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The official Ninja homepage! "These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet."

  
  

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Less searchable M0rd4nt
19:08 / 27.04.02
Ninja toddlers can kick pirate toddler arse any day.

And pirates bake for shit.
 
 
Lionheart
19:32 / 27.04.02
I'm not gonna read any more of this.

Pirates. They sail the world over and rob ships for money. Then they don't really spend the money on anything. They just bury the loot somewhere where any 12 year old can find it.

Ninjas. Extremely stealthy. Extremely lethal. Have a titanium will. Cool tools and uniforms. Good sense of humor and a good code of honor. They run and fly around killing oppressors of the people. And they have lots of sex.

Pirates drink so much that they can't get it up. And they're old and fat.

Ninjas in the future disguise themselves as pirates to kill pirates. Space pirates, if you pay close attention, some of them are actually ninjas. They act and do everythingthat ninjas do. Ha! So there! Ninjas infiltrated pirates and pirates don't even know it!

(And all the vampires got killed after the great sunblock drought of 2079.)
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
19:41 / 27.04.02
Show me a ninja who can dance the hornpipe. Infiltration my swashbuckling ass!
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
20:27 / 27.04.02
Show me a ninja who can dance the hornpipe. Infiltration my swashbuckling ass!

This is the greatest thing anyone has ever said.
 
 
Lionheart
15:15 / 28.04.02
Ninjas are quick learners.
 
 
Trijhaos
15:18 / 28.04.02
Quick learners? Since when? To be a ninja they have to start out at a young age, like 5, and don't get to full ninjahood until like 20 or 30. Oh yeah, real quick learners.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
20:34 / 28.04.02
That's right. Whereas pirates are often quick-trained through press-gangs. Adaptable. You want battle-based multiskilling? You want a pirate. A ninja's the equivalent of someone who takes thirty years to figure out how to use the photocopier. Would you trust them to be assassins for you? I think not.
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
21:54 / 28.04.02
Yeah, but a guy who spent 30 years learning would make photocopies like a bastard. Everyone would go to him. Any size, any level of darkness, and any color. He could do it in his sleep. He can fix the damn thing when it's jammed.

Whereas a pirate would propably smash it and pass out around five p.m.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:58 / 28.04.02
Five years old??? Look, anyone can become a Ninja if they just meet a Ninja and the Ninja thinks they rock hard enough.

And pirates suck. Official.
 
 
Trijhaos
01:01 / 29.04.02
I found it!! I found it!!! Eureka!!!!!

The Official Pirate Webpage True Power

HA! Pirates rock harder than ninjas!!
 
 
Saint Keggers
02:38 / 29.04.02
Ahhh. now the truth can be told. Pirates rule. My pirate name is Mad Harry Rackham. Arrr.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
09:19 / 29.04.02
Mordant: a five-year-old ninja would get grizzly, totally knocking that whole "lives in the shadows" horseshit on its head. Whereas a pirate five-year-old would be able to rant and go "arrrr" and wouldn't be letting the team down. Fact.
 
 
grant
13:52 / 29.04.02
it just occurred to me that the coolest things ninjas ever did, which is save James Bond's ass and shut down Donald Pleasance's SPECTRE headquarters in "You Only Live Twice" involved 1. lots of skinning down long ropes and 2. landing in boats. Which are both part of the reason why *pirates* are so cool. Boats and ropes.

Maybe they were Japanese ninja pirates, since they were wearing grey and everything.
 
 
Saint Keggers
16:41 / 29.04.02
Oak Island. Pirates built to hide their treasure and its still killing people long after they pirates died. How man ninjas can kill people after they're dead??? None. Thats why pirates are kick ass.
 
 
Lionheart
17:55 / 29.04.02
You've obviously never heard of ghost ninjas!

And it doesn't take ninjas over 30 years to train. That's just ninja propaganda so the pirates would underestimate them.
 
 
Trijhaos
17:59 / 29.04.02
ghost ninjas? There aren't any ghost ninjas. Ghost samurai, yes, but not a single ghost ninja.

