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The official Ninja homepage! "These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet."

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STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:20 / 23.04.02

They're just trying to be like pirates now. "Hey! They've got Lego! Must get Lego!"

Arrrr.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:20 / 23.04.02

"he might decide to wail on a guitar for a while."

And that's supposed to be stealthy?

Arrrr.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:26 / 23.04.02

He doesn't have to be stealthy anymore because he's just killed 174 lame pirates. Idiot.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:28 / 23.04.02

They're so not lame! (Okay, some of 'em only have one leg, but...)
And anyway. He hasn't. So there. NERR.

09:29 / 23.04.02

someone with flash-animation skills (anyone from b3ta reading? i know you are!) PLEEEEASE make a ninja vs pirate fight game. there's clearly a market.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:31 / 23.04.02

YEAH! That would rock a snow leopard's ass! (Probably more than just the once!)
Pirates's win, though.

Arrr!

The Return Of Rothkoid

09:31 / 23.04.02

I never knew Eddie Van Halen was a ninja. The Order of the Golden Mullet are strong!

But not as strong as pirates. Because pirates have Davy Jones' Locker, wherein they keep all the pirates who've been offed by ninjas... and then they bring them back. An army of undead pirates, unstoppable arr-ing machines of death, is certainly a match for some ninja wankstain.

09:47 / 23.04.02

10:09 / 23.04.02

Just got my ninja badge in the mail. It is sooo on with you fucking pirates.

10:11 / 23.04.02

You are of course aware that all pirates practice voodoo and really have nothing to fear from having their heads chopped off or whatever, right?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:16 / 23.04.02

Yay for Trijhaos! Yay pirates! Yay yay and thrice yay!

Arrrr!

The Return Of Rothkoid

10:40 / 23.04.02

Pirates Vs Ninjas.

And,

Pirates and Ninjas tested in Everyday Situations.

10:45 / 23.04.02

I'd just like to let you all know that Ninjas and Pirates are crap.

That is all.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:47 / 23.04.02

That's fanfuckingtastic, Rothkoid.

Arrrr!

10:57 / 23.04.02

If you chopped off a pirate's head, he'd get a peg-head and teach his monkey - or parrot - to be a seeing-eye monkey/parrot.

Ninjas, on the other hand, have less of a reputation for buggering cabin boys, or at least they're more discreet.

The Return Of Rothkoid

11:08 / 23.04.02

I'd also concede that in terms of dentistry, ninjas probably win. Y'can't be a pirate without rotting stumps for teeth. Or, at least, some kind of persistent gingivitis.

11:21 / 23.04.02

More ninjas to keep their original arms and legs, also. And if they did lose a limb, they'd probably turn the stump into some sort of concealed weapon. But they don't get sea-shanties with filthy lyrics, nor do they get to make captives "kiss the gunner's daughter." Ninjas are also well known for toad magic, whatever that means, but are less likely to be pursued the British Fleet.
Elizabeth I never had a ninja as a favorite of the court.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

16:44 / 23.04.02

Wouldn't it kick ass if she did, though? Not that anyone would ever see it, but it would be cool if like the lights went out or something and when they came back on someone was dead and she was all like "well, that'd be the ninja. What a cad!" followed by titterish laughter.

This is tough. On the one hand, ninjas are totally sweet. On the other, being a pirate is probably a really fun job.

I think it's crucial to consider that if and when you kill a ninja (and have ascertained that he is in fact dead)(and a ninja, for that matter), he stays dead. Pirates apparently have the option of becoming ghost-pirates. Which are pretty cool.

Also, being a completely whacked-out on drugs and booze loony pirate is probably more fun that being a whacked-out on drugs and booze loony ninja, which can't be long for this world.

Then again...ninjas are totally awesome. I saw one totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.

18:46 / 23.04.02

Sometimes Ninjas get special demon powers. They show up with a hundred of their buddies and flip out all over the place and kill everybody! And if you kill them, they turn into black goo and come back again later even more flipped out and kill everybody again!

Ninjas rule. They never sit down or eat in front of people. If you caught a ninja sitting or eating, they would flip out and totally kill you!

20:31 / 23.04.02

Ninjas don't eat or drink? See that's a problem. No wonder they're always flipping out and killing people. They're too damned uptight. They need to relax and enjoy a nice tankard of grog.

22:19 / 23.04.02

Ninjas are too straight-edge. Pirates know how to enjoy life: the Carribean, rum, whores, and lots of fights! Children of the Revolution!

Ninjas? Honour, meditation, servitude . Losers. Pawns of the Daimyos.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

22:23 / 23.04.02

I'd just like to let you all know that Ninjas and Pirates are crap.

-bear

Oh YEAH? Well, here's a newsflash for you: vampires are even lamer than pirates! A pirate might be lame but he could kill at least 2.6 vampires before some Ninja saw him and flipped out and totally cut his arm off. That's the only time a Ninja won't kill a pirate on sight: if the pirate has just killed 2.6 loser vampires. Then the pirate just loses a limb.

01:13 / 24.04.02

Unfortunately, the ninja wouldn't be able to cut off the pirate's arm, since the pirate has hooks for hands, much like our good piratical friend Meathook from the Monkey Island games. There'd be no point in the ninja cutting off a limb. Of course, the ninja really couldn't cut off anything since the double hook-handed pirate would have stabbed the ninja's eyes out.

