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The official Ninja homepage! "These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet."

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21:36 / 30.04.02

Alcoholism? Ha! Shows what you know. I don't drink.

No, they shall just smell more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Voodoo pirates don't smell.

Matthew Fluxington

22:27 / 30.04.02

Going out on a limb, but this argument kind of resembles the old Beatles Vs. Stones debate, with ninjas being The Beatles and pirates being (duh!) The Rolling Stones...

22:49 / 30.04.02

Ninja's could be neither the beatles nor the stones. As both have shown their ability to not die. (john lennon aint dead..he's just hiding from yoko!"

The Return Of Rothkoid

23:25 / 30.04.02

Actually, I find it pretty hard to imagine Keith Richards being anything but a pirate.

Hmmm.

03:14 / 01.05.02

You know I could sooo see Gene Simons standing on the railing of his ship dressed in full leather/velvet pirate gear waving his cutlass in one hand a bomb in the other and his toungue waving like the jolly rogers at the ships he's going to attack. Kid Rock would be the little cabin boy shit forced to mop the deck. Alanah Myles would also be a kickass Pirate queen.

17:54 / 02.05.02

Not really part of the debate, but an interesting tutorial.

Of the Ninja variety.

18:01 / 02.05.02

'nother reason pirates rule

here

They make death walk the plank.

06:27 / 03.05.02

11:13 / 03.05.02

Pirates did get kicked by a bunch of kids in a van. The Korn's Krazy Pirate Adventure episode saw pirate ghosts defeated by a bad wannabe metal band and the kids from South Park. Which is why they suck.

Pirates don't have Tenchu, and more to the point Tenchu 2, in both of which many pirates are killed brutally by ninjas.

However I do know two guys one of whom is clearly a ninja (silent, a bit tasty, tenchus in and out of buildings, vanishes mysteriously only to turn up and say "Chicago mostly" when you ask where he was) and a the other of whom is a pirate (big hair, crazy stories of women, descended from Cap'n Morgan) and they are great friends and combine powers on crazy adventures. So couldn't we all learn from this and just get along? Besides the real question is Ninja versus Shaolin Monks.

Shaolin are cool. They run up walls, they don't feel pain, the know amazing martial arts, they lie on spear points, they can do the amazing flying windmill kick. And they have far better films - loads of Jet Li, Jacki Chan, Tsui Hark, Ringo Lam, loads of them. Even Golden Child! So clearly cool. But off topic I suppose.

I always wanted to make the ultimate snuff Hong Kong movie by paying a ninja clan to attack a Shaolin monastery. Now I know I can make it even cooler if I get pirates to pillage it at the same time. We could also settle the argument too.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

12:12 / 03.05.02

in that case i would have to go with sholin, they are not ninja, they are chinese fighting monks.

13:09 / 03.05.02

The official hierarchy, as worked out on Mayday:

1.Pirates
2.Vikings
3.Highwaymen
4.Giant Robots
5.Ninjas

Less searchable M0rd4nt

15:56 / 03.05.02

FUCK YOU!

1) Ninjas.

-100000) Everyone else. With pirates at the bottom.

16:39 / 03.05.02

Ahhh "Fuck you!", the last resort of the well beatten.

In my opinion:

1.Pirates
2.Giant Robots
3.Ninja
4.Vikings
5.Highwaymen...(cause Kevin Coster sucked at robin hood)

16:44 / 03.05.02

Oh, so we've been reduced to lists, huh? Ok, well I'll play

1) Pirates
2) Samurai
3) Giant Robots
4) Jedi
5) Vikings
6) Cute fluffy bunnies
7) Ninjas
8) Highwaymen.

wembley can change in 28 days

18:30 / 03.05.02

1) Pirates
2) Vikings
3) Huns
4) Urban Spelunkers
5) Bertolt Brecht
6) Ninjas turned Pirates
7) Ninjas

19:03 / 03.05.02

Meanwhile, at the other end of the list:

140) Bollywood heroes
141) Tentacle-rape monsters from the Yomi and Shikima worlds
142) Bollywood heroes with their shirts undone to display a mass of manly hair [gag!]
143) Expositioning Bond Villains
144) That guy in red from every Star Trek
145) Nameless goons that work for Batman's nemeses

19:09 / 03.05.02

Anyway, everyone knows that monkeys are #1, because all of the best heroes, villains, and supporting characters are monkeys.

19:13 / 03.05.02

Just monkeys? I've found some of the larger simian creatures make pretty good villains, sidekicks, and the like.

19:16 / 03.05.02

And what is the plural of "nemesis," anyway?

And after monkeys come Japanese schoolgirls, who consistently throughout anime kill ninjas, pirates, giant robots, tentacle demons, and would probably do for highwaymen and Vikings, were geography to permit.

19:16 / 03.05.02

Apes are third, largely due to the efforts of Clyde, who was an inspiration to us all for his performance in Any which Way but Loose.

wembley can change in 28 days

20:16 / 03.05.02

nemesis --> nemeses.

Pirates, who travel the world and learn a smattering of Greek here and there, would know that, too.

01:14 / 04.05.02

Yes, but when asked the question "What's the plural of nemesis?" the astute pirate would think his deep and soul searching thoughts; would ponder the sociological ramifications of such a query. Then, taking into account all things pertinent to the matter at hand, would look you straight in the eye and answer "Aarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" and kill you in many piratie ways.

