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The official Ninja homepage! "These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet."

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19:42 / 25.04.02

No, they may have dressed as men, but they were recognizable as women. Thus, we can conclude that there were female pirates, but I haven't seen any evidence of female ninjas except in fiction.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

20:40 / 25.04.02

Actually, I have read that females as well were trained as ninja. I'm not sure how true that is, but the book seemed legit. It said nothing about how common it was, or if it ever really mattered. I don't think it would, except maybe in ninja sex. Maybe.

wembley can change in 28 days

21:20 / 25.04.02

Ninja sex = completely anonymous, technically perfect, and gone before breakfast.

Pirate sex = "Arrr! Land Crabs!"

Take your pick.

21:23 / 25.04.02

Ninja sex? Bah!! They're all about technique. You know, its kind of like a kata for them. Completely emotionless

Pirate sex on the other hand is very inventive. Its gotta be with all missing limbs.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

21:28 / 25.04.02

Ninjas do it with specialist tools.

wembley can change in 28 days

21:38 / 25.04.02

I'd make an argument for hooks and parrots to qualify as "specialist tools." especially in the hands (or stumps) of the right imagination.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

21:40 / 25.04.02

You makes the argument, jimlaaaard, and I makes you walk the plank. And the plank, jimllllllaaaaaaaaaaaard, leads out over the water, where there's shaaaaaaaaaaarks.

With teeth.

Where's Quint?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:42 / 25.04.02

Oh, okay then, Mister Pirate Expert Trijhaos. Only some of the female pirates actually pretended to be guys- the rest just had to go around looking as blokey as possible so the male pirates didn't get all nervous and drop stuff.

Having conducted some intensive research, I can now inform you all that Anne Bonney was seen to completely flip out on more than one occasion. Like, when the pirates worked out that she was a babe and not a guy, one of them was all like "Urrgh! A babe! We'll all get nervous and drop stuff now!" and Anne Bonney was all like, "Yeah, well drop this, stupid guy pirate," and flipped out and totally stabbed him.

From this we can conclude three things, the first being that I was totally RIGHT about pirates not wanting women to be pirates. Also, Anne Bonney displayed two signs of Ninja potential i.e. stabbing and totally flipping out, so we can conclue our 2nd thing: she should have married a Ninja and not a pirate because then she could have been a Ninja babe and flipped out ALL the time.

Our third conclusion is that you are a pirate-loving idiot. QuED, Idiot.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:44 / 25.04.02

And of course Ninjas do better sex than pirates- Ninjas can pop multiple boners!

21:44 / 25.04.02

Quint's like yo'h shark. Don't see nothing. Just water and sky and all quiet. You're swimming, and he's swimming, and one of you's splashing and having a good time, and the other, he's just swimming, that's what he does.

Then there's a ripple, then you see his tiny, mean lit'l eyes and the mouth opens, and maybe it's all you see, maybe there's more for you.

But he don't care. He's a shark. Just swimming, and eating. Ain't no difference to him.

21:48 / 25.04.02

Ha! When they finally killed blackbeard it took a lot of bullets and sword swipes! They finally had to cut his head off to stop his slaughter! He was the Rasputin of Pirates! So never say that Pirates are easy to kill! Ha! Damn ninjas in their pj's running around..

..and let's not forget that pirates were hard criminals stickin' it to the man, while ninjas are nothing but slaves to the System. Honour, yeah right. More like 'honour the oppressor'. Losers.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

21:55 / 25.04.02

....shit. That's just about the scariest thing in the world, ever.

Oh, by the way, MC's, like, so entirely right about ninjas the world can barely tolerate the level of rightness she brings to the situation. She's in danger of causing a rightness neutron star, sucking in all energy and matter by virtue of sheer pathos.

A pathosphere.

Which is precisely the kind of thing ninjas have which pirates so completely don't. There were actually some 'pirates vs. ninjas' movies in the seventies, I think, and the pirates got their parrotty ass kicked.

22:04 / 25.04.02

So you researched Bonney, huh? What about Grace O'Malley the Pirate Queen of Connacht? What about Ching Shih? She commaned 1800 ships and 80,000 pirates? What about Charlotte de Berry? She dressed as a man, yes, but when her deceit was found out and she was sent to Africa on a ship, she led the crew in mutiny and became the Captain.

uncle retrospective

22:16 / 25.04.02

Just swimming, and eating. Ain't no difference to him.

