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Bill Posters
08:50 / 14.09.03
God I love this country, we're so mean spirited and bad tempered, yet it makes me proud.

Anna de L, summing up precisely what it means to be British.
 
 
Mazarine
01:59 / 17.09.03
Your Honor, here is the character witness statement. I don't know the accused at all. Well, it's Smooth Weaving's. Well, I sort of wrote it. You see, it's written in my blood, but the actual author is Bio k9. Well we all belong to this kinda hipster think tank if you will, and came up with this idea together.

The Denfeld lad in the "Character Witness" thread. I've always had a bit of trouble explaining Barbelith to other people, especially those not surgically welded to their computers, and the phrase 'this kinda hipster think tank' is probably going to be how I sum it up from now on.

It helps that no one who I explain Barbelith to cares. At all. But at least now I've got a shorter explaination that sounds pretty cool. Thank you, Jack Denfeld.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
11:20 / 17.09.03
Sets watch

Bye, Bill.

(c) copyright 2003 Ganesh

Jack Fear is slowly killing me.
 
 
Grand Panjandrum of the Pointless
15:49 / 17.09.03
Chairman Maominstoat, on the recent silliness hereabouts

Sshhh.

Can you hear that?

That's the sound of two and a half thousand people simultaneously not giving a fuck.
 
 
Olulabelle
12:20 / 19.09.03
Yes. Todd, Flux and Qalyn for the entire why I hate l kids thread. Fanfuckingtastic.
 
 
bio k9
04:37 / 21.09.03
Even better than the Chairman, from a Barbelith blogger:

True to form, Barbelith speedily disappears up its own arse worrying about what's going wrong, instead of considering the possibility that two people acting like imbeciles adds up to precisely fuck all.
 
 
bio k9
06:25 / 21.09.03
& on The Invisibles:

It's definitely the most ambitious and inventive comic book series of all time and the most refreshing and intellectually stimulating and challenging work that comics can ever hope to have.

But I'm a bit disappointed.
 
 
cusm
17:54 / 23.09.03
Class from Gypsy Lantern from The Magick's little things you do thread.

Anyway...what wine do you think goes best with ninja heart?

I find that a nice bottle of Pino Satano goes down rather well, or failing that a drop of Châteaux Bastard ought to do the job. You need something quite chocolaty to counterbalance the oaky texture of the ninja hearts.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
18:33 / 23.09.03
Haus could be:
Haus where I plot the overthrow of the board with my imaginary fiancee and our friends the mice.

Bio K9 finds the 'words just' as the French have it.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
20:22 / 24.09.03
"It tastes like a goth pissed in my mouth!"

--faething, quoting hir squeeze in the "Absinthe" thread.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
23:00 / 24.09.03
Mind you, if the entire German nation wanted to rise as one against David Blaine and drop a really big egg on him from a Heinkel, then I'd be 100% behind the Nazi Menace, and you can quote me on that

-Saveloy, revealing the gray uniformed heart of the BarbeClique(tm)
 
 
Olulabelle
16:43 / 25.09.03
...I'm going to come round to your house and make your life unbearably mundane. I'm going to make all your furniture look new and shiny, and I'm going to keep the place pathologically tidy until you go mad. Every day at the office you will be confronted with perfectly executed work, and all the stories you read will be relentlessly newsworthy in a dull yet necessary way. I will bribe everyone you encounter to discuss incidents you already know about, films you have already talked about, and music you heard some time ago. Nothing new or even unusual will ever, ever enter your life again...

Nick berating Sax for 'The List'.
 
 
Papess
19:54 / 01.10.03
"I still maintain that we were better off as cavemen. If the most you could hope for at the end of any given day was simply to have survived, think what a sense of achievement you would have every night when you went to sleep. "

Justified Ancient of Mu Mu in this thread, longing for simplier days.

Totally Primal, dude!
 
 
unheimlich manoeuvre
14:28 / 02.10.03
Riz[,] I don't like those mags either, myself,

Bill Posters
'kay, that's 3 of us and that's enough. We'll just have to start an alternative men's magazine, aimed at queer and queterosexual boys such as our good selves. No car ads, no aftershave ads, no mainstream fashion features, just lots of stuff for the discerning countercultural gent. We will pioneer an alternative masculinty which will in its turn become oppresive and stiffling but by then we'll all be rich and shan't care.

Ganesh
Nothing beats a good chunk of stiffling masculinty...

Sax
Don't queer and queterosexual boys use aftershave, wear clothes or drive cars, then? What, none of them?

Ganesh
Nope. Naked mingers on foot, that's us.

...

*hoorah*
witty and wise. better than bennett.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
22:03 / 03.10.03
"Did a 9 year old, a weasel and an old sock work on the production staff???"

something something Six something in the Halle Berry as Catwoman thread:
 
 
Perfect Tommy
05:55 / 05.10.03
Mordant:

Another poster happens to be a rep. for Dr. Spunky's Herbal Viagra. He starts a thread extolling the virtues of this fine product in the Lab. Everyone rips the piss and the thread degenerates happily into a bunch of cock jokes.

There's something about degenerating happily that just, I dunno, makes me happy! And I am also made happy thinking about happy smiley big bouncy cock jokes! All is right with the world! Hooray for cock jokes!
 