14:03 / 04.05.02

You are all insane. I might allow:

1. Ninjas

But then clearly

2. Shaolin Monks particularly demon hunting ones
3. Battlemechs
4. Hitmen, particularly two gun firing, impossible sniper shot firing, martial art knowing, silent knife killing, bullet dodging, code of honour possesing ones like Jeff in The Killer or that guy from Golgo 13
5. People who turn into demons from Manga

Pirates couldn't take any of these people, ever. What pirate ship could stop a barrage of missiles or a craftly planted bomb?

14:11 / 04.05.02

Ok, I think we've already covered why ninjas don't rule as much as pirates, but let's go over the rest of your choices.

Shaolin Monks particularly demon hunting ones
Their life expectancy is very low. They hunt demons, which means most of them don't live to see a ripe old age.

Battlemechs
They always have a weakness. Usually its a big red button that says "Do not press"

Hitmen
Most hitmen are useless after they run out of bullets. Once their guns are empty they go running into the night.

People who turn into demons from Manga
Holy water. Toss some holy water on them, speak some latin. Problem solved.

15:16 / 04.05.02

Samaurai: tied to one master, bound by code of honour that expects them to kill themselves if dishonoured and makes dishonour very easy, if master dies become Ronin, much cooler but ultimately powerless outside of personal prowess. Life expectancy high, unless contravene one of their own ludicrous codes so life expectancy short.

Giant Robots are even more likely to have big red buttons than mechs, and unless of the independent hyperintelligent form are bound by a programming even more rigourous than samaurai, or remote controlled. Where as mech pilots have all the fun of big robots but are their own masters, and if it blows up they can eject and fight on.

Jedi: yet more code of honour. They can't attack, they can't be nasty. They rock harder than a barrelful of monkeys on PCP jamming with a ninja on bass, but...they are just Shaolin wannabes with the best swords ever.

Vikings: OK they were cool. They raped, pillaged, etc. Actually aren't pirates just viking wannabes? Why isn't this thread Ninjas and Vikings?

Cute fluffy bunnies: Two words. Incendiary Devices.

Highwaymen: Quite cool but only two one-shot pistols. How many times do you see a killer in HK movies run out of bullets? Besides Golgo 13 can fight hand to hand, so could Leon. And Highwaymen wore poncy flouncy clothes. Like pirates. Hitmen wear cool suits.

Essentially you make a good case but all your people are bound by their flouncy dress sense and rigid codes of honour. Sorry. Good point about the demon people though. I retire tham from my list and add vikings instead.

16:13 / 04.05.02

Yeah, I noticed most of my picks were people with codes of honour. I'm just big on chivalry and stuff.

But, on the flipside of my choices, there are the ones not bound by honour.

Samurai - Ronin. You've already covered this.

Jedi - Sith Lords. They get all that neat stuff. Red lightsabers. Force choke. force lightning. Oh yeah. That's the stuff.

Cute fluffy bunnies - Bun Bun. Come on a lagomorph (?) with a switchblade and violent tendencies.

16:31 / 04.05.02

There was a boardgame called something that had bunnies with chainsaws fighting farmers to get carrots, or something. So not so fluffy I guess. Plus Harvey was cool. 6 foot bunnies are good.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

18:26 / 04.05.02

We should settle the "Pirates are just wannabe Vikings" bit first.

Let's see...

Vikings: Nasty, nasty people. Came up with system of taxes (boo). Raped and pillaged. Their influence made France tough for a while, back when it was still Gaul. Discovered Canada. Lotsa booze. When bored, would plunder Western Europe.

Pirates: Not always nasty. Less emphasis on cash than the Vikings, more emphasis on adventure. Spent most of the time on a ship. Lotsa booze. Had really cool names. Lots of neat legends. When bored, would drink until they pass out.

Other than the alcohol consumption, there's little connection between the two. Unless you want to be lame and try for the "they both used boats" bit.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

18:39 / 04.05.02

Ninjas are theiving bastards who have stolen their paltry skills from the Master of Sinanju. The great Masters have written numberous times about how the thieving ninja would attempt to watch how the Master would move and the feats he could perform. Yet with all their work and thieving, they are still but another ray of the true Sun Sourse of Sinanju.

Master Chuin laughs at all of you who look up to the thieving ninja and has nothing but comtept for you.

For more info, read ANY Destroyer book.

18:43 / 04.05.02

But is Chiun still the reigning master of sinanju? Was that title not passed on to Remo a few books back?

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

21:09 / 04.05.02

Remo is the Transitional Reigning Master of the House of Sinanju, for he has not completed all the tasks in order to be the true master.

And He Is White.

16:02 / 05.05.02

Just one more example of the system keeping the white man down!!!

Pirates would never stand for shit like that!

16:05 / 05.05.02

Actually, I'm pretty sure he's not 100% white. Wasn't it discovered that his father was native american?

Of course not! Pirates don't discrimante against anybody.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

17:41 / 05.05.02

Disgruntled Ninja flips out!

"After the meeting, I was having lunch in the company cafeteria with Eric [Miller], James [von Lustbader] and Frank [Clavell]," office comptroller Timothy Marzano said. "I looked down for a moment to take a bite of my sandwich, and when I looked up, Frank's head had been cut off and placed on his tray, Eric had been sliced in half so neatly that his hair was still in place, and there was blood dripping from the ceiling directly above James' chair." Von Lustbader's dismembered body was later found inside the ceiling.

Story here.

So don't mess.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

17:51 / 05.05.02

According to Chiun, Remo is white. Yes, his father was a Native American who was decended from one of the Masters, which is how a white could have the secrets of Sinanju.

But he is still white. And the scrolls will eventually have to reflect that.

And for those of you who have no idea what we're talking about, why not pick up a Destroyer book. They have them in used book stores pretty cheap and you can read one in about 2 hours.

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