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barbequotes

 
  

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Dead Megatron
15:02 / 15.09.06
Here, here. Sexy sex makes me feel the hot heat.
 
 
Ticker
15:09 / 15.09.06
In an attempt to not cause WP and other sensitive readers to hurl I shall restrain myself and merely state:


"I have a great fondness for you as well."




I am however terribly affected by your regard and if you don't wheel it in I shall be forced to post more LURV***111*** type stuff to the adoration thread.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
 
 
matthew.
18:15 / 15.09.06
Haus and DM:

I'm glad you two got a kick out of that, but oh man was I mad when I saw that Primetime special. It makes me want to punch someone, which would be in direct violation of the teachings of Idiotboxery. Oh wait. No it wouldn't.
 
 
Shrug
20:18 / 19.09.06
You perforate because as the air inside heats it expands, and could asplode your dinner all over the inside of the microwave.
As for perforations, there are two schools of thought on the subject: the Luxembourg School, which advocates a steady and evenly distributed pattern of small perforations (one per square inch of material) in the plastic wrapping delivered by a standard four-pronged dining fork (The key text of this approach being the 1968 classic 'Beyond the Microwave Oven') and the Grealish-Boone technique of a random pattern of cuts made by a sharp knife in 'an attempt to transcend/displace eater/eaten spaciality' (Grealish, 1986). A Yale University study commissioned by the FDA in 2003 found the Grealish-Boone technique 'allow(ed) heated air to escape from the packaging, causing a noticable reduction in food irradiation'. The current consensus in the field is that the Luxembourg technique remains the standard.
¹

¹"Microwave dinners : In pursuit of happiness" , Phex, p113, Publisher: Barbelith University Press, 2006.
 
 
ghadis
21:58 / 19.09.06
Mordant, reflecting on the magical influences and femaleness of the Alien films...

As for the facehuggers--come on, look at the things. They're a pair of hands and a fanny.
 
 
Lama glama
12:07 / 20.09.06
MW on fine form over in the moderately offensive perversity thread:

READ THIS 1 DONT DELETE

>>>>>>I KNO THIS IS RACIST AND AN EMAIL MEME BUT I
>>>>CLDNT NOT POST IT ON BARBELITH! LOVE U ALL

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Timmy tryed on his peurto Rican maid's suspenders and pannies one day. His Dad found him and Timmy was worried he would go to Hell. His dad said these words
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am hitting U cause I love u.
The strokes on your >>>>>>>>>>>>A$$ hurt U more than they hurt Me.

NEVVER 4GET THESE WORDS

if u are a friend and true
Listen to GODs wish for u
Dont be perverted and Gay
dont dress up in Lingerie.
>>>>>Timmy filled in this E-Mail and won $85 dollars from a Nigerian trust fund. His tool grew to above average Nine Inches. Now u do the same and
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>send to 1 friend --> meet love of life
>>>send to 2 friends ---> narry for ever and have 4 kids
>>>no friends ---> something bad with happen (aids, gay, etc)
>>>>
>>>
if u dont fill this in within 20 seconds Microl Gates of MSN Hotmail will cancel your Hotmail. This is a true message from Mike Gaytes of Hotmail MSN messenger sevices.
FILL IT IN AND
>>>>a really cool thing will happen OMG the message that flies up on ur screen is the best HAHAHA omg please do it

visit my myspace luv u >>>>>>>>


And yes..the whole thing needs to be quoted. It's that good.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
13:44 / 20.09.06
congratulations, that's shagged the thread. Any moderators know how to unbreak it? It's all the <<< >>>s I guess.

Anyway, in the 'Old threads something something fishcakes' (I forget the title) thread:

Dead Megatron: And who's to judge what is or is not funny in a objective manner?

.trampetunia Jesus. Plato. Kant. Probably Haus.

RUGGED TRUTH! or whatever the young people say.
 
 
Ticker
13:21 / 21.09.06
We certainly don't need astral communications from entities that have less grasp of complex world issues than a stunned herring, of which many fine examples can be found on the interweb.

trouser being as right on as can be.
 
 
Quantum
16:11 / 21.09.06
Armageddon's a bit like practical fusion generators isn't it? Always ten years away.

Evil Scientist in that same Armageddon thread. Makes me think;

"At last, my fusion generator is complete! I'll be rich!"

*Last Trump Sounds, Dead Rise From Graves*

"Shit it!"
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
16:31 / 24.09.06
Another classic from Evil Scientist, in the "A Hypothetical Dilemma" thread:

The question is pointless in my case. The devil'd back away muttering "Sorry boss.".

Made coffee come out my nose.

Sheer class.
 
 
Evil Scientist
13:26 / 26.09.06
Anyway, this is really no dilemma at all. Given that this is a true choice and not a trick by the devil; why would I choose a million souls of people I don't know over someone I loved. I wouldn't - there's far too many people in the world anyway, and most of them have bad breath anyway. Fuck em.

Jub cuts right to the heart of the matter in the A Hypothetical Dilemma thread.
 
