparta who is caught stealing and punished by being placed in King Leonidas' personal detail of soldiers to fend off the invading Persian armies. He escapes and runs to the sea.
 
 
grant
02:19 / 05.06.07
Open City of Angels - Roberto Rossellini's groundbreaking neorealist remake of Wim Wenders' Wings of Desire, with Nick Cage as an angel who falls in love with pregnant, desperate Meg Ryan and becomes human as the Nazis close in. Dennis Franz features as a fun-loving priest with ties to the Resistance.

Prelude to a Vampire's Kiss - Body-swapping romantic horror with Meg Ryan as a cynical bride-to-be who finds herself trapped in the body of Nick Cage as he slides into vampiric delusion ... or is he merely a pawn in a dark game of her devising? Also starring Alec Baldwin as a cockroach.

Kiss Me Kate and Leopold - A time travel experiment traps Hugh Jackman in a 1950s production of a Cole Porter musical starring Meg Ryan in her first singing role. As elevators across the city begin malfunctioning, he gradually realizes the importance of brushing up on his Shakespeare.
 
 
Hallo, Paper Spaceboy
02:42 / 05.06.07
It's All Gone With The Wind - Baz Luhrmann's ultra-anachronistic pseudo-historical melodrama details Scarlett O'Hara's problems trying to make it as a crowd-pleasing celebrity DJ while her hearing begins to fade and the Civil War rages on, ready to spill over to her gentile Southern life. Typical of Luhrmann the editing is high-octane and frenetic, particularly during the rave scenes, and the Rhett Butler on ecstasy sequence seems to come out of nowhere.
 
 
grant
14:13 / 05.06.07
The Story of Oklahoma! - Singing cowboys plunge into the depths of love and debasement when Curly (Udo Kier) presents his lover (Shirley Jones) as a gift to the domineering Sir Stephen (Eddie Albert).
 
 
grant
14:27 / 05.06.07
Did somebody do that one? I can't find it, but now it's ringing a bell.

Oh, well.

Midnight in the Garden State - Zach Braff directs this quirky comedy about a 20-something (Braff) who returns to his New Jersey home to investigate the mysterious death of his father (Kevin Spacey). Natalie Portman co-stars. Soundtrack features the Shins covering Johnny Mercer.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
14:30 / 05.06.07
Evil Dead Poet's Society

Cloyingly wholesome teacher Robin Williams plays his class of eager-yet-sensitive students a recording of an old incantation, resulting in a portal being opened between this world and the next, through which floods a horde of demons. At the end, he manages to close the portal, but not before himself being sucked through it into an alternate-reality '80s, leaving the way open for the sequel:

Evil Dead Poet's Society 2: Red By Dawn, in which he gathers together a rag-tag band of eager-yet-sensitive students into a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude with which he helps rid America of its evil Communist oppressors.
 
 
MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
14:32 / 05.06.07
CHUD and the Chocolate Factory

A Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller finds a chocolate bar on the corpse of a young urchin he has just eaten, and inside... the fabled Golden Ticket! Hijinks ensue, including the revelation that Oompa-Loompas taste like chicken and ending with an unforgettable showdown between the slavering mutant and the elfin Wonka in the Great Glass Elevator.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
14:50 / 05.06.07
Ooh! Ooh! You've just given me the inspiration I need for my magnificent octopus:

Charlie And The Football Factory

Young Charlie Bucket wins a ticket to see Millwall playing Yeovil Town. So begins his initiation into the savage world of football hooliganism.
 
 
Chiropteran
16:01 / 05.06.07
The Abominable Dr. Zhivago and its sequel, Dr. Zhivago Rises Again

Two tales of grisly horror set against the bloody backdrop of the Russian Revolution! Watch as the good doctor extracts Old Testament revenge on those he hold responsible for his beloved Lara's death. ("Nine killed you, Larrrrra - nine shall die!")

Keeping with the theme (this one isn't mine, unfortunately):

SUPERPHIBES!