 
Baz Auckland
01:32 / 07.10.03
Damn, it's been a witty week on Barbelith! But this made my day:

Panic: [after having worked up the courage to ask a cute patron out] i'm so giddy with deluded excitement now something horrible's bound to happen. it's probably all some kind of elaborate trap concocted by my enemies, isn't it?

fridgemagnet: Yes. Next time you see her, punch her in the face.
 
 
YNH
17:58 / 07.10.03
I hate to be very condescending

Flux (my italics)
 
 
HCE
21:04 / 07.10.03
from jiltedchild, in the hitting girls thread:

"The other night though i went out with two friends of mine who hadnt met before and as i came back from the toilet i discovered the Girl had punched the boy square in the face because he called her Lisa at which she took great offense"

It's been a nasty day, that laugh helped a lot, thank you.
 
 
Quantum
09:06 / 10.10.03
if a male magician puts a really nasty curse on a non-magical female for hurting his gf, is that better or worse than Bruce Lee one-inch-punching the bitch in the tits? Discuss. VelvetVandal

Fuck I've missed VV, that made me snort.
 
 
Olulabelle
21:13 / 13.10.03
Tom, on a post regarding a problem with the board's search functionality:

The board's search functionality is - I'm afraid - a bit shit. Sorry.

Oh, the delight of honesty!
 
 
Quantum
09:22 / 14.10.03
Mordant in the Lab on cloned copycats- But the most likely result of this genetic damage isn't going to be Fang, The Mutant Kitten That Ate London. I'll be a dead cat.
AIEEEEE! The mighty FANG, furry scourge of the capital, batting buses with his paws, defiling landmarks with his kittypoop! BE AFRAID!!
 
 
The Falcon
16:26 / 14.10.03
Sauron tells us a story:

A friend of a friend was sent to his room after arguing with his dad that Paul Simon was Chevy Chase.

Remember the video to 'Call me Al'? This was the source of the confusion.

Apparently Paul Simon went to collect an award on TV and this guy says to his Dad: 'Look! That's Chevy Chase'

His dad replies; 'No, it's not it's Paul Simon'

To which the kid replies 'No, that's Chevy Chase'

To which his Dad says 'Go to your room'

He was aged nine.

Masterful Parenting.
 
 
Gary Lactus
17:39 / 14.10.03
CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
gotham island fae
00:39 / 15.10.03
Mordant, again. Speaking for me EXACTLY 'the problem' I see with suicide.

People may not think of you badly, but they're going to think of you a lot. Do this, and you will be rattling around inside a lot of people's heads till the day they die.

Emphasis mine.
 
 
Mazarine
01:21 / 15.10.03
I'm bored. Someone dare me to eat this lemon.

Qalyn makes me smile in the Controversy is Good thread.
 
 
The Falcon
01:24 / 15.10.03
Is the story about you, Fraely?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
03:18 / 15.10.03
Maz, that's like the fifth time I've said that. No one ever called my bluff before, though. Trust a guy in New Jersey to have the biggest brass plums on Barbelith.
 
 
Jack Fear
12:29 / 15.10.03
Moderators are fifty-feet high and fart LIGHTNING! They must be STOPPED!

Mordant Carnival speaks truth to power.

Super power.
 
 
Saint Keggers
13:28 / 15.10.03
Hedgehogs transcend bilateral gender. The are at one with the Universe. That's why so many of them get run over - one minute they're communing with the Ultimate, and then suddenly they're communing with the Stagecoach to Doncaster."


Nick, in the A New Mood thread, just telling it like it is...
 
 
Baz Auckland
14:00 / 15.10.03
Bill Posters in the masturbation thread making me spit coffee...

once I saw a tv documentary about the making of porns, and there was a chick fucking a guy scene and he's was finding it really difficult, it was obviously hurting him and they stopped and she and another woman tried to tell him a better technique (i guess that had more experience of it in the ass) but he just wouldn't listen, kept on saying, "I can take it, I can take it". I'd never imagined a man could be so macho (dangerously so, possibly) about being penetrated. Glorious paradox. There's a head shop thread there somewhere...
 
 
Papess
14:46 / 18.10.03
I was going to put this in the "Snide Comment..." thread, but I figure I will just Barbe-quote the Kegmeister.

This gem from a conversation on ICQ, about a medieval-like magician at medieval themed wedding.


"ok vortex to hell, if your ever going to open up beneath someone, now's the time"

Kegboy: not easily impressed.
 
 
Papess
06:59 / 26.10.03
**THIS** is classic.

From the Policy & Help:

Flux = An Infuriating Blowhard says:
"In terms of Barbelith, I'm a total political conservative, aren't I?"

Nick's Response:
"That is generally what happens to revolutionaries when you give them something practical to do. Sad, isn't it?"


I am so glad I wasn't drinking anything at the time I read it.

(Apologies, Flux. That was really funny of Nick though!)
 
 
Quantum
13:38 / 27.10.03
You people are fucking fruit loop gnomes.
Anna de L finally lets her opinion of the Magick slip, I love that phrase so much I'm going to use it constantly until the meme spreads to strangers Anna knows IRL and she overhears it in an internet cafe and her HEAD EXPLODES FROM THE SHOCK!
I may make up a song about it "I'm a fucking fruit loop gnome, you're a fucking fruit loop gnome, I think that I will take you home you fruit loop fucking gnome!"
 
 
penitentvandal
16:04 / 27.10.03
'More' is a bad safe-word.

The beginners guide to bondage, by Keggers. If I'd taken this counsel on board then I'd still have a functioning rectum. Heed the warning!
 
  

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