yaaaaargh! big brother!!!! i love big brother so fucking much! it is the all-tits!
so:
barrymore: just a fantastic coup, the sickliest walk-to-the-house imaginable. i'd forgotten how massively, annoyingly popular he was not all that long ago, and have this horrid feeling the more itv elements of today's telly-watchers will see this as his total 'vindication' (of what? don't know really. he never killed that guy in the pool did he? is his crime just being too touchy thereafter?). i don't know if anyone ever caught an episode of 'my kind of usic', but barrymore was quietly doing car crash tv long before it was hip. plus, they have an indoor jacuzzi.
dennis - who's gotta be like a trillionaire, surely the richest motherfucker ever to walk through the doors of the big brother house. and he's shagged traci, who was the bridesmaid at his wedding to hokey-cokey carmen electra? there's a story there i reckon.
pete burns - best 'bad surgery' photos i'd seen in ages. the man responsible for the best no1 single evar, and a real looker these days. it's just brilliant to have that voice coming out of that face.
rula - don't really know much about her, though i'm sure she must have been a baddie in some doctor whos or something - seems nice though, and has that batty elder thing...
jodie - well, a bit on the dappy side obvs, but i like any celebrity who just admits they hate being called a twat whenever they step outside. i expect she's probably not all that bad, though i imagine she will go to great lengths to hide that fact while she's in-house.
maggott - i like goldie lookin chain, always excellent value when they appear on telly, but it's a shame they didn't pick the funny main one. i hope he does a good line in ugly tracky tops while he's in there.
traci - shagged dennis, and a baywatch star kinda unknown to me, as i believe i had moved-on to real pornography by the time she joined the show. just seems out of her depth really, more so than
chantell - u-go-girl. will any of the slebs be rude enough to disbelieve whatever story she comes up with? how are they going to know she's not a porn star/ gossip mag editor/ whatever? hope she does the distance, it's just a shame we don't have a 50-50 sleb/nobody mix like i've been advocating for years.
preston - since mid 2004 preston's kinda been that guy - y'know, the one flirting with the shop assistant and causing an unnecessary queue? that noisy pissed guy while i'm trying to have a quiet drink in the pub? that guy who you go, 'wow, that's a nice coat' then he turns round and it's like 'oh that cunt again'? him. but he looks like a squillion new english pounds, is an unashamed big bro fan and was the only one i think who went 'awight' to barrymore. and he's probably going to win, so good on the local boy.
george galloway - see, i just don't trust him. this is obviously only sensible as he is a politician and therefore afflicted with some degree of megalomania, but i just reckon one day some shit's going to stick to him, so i always hedge my bets when it comes to saying nice things about him. loved the way no-one knew who he was. interested to see how this plays with his core voter-base. just interested, really. i've no vested interest though - some of you must've voted Respect, what do youse make of it?
faria - big mistake love, seriously. first to go i expect.
three weeks of joy ahead, and dermot's show starts just as i'm usually pushing the plunger on the toaster. no more guilt about flunking my new years resolutions either, because i now have something else constructive to do with my evenings. |