Actually the over 30 years part is true. You see, the ninja's propaganda machine broke and started spitting out correct information.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
18:01 / 29.04.02
"so the pirates would underestimate them"...
UNDERESTIMATE? Pirates don't estimate. Estimation's for wusses. And ninjas. (Often the same thing.) Pirates either GUESS, or they PLUNDER. And anyway, they're pissed while they do it. So estimation's just sooooo out of the question.
(OK, sometimes they cheat and get the parrot to figure shit out for 'em, but hey! He's a smart parrot. May as well earn his grog.)
Pirates forever!
Arrrrr!
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
10:45 / 30.04.02
It does NOT take a Ninja 30 years to train. A Ninja could spot you flipping out in the street and pass on their real ultimate power to you on the spot. On the SPOT! Well, not you you, coz you're all a bunch of grog-licking weevil-nibbling parrot-sniffing pirate-huggers so he's just kill you, but you get the picture.
 
 
Trijhaos
10:50 / 30.04.02
You know, there's one thing a pirate has that no ninja will ever have. A sex life. A ninja can't have sex for fear of confiding secrets to his partner, whereas a pirate can have all the sex he wants. I mean, most of the pirates on a ship aren't told where the treasure is buried so its safe. That, and if there's ever a lack of women, there's always the parrot
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
11:22 / 30.04.02
Mordant: so what you're saying, essentially, is that Ninjas are cliquey exclusive wanks, whereas pirates will welcome with open arms anyone who wants to join their salty ranks?

Thought so.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
13:34 / 30.04.02
I'd be inclined to stay way clear of the arms of anyone who was both salty and rank.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
14:44 / 30.04.02
I know you! You're here all week!

How's the veal?
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
16:25 / 30.04.02
Well, if by "cliquey and elitist" you mean "don't pass on the secrets of Real Utimate Power to people with parrot-shit epaulettes and vitamin C deficiency," then yeah.
 
 
The Monkey
16:43 / 30.04.02
But scurvy is where pirates get their spooky magical powers from.

Also, if anime has taught me anything, it's that ninja may have REAL ULTIMATE power, but they also tend to die in droves at the hands of one or two samurai and/or ninja who happen to have even more REAL ULTIMATE power. The odds are stacked against the survival of the run-of-the-mill black-PJs ninja - sure you can take out five pirates or samurai of an equal or lesser value, but eventually some guy with a mysterious past, a dark secret, and a female companion with breasts that defy physics and biology all at once is going to dice you and three hundred of your pals without breaking a sweat. The odds your average ninja is going to see thirty are pretty slim; by forty you're hitting a bottleneck effect...but if you live to see about sixty, you're fucking unkillable. Ancient ninjas are more durable than your average tank.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
16:46 / 30.04.02
Mordant's a God. I hope everyone has realised that by now.
 
 
Trijhaos
16:50 / 30.04.02
I've noticed something here. All the ninja supporters keep falling back on that whole "real ultimate power" argument.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
16:55 / 30.04.02
Which is inferior to the whole 'drunk, farting, parrots' argument. Nyuh huh.
 
 
deja_vroom
16:58 / 30.04.02
This dispute is folly. I have met the substance of what fear is made of, and it is neither pirates neither ninjas. Clowns are the real ultimate (evil)power!.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
17:56 / 30.04.02
All the ninja supporters keep falling back on that whole "real ultimate power" argument.

Think about that. Real Ultimate ower! As your fallback position!!!

For stupid idiots who don't think so, how about these FACTS:

Ninjas can pop multiple boners.
Ninjas have magic spells for flying, sticking to walls, and bio-slime.
Ninjas can kill pirates anytime.
 
 
The Monkey
18:11 / 30.04.02
Until the demon sex tentacles from the next dimension over get them....

All the pirates have to worry about is the British Navy.
 
 
Trijhaos
20:09 / 30.04.02
Ninjas can pop multiple boners.
Can we say viagra? Yes, I think we can.

Ninjas have magic spells for flying, sticking to walls, and bio-slime.
Oh you mean their magic kites, super glue, and silly putty? Ok...sure.

Ninjas can kill pirates anytime.
If you strike them down, they shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
20:15 / 30.04.02
Ninjas also, seemingly, keep forgetting about Davy Jones' Locker Of Reanimated Piracy. Kill 'em and they come back, pajama-clad fools!

And drink you under the table.

And steal your silverware.

And then kill you.

Arr.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:13 / 30.04.02
If you strike them down, they shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

No, they shall just smell more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
21:19 / 30.04.02
There's something unbearably pathetic about the lot of you supporting pirates mostly because their alcoholism reflects your own lifestyle. That's just sad.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
21:30 / 30.04.02
Sorry, Flux; here was I forgetting that you shadow-walk your way through the bustling metropolis, daily, before indulging in a little unseen death-dealing.
 
  

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