02:42 / 24.04.02

In college I took a course called (I kid you not!)INVESTIGATING PIRATES.
And yes it was all about researching pirates and treasure hunting and the like. I remember the final question of the exam was "Now that you have sucessfully Investigated Pirates dont you agree that they are cooler than Ninja's?". I wrote for my answer that yes, I do agree that pirates are much cooler than ninja's. Not only did the teacher mark this as correct but he gave me bonus marks for using 'much cooler" instead of just the 'cooler' that was offered. This is scientific undeniable fact that pirates are cooler than ninjas.

wembley can change in 28 days

02:51 / 24.04.02

You got robbed, kegboy. I took the same course, and when I saw you write "much cooler" on your paper, I wrote "totally much cooler", and the teacher gave me bonus marks on top of bonus marks. So because he was completely corrupt, I totally cut both his arms off and turned ninja. Which is much cooler.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

05:33 / 24.04.02

When I was studying it we had to read this book about this experiment these really clever dudes did in like 1967 or something where they proved with Venn diagrams that pirates are not only much cooler but they rock way harder too.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

06:07 / 24.04.02

Yeah? Well I saw a sweet computer simulation that they did last week which proved that Venn diagrammes are for big suck losers and also that Ninjas fuckin' ROCK, and then the computer completely flipped out and started spewing paper everywhere and spontaneously electrocuted 2987 pirates and then got artificial intelligence and became a totally sweet mecha-Ninja killing machine!

Less searchable M0rd4nt

06:34 / 24.04.02

P.S.: the computer also wails like a guitar so all the other Ninjas get really pumped when they hear it.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:51 / 24.04.02

Mordant- you LIE. You lie so bad. Did Mervyn Peake ever write a book about ninjas? No. Did Eric Van fucking Lustbader ever write a book about pirates? No.
So you see... you lie. Lie lie lie lie lie. So ner.

Arrrr.

The Return Of Rothkoid

10:32 / 24.04.02

Well, if we were to take the Gilbert and Sullivan scale of coolness into account, pirates rock because they have the coolest operetta about them. And it proves that they understand honour and leap-years and arcane marriage-rights and other quandries. In addition, to pillaging, rocking hard and cutting a swathe through the ladies. What do we find representing Ninjahood? The Mikado. Hardly Mission Impossible, and with a higher rate of duff songs than anything else in the G&S canon. Except, perhaps, Cox & Box, maybe.

So yes. According to the Operetta Scale, pirates ROCK FUCKING HARD. And rule. And stuff.

Oh, and they survived being frozen in ice for 300 years. Off the coast of Greenland. And STILL ROCK. Witness: The Scurvy Pirates.

And they are the entire reason for the Monkey Island series of games. Which is reason enough for them to win, especially as it introduced grog to masses of kids. Which those wussy ninjas would never do.

Jack The Bodiless

11:19 / 24.04.02

See, what you've done there s mistake the 'Gilbert & Sullivan scale of coolness' as actually being a 'scale of coolness'. It isn't. Gilbert & Sullivan are not cool. Hence their love of pirates, and the corresponding extra effort made to write songs about them and big them up. In other words, to lie about them, and say that they were cool.

They clearly were not cool enough to get how totally awesome ninjas are. They obviously wrote the Mikado in response to the literally millions of people who collared them in the street saying "Hey, what's up with this pirate crap? Pirates are lame, and literally so! Ninjas are totally awesome! Write a ninja musical!" But they had no frame of reference for the ultimate coolness that is ninjahood, and so they stiffed. Big style.

By the way, Edward Van Halen does not have a mullet, and is dark of hair. So your witticisms are as old and uncool as your love of pirates and Gilbert & Sullivan.

Ladies and gentlemen, pity this fool.

The Return Of Rothkoid

12:51 / 24.04.02

Thusly speaks a man who is ashamed of his love of G&S. I know it exists, Bodiless. And I welcome it. People pity me anyway. My piratical musical theatre lovin' is way down the list of reasons why, though.

I think you'll find that The Mikado was a well-researched portrait of Japan. Which is why there's no ninja coolness in it. Because there is no ninja coolness. Like the Easter Bunny or Santa, cool ninjas were created by your parents and Hallmark.

As for "golden mullet"; I stand corrected. I bow to the superior worshipper: my mullet-linking was hooked purely on the promo photos for the Peavey 5150 amp, circa a decade ago. Witticism, though? Doubtful.

Coincidentally: ninjas have no natural crow's nest equivalent. Ergo, they are the weaker.

13:07 / 24.04.02

I pity you, fool.

The thing with ninjas for me is that, they can kill you so smoothly you won't even know you've just died!! Now how COOL is that?? Like, you're walking in the street, you stop in a cafe to have a cappuccino and the waiter would look at you and say: "You fool! That ninja flipping out on the corner has just killed you!"
Then people all around would laugh and point at you. And the noise would upset the ninja, who would come by and, like, wail his guitar, and people would get crazy about it and they would throw a rocking party over your stiffing corpse! And if that is not cool, I don't know what it is...

The Return Of Rothkoid

13:18 / 24.04.02

That's not cool. That's like the martial arts version of Beadle's About. You're saying that all ninjas are Jeremy Beadle!

Proof. Fucking. Positive. That pirates rock.

13:29 / 24.04.02

Ninjas hate spam. Everyone knows spammers are pirates. Spammers suck, so pirates suck too. When a ninja gets a spam from a pirate, he flips out. He uses his super ninja powers to track down the pirate who sent the spam and cut his arms off so he can't spam anymore. This usually kills the pirate, because pirates are weak and can't survive having their arms cut off like ninjas can. Ninjas can play guitar solos even with no arms, because ninjas are that cool.

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