Oooh, Superphibes!
You're gonna revenge your woman by 'n' by,
And when you do, those docs are gonna cry.
The only game you know is "Nine Shall Die."
Ah-ha-ha.
 
 
Chiropteran
16:14 / 05.06.07
CHUD and the Chocolate Factory

I will pre-order tickets right now, if someone will make this.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
16:24 / 05.06.07
Indecent Proposition

Ray Winstone captures outlaw Robert Redford and tells him he will kill his wife (Demi Moore) unless he sleeps with Woody Harrelson. Events take a bloody turn, and we are given an insight into the true brutality of man. The screenplay is by Nic Cage, who also composed the soundtrack, along with comic scribe Warren Ellis.
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
18:33 / 05.06.07
Wild Zero Hour!

Guitar Wolf star as passengers on a jet airliner whose crew have all succumbed to food poisoning, which soon has the unforeseen side effect of turning them into zombies. The band save the day with a combination of wild Jett rock'n'roll numbers, hair combs, and the help of an air traffic controller called Ace who talks them through their attempts to land the plane at a secret UFO base.

Children Of The Dambusters

A group of hyper-intelligent children with glowing eyes soon attract the suspicions of their teacher at a small village flying school when they start building bouncing bombs and flying low over reservoirs in practice for attacks on the Ruhr valley.

28 Days Of The Jackal Later

A mysterious hitman wakes up from a coma to find London is deserted save for a cell of renegade Algerian colonists and a gruff taxi driver and his daughter who are in danger of being turned into livid zombies by any contact with melon juice. He teams up with them to escape the desolate city, on the run across a fortified manor house under the domineering command of a deranged Charles de Gaulle, who he tries to shoot in the head. However, he mistakenly hits a watermelon at the crucial moment, spraying the taxi driver with a drop of its juice turning him into a psychopathic monster.

Luckily, by running around a lot in the dark and with the aid of the surviving ace detective from the Paris police, de Gaulle is defeated, and the Jackal retires to a remote island where he raises chickens with the taxi driver's daughter.

House of 1000 Corpse Brides

Quirky stop-motion animated Gothic love story which soon turns nasty as the undead Corpse Bride and her friends discover when they fall foul of a foul-mouthed clown and his clan of murderous killers while driving across the southern USA.

The Devils Rejects

Art-house sequel, in which the deranged clown and his family seek refuge in a convent, disguising themselves as Holy Inquisitors. They hold the nuns hostage, but are soon swept up in an excess of repressed sexuality and religious fervour, before being burned at the stake by Oliver Reed to the tune of "Free Bird".
 
 
Dutch
20:21 / 05.06.07
Back to the Forrisson Bergerump

Forrison Bergerump is a seemingly simple man who is to deny his own genius by placing a mindnumbingg doohicky on the top of his head. The apparatus malfunctions and he is transported through different dimensions and time. He witnesses extraordinary historical events and creates a few of his own while all the while yearning to be a shrimpboatcaptain/television executive who enlightens people.
 
 
CameronStewart
21:41 / 05.06.07
Die Hard Candy - John McClane just wants a relaxing vacation away from his job as a New York City police detective. When a precocious teenage girl in an online chatroom makes a flirtatious proposal, John flies to LA to meet her in a lavish high-rise office building. Unfortunately for him the girl has other, more sinister plans, and thus begins a game of cat-and-mouse through elevator shafts and airducts...
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
21:49 / 05.06.07
Ocean's Thirteen Days
After U-2 surveillance photos reveal that the Soviet Union is in the process of placing nuclear weapons in Cuba, can President Kennedy's closest advisor, Danny Ocean, put together a team of sweaty crew-cutted con-men to steal the missiles and replace them with, I don't know, some repainted palm trees or something.
 
 
CameronStewart
22:01 / 05.06.07
Krull Intentions - Space-fantasy update of the classic French novel of sexual manipulation Les Liasons Dangereuses. A wager is made between two wealthy, unscrupulous members of the royal family on the distant planet Krull. Prince Colwyn is challenged by Princess Lyssa to seduce and deflower The Beast, leader of an army of intergalactic conquerors who have invaded their planet.
 