I am never messing with Quint.

But Ninja would like totaly flip out and behead all you pirate Wanna be's!

Sweet!
Totaly Sweet!

Less searchable M0rd4nt

00:05 / 26.04.02

Yeah, Trijhaos, actually I did. So nyahhhh.

Just to shut up Treehouse, The Pirate Of Pedance, I concede the following: All pirates suck except mental dead drag-king babe pirates born before 1900 who flipped out and mutinied and shit like that.

However, although mental dead drag-king babe pirates may have rocked on a sporadic basis, they failed to rule.

Ninja babes totally rule.

00:17 / 26.04.02

You will never get me to shut up, you vile ninja lover!

You will bow before my vast horde of piratical knowledge and hearsay...just as soon as I finish writing this paragraph on sexual domination for my M. Butterfly paper.

Anyway, they weren't all drag-kings. de Berry was known as a woman to the crew that overthrew the rightful captain and they accepted her just fine.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

04:14 / 26.04.02

And apart from anything else, ninjas don't have radio, therefore the wailing on bass OR guitar is irrelevant because they just so obviously don't rock at all, unlike pirates who rock totally, both the dudes and the chicks. Rockin' awesomely.

04:20 / 26.04.02

Besides piates get all the free computer games..ninja do not.
and piates also have magical liveships.

wembley can change in 28 days

04:39 / 26.04.02

Pirates also have a beautiful, innocent, benevolent side: they retain the wealth and intricacy of the imagination of childhood (or they've got children chained to the sides of the galleon working for them. Which rocks). This is how One-Eyed Willy managed to elude adult gold-diggers and fortune hunters for centuries, only to be finally matched by a young band of Goonies. The money went to help a community of freaky children. Obviously, pirates plan ahead, and can exert influence from beyond the grave. Which is like totally what is the shit.

10:05 / 26.04.02

Preeecisely, Wembly. Pirates have the weight of history behind them. They've been anti-Establishment for centuries. And with flare and imagination. Their daring exploits and canny ways have become the stuff of myth and legend - unlike the gratuitous violence of those pestiferous, johnny-come-lately Ninjas.

Why Ninjas are such a non-event that 'Ninja' doesn't even appear in dictionaries. More's the pity really, 'cos if it did everyone would just know that their name is etymologically related to 'nincompoop' and 'ning-nong'.

The Return Of Rothkoid

10:06 / 26.04.02

I think the musical history of pirates proves that they're a more accomplished group of awesome fighters. How many sea shanties are there? Fuckloads. How many top ninja tunes from back in the day are there?

I'll tell you.

None.

"Kung-Fu Fighting" doesn't count, as it's not specifically about ninjas.

And as for ninjas having bass guitar? You dumbasses obviously failed to note my entire-orchestra pirate references earlier. Trumps. And look at the pirate in that picture: it's obvious that he's totally hating the lame-ass ninja-riff that's being laid down. He's hanging his head: he's thinking "Arr! That be the weakest riff I heard! Kraken farts be better. I'll kill this pajama-wearin' landlubber and take his booty!". And I would have to agree.

You've also missed the fact that there exists a band in Brooklyn that consists entirely of 300-year-old pirates who manage to defy the aging process, shipping routes and all you ninjas (who were TOTALLY too afraid to take on a trio of pirates, even if they'd been encased in ice for hundreds of years - enough time to equip every ninja in the world together, equip 'em with water wings and surround the pirates and try to attack... only they didn't because they all suck and are afraid) before coming ashore to rock the fuck out. Beats any of this "wail on a guitar" shit. Ninjas do that sporadically? Huh. Pirates are musical all the time. Because they are multi-skilled.

As for an earlier reference: Dread Pirate Roberts did not dress like a ninja. He had kick-ass boots, which ninjas clearly do not. Which means that ninjas couldn't go onto construction sites, which is where most urban battles happen, because they'd be fearful of getting girders dropped onto them. Which is totally what the pirates would do. And then they'd toast. With grog.