 
Char Aina
13:53 / 26.09.06
I have close friends of different ages, classes, religions, nationalities, sexualities, etc; whom I love dearly. It's something I've done on purpose, consciously.

some of my best aquisitions are ethnicals!
paranoidwriter fills in the background on his right to talk like anyone in his pokéball of influence.

gotta catch'em all!
 
 
*
15:02 / 26.09.06
Thank you, toksik. Always nice to see the "but some of my best friends are X!" defense challenged wherever it arises.
 
 
Char Aina
16:17 / 26.09.06
it's the something I've done on purpose, consciously that made me laugh.
but hey, don't get me wrong; some of my best friends only made my aquaintance to ensure a balanced circle of their own.
i just wish they'd keep it to themselves and not go shoving it in my face all the time, all doing my accent and wearing my stuff.
 
 
grant
16:44 / 26.09.06
Well, if I'd known you felt that way, I'd have given the kilt back sooner, ye skelly knobdobber!
 
 
petunia
16:47 / 26.09.06
ye skelly knobdobber!

makes me laugh
 
 
HCE
17:03 / 26.09.06
it was the 'gotta catch'em all' that got me giggling
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
17:15 / 26.09.06
Cheers, t. I think that's my first Barbequote.
 
 
Feverfew
18:25 / 26.09.06
I feel I should raise

"I want to spoon catapult marshmallow fluff at people..."

from xk, from the Barbannoy thread, just... because.
 
 
The Falcon
22:23 / 27.09.06
Mathlete details one of my favourite things about the interdimensional placenta:

no one says stupid things about muslims, such as "all muslims are born with a gun in there hand", and if they did, they'd get fired out a cannon into the sun.

Yes.
 
 
Triplets
12:34 / 30.09.06
parawriter with a delicious chess pun, Saturday morning.

So why can't they just be cheque-mates
 
 
iamus
23:00 / 01.10.06
I don't think you should go around giving spiders drugs.


Lula's great.
 
 
Tabitha Tickletooth
10:29 / 02.10.06
I know it's a serious situation, but I've just been catching up on PW's latest policy shenanigans and I have to say that this exchange sums up completely how utterly ludicrous and nonsensical hir position has become.

AdL Why on earth would anyone want to find your friend and their child?

PW Why wouldn't they?

I laughed 'til I cried...
 
 
gridley
15:08 / 02.10.06
Proinsias, in the thread on cartoon physics:

Numerous cartoons I recall from childhood featured animals speaking perfect english, does anyone know if this is a real phenomenon or if they just made it up.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
13:45 / 03.10.06
If it was there everyday we could monitor the rate that the liquid gets used.

Anna de Logardiere fixes a beam of deadly focus on the bottle of Ecover washing-up liquid in the Cameron kitchen, ion the thread discussing WebCameron.
 
 
Quantum
14:30 / 03.10.06
I believe Barbelith needs an enema/enemy. Unfortunately, for me, I'm IT. Smells awful as well.....

I just found this gem from Paranoidwriter, the enigmatic enema/enemy. Genius.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:10 / 03.10.06
Armed With Madness, you're off the hook.

Lepidopteran, in the "Robert Anton Wilson is in trouble" thread. Pure timing.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
16:50 / 03.10.06

in case you don't know, Barbelith is over. it never recovers from this.


Kin and Mik. They have come from the future. To hang around on the Internet.
 
 
Chiropteran
17:09 / 03.10.06
...Barbelith is over...

Those were the three words! No wonder Simmons got so twisted over it.
 
 
Chiropteran
13:21 / 04.10.06
I was already missing him, and not much liking the monster using his name.

Stoat reads my mind re: the paranoidwriter situation.
 
 
electric monk
15:51 / 04.10.06
Feverfew on PW in the Conflicts and Complaints thread:

However, since he himself initiated the critical "ban" moment, the pent-up velocity became like a stretched rubber band, and he, for want of a better phrase, 'twanged himself'.

I certainly don't want for a better phrase.
 
 
Olulabelle
18:55 / 04.10.06
Sheik Zed in the Complaints thread:

It's not so much digging your own grave as it is digging it then jumping in and yelling BURY ME YOU FUCKS before stabbing yourself through the eye.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
22:25 / 04.10.06
Still possibly my favourite exchange on the board ever...

ReformedRobotMan, on being asked "What is the joy of your life, RRM?":

What I enjoy most in life, what makes me all warm inside….
…is seeing those who abuse the weak get what they ultimately deserve.
There is nothing, nothing that beats this feeling.
Amen


The Acolyte Rizla:

crikey.

I bet it's not as much fun as eating a whole box of doughnuts.
 
 
&#9632;
22:29 / 04.10.06
Bastard. I just spat toothpaste over my shiny Mac...
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
02:16 / 05.10.06
Spyder finds a way:

The writer of The Emancipation Smancipation, making slavery mandatory across America, Evil Lincoln rises from his grave every October 3rd to seek revenge on all that strive for social justice.
 
  

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