 
MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
10:17 / 06.06.07
Eat Drink Darkman Woman: A retired chef living with his three daughters gets his face burned off in a horrible cooking accident. While the three women find romance, he constructs new faces out of 99-Minute Rice to wreak terrible revenge on his tormentors.
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
22:59 / 06.06.07
Beautiful Creatures from the Black Lagoon Teenage girls in Fifties New Zealand hatch a plot to murder one of their mothers so that they can stay together, only to find out that their fantasy world of chocolate princes is invaded by a swamp thing which is played in an unconvincing rubber suit, leading to grimly realistic murder scenes made unbelievable by shoddy special effects. Clint Eastwood makes a stranely-accented cameo appearance as a lab technician who works in an ice cream store but who moonlights as a vassal in the alternate reality claymation castle.

Taken from a true story, and one of the girls later grew up to be Guy N Smith, basing a series of successful pulp horror splatterfests on her experiences as depicted in the film.
 
 
Evil Scientist
09:35 / 07.06.07
28 First Dates Later.

Adam Sandler is dating Drew Barrymore, who forgets what happened the day before every time she goes to sleep. It's kind of irrelevant as they're both infected with the Rage virus seconds into this feelgood comedy.

There's Something About Ghosts of Mars.

Ice Cube looks perpetually confused as martain colonists possessed by dead aliens try to alternate between self-mutilation, murder, and vying for the hand of Cameron Diaz.

The Never-ending Westside Story.

Luck dragons vrs dancing gangs. Jets! Sharks! Jets! Sharks!

The Never-ending Police Story.

Jackie Chan runs away from his bullying police co-workers and finds a magical book about a brave hero who saves an enchanted land with a mix of Keaton-esque slapstick and kick-ass martial arts.
 
 
Mug Chum
22:33 / 10.06.07
Isle of 300 Men
A sterile, grim and brutal future. On a island. Captain Master Bateman (Ewan McGregor) must investigate the rape & murder of his girlfriend Bea Aard (Scarlett Johanson), found in a refrigerator. And in his investigation he'll have to infiltrate himself into a gritty manhunt amongst the 300 citzens of his town-island -- his own clones, including defected ones (Gerard Butler, Taye Diggs, Mathew McCaughneghy and Rodrigo Santoro) and an old days' friend who's not only a suspect but might also be his original self. "In a manhunt, when you're the target of your investigation, you find out things about yourself while poking around."
From Tony Scott, written by Michael Bay.


M:I:IV
TOM. CRUISE. ONE BULLET. FOR EACH MAN. OUT OF 250.
.GLOBAL GLADIATORS HAVE 250 MINUTES IN ROME.
M : I : IV ......... 250.


Giigle
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck star in a Wayans Brothers' comedy about the internets, where they both meet at a computer course (she's the teacher).
Two Hours in a Web of LOL ("Wow, there's lot of dirty pop-ups!" jokes for 2 hours).


U2being
Indie documentary made from piles and piles of material of one man wanting to meet the band of his dream by leaving hundreads of hours of webcam material on youtube, pleading to meet them. It goes nowhere.
It ends with a MIDI version of "With or Without You" slightly altered due to copyright issues.
 
 
Mug Chum
22:36 / 10.06.07
shit, sorry. My sleepiness prevented me from seeing it's 2 films put together. Sorry.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
23:11 / 10.06.07
The Number 23 Steps - Jim Carrey stars as a man who comes to understand about the hidden truth behind everything. Only by embracing his former pranksterish persona can he save both himself and the government from the Conspiracy. An obscure internet message board, full of charming eccentrics he's met along the way, is an unfortunate but necessary casualty in the last reel. Jim sheds a tear as, like Buddhist monks on a Rage Against The Machine album cover, they set fire to themselves.
 
  

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