Krister Kjellin

10:11 / 26.04.02

And even "Kung-Fu Fighting" would be out of the question, since ninjas, strictly speaking, don't do Kung-Fu. In fact, in most movies I've seen, they seem to be beat up by the Kung-Fu protagonist.

But they are all, sadly, lacking shells. I'm surprised there isn't more of a debate over shells here.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

10:27 / 26.04.02

Barbelith 1st Annual Ninjas vs. Pirates Volley Ball Tournament.

If you're hard enough.

Arrr.

Tssssaiiiii.

Arrrrrrrr!

TSAiieeeee!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

etc.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:48 / 26.04.02

And, re- Kung Fu Fighting, if it was about pirates, there'd be none of this "a little bit frightening". Man, it'd be FUCK scary, and would rock so much ass, it'd be sweet.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

11:50 / 26.04.02

Lets not forget the horrors that are American Ninja and Gymkata, both featuring ninja/martial arts guys, and both sucking major

And Mordant, perhaps you were not paying attention, but even the real ultimate power page tells stories of a pirate, and i quote, "Popping like 16 boners" so the multiple boner/tenticle anime sex points go to Pirates. Heck, even in anime ninjas get beat down, like in Ninja (LAME) Scroll, one ninja gets his arm ripped off, and then the pirate dude who did it DRINKS HIS BLOOD OUT OF IT

end of story

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

12:08 / 26.04.02

"Everybody was cutlass fighting...
...them ninjas was dead as fuck...
cuz they wuz sucky little ninjas.
And the pirates rocked.
the End."
By: Chairman Maominstoat. (4).

15:20 / 26.04.02

This page on women's fitness and martial arts says this:
Kunoichi, or female ninjas, would hide poisonous darts in their hair. They also used the tessen, a folding fan with an iron frame that sometimes had a sharp edge used to strike or cut an enemy.

As opposed to, like, Anne Bonney, who just looked at somebody and they jumped off the ship because they were scared.

15:23 / 26.04.02

I swear, I won't laugh.

15:58 / 26.04.02

I take my point on this topic from this.. there are about 6 full pen and paper role playing games based on pirates... there is a source book based on ninjas for one game.. and they share the book with superspies...

18:05 / 26.04.02

Oh, please don't hurt me.

Please, don't kick my behind, o fearsome ninja mother! Please don't let your ninja toddlers chew on my ankles!

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

18:08 / 26.04.02

i would laugh, if they were not X's

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

18:55 / 26.04.02

arrr, now they are no longer x's i laugh, hardy har har

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

19:00 / 26.04.02

...like in Ninja (LAME) Scroll...

...which, I'm sure we can all agree, would have been so much cooler if it had starred actual pirates. Consider this cheeky exchange:

"Wa ha! We are the eight devils of (name that sounds like "Kimone")! Feel our wrath!"

"Arrr!"

[pirates burn down japan]

01:34 / 27.04.02

I just say the picture of Johnny Cash in the "Match up bands and fictionsuits..." thread. Man that guy just reeks of piratenitudeness!!!
And I could soo see Willy Nelson as the guy in the crows nest.

Kunoichi!!! I was trying for since it was first mentioned to remember the word for them...gotta go haul out my old ninjitsu books from under thei accumulated dust layers..and my old pirate text book from my Investigating Pirates class. (I still cant believe that a college offered that as a credit course..thats one step away from underwater basket weaving)

The Return Of Rothkoid

15:57 / 27.04.02

Willie Nelson in the crow's nest. That is, possibly, the most genius thing I've ever heard. He'd so spot those ninjas from a mile off, then write a kick-ass tune on his guitar, then smoke a spliff, down some grog, and be ready to kick their asses while serenading them with his latest chart-topper. While Cash just stands on the deck, as the waves of his piratitude knock the wannabe-boarder ninjas down to the sea. Where the kraken, who're in league with the pirates, come up and visit some sushi-style revenge on the entire ninja crew, high-fiving (with tentacles and hooks) the pirates, sharing the equivalent of an "arrr" with them, via their beaks.

Yeah, that would be fuckin' sweet. The Pirate Ship Opry. Fuckin' rock.

Oh, and you would so never see pirate mothers doing bake-sales. Knocking over an off-licence, yes, but a bake-sale? Get real.

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